this feels bittersweet
you in my arms
half asleep
on top of your soft blue sheets
your breathing deep
i’ll be leaving
after a short sleep
but i know these memories
i will always keep

whenever i picture us together
i see us laying side-by side
holding hands
talking about dreams
and fears
talking about everything
and nothing at all
and i kiss the back of your hand
still in mine
and it’s dark
and i say your name
and we’re tired
and i think i’m falling in love
i tell you so

my heart aches
for the friends i never had
the hands i never held
the oceans i never swam
the love i never felt
the food i never tasted
the clothes i never wore
the adventures i never went on
the risks i never took
for the life i never lived
and the person i never became

i have nothing to say
because it doesn’t feel okay
how am i supposed to hold you
when you’re a million miles away?

your love didn’t chase the darkness away
but it kept it at bay
and that is more than i ever thought i’d say

and then
all at once
every song
every poem
every book
every sunset
every beautiful part of nature  
every movie
everything
was about you

i have never been afraid of the dark
and i have always liked to be alone
never needed a light or a spark
the darkness is my home