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phantom Apr 2014
Let's run in fields and fear the dark together.
Fall off swings, and burn special things,
and both play outside in bad weather.

Let's eat badly.
Let's watch adults drink wine and laugh at their idiocy.
Let's sit in the back of the car,
making eye contact with strangers driving past,
making them uncomfortable.

Not caring.
Not swearing.
Don't ****.

Let's both reclaim our superpowers;
the ones we all have and lose with our milk teeth.
The ability not to fear social awkwardness.
To panic when locked in the cellar;
still sure there's something down there.
And while picking from pillows each feather,
let's both stay away from the edge of the bed,
forcing us closer together.

Let's sit in public, with ice cream all over both our faces;
sticking our tongues out at passers by.
Let's cry.
Let's swim.
Let's everything.

Let's not find it funny lest someone falls over.
Classical music is boring.
Poetry baffles us both;
there's nothing that's said is what's meant.
Plays are long, tiresom, sullend, and filled;
with hours that could be spent rolling down hills,
and grazing our knees on cement.

Let's hear stories and both lose our inocence.
Learn about parents and forgiveness,
death and morality,
kindness and art,
thus losing both of our innocent hearts,
but at least we won't do it apart.

Grow up with me.
her favourite.
  Apr 2014 phantom
aphrodite
You never eat,
you barely sleep -
you've become immune to fresh air.
You never cry,
you're always high -
dull eyes occupied by vacant stares.
You hardly think,
but turn to drink
when it's time to make a choice.
You're the walking dead,
your words unsaid
will never have a voice.
**
phantom Apr 2014
i have deleted your number from my phone
over a dozen times (only to add it again)
for the sake of knowing that you are still existing (without me)
i lie on my bed for hours (and hours awake)

feeling the burn of the sun on my closed eyes

and it is SO PEACEFUL like nothing can hurt me there
until all i can think about are your kisses
phantom Apr 2014
the last thing you ever said to me was
'i can't
talk to you
you're making me anxious'
well darling you make me anxious.
every ******* hour the day forces me to live through
at 3am i want to rip my skin from my chest
stretch it, tear it, snap my ribs in half and find my heart to hold it
feel it beat without you
what an idiotic muscle -
beating without you.
i want to squeeze
burst the ******* thing
and poke poke poke my eyelids
i want bleed out for you/over you
to stop the pathetic half-assed tears from falling
over every acoustic guitar
accompanying every male voice
on every playlist you made for me

******* and your great music taste
srsly
phantom Apr 2014
i remember when thinking about the future
meant thinking about what class i had tomorrow
and dreading it, the sick sunday feeling
time goes on; weeks turn into months then years
i meet you
you handed me the blue prints of a future so fine
i imagined the wildest places that we could see
the endless possibilities that we had
of things to do, unrealistic or not
i didn't care if i was saving the world or staying in bed all day
the future was so exciting and yet so futile to me
once i was with you
you disappeared
now all i think about is the future
what i will do, how i will live, who i can share it with
but i don't want a future anymore
not because i don't have you to share it with
but because at twenty two years of age
i've seen things, felt things
that leave a pain like pressure on impact
bursting blood vessels as it bruises
if the future holds this much pain and more
i don't want to open my eyes again
the beauty i see every day isn't worth the pain we go through
to live, survive, or fall in love
phantom Apr 2014
you're in my veins and i can not get you out
you're all i taste at night inside of my mouth
you run away because i am not what you found*

i miss not knowing what your favourite song is right now
if i did i would memorise every word as i fall asleep tonight
i miss not knowing what you're reading so i can ask about the characters and watch your lips move as you speak
i miss your body
having it to hold
whether i'm too hot or cold
i miss your shallow collar bones
and drowning inside of your eyes
i'm trying so hard to forget
i'm thinking i never will
at times i don't want to
sometimes i think i could be happy with you living inside my head forever
but memories fade
the way you faded from my arms
and i feel more alone than ever without you to wish me goodnight or make me eat breakfast in the morning
phantom Apr 2014
hangovers last so much longer
the flu goes on for weeks
high blood pressure causes migranes
the night drags on like primary school
the day stings my eyes
i have washed my pillow eleven times
yet your scent still likes to stay
smoking hurts my throat
no one argues with me to quit
music sounds off key
books are no good
poems make my head throb
other peoples conversations bore me
i'm always alone

i am finally understanding
that you are never
ever
ever
coming back to me
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