What could have been
was what we lost,
our mistakes
at a cost.
At first glance, such a beguiling love so
how
could it diminish to such a prosaic space?
I guess we were in such a
race
to feel it all
and it was the most tumultuous, clamorous fall.
The puerile arguments of when I came home late -
how facile you acted when I tried to really piece together the broken pieces of us,
you told me not to make such a fuss
and your facetious nature of it all
left me with a foreboding sense of our downfall.
You became braggadocious
and I just couldn't stand it so maybe
we reached our apex
and this is for the best.
Irregardless of it all,
I think of that epoch from time to time
the special love when you were mine
the sublime notion of finding you
someone I would have searched universes to find
if only
if only
we could rewind.

The cold wind
it called me in
and wrapped around me
like the bow of sin.
We walked for miles and shed our mistakes
it's funny how much can happen
in one heartbreak.
We met the wise man that told us what we already knew
the secrets of this world
were not secret to me and you.
Dropped to the ground and kissed his feet
I begged for him to save me from this defeat
and he said he would
he only knew how
a lesson can be learnt in the here and now.
The cold wind
it let me go
it unwrapped quickly and dropped off like a bow.

Why are you not sitting on your chair in the kitchen
waiting for me to cook you something nice, I had promised after all
and it's been too long that you've been missing.
Watching you in the living room reading your Tolkien books but they have outlasted you
for you are not there
and they sit untouched on the tall bookshelves,
I look at Mr Bliss sometimes
until it makes me upset and I swiftly put it back with the others.
Lonely guitars now sit
with no one to play them
won't you return to play Along the Watchtower
and I promise I'll sing along this time.
Can you please answer my questions about magic?
Magic you are to me.
I look at pictures of you and us until my eyes cannot continue the flood
there was too much love
and not enough time
I cannot help but be reminded of you
there are so many memories
of what we went through.
Countless attempts  to bargain with God
for you to come back
but he will not agree
it's too late
my broken heart will have to be.

Today a thousand tears I cried
because you are not here by my side
although I have tried to dismiss as many memories as I could
today proved difficult
because it is your birthday
and it is hard to forget giving you a birthday card
and I cannot remember the last time I said 'Dad'
it is so odd to say aloud
and I wonder if you can hear.
I hope I grow up to be just like you the child inside of me screams so loud
because you really were the magic of it all
and I couldn't see your light
as much as it shines so powerfully now
the fondest memories if I allow myself to remember
and I wish we had written together
Do you remember making me sing while you played guitar
House of the Rising Sun
I wish we could go back
I will try to remember
and I love you Dad,
Happy birthday to you.

If only I could wish you happy birthday today
If only you were here in the present day
now all my poems surround your departure
the saddest day when I lost my father

I came here a lot when dad was ill
and it really made me feel -
like I just couldn't breath
suffocating in silence
with nothing to
appease -
the pain
the loss of love
it is so insane.

It's not a unilateral decision
when you decide to leave earth
it really affected everyone
but I know you would argue
you didn't have a say
and maybe I am just looking for someone to blame
because the aching heart
is an unreasonable thing
Oh and what a double entendre,
a funny thing.

Your equivocal life
I didn't seek to know enough
now we all sit around your boxes of stuff
your books of Tolkien stand proudly in their place
life's journey
what a race
but you
you finished too early
and now You are gone
my dear
so many tears
and I will play the saddest of songs.

i thought of your smile but now i was impervious to any thoughts of you
the plethora of emotion i had once felt
had now gone
but when i sat on the bench at the end of my garden
mind still
regretfully
you were still in mind

The rain it came
it wouldn't stop.
My heart beating fast
like the bellowing wind on the trees.
A myriad of thoughts stormed my mind
like a flood,
aligned with the rain
thud
thud
thud.

One at a time,
I set my thoughts free
I threw them across
like pebbles on the sea.

How fatuous was I,
to weigh myself down,
the precarious position has now spun around.

One last drop fell from above,
now the sky is as clear
as clear as my mind
the domino effect is never far behind.

What a life
and what a time
how crazy we were
when you were mine.

The difficulty of remembering what was said
the fleeting memory
probably better left unsaid.

Yeah you know, I felt as though I owed it to you
I'm sorry for these last years,
And I guess you were too.

Far away
you could say
but inscribed in my heart
are your last words
that nothing could really keep us apart.

