Me ves comer y se te ilumia la cara,
y preguntas cuánto llevo sin vomitar
y no sé que decirte porque no quiero fallar,
aunque lo haré o a ti, o a todos, o a mi.

No, mi cuerpo ya no se marea al levantarse,
mi muñeca ya no puede ser rodeada por mi mano
y las heridas de mis dedos,
causadas por los ácidos de mi estómago,
han desaparecido.

Pero de qué sirve cuando cada bocado es insoportable,
cuando tú cabeza no tiene espacio para nada que no sean calorias.
De qué sirve cuando te encuentras en el baño,
arrodillada, lo más lejos del vater para no ceder,
o delante del espejo encima de la báscula llorando porque
la recuperación física no es la mental

in a society where eating disorders are less of a concern and more of a trend
we dont compare grades anymore only cuts and scars on our wrists
everything is  political and you need to stay woke
in a society where my trauma is on display so people call it
woke

The shame gets to me, creeping
                               guilt is killing me slowly, ever so slowly.
                       Bigger, bigger                                   Purging the pain
                  Smaller, smaller,                                         I'm going insane.
              A ring is my net,                                       ******* a gun,
              Shoot me, I ask,                                                 Turning to dust.
                   Smaller to skinny,                             bones into nothing,
                                      I beg you to save me, for death is
                                       creeping slowly, ever so slowly,             
                                            ­            toward me.

a feeling i've fallen in love with.

a feeling that has grown comfortable.

a feeling, pardon the joke, that i can feed.

a gallon of water
and mint gum
makes me feel
more in control
than a blade ever did

Ana,

I've known you for a while,
And at first I was afraid.
I didn't know what you'd do
Or whether you could help me.

Now I don't see why
Everyone I know is so
Pressed about me
Being friends with you...

I don't know why
they don't like you.
They try to keep me away
From you and your help.

You're a kind person,
And you've helped me.
You make me happy.
You fix my problems.

I hope you can explain
Why people don't like you.

i miss my hair falling out
my eyes dragging me down
i miss not having anything but bile
my bones pulling to the earth
i miss the sweet feeling of being hollow