I think you're really pretty
My toe is poking through my sock
And I hope you had fun tonight

What do you mean,
Why am I on drugs?
I don't do this to hurt myself
I do it to survive

The moon
Her eyes
Her gaze
The sky

Leather
A hum
Crickets
Fresh air

How is
She here
How did
I find

Her hand
In mine
No more
Goodbyes

These nights
are too easy
for you
You get
what you
want
And
so do
they
But your
hurricane is
too strong
So they bend
and snap
Roots exposed
for them to see
For you to feel
A night with me

You're welcome for holding you,
Whether it was comfortable or not

You're welcome for listening
Your simplest complaints,
Your smallest victories,
I bore them all in my heart

You're welcome for suffering through
My loneliness for you

You're welcome for my words,
Silent, spoken, and true
I never lied to you, about you

You were my girl;
I wish it were still true
Because in spite of it all,
I still love you

All I do in life is long for something that can't be fulfilled. There is no answer to the questions; no filling the void. The girl I miss would be of no comfort if she were in my arms tonight. I would just be uncertain about something to do with her, wondering if I'm really happy with her; and the truth is I wouldn't be. When is it going to be my time? It's coming one day anyway, and I see no difference whether it comes today or in 40 years. I will not be fulfilled or happy in this life. That is a plain fact. Music, drugs, self-reflection, friendship, family, work, relationships - all these things leave me wanting more, needing more. God is no longer something I can believe in. I desire more regardless of what activity I'm engaged in. Connection is fleeting, never truly attainable. When is my time? I'm as ready as I'll ever be. When is my time?

I'm getting back out there
Talking to a girl
It's going fine
But I don't know about my heart
I've come to conclusions
To help me move on
But when I read a poem
That's about stars
And beauty
And complication
And love
It's about you
It's always about you

but reading poetry takes me
more effort
than writing out my ****** thoughts
and splitting them into lines
And now it's time to sleep
because, you know,
taking care of myself

somehow,
when
you put
your thumb
on my
pressure points,
I feel alive

He wrapped his arms around the cat sitting in his lap
Existential anxiety had become an underlying constant,
But his love for the creature provided momentary connection;
A temporary check against the loneliness

The same feeling, the state of being, will return
But, brushing it aside for a moment,
He had a somber taste of what it might be like
if the world wasn't broken

I want to know what it's like
To have your undivided attention

What I really do with my time is browse dating sites with zero hope in heart until I see a pretty girl I think I'd get along well with, and then they never respond, or they stop talking for no apparent reason, and I go back to start.

I listen to music and lay on the couch when I should be sleeping. I watch a bunch of **** and ******* for an hour or two. I watch the most emotionally deep tv shows I can find, and sometimes cry.

I crave life, but it's not what I live.
I take life from friends without any to give.

Come over and I'll cuddle up with you and cry. I'll wipe your tears away and let you see mine. If you can hold my gaze, I'll look in your eye, and you in mine.

I can see you, and you are beautiful. You are my favorite thing in this world. I am yours, you are mine, and we'll wonder together if we both belong to someone divine.

I'm a different person than I was a few years before.
I may be a different person again in a few more.
But what does it matter?
I am an animal.
I react to my surroundings.
My will is limited.
I make observations.
I contemplate my own existence.
But one lonely day,
I pass away the same as a dog.
I'm missed by a few,
but not for long.

Your catch phrases don't do ****
Listen to my heart,
Then look me in the eye
And tell me your best one
I'll laugh,
Then I'll cry
I'll break something
And one day I'll die

I've walked away from feeling certain feelings for a long time
Allowing myself to emotionally need anyone
There's a good chance I'll be alone when I die
if I continue to let other desires get in the way of truly loving someone

You wanna kick it
I say yea
I don't know what I'm getting into
But neither do you
You're a different kind of girl
I'm a different kind of guy
I have some idea of what I offer
But what about you?
Is it possible I was right
In my drunken mind
That you have a lovely heart?
Others say "*****"
When I show them your picture
It is of your backside
I say I saw something in you
But I do whitewash
And I do love a broken girl
Who needs rescued
Can the wild be tamed?
They have to want to

Tell me a cliche
Please
Tell me good things come
to those who wait
I'll tell you my story
Tell me everything happens
for a reason
I'll punch you in the face
Do explain.

Tell me there's a soul mate
out there waiting for me
I'll show you ten thousand
who never found even a friend
Why am I any different?
What makes you think I'm special?
Because you know my name?