How sad it is when I think of the past
when I look back at the last years
the grief tore us apart
and we let it in fact
no one held back
and no one admitted how much we ached when you left
there was no one ready to sweep up the mess.

I guess I really owe it to you
and all I can promise is what I will prove.

This was not supposed to be the life for me
it wasn't chosen free
I dont think it was
I dont think it was
it cannot be
my true story

There is a group of us that like hip hop too
we smoke ****
we play blackjack
and laugh
really we're just like you.

Sorry if we are misleading,
because Rosie did say that we look just like punks
but I had my twisted mind set on being unconventional
and I didn't mean to startle you
but it's just the way I am.

Memories are on replay of listening to our favourite jams
and you asked in the morning if I wanted jam on my toast
but I just asked you to pass me the doobie -
oh, and I'll have a cuppa please
that would be a nice combination.

We had bloodshot eyes after a wild night out
I think we stayed up for two days,
and although my head was half shaved
we were just like you.

Our cliques could have mixed because really
we are all the same.

Mother Earth weeps
The devastation of the planet creeps
And humanity longs for peace
Everything signifies utter distress
Little remains
just hopelessness.

And the world watches as Mother Earth weeps
And the children have nowhere they can sleep
And people call this civilisation
Yes people call this civilisation

The killing and hatred of our brothers
Race, colour, creed, religion and others
This ideology is fallacious
There will be a time when we are conscious

The pain, the suffering and killing heaps
Yes my brothers this armageddon leaps
Annihilation
Our infinite trepidation
Another moment in time  
and we will
all be
gone

When the barren land is a sea of grave
The lightning bolt strikes the inner caves
And purge the core till it bleeds
no more
Humanity shall cease
forever more.

How could I possibly assimilate the picture that you drew
An array of colours
My world you already knew

You told me I could have it all if I tried,
I could hold the world in my hands
if I put my fears aside.

The veracity of the universe is palpable to me,
I asked and I received
working with the cosmos in true harmony

The inexorable truth that I could acquire it all
I couldn't at first fathom
so you picked up your pallet and painted my desires
you knew this would set my heart on fire -
and it did
you lured me in
although aligning with a celestial force
this world I am within.

I listened to the wind
and I listened to the rain
as though I was waiting for my benediction
but that never came.
My intuition told me to continue on this trajectory
to disallow my foibles to take a hold of me

My father asked me, What the hell are you doing?
Father, I said, the chasm between us has been brewing -
for a while now and I must leave -
there is a magnificent path I have begun to weave.
The disheartened look on his face left me with a heavy heart
but sorry father homogeneity is something of the past.
At one with the cosmos but he would never understand
I kissed him goodbye
before things got out of hand.

Father I wish you could see me underneath this pink sky
so beatific within the rapture
tears of joy I cried.

The juxtaposition of me and you
contrasting against what we had been through

I thought of your eternal soul when I bathed in the sea
Where we returned your ashes
Where you wanted to be.

This ephemeral life
How angry I was when you departed,
A year on still I grieve
Unable to accept another life you have started.

The sublime wonder of everyday
The lives
The deaths
The returning of they.

The magnificence of it all
If you have the strength to see
Why cry for those who left us
They are eternal as are we.

The angry boy that wouldn’t wear his hat
His mother would shout
And he would shout back

If only one would listen
To what the ears cannot hear
But lost in the screams
The important message disappears

So before you decide on refusing to wear your blue hat
And before you spank the child for answering back
Listen to the intrinsic force that beats inside
As the transparent message will soon come to light

The gift of remembering is a terrible thing,
Memories of the past, a tear will bring.
But before ignorance clouds my brain
I must abstain from pretending the intractable pain -
Of life doesn’t exist,
For it impacts us all throughout our lives,
And so does joy - allowing hurt to subside.

I must remember,
How dare I forget!
My ambivalence towards memory is something that didn't last,
Ironically another memory in my mind’s past.

Palm trees towering over me
The delicate blue sky evoking the sea
How I long to remain in this company

Dragonfly you pass me by
Not noticing the wonder in my eye
If only you could see the awe you inspire

A travellers mind it is hard to grasp
How much we have seen
How much we have passed

The colours of the world never cease to amaze
The busy people hurry on
While I stop and gaze

Please don’t make me go
I never want to leave
I wish to stay forever in this joie de vivre

If only for a moment you could understand
The beauty I have experienced in this vast rapturous land
My beatific stance you cannot deny
Look closer at the sublime wonders captured in my eye.

