It's like
We've swapped.
You've gotten better as I've gotten worse and we're in each other's shoes, now
Did you repair yourself at the same pace at which I was breaking, huh? That sounds fun, it sounds great, really.
But I've become less social and more anxious and less confident
And I'm both worth less and worthless, as in I mean less to people than I did and that I mean nothing to them, too

I woke up this morning.
Then I went back to sleep.
Twenty minutes past my alarm, I realized that public education has been ranked as something mildly important, so I got out of bed and dressed myself in the clothing that I had picked out the night before - varying shades of grey. Not fifty. I'd say about four.

Read this to yourself. Read it silently.
Don't move your lips. Don't make a sound.
Listen to yourself. Listen without hearing anything.
What a wonderfully weird thing, huh?

NOW MAKE THIS PART LOUD!
SCREAM IT IN YOUR MIND!
DROWN EVERYTHING OUT.
Now, hear a whisper. A tiny whisper.

Now, read this next line with your best crochety- old-man voice:
"Hello there, sonny. Does your town have a post office?"
Awesome! Who was that? Whose voice was that?
It sure wasn't yours!

How do you do that?
How?!
Must be magic.

"No one understands me."

         it slipped out in
         a timid whisper
          
                             as she combed her beard.

Someone carved a face in that pumpkin,
and now it's perched on a stoop, grinning
with the same sinister grin the carver must have had
when he carved it.

And everything I recognize as expressive
(the triangular eyes, that big toothy smile)
is marked by a lack of pumpkin.
A red face of dead space.

And now I'm seeing just the opposite.
I see two spots where the eyes should be,
an open wound where the mouth once sat,
and a fire within, baking the insides.

I was always taught how to say goodbye but never how to deal with the aftermath of it.
How do I deal with the hurtful memories
and reminiscing days that come?
Tell me what do I do when an aching night comes and I have no other choice but to cry?
Should I pick up the phone and give you a call
or do I grab on tight to my pillow and let it all out?
What happens when I see you and I want to hold you tight?
Would it be easier to stay in my seat
or do I greet you like I did the very first time we met?
What about when my world is falling apart, should I search for another you
or do I show up at your doorsteps?
Saying goodbye was easy but dealing with the aftermath is what I should’ve been taught.