Here I am sitting, hurting and aching.
I am Jealous indeed

I am Jealous because,
You showed me value but you suddenly took it away.

I am Jealous because my love was ignored
I am Jealous because I gave my all,
and I couldn't convice you of my love.

I couldn't convince you,
that I love you.

I am Jealous because you yelled on me with anger and rage
and the next, a photo with you smilling.

I am Jealous for I could not trace logically,
For I could not see the source of your hatred.

Deeper than your hatred for me,
There's a reason why,
There's a reason that you blinded yourself to my good deeds.
That you saw none of which i gave you that was good.
Love, time, strenght, service, you saw none of these,
In your rage you only saw my folly, in which is not even valid to say.

I am Jealous, for you say you loved me,
yet another you said you never did.
and yet you said you can lie to hurt me.

Which one is true. I am torn.

I am Jealous that my small mistakes are drilled through my being
While their's, they are justified beyond all senses.

I am Jealous, because you made me feel special,
you made me feel like I am no other,

I am Jealous because you convinced me you'll never leave me
Yet now, like a nobody, in which you threw away.

Perhaps I may assume the best from you,
that you threw me away, because you wanted my heart safe.
Because, I brought out the monster in you.

How is that, I do not know...
All I knew was that I loved you with a sincere heart

Remember our times where love flourished.

Remember,

the joy we felt when we shed our first tears, sitting in a couch good for one,
our past exposed and accepted,
we finally felt freedom to love each other to the full.

Our hearts melted into one.
We decided to stick by through thick and thin.
Through the best and the worst.
Through laughs and tears.

Talk about it once and never again was out pact.

To Enjoy the present,
Envision the Future,
And leave the awful past we both had

Our new bond,
Strong and tight.
only with each other, we said.
To no more other

At that same moment, to quench one's pride for the sake of love was the gospel preached to us. The gospel of love that covers multitudes of offenses.

There was no fear, no insecurities.
Only love, only joy.



I hold onto that.

Remember

Something I was yearning for finally came.
A bit of hope.

A bit of hope good enough to make my frown turn right side up

Like a rainbow after the storm,
desolated but I saw colors once again.

Like a drop of water in a dessert,
schorched but my thrirst was quenched

And

Like birthing to a newborn child
In pain but its a moment like no other.

A bit of hope, it fuels me to continue on further in giving my all to you.

Who knew that silence could make so much noise. Noise unseen by senses.

I prayed. Cried and wept.
All night and day.
I do not want you in the hands of another.

Because I love you and I could not bear see you in the hands of another.

Then you returned, you returned with a heart made new.
There was hope, there was love,
And the silence that made me restless,
is now a silence that gave my heart peace

Listen to my voice,
i cry.
Listen to my words.

I may not be blameless
but my love for you is without doubt.

All my life I dreamed,
All my life I searched,
For the one I can give my heart to.

As like a great fairytale.
Starcrossed lovers met, grew and fell in love.

Our love, our bond, our lives.
Quickly all ******* in a big great knot.
A knot which I cherished.
A knot which I thought that cannot be broken.

And so... Like a fairy tale,
I believed in happily ever after.

And so as i thought...

Oh how can I forget?
That mermaid have ursulas,
And princesses have witches.

lurking in shadows,
Lurking behind masks,
Carried apples dipped with poison,

A poison that struck the maidens heart.

Oh how we fell into a chasm,
I do not know.  

Sometimes I wonder,
Sometimes I ponder,
which is You and which is not?

I may not comprehend,
Call me crazy, but I love you anyway.

To the point of desperation,
i shall fight for your heart.
I shall fight for our knot.

And like any fictional fantasy,
My cry is that this, will not be a tale of tragedy.
But will be a tale told from the ancients.

Hands shaking,
Shriveled looks,
vision twisting,
What keeps me up,
I do not know.

Fight!
Is all my heart screams,
Fight for the one you love.

The enemy is big and strong.
To whom I once fell with.

But my savior picked me up
Gave me strength.

And so I fight.
I fight for the one I love

As a wise man once said.
Worthless is the life,
Of a person who had not loved.

And so I concluded,
It is worth to die in the name of love.
Just like how my saviour did.

Three days.

Its been Three days,
As I force my eyes shut.
My heart beats fast,
My heart aches to its soul.

Memories of good and old floods my being. Your smile, your smell, your touch.
I remember them all, crisp and clear.

You were my best,
You were my closest,
Together, we dreamed about life.
From here, there and till forever,
We promised to stay together.

One day, fear etched in,
because of fear you doubted,
Because of fear, you ran.
Your eyes which was once shining,
Is now trembling with fear.

I held on but you shrugged me,
I Grabbed but you slapped.

At one moment you were here,
And another you were gone.
You flew without looking back,
But a red string bounded my heart to yours.

You stretched, you pulled and I endured. But when you snapped, it ricochets like an arrow that pierces my heart.

How did this happen?
What did I do wrong?
In the name of Love,
All I did was love.

With my resolve firm and secure,
I choose the path set before me,
I choose the path of love.
To pursue you,
To win you  over from fear.

But questions lurk beneth me,
Questions that wants the pain to go away.
for i do not know how much longer I can bear.

And so, my eyes are unable
they are unable to close.
For when they close
Pain drifts beneth my heart.

Three days, four days,

then there was a miracle from heaven no one saw.

God touched your  heart,
like how he calmed the storm,
He calmed your heart.

Four days,

Four sleepless days and no more.
For you have returned.

Sometimes I wonder,
Sometimes I ponder,
Why do I love her.

At one look she's valentine,
and the next... she's somebody else

But like a spectre on Holloween's day,
its all but a mask.
A mask that someone else used to wear.
A mask filled with fear, grief and pain.
Masks that fills up the small dents in her heart.

I ran, she glimpsed, I reached, she smiled.
A great story it is. Yet another,
I ran, I reached, an empty look from her face.
A story that makes me cry and kneel to the Lord.

It's a difficult love indeed and temptations are real and big.
Yet, I could not find a reason to steer and drive away.
And against all logic, Love compels me to stay.

The love that compelled my savior to be hanged on a tree.
A love that never gives up,
a love that is defined by no other word than love it self.
Is the love that keeps me going.

It is because of love, that I could not let go.
Because, my savior himself did not let go.
Even at times that I betray and spat him to his face
He did not let go. He held on, He struggled.
He pulled me, He embraced me.

My Rabbi once thought me,
that love is both sweet and deadly.
love in its ultimate form, will lead one person to die.

"Die to self" my Rabbi says.
Until when can I die to my self?

Scarry as it is, I am ready to die in the name of love,
Scarry as it is, I am ready  to die to show one person love,
To lit the light of hope in her, to light back faith in her heart.
As great purposes awaits her, to be a sign of hope is a great pleasure indeed.

So am I crazy enough to lose the world in the name of love?
Sadly, I'am still incapable of loving like my savior does.
For he is perfect and I.... am being perfected.

We are of no comparison,
He was innocent, yet I was guilty.
guilty as accused.
I am but a  mere speck of dust compared to His glory.

O how can I find love in the eyes of my valentine?
I cried out and He answered,
"You don't" He says,
For  love is not about you,
but it is about dying to your self

With this love that I recieved,
I am on my way.
Fighting fears, lies and struggles,
I am on my way.

As love compels me to be,
Therefore I concluded that
I.... must be..... Half-Crazy.