Please paint another path
Which doesn’t lead to home
There are far too many roads left
Which I am yet to roam.

When he died
we fell apart
it broke
it broke
my fragile heart.

I lost myself
when you said goodbye
my god
my god
how many tears I cried.

Still we wait for something to ease the pain
the loss
of life
it was all to blame.

Learning to live on such an ephemeral plane
our lives
our lives
they are all the same.

I wanted to let you know what I did last night
it went something like this
and I think you'll be surprised...

I met Sheila who lives two roads down
and you'll never believe what we saw in town...

The fireworks took off like rockets in the sky
the joy on children's faces
it was enough to make you cry

I saw a lot more
but of what I can't say
because the point of my story
is what I'm just about to convey

Whatever we witnessed,
I observed a lot more,
I was omniscient of every thought,
of every emotion, of everything,
I felt it all
deep within.

I don't want to cause dissension
as I can imagine you don't believe
but what I say is true
and one day I hope you'll see.

The magic of it all
and I think you'll be surprised
is you can feel it too -
if you only close your eyes.

I loved you,
you didn't love me back
it was enough to bring on a heart attack

What a wild illusion my heart did desire
all the while
my feelings burned in the fire

I must abstain from falling in the trap,
I must,
I must,
please don't take me back.

The altruistic souls that cared too much
for meretricious love would never be enough.
Knowing deep inside what is truly desired
knowing deep inside although they are tired.
To be at one, you and me,
to be at one with humanity.
The spirits wear their suits adorned with stars
earning each one
when they learnt their path.
An infinite power that defied all the limits
aligned with the cosmos, wholly intrinsic.
How sublime the souls that care too much
knowing that on earth there is not enough love.

I wanted to show you all the magic

you didn't even glance


why can't you see what the universe keeps telling you

it's very clear

if only you'd ask

Feeling at the top
like I climbed the Alps.
Man, I realised I had to
before time ran out.

The tenacity in all my being
I was never going to stop
now this, you're seeing.

However, it wasn't so long ago,
I felt so low,
a deep unrest inside of me continued to grow.
All the while I knew it wouldn't last
but I knew I would
and I knew My Path.

How ephemeral our feelings can be
that's why I never let them get the best of me.

By my own admission, I will admit
although not there yet,
the apex I will meet.

Hit the gas so hard
I guess then it was too soon
there was not even a chance to enjoy that honeymoon-
period because we were so enraptured by it all
but now this unadorned love is something I cannot recall
it really is alien to me
I was more accustomed to the magic you see

The interminable talks of you and me
psychoanalysing what used to be

This sense of foreboding
we both know what's next
now the ecstasy has gone
all I can do is wish you well
for the heartache has gone on for far too long

Why so facetious every time we speak
do you not think you appear weak -
willed to be acting like this
maybe the whole notion of you I should just dismiss.

The prosaic way you confess your feelings
honestly the jejune nature makes it feel utterly demeaning!
This lacklustre love I was not meant for
I crave something so deep
and that I am for sure.

No longer can I stand your nonchalant stance
my dear, goodbye,
I gave you your chance!

My voice of hope leapt into the air
****, the way it spread everywhere,
but ****,
you didn't hear a thing -
you couldn't even feel those decibels ring.

How optimistic was I,
that this message
would pass all the way through
it's trajectory,
yearning for it to land to you -
from me.

How occupied you are now
the epoch of us has gone,
I just wanted you to know
I still think of you
despite it being
so long.

A love that was deeper than the sea
a love that grew between you and me.
The one I thought was the apple of my eye
the one I thought would never make me cry.
The toughest storms yet we made it through
nothing would come between me and you.
I wonder sometimes if it means more to me,
I guess it's hard to measure something you'll never see.

A voice that travelled across the sea
how far it travelled to get to me

If only I could send my response back
I would throw all my words into the wind
hoping,
it would do just that

Wait a moment
while I sit by your side
and remind you of the fondest memories your mind has left behind

Won't you remember the summers in the park
you pushed me so high on the swings that day
I felt like I was amongst the clouds, in a way
and I suppose I was
so enraptured by it all
but soon the summer left us
and we were trapped in fall

You my dear, well by then, you had forgotten it all.

