I feel an energy
I need the synergy
I want the remedy
I heard the melody

Soul vibin
Cold riding
For my people
I can't have an equal

The pressure on my shoulders
Helps me lift boulders
All apart of the plan
Makes me a better man

I use the light to break the curse
Heaven's water quench the thirst
Digging in my mental purse
Searching for my own worth

the pain.

she envied the movie star like glistening smile.

she wanted to be like the girls who were carefree.

she wanted to be beautiful.

but beautiful to her was thin.

it started when someone called her fat.

"am I?" she wondered.

so she starved herself, maybe eating a ******* or two after mama told her.

but she spit them back up because she couldn't help it.

she wanted to be like the pretty school cheerleaders.

and she hated herself.

each time she stepped on the scale she cried.

the numbers soon went from 88 to 89

"im doing it wrong" she thought.

and she continued on going day by day with water.

swallowing and spitting back up.

eating more and more.

and spitting it back up.

she was slowly going insane, day by day.

she started slicing her wrists like meat.

she started crying herself to sleep.

she became empty of adrenaline.

she didn't want to wake up anymore.

i guess you could say that

pain, is an understatement.

I got the closure I've been asking for
I cried a while
I'm in the middle of transitioning and I really didn't even have a comfortable spot to cry it
So I sat in the bathtub- cup of tea in hand
and I cried
And then I got up and I went and conversed with my parents and I smiled and I laughed and I loved them
and you can stop me from loving you but you can't stop me from anything else
So moving forward is the easy part
its looking back that gets hard

Can I ask you a question?
Are you sure that you’re ok?

Are you sure you’re not fighting a battle,
that goes on day by day?

Your answer always seems to be the same,
“I’m telling you, I’m fine”

Always followed by the same sentence,
“Can you not see that my life is full of sunshine?”

I try to believe you,
I swear I do

But deep down under,
I can’t help but question if it’s really true.

I see you in the the hallways,
always laughing with your friends

Do they even seem to realize,
That you are one step closer to causing your own end?

I can’t help but worry,
I can’t help but think

If all the **** that you deal with,
Makes you feel like life stinks.

Everyone calls you a hero,
Everyone calls you their idol

Do they ever stop and think,
That you might be suicidal?

No. Of course they don’t,
Because you always put on a show

You tell yourself that you’ll do what it takes,
to ensure that they’ll never know.

You know that you can’t hide forever,
But that doesn’t stop you from trying.

You never had the choice to not be the strong one,
But that doesn’t keep you from crying.

It’s okay my child,
All will be good.

You say that you don’t believe me,
But I knew you never would.

You walk around,
Always showing your happy face

You try so hard not to show your flaws,
The ones you desperately try to erase

For years now,
It’s always been the same

Trying to keep your chin up,
Not trying to show the shame

I tell you that it’s okay to let go,
You tell yourself it’s not

You say that this is what you deserve,
That this on yourself you’ve brought

I tell you once, I tell you twice,
That this is not the way it is

You look the other way and whisper under your breath,
“This is my problem. Not yours nor his.”

I tried to be there for you,
Giving you a shoulder on which to cry

But you always turned the other way,
Always asking why, why, why?

The simplest of questions,
That you are still to answer honest

Has the power to make you feel uneasy,
It makes you feel the smallest

I will try not once, not twice,
But as many times as it takes

To get you to reveal yourself,
To get you to ease on the brakes

So once again,
I’ll try to say

Are you sure you’re alright?
Are you sure you’re okay?