Oh wow lookie there!
What a marvelous creature

If you look closely over there you'll be able to see it
a wild hidden disability!

Usually they are invisible to the untrained eye
But I, Stene Irwiv will show you how you can sometimes spot them!

Now all of them look different, but here are a few examples.

See that buddy over there? I've been watching over this lad for a while now
Notice how he walks slowly almost like a waddle?
He also stops to rest more often than the usual guy
He's not lazy! just sore.
Make sure to be careful and don't touch him unexpectedly!
See my friend here has Fibromyalgia, it causes widespread chronic pain.
It can also cause migraines, mood swings, and memory issues
but remember, since these symptoms are usually invisible on the surface
this disability is often overlooked or even called fake by strangers,
but also doctors! ******!

This next one is a doozy
my mate right here looks pretty average on first glance,
but if you look closer you might be able to spot what makes her so special.
This lovely lady right here has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.
Because of the defect in her collagen,
her skin and ligaments are unusually stretchy.
if you were to touch her skin you might feel that it is very soft and fragile
and when she stands you might see her knees and other joints bend back farther that usual.
She's not just 'double jointed' though,
because of the stretchy ligaments, she and others with EDS are at risk of joint dislocations and chronic pain everyday!
EDS doesn't just cause pain though,
it can also increases a person's risk of ***** rupture or heart problems!
Double ******!

Remember though, these disabilities can't always be seen
so don't judge people prematurely.
You see, the person you think is lazy for sitting in the handicapped seats on the bus,
or maybe the person parked in a handicapped spot who appears to be fine,
or even just the people walking down the street,
any one of them might have an invisible disability.
but just because they are invisible, that doesn't mean they aren't real.
I hope you all enjoyed the show.
I'm Stene Irwiv, and this has been Chronic Illness Hunter.

I am weak
And wobble as I stand
Like a baby bird
A phoenix, perhaps
Rising from the ashes
With a bit too much smoke
Left in its lungs.

The old husk
That shell built over many days
Of spring and rocks,
Gentle grass and balmy river
When it forgot it’s name was phoenix
Has been torn off
Too soon, like a scab
And the new skin underneath
Is tender in its infant stage
Under thin and ashy feathers.

Yes, it lives
Yes, it is rising

But one cannot go
From flames to flight
In an instant.

Let it instead be overnight
And let you, sweet bird
Rest
In the meanwhile.

Some days it's going to hurt
Its going to feel like my body is a stiff, unforgiving cocoon
And my vibrant colors are trapped deep inside and aching
Some days my bed feels like a cage of comfort
Self soothing but at the cost of others
I **** on a pacifier at night sometimes
Dipped in honey
So I can just barely connect with my cousins
Maybe tomorrow I'll fly with them

Sometimes I get real sad
That I don't have hard edges, and defining lines
I have dimples and ripples
Covered in marks and scars and hair
Take refuge in a branch that appreciates me
Enveloped from the sun
Barely audible whispers through growing tangling veins
Saying I'm enough
But others think I haven't hatched yet
That I have work to do
A droplet catches
I'm sensitive

Sometimes I understand it deeply
as deep as I'm inside myself
Other days I fantasize about breaking out
Vibrantly, with elegance
But at the end of the day
Beauty, and what that means
Isn't exclusively me
or you
There's no right way
Or wrong
I'm not a project
Or an unfinished song
At the end of the day
Its every single piece

And when it comes to yours, someone sees

Body, forgive my anger.
I know this illness is woven in your foundations.
I know you know no different.
This useless shell I have been gifted is only genetics.
You try your best,
I understand.
I try to.
You do only as you know how,
This pain is the only tool you have to break.
I know this.
Forgive my frustration.
My existence has been wrought with this suffering.
I cope the only way I know how.
I am not angry at you,
How could I be,
You have carried me like a mother.
Understand this loose host of elastic joints is just temporary,
This unholy soul is just unsettled.
Body, forgive my anger,
I know you don't know what else to do.

don't look at me like that
as I rise on shaking legs
and begin to push my chair up a steep hill.

I am far too tired to put my body through the hell
that self-propulsion would inflict upon me here,
and far too tired to tell you anything more than to
b a c k   o f f
as you raise a judgemental eyebrow,
or make a pointed remark to your friend
about how lazy the youth these days are.

if I could summon the energy, I would say
'forgive me; every cell in my body is giving up on me
and it is almost more than I can bear to be awake right now.'

if I could summon the energy, I might even give
a brief overview of chronic illness, before realizing
that I owe the details of my medical history to nobody.

if I could summon the energy,
I wouldn't be in this ****** chair in the first place
ducking your glares and stares and *******.

so don't you dare look at me like that,
or I'll run my wheels over your foot.

some of us are born
with a brokenness
that warps spines
thins blood
and harbors diseases
even the doctors cant diagnose.
Esther L. Krenzin

they nod their head
as if they understand
but don't fool with me
your eyes are glazed
and the notes that you are scribbling
cant measure the pain ive felt
i pull out the symptoms from clenched teeth
legs swinging in the air
on and on
an endless list
you grow restless
and when i open my mouth to continue
you walk out the door
that's when i realize
even the doctors don't know what to do with me
Esther L. Krenzin

Bones pierce through my toughened but weary flesh
Barbwire nerves tighten them together like twine around a Thanksgiving swine
But this isn’t a celebration or a one-off spectacle
This is what breathing is like
This is living.

Warmth is welts, sweat and tears.
Forbidden sleep, I cry and beg for relief.
I find solace in a cold bath
And pray for cooler weather.
The cold is screaming bones, stiff and keeping me drowned in bed.
Forbidden to move, I cry and beg for mercy.
I find solace in fire
And pray for warmer weather.

In the calm waters that all swim in, I am battling a rip
I wave for help,
Someone?
Anyone?
They wave back, happily, as if saying hello.
Keep treading water
Just keep going and good God, I think he’s still there
Watching me fight the urge to stop and drown, submerge myself and let it be.
All this time, I’ve been trying to get out of a bed, the bath, or my chair.

I have spared loved ones agony, friends have left.
There isn’t any fun watching a carcass decay on the side of the road
Magnesium is there for me now
Codeine and I catch up around once a week
I have dates with my shower
And a blanket that embraces me.

Get up now, enough of that
Put some pants on, it’s time to see Them.
Brush your hair, fight your fingers to tie it up.
Defy the grinding of your bones and walk out that door.

They will ask how you do you feel
What has happened since last week

Did you make it out your front door
Out of bed
How does that make you feel?
Did you go out last Saturday?
Did the torrent of anxiety swell up again
Another face
Same question
My problems are common

People your age don’t do this.

The bone-pierced meat is ripped again
Pulling away from my spine
Becoming tragic wings few can see.

The last coat is the one all see and notice and judge the most
Skin shrink-wrapped around my barbed-wire nerves and meaty flesh
Where touch is soft and electric
And scars are chapters of stories
Mine are charred onto my bones and tattooed onto my skin
It looks like others with soft hair, freckles and spots
Yet it has encased me in a tomb
Being showcased in the museum of life
And as everyone passes by
No one knows what’s going on
But really, no one wants to know.
My mouth is moving yet I am silent
But really, I’m screaming.