These secrets you keep
I know them
I know almost everything
But the one remaining piece
You keep from me
As if telling me
Would destroy me

I already know, dear girl,
And yet I love you
Please tell me
So my love will be complete

I wonder if anyone has ever liked you
For you
Not just your body
Which is great
But for what goes through you
Your head
Your heart
You impressed me
And I don't think others see

This is how I fall
For a girl
Who I could never have
I think?

Forget your flowery words:
Soft sensations weaving through our minds
As their sound vibrates gently on the surface of our brains,
The written word having skipped the ear altogether
Blah!

No, let your heart bleed from your fountain pen
And dump the ink well over these pages,
Spilling your blood for us to pour over
To search for beauty and love
And affirmation of the blood within our own

I want to be naked and cuddle
Why can't I substitute for you?
With another,
It could never satisfy

With you, I imagine,
.....I can't describe

He took a drag
like it would do absolutely nothing
No discomfort
No tar in the lungs
No coughing
No high;
Just a deep breath,
but with lips pressed over a joint

The subtle grooves in
his slow nod
were more in tune
with the music
than anyone's hips
shaking on the dance floor

I don't like life today,
and tomorrow I won't, either
I rarely bother to write about it anymore

The over and over pounding
—head against head—
Can the nail go in any further?

Maybe.
Maybe if I think some more,
I can find something new in the muck

Or maybe I continue to sift
because the grime is familiar,
and to find something new
would ruin the whole experience

I could go for being ruined

Don't turn me inside out
before you throw me in the dryer
I want you to see my cracks when I'm done

You...
I'm not sure what to write about you
I wonder if you can see my hurt
You say you're a very anxious person
And that you had a panic attack
And that's why you started counseling
The way you carry yourself, though,
Seems like you have it all together
When you look at me,
Do you see what's going on inside?
Can you see my past?
My recent history?
I don't know what to do or say or think
I haven't kissed you
Do I want to?
I like our goodbye hugs
I notice you are a little cuter to me each time we meet
Tonight for the first time, though,
My last love came to mind for no apparent reason
It was only the anger and pain
Not love (or infatuation)
But she is still in the way
And I need to take it slow
I just hope our feelings line up
Whether or not we continue to grow

If you ask me tomorrow,
how was the show?
I'm gonna say it was
ok, but I had to leave
too many people in that place
I couldn't handle them
walking by me constantly
bumping into me
all this motion in front of me
can't move at all
so I watched the game
at the bar instead
and I went home
and had my own dance party
it was fun to dance,
but kinda sad

It's a game
It can only be a game
Bury myself deep inside
Give off a big smile
Be charismatic in my own way
Care deeply, in reality.
When the time is right,
Drop bread crumbs of truth,
Revealing those
Oh-so-delicious tid bits
About who I really am
Find out this could never work
Return to The Alone

We expect life to build steadily,
experiences improving,
possessions increasing,
intimacy building as time goes by
until, in a grand crescendo,
we are fulfilled one day

On our death bed,
we say goodbye
to those we hold dearest
We weep as we hold hands,
but we know we have lead a good life
and we will be remembered

The fear of regret we once held
has long been dissipated
We wound up with the right partner
We went without so our kids
could attend the best schools
They will have an even better life than we

But how many lives truly end this way,
and how many in common tragedy?

You came back,
My dear
Not my love,
Not today,
But one I can imagine
Ponder and feel

While fools burn my city down,
Even though you ****** me over,
Lied to me several times,
And are now with someone else,
All I want to do is tell you
I hope you stay safe tonight

All my life
I measured myself
By my income
Intelligence
Stupidity
Creativity
Mistakes
But when I died
I saw everyone else
Measured me
By my heart

You know everything there is to know
About how to be right

You've got a chip on your shoulder
Camouflaged by a calm demeanor

Words like "science" provide you with finality
They build a framework to make sense
Of a world that is unexplainable
Your very existence is inexplicable,

So hide hide hide behind your "facts"
And run run run from your fears
While your anger at illogical people
Pushes anyone with a kind heart away

And you remain alone
But at least you've got your facts

When you say hi for the first time,
just remember,
she's probably taken,
not interested,
interested only in ***;
none of that commitment ****,
or she thinks you're a creep
Good luck, man

Don't die young,
Pretty girl
Someone needs you

So Papa wants to buy me a headboard
My favorite man
A good, good man
When I make love here
On this bed
How can I wrong any woman?
No
I will have to be good here
I will have to be myself

You know,
In spite of all those things,
The ones you did to me,
You still are the same girl.
You've got the same smile
The same look in your eye
You're flawed,
As we're all,
But you're still the person I loved
You'll never be mine,
But you deserve a tribute
You deserve a tear
One that says
You were worth my time
That I grew with you

And here it is.

