I am having difficulty sleeping.
I have an upset tummy
And there is some emotional turmoil in my head.
I wish you all very nice dreams and
Cuddles with your loved ones
I want you to have something good
That makes your life fuller.

I always feel so much.
I am always feeling
And I can't deal with it all at once.
So I put up barriers in my mind
To block those feelings off
And let me deal with them later.

Those barriers used to be a lot sturdier
But since some events in September of 2017
They have been very easy to break down.
That is how I want it.

Mostly I am feeling grief.
I grieve a lot of things
I grieve every loss
Every grievance
That has ever left someone with less
That has ever left someone with hurt

I have been told not to grieve so much
For things that are not in my life.
For things that are out of my control
But I cannot stop feeling.
I don't want to stop feeling
And I grieve all these things because
They leave me with less
And they leave me with hurt.

I get it now
They think I'm you

Black
Is only the color of your skin

Black
Is not the culture you love
The people you associate with
The people you share a bed with
The people you represent

Black
Is only your name
Is only where you come from
Is what you claim around family

Black is you
Long as you are the only one
Long as-if there could be such a thing-the best one
Long as you are in charge of the rest

I am Black because Americans don't understand
An African born outside of Africa is still an African

I am Black
I am African
I love the reflection I see because it sees me

Truth be told:
I still love you
Even if you hate everything that stares back at you


© Christopher F. Brown 2017

Sitting in the gutter
Cause its the only place to see
What guts are

Wondering does anybody
Fight for anything
Anymore?

Cause I don't see it

I see people walking past
Opportunity
Walking away from things
With ease
Cold feet
Treading cautiously
Feeding doubts fire
Going about Life so passively

But Hold up let's join a cause!

Direct our anger
Politically, racially,
at poverty and inequality
Donate some money
Rant constantly about
Overturning regimes
Then retreat back to apathy
Woe is me!

Bleeding hearts in their masses
Floating past me
In the gutter
Cause its the only place to see
what guts are...
And hearts
Cause no one has heart anymore

Where is the love?
Where is the passion?
The courage and the loyalty?
All Going about life so Half heartedly
And what can you do with half a heart?

Give it to Me

Cause as I'm sat here
Reading entrails like some gypsy
Passing judgement on you
A poor reflection on me

It seems I lost mine

So I embrace the pain
that migrates from
an empty chest to
A swelling stomach

Lift myself up from that gutter
And feel what guts are
Take half that heart
And see how far it'll take me...

**To make it whole

I Speak and write only the truth.
The previous sentence is a lie.
I move throughout life without couth
I hate that word and this fly.
Simplicity at its best
Here in these words
A blue Jay in his nest
On my car, his turds.