I survived things I thought were worth fighting for.
I survived worse things, so now I'm fighting forward.
I survived cursed things, that frightened more.
I survived things I fought but been slighted for.
I survived having to make ends meet.
I survived splashing cause the pool was more than 10 ft.
I survived a thrashing & jabbing the ****** concrete.
I survived the teeth gnashing cause we ain't have nothing to eat.
I survived about at least 4 foreclosures.
I survived ignoring doubt, just for closure.
I survived things that ended in my own exposure.
I survived enduring drought just for full disclosure.
I survived being back-stabbed and betrayed by my beloved.
I survived being flayed, filleted and flummoxed.
I survived being led to the lake by the lazy lummox.
I survived both blades and flames in my stomach.
I survived dreams where I was falling.
I survived falling forward on the path of my calling.
I survived calling it quits on the plans of my offing.
I survived apples with poisoned pits , that were offered.
I survived having to spare shekels and hide.
I survived my very own version of Jekyll and Hyde.
I survived diluted deities, Ms. Dee Dee and diabetes.
I survived debbie downers and debutantes.
I survived double doubters and deadly taunts.
I survived some double crossings - dealing haunts,
I survived tempted tantrums and tethered thoughts.
I survived the boondocks and the tricks of the babadook.
I survived bad trips and the trips that papa took.
I survived self destruction of the 3rd degree.
I survived self construction with less debris....

Yo to keep it 100 -
If I could go back in time I wouldn't.
Let the records hold they place.
I'm done tryin to convince you both the things I been threw.
Before my jersey was in  the rafters,
I was like Vince before he left the Raptors,
Bounding over boundaries like I had shox in my shoes.
You see I tried to impress the judges - I was shocked by the boo's,
My heart turned colder than Toronto cause all my exes were actors,
See I had to ditch diplomacy ; depend against my attackers,
I felt like a loan warrior and then suddenly - I grew,
My limbs stretched further than my imagination,
My torso was more so like a river basin,
but as my body grew in size , the guilt I carried did too,
Before I knew it - my shadow covered the ground like a sheet,
Amazed by the mass I had amassed - I was in disbelief I now stood more than 81 ft,
Now everything I never knew was within my reach,
But peep
The burdens that I bear be on some revenant.
I fed my guilt, it fed off me - I was JUST like Rick Moranis.
I'm Ja Morant or maybe more like Miles Morales..
I'm more and more embarrassed ..by the Aurora Borealus..... left by my shame.
I was forced to swallows my pride - **** be ****** up my larynx,
But I'm boarding up my barracks,
And I'm suggesting you to do the same,
I'm running gags like lil homie from home alone,
I been on DND ever since karma called my home,
Mfs want my jazz but not my blues - I'm more like Karl Malone,
I tried to blame the refs for my fugue state,
when it was me that here .. in the first place.
The victim was the culprit.

Over me it loomed -
dropped an anvil of anguish like they do in ****** tunes,
I'm hangin on by a thread not even lilo could stitch me,
Had to walk it like I talk it - fate tied the shoes on my tongue,
My skin singed by the sharp pain of the 1000 looks,
My skull crushed under the weight of 1000 books,
I had to eat my words, I couldn't stomach it,
My indigestion was incomprehensible,
My miscomprehension of of my tendons was indefensible,
The guilt of feelin like a ship with no direction.
That gut feelin to cut feelins cause **** get deep like a Cesarean Section..

Why must I sleep upside down just to wake up right,
At dusk I see sounds just as ghouls come at night,
I'm trying to be immortalized.
And remain with immune from immoral mortal lies,
Ans see the divine with my own 3 mortal eyes,
I just hope all my bonds are covalent,
And my health's in good stock,
I just hope all my thoughts are coherent,
Why I start to feel like the new Tupac
Or like the son of Odin,
Washed clean in frank's ocean,
I walk like thunder but every night ***** every day up.
Everyday I think about the things I gave up.
I think like yo -
What if all my heavy sighs i had to weigh up?
What if I got lost and time forgot to wait up?
Took a hiatus in Hades, what if I never found a way up?
Every night I think like "yo, what if I gave up?"
We wishin on the same stars - just on different nights,
I'm on a mission, same start - we just on different plights.
A lab rat stuck in an elaborate labyrinth,
A wunderkind stuck in his own wonderland,
Wade Wilson with no blades to wander with,
Majin Buu meandering in his mental maze,
Thor with no Mjolnor, no cats to thunder with,
I'm more Marth than Icarus and I made it out the pit.