I'm sitting next to her,
my arm around her,
her resting on me,
on the couch.
She's comfortable,
she's relaxed.
Her gaze meets mine.

Her lips don't quiver.
There's no fire in her eyes.
There's not a frown,
a smile,
a smirk,
raised or furrowed brows.

There's just a slight hint of something beneath her casual calm.
She may barely even know it's there.
And her lips never move, but I hear a whisper.

"Love me"

Maybe tomorrow
I can cry
about something
different

Sorry I
clicked the X
instead of the heart,
but I can tell
from just the
top half
of your forehead
that it wouldn't
work out

They've taken your scene
Chopped it up into pieces
And spliced them together
Rolling your head to the side
Biting your lip
A scowl
A smile
Blowing a kiss
Revealing a bit
Nostalgic music sets the tone
It's fun, but it's gone
As though you were mine
And these are the memories that remain
Of what was my best time

I see the lightning scatter across the sky,
Electric fingers stretching out,
The perfect display;
Just what I was looking for

And I wonder,
Is there someone in control?
Is it you,
Or me,
Or no one I'd think at all,
Pulling the levers,
Creating this display
with a goal:
To paint feeling
in this heart;
to bring life
to this heart

What do you think
when you drive by
and look into those
glass buildings
Young kids, classy,
must be doing
something important
Smart college kids
Learning
They may have a better brain
for absorbing mostly
useless information,
but when it comes to
living a life,
they're just as ******* dumb
as anyone
Let me tell you something
This lesson's free
It doesn't matter if
they come home
carrying bags of money
They'll never be any more content
than you can be

So I'm going to a soccer game tonight
And I was looking at you on facebook
Earlier today
And you don't have to go, of course, you know
But it might be fun if you did

And me and my friend
The one with the same name as me
We're going to a party later, after the game
And you don't have to go, of course, you know
But it might be fun if you did

Want to go?
And
Sorry
If I'm a creep

I know
you're not reading this
Not right now
But I want to say
I'm trying
to process things
I'm trying
to figure you out
And to see
if there might be
something to this
If you might be
someone I could be with
Someone that might
light me up
someday
Can you communicate
on my level?
I mean
Can you speak to my
sadness
that I sometimes live with
Or is that a place
you don't want to go
Because so far
we're just kind of
having fun
which is good
But I will need more
Because
I don't come
packaged neatly
with a bow
Not anymore.

I dream of you
My high school girl
Only it's now
And somehow,
We are becoming as one
I look over your face
From inches away
I see you have aged
But the same girl underneath
I can reach out and touch you
You are still here
How incredible
How unbelievable
That we are together now

I used to hold your head against my chest
I used to hold you in the highest regard
The pinnacle of creation: the woman
But now I find nothing special about you
My heart may stutter for a moment,
But I'm only being fooled by who I imagine you are
I can never know what goes on in you
I can only guess
Who falls in love with a guess?
I guess wrong
My theories about your mystery
Fall flat on their face,
Crushed by the weight of your actions

Christianity gave me a ferocious mind for calling ******* on the cliche wisdom of the world

The world gave me an unrelenting skepticism toward any kind of religious faith

Between these two gifts, everything's been taken away

I want to tell you a secret

a chance to glimpse the truth


This heart of gold you see

the kindness, the care

the soft-spoken words

soaking away your despair


This heart does not intend

to bring you harm

but it will

I'm not satisfied enough to lay down my head until I've stared at this orange-tinted screen that's supposed to help me sleep and I've spilled a bit of my heart for you to see bleed and you're convinced I've got a hole - an unmeetable need.

And then I'm satisfied.
But just enough to sleep.

I will tell you all the stuff I told the last one
You'll get to hear all of my mess

Plus one more she didn't know:
I'll break a chair if you meet someone new
Then I'll write a hundred poems about you

If you can accept that now,
Maybe you can be my girl

I'm not putting myself out there anymore
I spent enough energy
on relationships that were setup to fail
No more love-seeking
No more latching on
to whatever pretty girl comes my way
No more being a hero
I'm not a perfect man,
so I can't be your perfect man
I've spent enough time
trying to be one
for the women I've been with
I have to admit it's lonely,
but it's time to stop trying to fill
the unfillable hole