black liquorice. a man walking me with his hand on the small of my back. chilli-flavoured chocolate. being called "exotic". salads. my long beautiful hair (it's a trap!). eggs in the morning. making myself look "pretty". foie gras. bleu cheese. macarons.
1:00am I cannot count on one hand (the) number of times I've fallen asleep to the rhythm of your breathing. It's hard to believe I've (only) known you for two weeks minus two days.
9:15am I'm convinced that no(thing) in all of history has ever tasted sweeter than waking up with you on Halloween morning As your sighs match time with the unfamiliar sound of raindrops and your arms pull me under the covers to keep warm against the cold.
12:27pm Pumpkins on the street laugh while the sky cries. The hours are long when you're gone. (I'm) not sure how I feel without you beside me.
2:01pm I met a boy from my past today who reminded me that my heart is still haunted by the ghosts of all the times I ****** up. And I'm (scared) -no, terrified- that you will not be able to escape the spiderweb (of) failures that I've gotten entangled in.
2:23pm Homework (is) not an effective distraction. Trying to write out (how) I feel doesn't seem to be working either. Maybe that's the consequence of always hiding behind masks: you try to look in the mirror one day and begin to wonder if anything is real.
3:40pm I shouldn't miss you this (much) after only seven hours.
3:42pm I shouldn't miss (you) this much after only seven hours and two minutes.
4:01pm I'm sorry I get in these moods sometimes. I would blame it on the leaking clouds more often if we weren't in a drought.
4:01pm What I (mean) to say is that I'm sorry I am selfish when it comes to you. You deserve so much more than the mess that I am But I'm addicted (to) you and I can't seem to pry my cold hands from the warm life in your bones.
4:33pm* I never believed in superstition And I'm having my doubts about heaven and hell All I know is that you must've been sent to rescue (me) Because you are the closest thing to I've got to prince charming and I swear I am under your spell.
i. (kc) was the catalyst the first to convince me that I could be loved and the only one to make me believe I was capable of loving back ...for about two weeks.
ii. then (jt) arrived popular suave and dorkily crushing on the one girl who couldn't return his affections. but it wasn't until the first time I heard my name and 'beautiful' in the same sentence that i realized there might be faultlines in my heart shaking the love out of my body like lunch money from a scrawny kid's pockets.
iii. the first time i broke someone the process was anything but (sl)ow and it was then that i realized i was getting too comfortable sleeping with regret, curled up like a black cat beside me.
iv. fortunately for me (je) had 20/20 vision. he saw through the mask, forced me to face myself until i couldn't help but punch my own reflection and though his words almost convinced me that i could be saved his empty stare reminded me that i wasn't worth the trouble.
v. looking back, the initials should've warned me that he would be the (ss) to our sinking ship, that we were fated to drown. but he was coldstronghard as metal and it took me a two years, one month, and one day to learn that even silver can be tarnished.
vi. the name was fitting, i guess. (jr) was finer than any greek hero and were he a god, I would've named the planets after him too. he was as reckless as the roman empire scratching himself on the thorns of my soul just to find something worth saving. was it because of compassion or guilt or shame that I put Ariadne's string in his hands so he could navigate his way out and run for his life. maybe it was because I was so used to the echoes in my head IendeditIendeditIendedit that through the tears, I still managed to smile at the words he ended it.