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Around the way...
When all is over, said and done The path is rough and no longer winding... Put my soul into a loaded gun And send it ...
I hate poetry. Poets are selfish. Read "Hands that want to..." first. The order is irrelevant otherwise.
Poems
KT
Nov 2017
There came a time for time to be,
And for an unknown reason,
Or simply the absence of one,
A lump of hot primordial pudding or something,
jumpstarted the universe into being, for whatever that means.
That's what I was told anyway.
After some time dictionaries came to be on this not so particularly special rock, which were meant to connect words with meaning, or so were they told.
But dictionaries did a poor job there, as the creatures that invented them didn't have a clue what meaning and purpose is in the first place.
Yet they were the ones that invented them too, probably as means of comfort for their existence and survival.
That comfort was almost always fictitious though, as purpose was also.
The Universe, by now, was just spinning lumps of rocks and matter, why would it need something as primal as these creatures' purpose?
They called it time, yes.
Mixing around the universal soup, with a spoon which was nowhere to be found.
Whoever was making this soup was a terrible cook though.
What idiot would want that much rocks in his teeth?
Anyhow, rock after rock,
those dictionary creatures started thinking they they thought, and that's where it all went bottoms up.
They were creating more of them all the time too, or at least that's what they called it, reproduction.
But little did they know, this (re)production of theirs would make no difference whatsoever to the soup's taste.
Their reproduction involved exchanging fluids between two specimens to make a new one out of a countless possible ones.
You see, many factors like time, place, what opposite specimen would one choose out of millions at that particular time and what those specimens have ingested that morning, or did they simply spill their previous load on the floor, played part in this most improbable lottery where a spawn spawned into existence and all other possible ones went down the drain, just like that. The most cruelest of fate did these creatures had with their reproduction, but not any less cruel as the rest of the universe.
On a sweaty midsummer evening, in an insignificant place and in an insignificant time on the rock these creatures called their own, in a little shack, all was set for the reproduction lottery to happen yet again.
A single protein cell made it to the egg, which whom from now on we will call Billy as that is the name his makers gave him. Most of his Billy-brothers and Billy-sisters never had the chance to even form as protein cells, but most unfortunate were the least in numbers; The ones that were so close, together with Billy in grasping existence, just got spilled around or inside the parents genitals - or just on the ground, never seeing daylight like Billy will. Their existence just ceasing there and then. Not such a happy life story, huh. Some might argue all of them were half-Billies, which really, makes it even worse. You might even argue that Billy becomes Billy at the moment of his first breath, and becomes more Billy as years go by, and memory sticks to his existence in a single thread of time. That is also true, but in that case, do I choose my fate or is it already chosen for me? - asked Billy. From future old dying Billy's perspective, everything is firm and single in his life. Everything is written and done. But was it already like that for Billy's parents? Would Billy be anyway? Is everything we see as random, already done, simply because the path is one? Those were the questions that bothered Billy through his life. One day he would see the world as his own for the taking, sunny and free, a world waiting for Billy, and other days were gloomy and Billy wouldn't think or decide anything, simply because he thought it was already decided.
A mediocre and simple life Billy had, with some ups and downs and a few non-Billy events, with a job he did for the food he ate and the home he had. Billy said that he enjoyed life. There were times when he didn't want his life and wanted to prove to everything that he can do whatever he likes and decides, and take his life, but wouldn't that still be fate? So he thought that life is always worth it, because without it, there is nothing. It's empty. There is no Billy. So multiple times, Billy came to the conclusion that he could just go Billying around until there is Billy.
Billy was a kid, went through school and all that, and Billy asked:
Why am I? Why?
Billy went on to be an adult and had his struggles and fun, and Billy asked:
Why am I? Why?
Billy was 30, met a girl he liked and she got pregnant, and Billy asked:
Why are we? Why?
Billy was 50, with his kid grown now with questions of his own, and they both asked:
Why am I? Why am I? Why?
Billy was 70, with his wife, his kids, and even grandkids now, and he asked again:
Why am I? Why?
Billy was dead, with his legacy ahead, for a few years, yet still there, remembered.
And Billy did not ask again.
His wife held his life to her thoughts most, until she died too.
Their kids mourned them most, and remembered them often, until they died too.
The grandkids knew Billy only when he was aged, kept his memory fond, of their childhood days.
Billy's youth was lost, his adulthood too, and now it's time for his elderhood, as the grandkids die too.
Billy is now a picture in his grandgrandkids' attic, and a name they know, they've sometimes heard, of a time long gone behind them.
Billy is now a story, rarely mentioned, until all the storytellers die too.
