I'm not entirely sure if it's you I love
Or just the feeling of being in love.
Is it the taste of red wine
Or it's mild woozy high?

he went to sleep thirty minutes ago
and thats ok
but the silence that isn't silence seeps into my brain
and corrupts the veins that are already black with self hatred
people are sick of me and that's ok,
I dance with the alcoholics, I can't be trusted
I am desperately sad and no one can save me
and thats ok, thats ok.

It's ok.

Two melted cubes and a sugar spot
                                leather cusp to arm...

From clear enclosure I **** it down
                                tasty, not my charm.

I know I drink too much,
I know I speak of you everytime,
I know it was my fault,
I know you could have been mine,
I know I didn't say you things that should have been told,
I know that I wasn't too bold to face you,
because of the diffrences that we had,
Because you my lady were a scholar,
And I was a backseat lad.
Days didn't go by,
Years wasn't counted,
seeing you and the sun shine,
I don't how many layers of feelings have been mounted,
stay still girl...As your hair trembles down'
to lashes of your eyes,
your dimples on your cheeks,
the curvature of your smile,
they all are like the full litted moon,
on the backdrop of my night.
You see I drink too much,
And yes I do speak of you everytime,
And I love you too much ,
for you to have been mine

thrumming bass pumps into my body
an electric pulse, thumping through my bones,
zapping my veins and frying my nerves
creating static as the golden drops pour into my ears
hair flying around my head in a wreath of hell
the speakers sing

I'm ****** up, I'm black and blue. I'm built for all the abuse. got secrets that nobody knows. I'm good on that ***** ****. I dont want what I can get. I want someone with secrets that nobody knows. I need a gangsta, to love me better, than all the others do...

a tech hum fills my body
bodys sliding in tune with the tempo
hands run on hands run on back and thighs
the song croons with delectable bass

got me up so im barely breathing...

fingers trace my neckline and I bend with the notes
eyes closed hands clasped swirling in a mob of people,
all surging with the beat
the energy is high, and seeping in through my skin

i drink it all in

Who gives a rats ***
If you prefer a **** in your ***
Or your **** rubbing against another
When did sexuality matter
I've seen the red of their veins
Pour out just as quickly as mine
I've watched as they understood love
Fat better than I could ever hope to achieve
Yet she can't marry her
Or he can't be seen with him
Holding hands an kissing
Hell I'll hug a gay man quicker than my brother
I'll flirt with a lesbian
Even though we both know
I'm going nowhere
It was never about who they dated
Who they decided to fall in love with
The only thing that mattered to me
An will ever matter
Is how they can show me what love is
What holding someone important to them
Really looks like
What everybody else thinks
Is just a matter of opinion
I don't give a ****
I can call a gay guy queer
I can call a lesbian a ****
And they'll smile with pride
They know who they are
What they are
And we're the aliens in the community
Thinking we know everything
When dd sexuality matter
I'll smoke a blunt with my gay homie
Drink tequila with my lesbian friend
Flirt with them both
Simply because I'm the one
Who's going home alone
I love them
Not because their gay
But because they can make me laugh
A hell of a lot better than my straight friends
Sexuality shouldn't matter
Personality is what gets me

walking away doesn't make me a coward in fact it makes me one strong *** *****. and let me tell you what i know about love, it ain't nothing my mama didn't warn me about and here i am ****** up over loving someone just as ****** up as myself. ****. How did i get here? Crying over a situation i walked willingly into.. Crying cause i give my ***** to nothing but heartbreakers and then wonder why my insides are always aching for love, when in reality that's all it ever was (that ache). Even so, i usually give him the benefit of the doubt and feed the cheese to the mouse (did i really just say that?). Aladdin will show me a whole new world and not even really know me, and yet i ask you, my best friend, what our future is and you can't show me.. Life. Life. A sentence i can't seem to handle since its just falling apart.. i can't even get ahead by showing a little heart.. and every struggle and every trial and tribulation and unfair situation while trying to find myself some salvation for the love of something upstairs CAN YOU HEAR ME? While you say YOU SHOULD FEAR ME and i do so i bow down to worship Him (You) and then when my eyes open i am still standing at the same edge of sanity within. **** i saw myself in the mirror fifteen minutes ago and the reflection sealed my fate; maybe i'll just stand here, watch myself deteriorate back into a recognizable state.. back into the ***** that was the center of everyone's hate.. back into the ***** that ran the show and always showed up late. Ha. Yeah. Life. **** it. It's a date.