“I dont know”
was my response
when you asked me if
I still love you

the world stopped
for the both of us
as I wondered on the thought
of me, being selfish
or being true
and yours upon the
realization that
maybe, just maybe
my love for you
is fleeting

neither of us was speaking
and the silence echoed
through the depths of my head
and you uttered
‘oh’

that moment, I knew
that you gave up
on me, and my inner
indecisiveness

I crumbled upon
the guilt of telling you
those words, so instead
I let my tongue do
the talking and said
'maybe'

cause it was never hard to say

but it is always hard to face

the reality of being responsible
to someone

as if I have to breathe
through somebody’s pair of lungs
and scratch the loneliness
with someone else’s fingers

we parted
I changed numbers

cause I had to stay afloat
on the clouds of solitude
free from attachments.

Within these lonely walls of mine,
sometimes I wish that I could die;
I curl up in my Mickey Mouse sheets,
and quickly pretend, that I'm asleep.
~
Just like the nights I've faced before,
I hear them open up my door;
They quietly lay down in my bed,
and I truly wish that I were dead.
~
I push their hands down, everytime,
but to no avail, they begin to rise;
The shame and guilt seems all too real,
for that is almost all I feel.
~
They leave me torn,
they leave me shamed;
They leave me damaged,
yet it's me I blame.