I have no idea how it got this far,
I was just walking along,minding my own,
don't even have a car, but suddenly
the penny dropped and like a stone
I sank,quite frankly,
I no longer give a **** about Sunday and
the magnificent plan or
the son of man and his part in it,
I want to rip it all up and just ****** bin it.

However,

I am a part of the play he has written,the sod
of a Jesus bug has bitten me and although
not quite smitten with it,
I'll do my bit to perfect it,while he stands on the hillside and quietly
inspects it,.

There's a canteen here,
not much of a menu but a fabulous venue at the side of the hillock,
rock salmon and bread that's all we are fed and we're five thousand at least,not a feast fit for a King but
we're just the players and we'll eat anything.

So the fact still remains along with the aches and the pains,the trials,tribulations, that we are all part time actors in this movie that is backed by the hand of some producer,producing rabbits from hats and all that is just child's play but it's a God's way and when the penny drops for you,
you'll produce rabbits too,
we are one and the same,
mirrors
in the mirror image game
some cracked
what's lacked is a background,some sound?
weeping and gnashing of teeth,someone smashing the tablets of stone?
Is Moses at home?

Get on or off,within or without it we're still just a bit of the picture.

if you are leaving
stay gone

If I had told you
that I was made of mud and soil
and grass and sea water
combined over two decades
you wouldn't have understood.

If I'd said my bones were branches
my hands blooming nasturtiums
my toes pebbles on a beach
on the east coast of England
you would have rolled your eyes.

If I'd said your skin after a shower
smelled like warm ground after rain
and your voice was honeycomb
your kisses strawberry jam
you'd have found it strange.

I've known you seventeen years
yet we don't know each other at all.
If I'd told you everything I believed
you'd have thought me childish.
You never did like poetry.

We’ve been staring at screens instead of faces
Sending ‘meaningful’ words through entangled wires
To find something to fill all the cold vacant spaces
But relying on monitors to fulfill our desires

We’ve found ourselves trapped in this civilization
Where young girls learn to turn heads before hearts
Where our worth is determined by online admiration
Our innocence is a board and this culture the dart.

~

If you only knew

these feelings I clench in my fist,

locked in endless lingering,

breathing for only this

Painting a future

caused by eternal dreams

found in your…



Smile…



and I too shall smile,

laughing in flowered

blooms filled with heartbeats,

fragrances sifting

along alphabetical fence lines,

counting the letters

found in your…



Words…



send a message,

feeding desires of my visions,

fruited of vine fed bounty,

weaving about my skin,

tempting me to search deeply

the roots

found in your…



Thoughts…



flow freely

within my soul,

beyond scattered butterflies

on the top rung

of this laddered stairway,

padded with beliefs

found in your…



Love…



sets me free,

fits me with wings of chiffon renderings,

soaring to destined heights,

glowing in the shimmering rays

of a springtime sun

in the forever solitude I

found in you…

this,
this is what relapse feels like.
sore knees, aching smiles,
bruised shins,
heart's been beating too fast,
afraid to tell mom and dad.
close the door, turn the shower on,
and bow to your master.
shove it down, get it out,
"i'm so tired, **** i'm so tired."
"keep going, keep going,
i promise it'll all be worth it."
my brother is only two rooms away,
but this,
this is the epitome of loneliness.
flush it down, unlock the door,
get out.
and start again.

this,
this is what relapse looks like,
teenage girl with a plastered grin,
this time she's letting everyone in,
maybe she really does have to use the bathroom,
smile, smile, smile, she's full of hate.
"i'm so happy, **** i'm so happy.
recovery is going great."
rip apart the meal plan, swallow nothing but words,
they won't find out this time,
i won't let them find out.
my brother is two rooms away,
but i,
i am the most introverted extrovert.
a master of disguise, pulling the
wool over your eyes.

it's not me, i swear it's not me.
it's not me, i swear it's not me.

i haven't been me in a while.