I'm not gonna be another hit & run,
another ball hit in your game
but baby if you want to play
I'll play for sure
Tired of being hurt
and others being there too
You aren't gonna "get with me"
like your friends told you to
I'm not these other girls,
that you tricked
honey I've been here and dealt with it a thousand times
Don't think I don't know
Your friends tell me all that you say
and god forbid you say you didn't

Today you said
you were ashamed of me,
that you didn't know why I existed..
you called me an anorexic *****
you told me I wasn't good at anything
and I was going to amount to nothing
you called me a depressed brat
well I'm sorry I seem that way
today you said you hated me,
to your friends
but today I heard.
And I didn't expect it.
but I didn't cry...
I didn't hate you...
I didn't respond...
I just walked outside
in the freezing snow
and made myself numb.
today you said I was worthless
and I've never deserved anything
or anyone
and today
I'm not sorry I don't meet your expectations

For the first time in his life,
he was speechless
not a word to say
A thought unformed,
a bell not rang
silently staring,
mouth agape
at the woman who made him think
in different ways

For the first time in her life,
she was speechless
to the woman who told her
she was beautiful
in so many different ways
she was speechless to the friends she had made
unable to formulate words,
chatterbox broken,
a record skipping

Like any other time in his life,
he was speechless,
not a word to say,
unforced words to people he'd never known
to people who don't care
until he's online,
with his fair share.

Like any other time in her life,
she was speechless,
but no,
not on paper,
her words flowed like a rushing river
but only on paper
to be unseen but to her.

The words don't come out correctly,
forever lodged in my throat,
in my mind,
never to leave,
stuck inside.
There's so many things I'd love to say,
but I'm too scared to force them out.
Only on a site full of strangers,
will my words come out,
incorrectly,
not the message I want to send,
not the way I want to say things,
but still, they come out to mingle
and meet new friends.
I'm too shy,
too scared of being noticed,
hide in the back of the room,
wrapped in a black jacket
and face hid,
words forming in your windpipe
sitting there,
choking you,
but you just can't get them out.

Listening to music,
eating a hot pocket
drinking coffee,
at 11 at night
messy bedroom,
needs cleaned
Notes for school need finished,
filled out on a wrinkled piece of paper
need to be up at six,
won't go to bed until three,
just scrolling hellopoetry
and having a normal night
eating hot pockets and drinking coffee
wondering why even if she tried,
she couldn't sleep
helping people with their problems
when she can't even help herself
she takes another sip of her coffee
and starts again,
waiting until six a.m
until the time she has to get dressed and leave,
socialize with human beings
try to learn something,
because knowledge is good,
but not learning anything because her mind is elsewhere,
poetry, self hate, daydreaming, anything
she takes the last bite of her hot pocket,
drinks her coffee,
and says
"I swear it doesn't get any better than this"
with a small chuckle.

Was going through my saved photos,
found the ones of you and me
the ones of me, you, your best friend, and someone I don't talk to anymore
and god ******* ****
I never knew I could miss someone so much as I do now
I don't know why,
just at the low point of remembering
someone I used to love,
an old best friend of mine,
and a girl I never talked to due to jealousy
It's funny how so much can change in two months.
I never thought,
that I'd get to this point
I'm a disgrace to myself,
I'm not supposed to care,
but when I find an old photo like this,
my heart breaks...