glasses raised high upon your dream
that clashes and clink between nightmares and pretty things

you’re afraid of the noises that they make
so you shut the door, and leave them in the hallway
birds chirping and voice echoing your head

choirs singing songs you don’t admire anymore
rhythm that fades as you steady your step

‘this is what you have to do’
you knitted your fingers as they tangled your hair
very cautious as you held someone else’s hand

once more you tell yourself
‘this is what I have to do’
I have to let go of my perched
that bleeds cosmos when it’s midnight
and the mess of outlining colour when the day meets the end

I have to let go of my old self
and the ones I desperately wished to come back
I have to let go of my worry
and self consciousness when it comes to a hopeless story

I have to let him go.

jakarta jumat malam pukul satu lebih empat puluh tiga,
aku menyusuri sejuknya kota jakarta sehabis hujan.
semua tenang
seakan-akan sepi menyelimuti lembabnya jalanan,
seakan-akan semuanya sepi dan dinginnya menusuk,
seakan-akan semuanya tidak pernah cukup,
seakan-akan semuanya tidak akan pernah terjadi,
aku egois, sampai-sampai aku tidak pernah memberi tahu mu tentang ini
begini, bagiku kau adalah nirwana terindah.
sayangnya, kau bukan rumah yang aku cari.