I can't tell if you're the
Oxygen
Sustaining my life
Or maybe you're the
Carbon
Trying to take it

In the silence of the night, falling out of love
For in letting go, l find freedoms gentle grace
No longer bound by what's unsaid
Thou loves flame may dim, it leaves behind a spark
I do cherish what was once dear
The beauty in endings, we discover new beginnings

Still hurting, still bleeding,
Still reeling, still feeling.

Drowning in self-pity,
Confronting reality,
Where not everything
is easy.

Hopelessly broken,
Trying to find a way
To pick up the pieces.

But he keeps falling
Behind, and left
Oh so traumatized.

Shaking, trembling,
Unable to align as
The pieces fall and
Say their goodbyes.

He realizes
He's got to let it go
Or risk being
Left behind.

I don’t want to participate in this anguish,
I want to be left alone,
I let go of my weapons and surrender to a power far greater,
I let go of my ego and accept my defeat gracefully,
I let go of despair and I let in peace,
I let in god,
I let in love,
I let in forgiveness,
Surrendering will not diminish my worth,
Surrendering will act as a balm,
May you rejoice in your victory,
For this fight is not mine to lose,
For this fight has nothing to do with me

I want to skip the montage
I'd see who stayed and who's gone
Did I lose the weight
Did I leave or stay
Could I be what I needed
Or did I stay in bed depleted
I want to skip the montage;
Move forward to when I've moved on

I realised that the pattern was repeating over and over.
One day, I decided to face it.
I opened my wounds and surrendered.
Praying for healing,
Feeling the pain.
Then, it came.
I mustered enough courage to sit with the sensations in my body, feeling them, instead of
shutting it, numbing it,
running away, wishing away,
I stood there and faced it.
It was painful.
It felt like
my heart was shattered into thousand pieces.
my gut was wrenched out.
the nerves in my head pulled in all directions.
as if I was looted of every ounce of blood from my body.
It was raw.
It was cathartic.
Tears weren’t enough to bear them. Self pity did not help.
I cried, I begged, I screamed, I wallowed.
Finally, I gave up.
I breathed.
I just breathed, feeling the breath.
I had to let it all in before letting it all go.
Then, came some relief.
I see glimpses of freedom and joy,
It feels like a triumph.
It feels soft.
It feels calm.
It feels good.
It feels god.
That must be the healing.