maybe we should keep our distance

hearing your laugh was hypnotic
and i forgot how it made me feel
i forgot how your voice sounded
how it eased my heart beat
but also got it racing
i forgot what you looked like when you laughed
how just seeing that made me happy
i forgot what is was like to hear about your problems
how just hearing you talk would rid me of some worried thoughts
i suppose i made myself forget about you
but hearing you say "i miss you"
brought tears to my eyes
because frankly
i miss you too
and i forgot how much i did
how much i still want to be with you
how much i still love you

but what i didn't forget
is i can't have you
you are far gone
unattainable
and of course
those were just your drunk thoughts
you are in love with her
i am just your friend
and we are over
i did not forget that
it just doesn't change how i miss you

s.s

i will stay single
until i find the one
whose company
feels comfortable
like i can speak my mind
and they will listen with eager ears
the one
who rather be in my heart
than my pants
the one
whose laugh
sounds like all my favorite songs
the one
who makes me believe in love again
who is all the good i had and more
i will stay single
until i cross paths with this person
because i will not waste
my golden heart
on someone
who only intends to break it

s.s

i am learning to love myself
like he never could
and darling
i can feel flowers
growing from my scars
reaching for the sunshine
of my new found smile

s.s

drugs don't take the pain away, sure,
but they make it more bearable

so when you're wide awake and you haven't fallen asleep
because your thoughts have gone too deep
you won't sit and weep
about life being so bleak
because the numbness will take over when your high is at its peak
and your questions will melt away
turning the whole world gray
you wish you would have stayed
you want the happy life that feels so unattainable
you want that perfect person who seems so unforgettable
but all you have is a drug
when all you need us a hug
but the high is what's getting you through
you feel like an addict and it's probably true
but you won't stop until your skin fades blue
because the world's a lonely place
so you fall into space
with whatever gets you highest to forget a lovers face
and an awful sad place
and sure, drugs don't rid you of the hurt
but they make some things feel a little less worse

s.s

hating you
hurts my heart
but loving you
obliterates it

s.s

he loved her when it was convenient
when substance soaked his system
emotions boiled over and he had no where to pour them
so he used her
like a therapist
and when the session was over
she never crossed his mind

s.s

i.
love bites as dark as the circles under my eyes like tags on my body mimicking name brands to fake worth that's not there

ii.
hello love to pretty strangers to have soft words fill the loud silence between empty bodies

iii.
flinching from bumping into someone in the store and shrinking away from a strangers smile because the feeling of being used echos beneath your skin

iv.
finding yourself comparing new people to the old and letting your heart break when they don't compare

v.
finding yourself glowing when the sun is high then finding yourself high and lonely with the stars

s.s