I am watching you,
every step, every breath, every word and touch.
yet still I keep a sense of  certitude -
that you may believe you have befriended me.

I am a television, a mirror, a frame in your home,
I am a friend you can trust.
I am a child playing swing,
I am the woman you sneak around with,
I am the unexpected friend you trust,

Yet I am the one who snitches on you when we part.
Trust me, you'll think we’ve never met.
Yet when we do, oh man , you’ll know it.
For in the oddest of times, well catch you, grab you,stop you still - Until you cry out, BIG BROTHER , I .. - ....Confess.

I didn't do it.
You've proved
nothing.
Says my cat circling
shattered remains
and looking
on the world
in disdain.

i don't like the way my name sounds on my mother's lips
i grow quiet when my friends complain about their cheesy dads
sometimes i wonder what people would think or do if
i died or had a terminal illness
i feel uncomfortable when boys look at me
yet i crave the attention of everyone
i cry every night
and eat too much
and fall into self loathing when i look at the scale
i called a girl a ***** because my friend's boyfriend cheated with her
yet i had *** with a boy who had a girlfriend for over 2 years and showed my naked pictures to all of his friends
confession: i'm a hypocrite

I stare into you, you into me.
And I see a language that isn't written
in the books that you read.
Or even in the words that you had conceived,
and hid away so carefully, to be unbelieved.
In your stare I am told a story, and reminded of a need,
that I also find within myself, for these words to be freed.
And in those eyes I found that these lips came to stutter,
when I asked you how many confessions could a gaze ever utter?
After a night of staring deeply into each other,
you replied, "Many," and made my heart sputter, murmur, flutter,
and then dip into the gutters, and sit in a messy clutter.
Daddy, you made me melt, I swear this isn't butter.
All for a second, I knew, you knew and we knew one another,
and I wished, you wished, and we wished to be called, lovers.

Recalling that scheme,
Sleep was obsolete,
Allowing my common sense admit defeat
Because, true, it isn't a game and no human is a machine.
And I see that I wasn't the one you meant to mistreat
But the more I recollect, the more I refuse to believe
How I could let myself drown in so much grief
That I agree that for some reason it was meant to be;
My life is pages in a book or scripted movie scenes.
Years memorized into weeks
To help me develop ettiquette and physique
That allows this lady to manage what she seeks
But, yet, still she cannot seem to conceive
How you could lie and deceive
Your other half that is me and still have her feeling somehow guilty
Because without us, we will all be rendered incomplete.
And why should I be the one to guarantee
That you'll be able to complete your end of the responsibility,
Break your disease of a previous routine
That revealed a decrease of my own self-esteem,
To the point that fear was a factor far too extreme?
How are we now going to proceed
And actually have something we both can achieve?
There is a way we can both succeed
And it's through the love that you rinse and repeat
To ease through the struggle and agree
That you need to taste the sour before you feast on the sweet.

One headlight
To guide me to your warm
Embrace.
One last chance
To feel your breath cress down
My face.
One more time
Before I head out the door from this
Ephemeral place.
Two, momentarily, become one, and I Savor the seconds as if it were the
Final taste.

i am uncomfortable in my own skin
i am equally full of restless energy
and void of any feeling at all
i think i know why i'm like this but
there's no way for this to be fixed
no way for me to be fixed i want
to live
in a field of flowers
alone with only
the dirt the sky the feeling of actual earth

sometimes i think i'm okay again but then
everything comes crashing down around me
and i think i'd be okay again
if i didn't exist if
i never existed if
the world had just skipped over me and
i would never have had to become so
utterly acquainted with this heartache
and nostalgia for something i've never even had

i write these words in this format because
they're constantly whispered in my mind
and in my soul
and it's a neverending torrent of
thoughts emotions desires
there is no time for a comma
no time for a period
time cannot be returned to me
i can feel myself fading