she woke up in denial, went to work with her anger, decided to change her life by lunch, then, when dinner rolled around, had given up on the idea of change completely, and on dinner. After she had cursed at the moon for being so romantic, she used up all her hot water, showering, but mostly thinking of rebuttals to conversations she had, had with co-workers earlier or where about to have, it pays to be prepared she would say.

She dried off un easy in her easy chair and listen to billy holidays ‘’All or nothing at All’’, ‘’but not for me’’ was her favourite song, she made sure to play it over twice, first time to enjoy the song, the second time to wallow’s in it.  And when she had well and truly felt like crap, she had decided she ought to get to bed, after all she had to get up in 4 hours.

But lately someone had seemed to put rocks in her bed, which meant sleep would likely be not an option and she would likely be up late with talking with her thoughts. in this time she liked to sort out the clutter in her head, putting together perfect scenario’s that would end with her wealthy and famous, but more frequently she would seem together a story about a perfect man she could confide in, someone who will calm her down when angry and likes her the way that she is.  She holds on to that story, no, she demands it.

Like most the morning brings no change, neither dose the next. The same album, the same time, with the same song and the same shower with the same hypothetical conversations. Day in and day out. She repeats this cycle for 7 months on and off with occasion brakes every now and then. after all, try as you might, you can’t be ******* 12 months a year.

At the end of the day, are satin doll is stuck in a cycle of shelf pity, and until someone comes along to tell her this or she realises her shelf, she will continue like this. A modern-day Sisyphus. Rolling a bolder up a hill only to have it roll back at the end of the day.

I know I'm crazy..
Cuz, so said the doc
I'm sure, I'm crazy.
I love you and here's my ****.
But first, the daisies.
They're, I am, only for thee.

Said I was sweet
But no way in hell.
Slammed the door
What was I thinking?
Why'd I ring the bell?

Oh, the heartache, the agony.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Billy..

What'd I do? Can't go on living..
Think! For once... For once.
Razors! Yes!! Get 'em. Cut 'em.
Wrists lay limp and bleeding.

I tried to fly, far far away..
Landed where the cuckoos lay..

We sit in a circle. We're expected to talk.
Nurse in tight uniform, can't help but gawk.

Billy? Start the discussion, today?
N-no Mam. Got n- nothing to say.
Day after day after day after day.

In comes, the crook Murphy.
Nurse Ratched hates him..
Born a miscarriage, he liked to say.
Been away, said he, for a long time.
Girl he ******* was 15, going on 35.

Stole our cigarettes, turned the music down.
There's a game tonight, n I'm going to town.
Course, he didn't.. Fountain's too heavy.
Least I tried.. Did that much, I tried, didn't I?

They all hated him.
Envied him, but wouldn't say.
See, they'd all volunteered.
While Murphy, he really was crazy.

He became my mentor and i his protégé..
I laughed. I played. Had fun. I gambled.
I even stood up to Nurse Ratched.
That was the first time. **** it felt good.

Murphy knew. And told me too..
I wasn't crazy, don't need to stay
I didn't need doctors, nor lil pill gray.
I needed, a warm body, to make love to..

But how? And Nurse Ratched?
Why bother her? Why tell her?
She'll call a friend.. She'll call my mother..
She won't get it, Murph. She never does.
Billy, my boy, has she ever, the Big Nurse?

My friend was leaving. Party ensues in the cuckoo's nest.
Drinks, music, pretty ladies.. Crazies were in wild wild west.
Murphy whispers, she laughs. Heads my way, takes my hand.
I look back. Thank him silently. Craziest, kindest soul in all the land.

I wake up naked.. I'd made love. It was a new day.
Nurse Ratched looks at me. Like embers, her eyes were lit.
Aren't you ashamed, Billy? I was happy.. No, I say.
She says she's worried, how my mother would take it..

Emotions hit me from all directions.
Fear, guilt, shame all at once....
I beg her, Please don't call my mom
Have mercy please, won't you, Big Nurse?

All these days, I thought I was crazy..
In comes Murphy, makes me happy..
I wasn't crazy. I needed love, I was hungry.
Murph, was going out. He was a free bird.
He saw the whole thing. He didn't. Heard me cry.

It was kind of him to try on my behalf.
He's just a kid, he said, to all the staff..
But, I knew no one would cut me some slack.
Ratched wouldn't budge n I'd face the flack..

I'd had enough of this ****...
This life, this ****** pursuit.
I ain't crazy. Cuz Murphy said so, goddamit.
I lived, blissful, ecstatic. For just one night..
Wasn't that enough? Wasn't it alright?

I cut my wrists again, deeper this time..
No more drama, no pantomime..
I lived n I loved. Tis time for me to die.
I'm not crazy.. Not crazy. Or am I....??

oh ****
I saw the piano man
singing his songs
to the uptown girl
by the fire he didn't start
for the longest time
you believed
he was the entertainer
you may be right
but its all in a matter of trust