Dull pain stabs the heart
Tainting love with the red fire
That breaks it apart

Rain drops fall from the tree top.
Tree top drips, from the leaves above.
Recreation of a storm that has already gone.
Fall from the clouds rain to be captured again.
Again to the wind, carried across the darkest sky.
Land on a limb falling like the tear from a saddened eye.
Tree tops cry, winds go by.
Fall gentle my tear, like a drop from heavens sky.

'Where have you gone?' I asked him
he turned and sighed
'I have left you for another, on a whim'

'Why?' I cried
he evaded his eyes
'You do not sway me anymore'

'When have you felt this way?' I turned away
He looked at me and said,
'When I saw the glint in your eye fade every so often
as I looked to your child
and only saw myself.'

Hopelessness feels like your gently, gradually, sinking into quicksand
It is physically consuming and mentally exhausting
It performs a double trick, creeping, sticking to every inch of your tired skin, while taunting your stability; defying the remaining hope.
It mocks your gasps, blinding your eyes with the salty evidence of your weakness.

Your walk is quick, rapid, indifferent to everyone else's-
but the weight you pull is massive, painful and constraining.

Your face, cold, your eyes a sinking dusky void-
Unwelcoming, suffocating, searching for a savior.

Misery seems to have welled up inside me again
And once again old instincts are kicking in
Urging me to find another victim
Another one to expose my seemingly innocent underbelly to,
Another one to spew my venom on
Another one to entangle in my confused web of logic
But I know now
My heart aches not for any individual,
But for an ideal-
A saviour that can take all my burdens
And purge me of my heavy heart and disquiet mind and haunting thoughts
Because in a night like this
My chest is swelling and swelling and I'm choking and struggling to breathe and I grasp
At the nearest individual who would be interested
Interested enough not to sidle away at the first signs of my pregnant mind
Full of Misery, despair, confusion, depression, it's all messed up in my head
Tumbling out in a mess of prose and poetic verse and just fragments
And I need to be held together by somebody other than the fragile threads of imagined self hood I have woven together
From expectations of others.
And just like this mess,
There is no conclusion, and my mind wanders off,
Running out of words with which to explain this void I wish somebody could fill

High school was the peak of your ecstasy high.
High school was coming down, and needing the coke to feel fine.
High school was floating in space--
'Cause ****** was massaging your brain.
Like a masseuse,
But like any good masseuse
they kneaded out your knots, and your neck became inflamed.
High school was all that.
The greats and the awfuls of every electric event.
You never felt the equilibrium
We were always at full max or the lowest minimum.
Temporary bipolar,
That's what we called it.
Temporary bipolar.

High school; we ******* felt it all.
The times Mary Jane showed us the moon
The times we were all sad and danced in my room.
Nobody knew it but Air baby and Alien and Fire baby too,
We were all in a war;
Well, not me.
I simply watched and kept my foot in the door.
So that to never let it close forever
So that to keep everybody together.

like when we hugged and became one
That was when everything was good,
When we no longer felt like the past was erased and our present had won.
When hugs didn't intermingle with the word resentment.
When kisses didn't intermingle with the thoughts of coerced ***.

When WE hugged we were in an empty white room.
Together yet so alone.
In high school there were secrets,
And when we were all there together hugging and dancing in my room,
We were one;
And nobody even had to know
that fire, air, and water were about to explode and come undone.

High school was Lester leaving town,
And injecting anxt into the walls of my house.
High school was forgotten elevator rides next to police officers,
And middle aged women having drinks and making an offer.
Im gonna make him an offer he can't refuse,
sock on the door and it's off to bed.

High school was being afraid to break a boy's heart, and dreaming of another home.
High school was leaving early from a party to let him cry on your shoulder.
High school was food left on the plate and narcissistic mirrors.
High school was cigarettes burning holes in relationships and the number four controlling people's lives.

High school was us being so real it almost felt fake,
High school was seeing how many pills you could take.

Up up into the clouds was where we always were,
Because in high school,
That was better than being anywhere.

Girl, you and I under the moonlight
Holding each other through the night
Together our world shines so bright
We both have seen the light
We are heaven-blessed
Looking out for one another
Girl, it is you and I together
Enjoying this magical ride forever

Who's to say what's
Real or not?

What is fact and
Fiction?

Where is the line
Where fiction becomes
Reality?

Is reality not what we
Make of it?

Do we not live in the
Condensations
Of millions, billions of Imaginations?

Are our dreams
Reality?

and they did come, like rain, after a time
over the planes and rocks of her cheeks
pooling in the crevice beneath her nose
shining upon her lips in limpid drops

and in their wake

the promise of someday-sunshine on a sea of glass