Billy is now gone, except for some factual data in an archive somewhere, a number in history, a stack of bones slowly decomposing.
The future becomes history, Earth goes around the Sun still.
Until humans are something else, or simply no more.
And all have left Earth, until the Earth is no more.
Scorched by the Sun, the Sun is gone too.
And the Universe goes on, until it does no more.
Long past, long long past, long after the Universe is dead;
And nothing is all there is;
An echo is there, an echo is heard.
The whole of nothing trembles and as loud as it can in nothing answers:
WHY WHAT?
And for an unknown reason,
Or simply the absence of one,
A lump of hot primordial pudding or something,
jumpstarted the universe into being, for whatever that means.
That's what I was told anyway.
After some time dictionaries came to be on this not so particularly special rock, which were meant to connect words with meaning, or so were they told.
But dictionaries did a poor job there, as the creatures that invented them didn't have a clue what meaning and purpose is in the first place.
Yet they were the ones that invented them too, probably as means of comfort for their existence and survival.
That comfort was almost always fictitious though, as purpose was also.
The Universe, by now, was just spinning lumps of rocks and matter, why would it need something as primal as these creatures' purpose?
They called it time, yes.
Mixing around the universal soup, with a spoon which was nowhere to be found.
Whoever was making this soup was a terrible cook though.
What idiot would want that much rocks in his teeth?
Anyhow, rock after rock,
those dictionary creatures started thinking they they thought, and that's where it all went bottoms up.
They were creating more of them all the time too, or at least that's what they called it, reproduction.
But little did they know, this (re)production of theirs would make no difference whatsoever to the soup's taste.
Their reproduction involved exchanging fluids between two specimens to make a new one out of a countless possible ones.
You see, many factors like time, place, what opposite specimen would one choose out of millions at that particular time and what those specimens have ingested that morning, or did they simply spill their previous load on the floor, played part in this most improbable lottery where a spawn spawned into existence and all other possible ones went down the drain, just like that. The most cruelest of fate did these creatures had with their reproduction, but not any less cruel as the rest of the universe.
On a sweaty midsummer evening, in an insignificant place and in an insignificant time on the rock these creatures called their own, in a little shack, all was set for the reproduction lottery to happen yet again.
A single protein cell made it to the egg, which whom from now on we will call Billy as that is the name his makers gave him. Most of his Billy-brothers and Billy-sisters never had the chance to even form as protein cells, but most unfortunate were the least in numbers; The ones that were so close, together with Billy in grasping existence, just got spilled around or inside the parents genitals - or just on the ground, never seeing daylight like Billy will. Their existence just ceasing there and then. Not such a happy life story, huh. Some might argue all of them were half-Billies, which really, makes it even worse. You might even argue that Billy becomes Billy at the moment of his first breath, and becomes more Billy as years go by, and memory sticks to his existence in a single thread of time. That is also true, but in that case, do I choose my fate or is it already chosen for me? - asked Billy. From future old dying Billy's perspective, everything is firm and single in his life. Everything is written and done. But was it already like that for Billy's parents? Would Billy be anyway? Is everything we see as random, already done, simply because the path is one? Those were the questions that bothered Billy through his life. One day he would see the world as his own for the taking, sunny and free, a world waiting for Billy, and other days were gloomy and Billy wouldn't think or decide anything, simply because he thought it was already decided.
A mediocre and simple life Billy had, with some ups and downs and a few non-Billy events, with a job he did for the food he ate and the home he had. Billy said that he enjoyed life. There were times when he didn't want his life and wanted to prove to everything that he can do whatever he likes and decides, and take his life, but wouldn't that still be fate? So he thought that life is always worth it, because without it, there is nothing. It's empty. There is no Billy. So multiple times, Billy came to the conclusion that he could just go Billying around until there is Billy.
Billy was a kid, went through school and all that, and Billy asked:
Why am I? Why?
Billy went on to be an adult and had his struggles and fun, and Billy asked:
Why am I? Why?
Billy was 30, met a girl he liked and she got pregnant, and Billy asked:
Why are we? Why?
Billy was 50, with his kid grown now with questions of his own, and they both asked:
Why am I? Why am I? Why?
Billy was 70, with his wife, his kids, and even grandkids now, and he asked again:
Why am I? Why?
Billy was dead, with his legacy ahead, for a few years, yet still there, remembered.
And Billy did not ask again.
His wife held his life to her thoughts most, until she died too.
Their kids mourned them most, and remembered them often, until they died too.
The grandkids knew Billy only when he was aged, kept his memory fond, of their childhood days.
Billy's youth was lost, his adulthood too, and now it's time for his elderhood, as the grandkids die too.