I picked myself up
because that was the only option left
nothing in this universe could make me feel any less
than what I truly am
and the power inside me is ever so great
so vast and undeniable
that nothing can break

Baby
I'm so tired of the endless fights
worrying if you still love me at night

I can't make you see what's true
and
I can't make you care because
if your soul was aligned with mine
we wouldn't be in this despair

baby,
I love you
but even you said
that love isn't enough

my heart isn't made of unbreakable stuff.

When the oceans freeze over
and the sky forever black
it will be too late
to ask for humanity back

I cannot even
fathom
how happy I will be
when I see you
again

I get really upset
and where are you
the one I am meant to tell everything to.

Where were you
when he died
all my anger
I can no longer hide.

Like the baker and the bread
we used to be
but you sold every slice
then there was no longer me

Whatever you do,
you'll fall from grace,
at some time
at some place.
But my darling,
whatever you do,
fear not,
this is only one part
of a much larger plot.

All the secrets in your head
you say they're better left unsaid
but if you dared to let another know
a weight will lift and your strength will show

Making amends
we did our best
we loved the most
until there was nothing left

Another glass to fill the void,
The pair cavort and make more noise.

In the picture I stood with this brash man,
he thought he was part of my story
but he was merely part of my plan.

He boasted of his profligate ways
and his tenacious stance was enough to run away.
I told him to cease the pablum jumping from his lips,
he told me he would,
if I would give him one more kiss.

But one was enough
and even that was the mistake,
a fool I was but these decisions we do make.

We drank and spoke so I could forget the past
the acrimony within me, it couldn't last.
His affectation did not pass me by,
But I let him be garrulous as I looked in his eye,
besides what was the harm,
I was only trying to pass time,
desperately trying to move forward
as I couldn't rewind.

A glass broke as we spoke
An augury? I hope not,
I've had it all,
I've had my lot.

How to be a human
how easy it must be
to walk and talk,
to have eyes and see!

But what you don't consider,
are the emotions it brings,
our feelings are diverse
like summer and spring.

What we must encompass
in this vast human world
a strength deep within
while our stories unfurl.

Sometimes it's so hard to be strong
haven't seen you for so long
Sometimes I can't even ******* breathe
forced to beat my chest for some relief
Sometimes I can't hold back my tears
crying on the train
sorrowful thoughts driving me insane
Sometimes crying when I see the brightest star in the sky
so sure that it is you
so far yet nearby
Sometimes I can't lie about how I feel anymore
the hurt is still so so raw
Sometimes I think someday I'll be okay
but the pain of missing you hurts more and more
everyday

Everybody wept
                       then we swept up the mess

honestly what did it mean
whatever it was
it was so obscene
girl get your head out those ******* books
maybe then your words won't get mistook
im sorry
i left
you left me bereft
whatever i did
it was all for the best
and whatever was left
well that was for the rest

i thought of you late last night
at night
at night
when my brain goes into overdrive
How contrite you were when i said my final goodbye
our love
our love
you let it die

The nights will get darker
and we will be surrounded by a black sky.
The chill in the air
will bring a tear to your eye.

And how they longed for the return of the summertime
utterly convinced that it was an epoch of sublime.

Surreptitiously the sombre sky was of no burden to me
for I understood that yin and yang would last for eternity.

We must experience dark
to truly cherish the light
so please don't be afraid
on these bleak winter nights.

When you died
I beat my chest
in utter despair
in utter distress.

When you died
I screamed your name
the pain
the pain
it was all to blame.

When you died
I kissed your head
and thought of all the words I should have said.

Up you left
into the sky
your soul
your soul
I saw it fly.

The cosmos how quiet you are today,
alas, you work in such mysterious ways.
Irresolute I wait outside your door,
I knock
I knock,
this other world cannot be ignored

The beguiling stars
aligned for me.
The sapphire sky
evoking the sea.
I pass along this trajectory,
floating,
floating ,
floating,
free.

Nearly a year
and you're still not here
the worst is over
nothing left to fear

I can't expect you to return
God knows best
but i still can't put my pain to rest

Can i relive my memories of you
no, stop
they are too true

You showed me magic
and what the pendulum said
I had never before met a wizard
and one that was so well read

how painful a world without the king of kings
but don't think i haven't noticed all the luck that you bring

you are far but not
as distance was constructed by man
i have to give thanks
as this was God's plan