I read somewhere your dreams don't give a **** about your fears,
Cause sometimes they the same thing,
And that schemes come about from peers,
Cause sometimes they after the same things.
This the type of **** that don't get no hook,
I was filling my lane but life had hit me with the no look,
highly unprepared - I bobbled and fumbled it,
Had to remember my affirmations - I uttered and mumbled it,
It go like:
What happens to the words that you never say?
What happens to the games that people decide not to play?
What happens to the moon in the middle of the day?
What happened to the other 49 shades of Grey?
What happens if Captain Jack never got to parlay?
What if Barbosa never found the 9 pieces of 8?
Or better yet like,
What if Peter Pan never landed?
What if I squeezed the lemons that life had handed?
What if I realized I'm at a disadvantage?
What if I finally admit that I'm damaged?
If you don't heal what hurt you - you bleed on those who didn't cut you.
This important content.
This is a message from my impaired cortex.
This is the imported fears complete with a weird flex.
This the pectoral on my body of work.

All this stress that I bench press is senseless..
But the armor called my mind is dent-less,
My strength is relentless, so its life that i resent less,
Claim my words were hurtful, so i sent less,
They say time is money - so I spent less,
The smell of victory is sweet almost scent less,
Still waiting to exhale like Angela - I'm vent-less,
But i wanna succeed more than breathe - I don't need no air
Life's like Jordan when he sparks, just unfair,
Past is foggy never crystal clear but in a sense,
She said I stole her innocence.
And the sin of men are girls with skin like cinnamon,
Then we're friends -
Caress her chin & I begin to sin again
But it was she who fell on knees,
Cause my words were murderous, some equate to felonies,
In plain sight even Helen Keller sees,
The darkness overtakes unexpectedly
But like Inspector Lee - my sue young was too young but still brought out the best in me.

So the day I say I'm done,and finished with it all..
Was the same day that the house of cards I built began to fall,
Karma huffed and puffed and blew it all away,
Whether i deserved it or not? well its hard to say,
I need to take it easy but im living life the harder way ,
Living life day to day - there's gotta be a better way,
Love Drunk from the potions from Amy's wine house ,
I sobered up but it was only to find out -
Your lion-like roars turned to Microsoft words,
I was in my own word - she was in hers,
No, I'm not modest and dishonesty's a problem for my nerves,
Approach the point of no return? We def on the verge,
Better yet the brink, and to think, our past you rubbed away -
Washed down the metaphorical sink,
And now all sounds of trouble power point to YOU,
My mind is now tainted, as you are in my point of view,
I'd hate to break the glue we used to make the news,
But i have to go away from you - Later boo..

Shedding skin as and treading water.
Lucid dreams of my miscarried daughter.
Miscarry-on my wayward son,
i stumbled on and off the path,
the wayward one.
but that's a misnomer,
the division I felt towards the end of midsummer,
Its just that some of my steps were misnumbered,
Im thinking less or feelin more, just feel..numb-er,

Relapse, from my preparation anxiety,
Its tearing me apart..
and im tearing up from the perforations inside of me,
I need some separation,
Im beside myself.
I need a different interpretation,
I despise..myself.
Dyin is easy but see living is the hard part,
Been that way since I learned to read rainbows,
Since Arthur was aardvark,
I feel like the Black Kratos,
My thoughts was all dark,
Needed armor for my karma,
Im a poor mans Tony Stark,
Had to build myself up,
Stepped on my own legos,
Had built up aggression,
On me it had a negative effect on,
I needed to let go and i was often *******,
and was tired of getting ****** on.
But the urination proved to be useful,
The kidney stones of my past, had passed-
that pain don't hurt like it used to,
This irrigation was aggravating but we all going through some ****,
Just try and focus on the **** you do do,
Been down bad,
Been living out a bag,
Some celestial colostomy - some vibration voodo,
I use my that so raven complex-
to guide me through this conquest,
I can try and explain this concept,
But its hard to take it outta context....