Billy is now a picture in his grandgrandkids' attic, and a name they know, they've sometimes heard, of a time long gone behind them.
Billy is now a story, rarely mentioned, until all the storytellers die too.
Billy is now gone, except for some factual data in an archive somewhere, a number in history, a stack of bones slowly decomposing.
The future becomes history, Earth goes around the Sun still.
Until humans are something else, or simply no more.
And all have left Earth, until the Earth is no more.
Scorched by the Sun, the Sun is gone too.
And the Universe goes on, until it does no more.
Long past, long long past, long after the Universe is dead;
And nothing is all there is;
An echo is there, an echo is heard.
The whole of nothing trembles and as loud as it can in nothing answers:
WHY WHAT?
Billy
johnny georgy brown
Dec 2015
santa claus is captured in the psych ward
it is the year 2015 and ron was decorating the HDU with christmas decorations
and while he was doing that, 67 year old billy thomson got dressed up as santa and
went around giving lollies to the children of the land and one mother complained and
said, this man has no right to hand lollies to the children without a permit and billy said
why don’t you get ******,you see i am the feral santa and i lived on the north pole before
the blizzard that wiped out all the north pole, and there is still a north pole but it is trapped
in children’s imaginations never to be seen again, and i who put my good name on this town
decided to free the north pole and this mother left and called the police on her cellphone
and in about 50 minutes the police arrested billy and took him to ron’s HDU, and billy said
i am santa claus and if i stay here i can’t free the north pole, i am a nice person, and i don’t deserve
to be in a place like this, and jesus claus went up to billy and said, your not the real santa, and billy
swore at jesus and said, your mother is the only one who thinks you are special, your about as special
as a hole in your heart and jesus swore at billy and suddenly a fist fight broke out and billy said, mate
i am the real santa and you are my son, but the blizzard stopped you from being the real santa
so, i made you stuck in people’s imagination and ron took billy aside and said what is on your mind, and billy said
i lost my job at the factory and then i got a calling from the almighty one to spread christmas cheer all over the land
and i did that by giving lollies to children yelling ** ** ** MERRY CHRISTMAS, and ron said, ok, you do know it’s 2015
and it’s not appropriate to do that and then billy said, you see i believe that if i can start a santa claus website, where
we can play christmas carols and kids order their presents, we can take the myth of santa out of kids imaginations and
into the real world and then ron asked, are you going to charge a fee and billy said, we don’t need a fee and jesus claus came up
to billy and said, you can’t get santa through the computers, it’s too early to do that without a fee and billy said, why don’t you
just get ****** and ron gave billy risperidal and seroquel, to settle his delusional santa claus mind, and jesus was walking around the
psych ward i am killing off santa and billy walked around the ward saying, i am going to give jesus a lump of coal, which made the nurses
come out and try and settle them down but that was difficult so ron decorated the psych ward and billy started yelling ATHENA BROUGHT
THE BLIZZARD THAT DESTROYED THE NORTH POLE, ATHENA BROUGHT THE BLIZZARD THAT DESTROYED THE NORTH POLE
and jesus claus yelled THERE WAS NO NORTH POLE, NO PREVIOUS EXISTENCE, WE WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE ON EARTH
then billy yelled, WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKEN WAR, OK, I WAS THE REAL SANTA, and jesus said OK, AND *******, and went back to his room
and billy went to his bedroom to have a lie down, and get the presents ready for christmas and then lunch was ready and ron woke up
billy and billy said, i am helping my elves prepare the presents for christmas and ron thinking he was loopy said, even santa needs to have lunch
and ron bought billy to the table, and the meal was lesagne and salad and chocolate mousse and then ron bought jesus his lunch as well and after lunch
there was a christmas special of yelling, billy and jesus said jingle bells jingle bells jingle and root the chick, and billy said, oh what fun it is to say
leave and never come back, and jesus sang, dashing through the psych ward yelling out our stuff,trying to point out to the staff that these side effects are
wrong, you see we need settling down, so take our drugs away, and please allow us to be the psych ward santa, that’ll be so cool and then as billy sang jingle bells
jesus said *******, I AM SO TIRED and billy watched the nurses work, discovering the naughty and nice, but to not blow his cover billy asked, can i get a pass out
so i can buy some egg nog, i will not be buying brandy and the nurses said, sorry but you are too sick for pass outs and billy through his boot at the door and shattered
the glass and the nurses gave billy some ****** to settle him down and billy went off to his bed and jesus came out and bashed his hand on billy’s door and yelled
YOU LITTLE ****, THERE WASN’T EVER A NORTH POLE and ron brought out the dinners and this time jesus and billy ate their dinners in their room and
in about 1 hour and a half, ron brought out the medications and after that the clocked off and bought wok it up and went home to lose himself in the televised
carols by candlelight from the sidney meyer music bowl hosted by david and lisa and back at the HDU, jesus was watching the carols and so was billy
and every child was happy it seemed receiving presents, but ron still had to play atheist with billy and tom, because for the simple reason, they are going about their santa
duties the wrong way.
