I know you probably won’t be able to read this bit of my soul, but I just wanted to say that up until now, I’ve crossed an uncountable number of lines. To other people, it may seem like I make a big deal out of minuscule things, but as a human, I’ve made many, many mistakes..but, I’m not one to forgive myself. I’m the kind who fits herself into the stereotypes ones boxed into.
I’m the “nerd”, “the mute”; “quiet kid”, “the hopeless romantic”, and every other category they box me into. I don’t fight back. I don’t look them in the eye. I just sit there with my head drooped, silently wishing to go by unnoticed, because the truth is..I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what they might say back. I’m afraid of messing up, I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid. But most of all..I’m afraid of their words. I’m afraid of their words because what they might say back is unknown. By the time I wait, the words just melt underneath my tongue, and all that’s left is the uncertainty.
Through my experiences, I learned that I don’t need to be afraid. I learned that people can be harsh sometimes, but it’s not my fault. There’s nothing wrong with me. The only person who was wrong, was the person who thought they had power over me. The power to change my mind, to make me think that I’m not worth it. That I’m not worth it..?
Then came these seven angels..
They taught me to love myself, little by little, everyday. My world turned right side up, and there was nothing left to lose. Back before then, I remember not bothering to look both ways before crossing the street, because I thought, there was no good reason to live. I was wrong. I slowly started to realize my worth, I wasn’t what people said I was, because the only definition they were giving, was a reflection of themselves. I mean sure not everything was perfect from then on since, but I still continued to love myself because of these seven men from South Korea who had such an impact on me, that I could never forget.
From then on, I was the girl who didn’t let labels stop her from being her own self, I was the girl who kicked open the box of stereotypes she was stuck in for a long time. I was the girl who stopped apologizing for the things she did right. I was the girl who never stopped dreaming. But most of all..I am now the girl who’s not alone. I have these seven brave handsome looking knights and an entire “ARMY” after all.
It may seem like I was pretty subtle about these “seven angels” I was talking about, but a true ARMY would know exactly who I’m talking about. 💜
