I.
cold knees.
my thoughts got tangled on your fingertips.
i've been tucking you in the dark creases of my mind.
II.
i'm stuck gazing upon you,
or at least what is left of you. at least.
III.
every sigh you breathe out joins the cold air.
IV.
your eyes holds an ocean of regrets.
your war cry is music to me.
V.
my love for your is a logical fallacy.
and I
put the "art" in breaking hearts.
knotting heartstrings into pretty bows:
bows for the locks of my hair
but possibly also for arrows.
VI.
be the cure that is contagious.
i think my sickness
is just over-diagnosing myself.

balikan natin ang panahon noong tayo'y mga bata pa.
naalala mo pa ba
noong tayo'y nagtagpo sa gitna ng mapunong gubat,
sa may malinaw at malinis na sapa?
ang mga kamay natin ay hasang-hasa sa paglikha,
pagtupi ng mga obra:
mga bangkang gawa sa papel, na
ating pinapanood ang pag-anod sa tubig
na banayad na dumadaloy;
nagpapadala lang sa agos.
at hindi,
hindi ito isang paligsahan o karera.
ang tanging pakay ay
malibang at magsaya.
kung lumubog o masira man ang ating mga bangka,
ayos lang,
gumawa na lang ng iba.

pero ngayon,
tayo ay lumaki at tumanda.
pati lunan natin ay nag-iba.
sa ating pagtingala,
hindi na yung mapunong gubat ang ating nakikita,
kundi ang bughaw na langit
na walang anuman ang makakadaig
sa lawak at laya.
at siyempre,
ang ating malinaw na sapa
ay humantong na sa
karagatan.
di matalos ang hangganan,
di matalos ang lalim.
maraming tinatagong lihim.
nalusaw na sa tubig ang mga bangkang gawa sa papel.
at dito sa dagat,  
nararapat lang na maglayag sa mga galyon kasi
araw-araw may digmaan sa laot.
kalaban natin
ang mabagsik na hangin,
mga higanteng alon,
mga piratang nananamantala,
pati na rin ang uhaw, gutom, at pagod.
pero bago pa man magsimula ang digmaan,
tayo na ang panalo.
walang sinabi ang lupit ng dagat sa bagsik ng ating puso.

sa ating paglingon
mapapagtanto na
hindi masukat ang layo
ng narating na pala
at mararating pa natin.
matagal nang wala ang gubat at sapa,
napalitan na rin ang mga mumunting bangka.
ngunit ako,
ay nandito pa
at patuloy na mananatili
kahit na
magkaiba at magkalayo
ang sinasakyan **** barko sa sinasakyan ko.
'di bale
iisa lang naman ang Kapitan,
iisa lamang ang kayamanan na hinahanap,
iisa lamang ang lupain na tinutungo.

hindi talaga
matiwasay at madali ang paglalayag
dito sa malawak na dagat na ating tinatahak. kaya
kung dumanas man ng sindak at lungkot,
huwag maniwala sa lawak at lalim
na natatanaw sa mga alon; kasi
kahit saan man mapadpad,
kahit saan man ihatid ng tadhaha,
nandito lang ako.

I always thought that the worst kind of pain was to see yourself lose someone so very slowly
to see him every single day for the longest time, anticipating that one morning you won't be able to see him again
but still hoping that you will
rejoicing in every moment he's still around but noticing that he's slipping away as time slowly creeps in
and when he leaves, it's a kind of emptiness that you tried to acquaint yourself with each new morning
but this time the emptiness takes his place

I always thought that nothing could beat that

but I've found a pain more sudden and sharp
no time to compose yourself
or to comprehend the situation
leaving isn't an unwelcome guest but rather an ever present force that hits you head on
your head is left in a daze when he leaves
before you had the chance to know he was gone
before you had the chance to really say goodbye

see, when he leaves slowly your heart is battered everyday and when the final blow does come, the pain is somewhat bearable because you've grown callouses from those wounds

however, when he leaves as quickly as a flash of lightning, all you are left with is an echo of the thunder
and a realisation that you don't have an umbrella on hand for the mess of the storm