this is my introduction to something i never wanted to make up

something that needs makeup

to hide all the rust it built up

in the winds of an apocalyptic sky

see, there i go again, with the same jargon, the same death-comes-for-all

i’m so sick of my own talk

i’m so thirsty for new words that don’t sound like mine

for words that don’t find ****** rhymes

for voices that don’t herald the end of days

because my eyes don’t see what’s really real

they’re seeing only what is metaphorical

what is above is not a stalagtite sky

and what is between my toes isn’t the smell of rot

and my flesh is not actually decaying

the way i feel my soul has been

see, i started out trying not to be me

to conjure something that changes me

but this identity comes down like a deadweight

tied around my straining neck

screaming in my ears, words

words in my head, it’s all too much

it’s all too real

get out

I saw the clouds
In the moonlit night,
Dark and flimsy
Moonlight shining through.

They looked so sad,
Engulfed in the dark sky.
Taking form
Of the whispering monsters:
My slumbering nightmares,
Quitely growling in my mind.

They were mourning
The death of daylight,
As the moon roared bright;
Soaring through the sky
To meet my eyes.

My vision raged through the sky,
All the way home, seeking rest;
Yet the clouds, forgotten,
Stayed unmoving
Still, high up in the sky;
Like their dead kin
In hushed smoking rooms,
Stuck and stranded;
Held prisoner
To the silent endless black.
In sad, starving human minds...

don't be afraid to drop me
because i will break.
if it's better for you to do it
do it.
if your arms grow too tired
to hold up a palette
and your ears come clean off, and mine
because my words seem so insincere
if i've become a deadweight.
pretty please drop me
with cherries on top
and sunshine sugar sweats dripping into flowerpots.
when the yellow paint wrestles with the
surface of your tongue.
don't be afraid to drop me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Any time of day, when mind wanders,
it's like the water...splashes...escapes,
and flows down the precipice...
it spreads, surrounds, and creeps
...in and out of us......water sustains
...but....it can also drown us...

we come across big or small rivers,
...feel their depth....our feet, as feelers,
...narrow......running...calm......serene,
in cool colors of silver, blue or emerald green
they don't roar...they just make ripples
on the surface, when a breeze blows,
....dancing our blues away, on tiptoes

then, there are colder streams,
darker....where anguish, despair and
brokenness...comfortably dwell
...testing us....giving us choices...
some opt to float on the water,
thinking, none else matters~~~~~~
then, surrender to the rushing current,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.....when they could sway, or play
they could waltz with the water...

the wise ones dance...fight, with some art,
they do freestyle.....breast....or back,
or the wavy butterfly stroke,
til they find a most welcome shallow part...
.........:::::::::::::::::::...........
for those fed up...and trapped
...at some point, they give up
surrendering to the force of the current
they abandon their body and soul,
with nothing left behind,
...........just an absolute

...D..e..a..d......W..e..i..g..h..t...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sally

Copyright July 25, 2017
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

I watch as the heat  on the window from where your hand has been 5 seconds previous to now fades.

Your finger prints linger there, begging for someone to notice them.

I see your blackened silhouette submerge into the forest as you walk away,
I know now, I'll never see you again.


My body will be a deadweight on velveteen,
A carcass full of memories of you,
Pure and true.

If you hadn't have left,
I wouldn't be found dead,
But the time has come to leave and I cannot wait any longer.

Prepare for the news, it will hit you hard,
I'll make you go mad, the way you did me,

Insanity insanity,
What a beautiful thing it is to be insane.