The first time I heard you say you'd leave,
The first time I heard you say you don't love me,
The first time you said you were moving on,
The first time you said you loved me; you were wrong.

Why Don’t I Hate You?

Why don’t I hate you, after all you have done to me?
I have never known anyone who could destroy me so completely.
I was blinded by the false vows you made of a future;
Only to find out you were nothing but an abuser.
I had no warning,you just suddenly vanished;
Leaving me to question, and,my inner demons to vanquish.
It took all I had not to curl up and die.
Instead I wrote down my feelings, and, gave permission cry.
In a letter addressed to you, I never sent;
I poured out my “Whys” until I was spent.
I acknowledged the future you told me was a lie.
It was time to let go, and, say my final goodbyes.
I struck a match, to burn my memories of you.
I watched the flames grow, and then it was through.
A piece of my heart died the day you left me alone.
I wondered how could someone have a heart made of stone.
I had to create my own ending to us.
I’m forever changed, and, I won't be so quick to trust.
I hope that one day I am able to forgive you.
Because in doing that, I can reclaim what I most value.
Myself.

Randy McPeek

I'm built of water splashing over edges
As I fall and break upon rocks

With mud in my bones and creaky joints
and sand makes my eyes lashes

I'm built of dust, blowing away
Carried by the wind wherever it goes

I don't care anymore for it doesn't matter
I'm just built of words with no meaning

And of empty light burning in darkness
And hollow waves crashing against storms

I fall beneath and beneath
And hit the darkness rusting underneath

Where no one shows when I scream
Where no light dares to touch my eyes

And my bones all shatter,
until they're just powdered calcium

And blood freeze in my bones,
forming stalactites, piercing through my veins

And my skin cracks and breaths escape
And the shadows sink inside my shell

And fissures seep through my irises
And oceans dissolve my dust eyelashes

And memories burn my eyes
and flow past the brims

It's only raw, absolute, sheer pain
As I tear slowly without screaming

Only tears, howls and lost love
And your betrayal and false friends

I've lived for so long but haven't found peace
Now I'm just begging your memories to leave me be

For there's nothing now I could lose
Nothing left of me or my dreams anymore

Nothing of wounded hope
And my canvas of love

I've seen the streets for a thousand years
always wandering never finding my own home

I'm afraid if I let my eyes closet they'll dream again
For I'm torn, vein by vein and cell by cell

I'm nothing but a shadow of who I was
Nothing but reflection of my past

Just an echo of a scream I used to be
Just an illusion of the life I've lived

Nothing more is left, love
For I've given you all of me

How can you tear me, love?
I'm already lying in red ribbons

I'm strips of flesh and blood
And of Silver pain and Black hope

Love, I'm smiling the last time
Please tell me to stay

And hold me for eternity
Because just forever isn't enough for me.