...a demented entity had entered me,
Imposing its will relentlessly,
I was moving nonsensically,
Blocking blessings that were meant for me,
These days I'm indecisive , And my vices are devisive,
My minds a rolling pair of dice and is the opposite of what paradise is..
Never been a better time to better myself.
I guess I had to go through things.
Never been a better time to bet on myself.
I guess its best to grow through things.
I never cared - I was careless ,
I feared being afraid - or maybe I was afraid to be fearless,
Thinking before I speak, I swallow my second guesses,
Sinking beneath my feet, I wallow in expected messes,
I guess I'm paradoxing, cause the problem could be possibly me,
Shadowboxing , dipping, dodging , but this pain I can't see,
Physically I'm fit, never been more mentally unhealthy,
Crazy how this emptiness can feel so heavy..
Still,
Filled to the brim, with testosterone and lighting,
I remember I used to walk like thunder,
these feelings I keep fighting, won't let em take me under,
Cause..
Some days I be feeling cloudy with a chance,
Others like I can build the twin towers with my hands,
Reality is different at first glance,
But this towels in my hands , washed clean ..tryin to save face,
Devoured the food for thought ,
But I forgot to sat my grace,
I can't gain from this wait,
A rare form of bulimia,
But belive me im breathing with the strength of bohemians,
The irony is that things unfolded to this exact moment in time,
I chose to dismantle MY solitude/ hopefully for something sublime,
It's funny how things work/
I guess I missed the punchline,
I'm at the used heart salesman/
standing in this lunch line ,
Missed my train of thought/
Too busy tryin to claim baggage,
Playing the cards I been dealt/
With this full house , im Bob Saget...

I read minds and break hearts.
I break rules then fall apart.
I was living a nightmare, like Freddy vs Jason,
**** left my psyche with Knicks and bruises -
Im the new Anthony Mason,
Mfs was movin foul, soon got upgraded to a flagrant,
I was in the cut bumpin Indicud,
I felt like Elmer Fudd cause of the backstabbing i was facing,
I soon got aquainted..with the fragrance, of defeat,
Thought revenge was sweet,
I had **** twisted like a twizzler,
Jealousy is for the weak,
You gotta live with your decision but them emotions are just visitors,
I couldn't stomach it .
My arrangements was far from edible,
I made a mess of the amendments
Im a of a man mess - I got a list of demands...
Im always on a different tune from the rest of the band,
I refuse to just sit and watch but this is more than i can stand,
Life was a beach..
My coral reef was in disbelief - My castles were made of sand.


You gotta learn to appreciate the darkness.
I was too proud to beg your pardon ,
I preferred the isolation - coulded help but be guarded,
Sometimes you gotta take that step back, like Harden,
And sink some of them boats filled with feelins you been harboring,
I was feeling more like Malcom - less like Martin,
My cruise was less controlled, My directives were departed,
***** I been hard to reach & outta touch,
been tryin to get a grip but been stuck in a rut,
I had an underlying desire to be violent.
My treble was to the left, cue the chelo and the violin,
I felt the hate on my skin and my distain was topical,
My blood was boiling but my climate was far from tropical,
It was a wrap for ****** but my plans always got foiled,
I was ready to strike, so like a cobra - I coiled,
I was quick to bite but took mad damage from the recoil,
****** did me *****, i was just sinkin in the soil,
I would stoop to levels with antics that resembled porch monkeys,
Was supposed to be a boss - but was movin like a flunky.
I was Jefe in my head - but was actin like a *****.
Went from optimizing opportunities to wondering where my optimism  went,
Karma had dropkicked me , left my armor with a dent,
I couldn't get through by just hoping - started swingin for the fence,
Nas said "Life's a *****" - Now Im seeing what he meant...