I feel you easing into me
occupying thin layer
upon thin layer of my soul
and I occasionally notice
a smidgen of joy rising
as if first light was dawning.

But this is not first light
for it has been accruing
like silt in the river delta
depositing fertile soil
for an emergent growth.

I saw you today
And my eyes were totally clear
I saw you today
And they didn't fill with tears

Because

My heart felt you today
And it didn't ache and crack
My heart felt you today
And it didn't take me back

Because

My hands touched you today
And didn't long to linger
My hands touched you today
And didn't cling to your fingers

Because

My ears heard you today
And didn't hang on the sound
My ears heard you today
And I didn't hear the blood pound

Because

My feet passed you today
And didn't wait for you
My feet passed you today
And didn't run for you

Because

My mind thought of you today
And didn't drag up the past
My mind thought of you today
And told me it was over at last

School used to be a fun place
A place I’d meet with my friends
And we would have a good good laugh
Until the day and week ends

In school we used to have sports or PE
And the changing rooms, small and smelly
And I was scared for them to see
My big big belly

To that point were we close
And as best friends is how others would see us
But to make fun of me they chose
“Laugh with them and hold back your tears”

Now you ask why I would try to hide it
And not want to go to the pool
Well, they made me suffer and provided
For my lifetime depression, such fools

Only if you knew that I was skinny years ago
You would have thought I had no parents to feed me
But I got ill, and medicine changed me
So imperfect to you, but perfect

Years later and love is lying next to me
Saying “I love you, my bear”
I’m imperfect but perfect for love
Only if you knew, my dear