and for the first time..
i knew it was truly over. for good.
the moment i could tell he had fallen in love & had his heart broken as he once did mine.

he finally felt the pain he once bestowed upon my once innocently, pure heart.. the pain i wish would spill from my wounds & encapsulate his very being. suffocating.

yet it brings me no comfort knowing he feels as i once did.

and now i sit here.. stewing in the same pain i felt years ago when i realized something had changed for the very first time. all over again.

your voice traces my lips
and collarbones
whispering empty promises
of endless possibilities

but i savor the taste of it
like bottled love
dripping down my throat
and burning
warm
in the hollow pit of my stomach

I  took  my wrist  and  cut  myself,
just  to  open  up  to  you.
And you  watched  my blood  as  it  touched  the ground.
I  waited for  you  to  move from the miles  you  put between us.
I  hoped that  you would come help  me close my wound.
Instead,  you  pretended  as  if  you  did not see  me.
And you turned around and walked   in the opposite direction.
Adding more distance  between  us.

I killed someone for you; me.

My heart is whats keeping me alive, but it is also whats killing me.

I’ve been stabbed many times, but you aimed for the heart.

I’m the queen of self-destruction
watching each bridge go up in flames.
A basket case of pure dysfunction
torturing others with my childish games.

I’m the perfect psychological warfare
collecting broken hearts along the way.
A gorgeously horrifying nightmare
waiting for my next vulnerable prey.

I'm the monster you lured into light
after you showed me how worthless I am.
A poisonous snake ready to bite
leaving ****** ring fingers in the sand.

I’m the swinging wrecking ball
destroying everything I can see.
A broken mess on a spiraling fall
after loving you nearly killed me.

i hope she knows
someone else loves you
more than she ever will

And it's hard but it seems like the best thing to do.  The past year has been so tough and things has change.  Another man has the prize that she tired to give me every day.  Being too blind to see and appreciate was there but of course we gotta learn the hard way.
And believe me I was too stubborn to realize.

I gotta..

Let her grow and live her life.  No more texting and random snapchat at night.  Changing my routines where I go in my neighborhood so the thoughts of "we" doesn't remind me of what we used to be. To experience life with a person like me.

I gotta let her go

And I never thought it would be so soon.  Maybe things would work out faster than what I expected but it went how I figured and must take it on the chin.  Like a man, respect her wishes and continued on without her.  It ***** but in this situation I gotta let go.

No need to cause a ruckus if she's happy where's she at.  I was that person for her but it was me that held back.

So I'll let her go

For the best and to let her live her life.
I did so much damage, why would she want to come back into my life.  It seems to reasonable and convient to come back this way.  

So I had to let her

Who knows..

Maybe she will come back or stay away.

I hope that I'm strong,
Stronger than i know,
And if you have to leave,
Then i wish you'd just go,
Please stop this endless nightmare,
Just tear the bandaid off,
My hearts too good for your tourture,
Too beautiful for your scoff,
Please help me do this God,
Help him along his way,
Take away these bad days,
Take away all this grey,
Soon i will rise, soon i will smile,
And when your plans fall apart,
Know we can't reconcile,
Its over today time to heal this broken heart,
Now i accept to put things together,
All these thing must fall apart!