sometimes
when he holds me at night,
i pretend
your ribs jutting out and poking my back,
your hands tracing my neck,
kissing my cheek,
looking at me

“you’re the most beautiful girl in the world”

“oh, shut up”

laughing,
crying and holding and loving
my arms shake, i can’t feel
his heartbeat
80 to 90 bpm
yours was different,
i remember your heart,
****** beard
i told you how handsome either way,
that your eyes sparkled and mine were grey,

a tear falls down my cheek,
and he asks

“are you ok?”

I wanna be baby bear
I want my gross porridge to be a reasonable edible temperature
I wanna be hot but not a scalding sun
And cold but just enough
I wanna be baby bear
I want my chair to be so comfortable that you break it into a million pieces
Because as soon as you perfectly fit
It can do nothing else but explode
I wanna be baby bear
Because then my bed would be so incredible that you're still in it

Not too hot
Not too cold
Not too big
Not too small
Not too hard
Not too soft
Or far too much
Or never enough

If only I could be just right
Bc then maybe
Just maybe
You'd pick me

As strange as it sounds,
I'd really like to be baby bear

That guy's really got a lot goin for him.

I walk the halls and glance at everyone I see,
The girls who are hurrying to the bathroom to fix their makeup,
And the boys who check them out as they walk by.

Is there anyone else here who can't go to the bathroom, because I swear to God just the thought of it gives me a small panic attack.
Is there anyone else here who looks down and is disappointed everyday because I am small, chesty and my face is far too round.

I never check out the girls, nor do I run to the bathroom to fix myself,
I walk and look at how much I wish I was one of the guys,
Flat chested, tall, lean and not having to wake up 5 extra minutes to put on a binder.
Never hating that their voice along with their round face will have others calling them "She" for their whole life.

Never will they come home with aching ribs,
and feel the stab of being misgendered.
Never will they be told "but you still look like a girl,"
Even though you are trying so hard that you feel your mind wearing thin.
Why can't I just be what they want me to be?