just another cigarette break
as my hands shake
and my thoughts race
and I'm afraid
that it's too late
to save what left

just another breath
and another rest
but I don't have another left
in my hollow chest
so I detest
your value of value

I can't explain
why it rains
inside my brain
as I fade
into a claim
that tomorrow will be better

Do
Not
Think
You know
How I think
Because there
Are things inside
That you cannot see
And it's not fair for me
To pretend that you are
A Godsend or some kind
Of beautiful fury taken out
On my mortal frame for the
Sake of keeping me in line
So don't hold back, please
There's no way for me to be
Sure of what isn't the end
And you knew me so well
That it doesn't really matter
What you say or do because
Losing you is the only thing
That hurts more than getting
Stabbed in the back and I
Am really almost positive
That they are the same thing
And all you are is
The aftermath of
What would have
Been an earth
Shattering love
Or a fragile sun
That brightly
Imploded on
Itself the moment
It realized what
Was in it's near
Future.

its a cold and broken sky
that shines its light tonight
and the snow on the ground
that slips into the night

My voice cracks my words fall
the floor turns to void
a broken hallelujah escapes
as I disappear beneath their ploy

I don't mean to sound pretentious
but I have all intention
of saving myself if it came down to it
and our situations are different
so please try to listen
because this isn't a *******
walk in the park
but rather its a shot in the dark
and neither of us can see
past our own hearts
so don't judge me
for what you did
this isn't great
but it's not a ******* sin
pain can bring out the animal in us all
so don't be surprised when I fall away
and I'm not there
when you wake
because sleep never came to me easy
I'm not broken or ashamed but maybe I am
but I promise I will do the best that I can
to be happier
for myself
vain and conceited
I don't get a chance
but I'm too tired anyway

the world is a sea I believe
but I cannot breathe underwater
the more I swim in this sea
the more it pulls me under

leave me be for I can see
the fins that break the surface
they smile when they see me bleed
their speed makes me nervous

I slip and sink in the sink as I wash my hands
It's not very deep but I can get lost in a familiar land
so drowning doesn't seem that out of place

why I think the way I think really ***** with my head
and I swear I don't mess with it so why does it sleep in my bed
It's ugly and screams but I have never seen its face

so maybe you were right or made it happen by hoping
I swear it wasn't true but reality becomes real after it's spoken
and now I'm left fleeing and bleeding and losing my grace

allow me to bring attention
to what I forgot to mention
I have a predisposition
to build fences when there's tension

and I don't mean to sound
like I'm trying to bring you down
but when you come around
I can't make myself stay on the ground

and this may be a little weird
but I have this irrational fear
of attempting to steer clear
of emotion whenever you are near

so judge me if you have to
I promise I won't be mad at you
we all have to do
what's best when we find our own truth

Open the door
Let in a new old friend
let's explore the concaves and octaves
that comes with thought and with actions
with words and with fractions
of emotions so eloquent
we get lost and forget
to remember we no longer know each other

I don't write when I'm sad
but when I write I'm sad
and what's right feels bad
and what's left is a tad too sad
to feel happy or glad
so my words taste sad
at the end of the day

and maybe I've changed
my thoughts becoming strange
in a storm of sufferable pain
but I still feel that same
I don't know whats changed
but I know something has rearranged
how and what I  see

so let's attempt to dream
with our eyes open to see
what we already faithfully believe to be
this amazing opportunity
to live free in a sea
of cordial uncertainty
but isn't that what makes us feel alive