expectations crowded my mind in the days when my desperation was sorta high.
it felt like i fitted in with the rest, fitted into their league of rash lovers and surface swimmers.

it started with a "had enough."
which led to me having to rush and led to my second decision and then it hit me ******* me but yet so soft and subtle--it seemed to be.  

bothering and confusing, assumptions were made.
And they tormented me yesterday and the day before, and the day before....it nearly got me today.

i saw _ again and i chose to shut my eyes, just not completely, i chose to slip by but not ignoring the fact that i knew _ saw me at the corners of _ eye.
i didn't even wave goodbye or smiled a "hi".

sigh, how could i forget, the making of a moon?
a laughter that made me cringe and sin,
a memory that never seems to fade away, a lasting portrait still swings in my mind today.
only when i see _.

if i don't know i have let _ down already, when _ expected a nicely wrapped gift from me.
my heart and my chest was tied tightly together, and i seem to be unable to breathe, and i seem to pause           only to know that i am sinking in, bre e e eeeeeeeee a t hing in.

i place them into
                               your hands,
                                                      i do not know what will happen, but i am rest assured in your plans.

it's not very long you know...
if you really think about it.
thinking you are still young but you are halfway around the clock.
whatever you do, its recorded.
whatever you do, it matters.
you are just passing by.
just a mist, you are gonna fade away and die.
your life compared to eternity, your life is just a tick on the clock, just a breath breathed, a mist blown.
you can't get them back.
you can't earn some more.
you can't ask time to slow down.
if it's gone, it's gone.
if it's wasted, it's wasted.
you know that...right?


(Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. - James 4:14)

when i was young
i thought i was ugly
i thought i was nothing
everyday was a shady grey
breathing in hopelessness
forever utterly dismayed ...

everyone loathed me
or so it seem
my family couldn't bear look
at me
i.. the lonely she


till i met HIM
and my whole life changed
LOVE ...love is his name
for it was because of love you came

Dear Mr. King of Kings,

I am listening to You, trying to get the answers I need. God You are my life, my future, my wife. Yeah, my wife. I know that I am sitting here typing You this letter, Your princess. I am still married to You Lord. I want You to know that I am in a battle with my mind, it is not kind, it is just on rewind. I am sick of my past G, I need a new history. I ask You to help me. Help me. I need Your help.

I love You Mr. King of Kings,
Love always Your Princess Darling