it is the year 2015 and ron was decorating the HDU with christmas decorations
and while he was doing that, 67 year old billy thomson got dressed up as santa and
went around giving lollies to the children of the land and one mother complained and
said, this man has no right to hand lollies to the children without a permit and billy said
why don’t you get ******,you see i am the feral santa and i lived on the north pole before
the blizzard that wiped out all the north pole, and there is still a north pole but it is trapped
in children’s imaginations never to be seen again, and i who put my good name on this town
decided to free the north pole and this mother left and called the police on her cellphone
and in about 50 minutes the police arrested billy and took him to ron’s HDU, and billy said
i am santa claus and if i stay here i can’t free the north pole, i am a nice person, and i don’t deserve
to be in a place like this, and jesus claus went up to billy and said, your not the real santa, and billy
swore at jesus and said, your mother is the only one who thinks you are special, your about as special
as a hole in your heart and jesus swore at billy and suddenly a fist fight broke out and billy said, mate
i am the real santa and you are my son, but the blizzard stopped you from being the real santa
so, i made you stuck in people’s imagination and ron took billy aside and said what is on your mind, and billy said
i lost my job at the factory and then i got a calling from the almighty one to spread christmas cheer all over the land
and i did that by giving lollies to children yelling ** ** ** MERRY CHRISTMAS, and ron said, ok, you do know it’s 2015
and it’s not appropriate to do that and then billy said, you see i believe that if i can start a santa claus website, where
we can play christmas carols and kids order their presents, we can take the myth of santa out of kids imaginations and
into the real world and then ron asked, are you going to charge a fee and billy said, we don’t need a fee and jesus claus came up
to billy and said, you can’t get santa through the computers, it’s too early to do that without a fee and billy said, why don’t you
just get ****** and ron gave billy risperidal and seroquel, to settle his delusional santa claus mind, and jesus was walking around the
psych ward i am killing off santa and billy walked around the ward saying, i am going to give jesus a lump of coal, which made the nurses
come out and try and settle them down but that was difficult so ron decorated the psych ward and billy started yelling ATHENA BROUGHT
THE BLIZZARD THAT DESTROYED THE NORTH POLE, ATHENA BROUGHT THE BLIZZARD THAT DESTROYED THE NORTH POLE
and jesus claus yelled THERE WAS NO NORTH POLE, NO PREVIOUS EXISTENCE, WE WERE THE FIRST PEOPLE ON EARTH
then billy yelled, WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKEN WAR, OK, I WAS THE REAL SANTA, and jesus said OK, AND *******, and went back to his room
and billy went to his bedroom to have a lie down, and get the presents ready for christmas and then lunch was ready and ron woke up
billy and billy said, i am helping my elves prepare the presents for christmas and ron thinking he was loopy said, even santa needs to have lunch
and ron bought billy to the table, and the meal was lesagne and salad and chocolate mousse and then ron bought jesus his lunch as well and after lunch
there was a christmas special of yelling, billy and jesus said jingle bells jingle bells jingle and root the chick, and billy said, oh what fun it is to say
leave and never come back, and jesus sang, dashing through the psych ward yelling out our stuff,trying to point out to the staff that these side effects are
wrong, you see we need settling down, so take our drugs away, and please allow us to be the psych ward santa, that’ll be so cool and then as billy sang jingle bells
jesus said *******, I AM SO TIRED and billy watched the nurses work, discovering the naughty and nice, but to not blow his cover billy asked, can i get a pass out
so i can buy some egg nog, i will not be buying brandy and the nurses said, sorry but you are too sick for pass outs and billy through his boot at the door and shattered
the glass and the nurses gave billy some ****** to settle him down and billy went off to his bed and jesus came out and bashed his hand on billy’s door and yelled
YOU LITTLE ****, THERE WASN’T EVER A NORTH POLE and ron brought out the dinners and this time jesus and billy ate their dinners in their room and
in about 1 hour and a half, ron brought out the medications and after that the clocked off and bought wok it up and went home to lose himself in the televised
carols by candlelight from the sidney meyer music bowl hosted by david and lisa and back at the HDU, jesus was watching the carols and so was billy
and every child was happy it seemed receiving presents, but ron still had to play atheist with billy and tom, because for the simple reason, they are going about their santa
duties the wrong way.