I wish my life was fairytales and rainbows
I wish everything would fall in place like it was meant to
I wish I had the strength to never let her go
To hold her tight in my arms as if we melted into one

But that's just not the way my life goes

No, my life is difficult
Nothing ever goes the way it was meant to
There are no rainbows or tooth fairies in my reality
My dreams are that of war and casualties

I wish I lived in a different world
I wish I could make everyone proud of me
I wish I could walk with pride in my chest
Never letting the worse get a hold of me

But that's just not the way my life goes

In actuality I am weak
On the floor searching for the scrapes of dignity
My chest is flat because all pride has deserted me
The worse is always getting a hold of me

I wish I was strong you see
Flying high in the clouds above me
But like I stated before
That's just not the way my life goes

I never thought I stood a chance
But tell me why it hurts so bad
To see her laugh and smile holding another man's hand

I should be elated she found one who makes her feel special  
But that's not the case
And I don't understand

He buys her flowers
Take her out to dance
Makes her feel like she is the queen of the world

Now every time I speak to her she seems so happy
Always talking about the sweet thing he does for her
And I just put on this fake smile pretending I am happy for her

Truth be told I am happy for her
It just feels like a part of me tearing
Like hell's fire is raining down upon me

I never stood chance
But I just never imagined the pain would be this great
Never imagined I'd feel this way

What's the point anymore!
What's the point of me telling my story when you you tell it for me
Making it seem like I'm just this bad guy

What's the point anymore!  
What's the point of me trying to make a good first impression when the whole words thinks they know me before I know they exist
When the truth is they only know the BS story you manage to tell them

What's the point anymore!
What's the point of me attempting to do anything when the whole world thinks I'm a *****
Then when I prove I can do something it only gets ten times worse

What's the point anymore!  
What's the point saying I care about something when you automatically think how you can use that against me
Hint that's where I don't care came from

Then you wonder why I decided to keep my mouth shut
Why I completely detached myself from the outside world
Just going M.I.A. both physically and mentally

You wonder why I don't tell you anything that goes on my life anymore
As you attempt to ask how was my day
Funny how life works out right

You wonder why I have a major problem with authority
Why I find it so difficult to trust anyone
Why I try so hard to disclaim you and my entire family

It just hurts

I do whatever I want
I do whatever I please
I don't give a **** about society
I want to be a player for the rest of my life
I want to **** a different ***** every night
I doubt anyone would care how I spend my time
After all it is my dime
Besides, the light don't shine in the hood these days
That's why I decided to live this way

Then she came
**** she just had to come

***** turned to woman and the hood life escaped me
That no way I'd be tied down **** was a thing of the past
Them eyes though...
I swear those things knew hypnosis
That smile was like a hurricane
Blew my *** a thousand miles away
I couldn't resist her
Not that I really wanted to
My body became paralyzed and my mind was finally made up

I need her
I had to have her
I just want to please her
She got me saying,"hallelujah thank ya jesus"
Thank you for placing this thing of beauty before me
When I finally said,"hey",  I couldn't believe it
She was just so nice and my heart just began to pound away
oh hell yes she gonna be mine this day
I don't care what I got to do, it's going to end up this way

I swore I'd never let her go but I watched her walk away
Instead of chasing her I stood there with a frown upon my face
My head was full of shame and disgrace
The thought of failure,
Did I really make a mistake
My heart began to crumble as she got farther away
Move fool move why are you still standing in this place
I did not yet understand that it was already too late
For when I finally made it to her she already had a new mate

I would have never saw this day coming
The day I seemed so pathetic
Starring at my phone waiting for her to reply when I know she is sleep
I swear she cast a spell on me
This most be sorcery
Something about her hypnotized me
When talking to her I feel so weak
What's strange about it feels so good
It's as if my body knows she'd never hurt me
That she would protect me when danger came my way
Then shouldn't I be afraid
She has me at her fingertips
Able to bend me in whatever way she sees fit
She could stomp on me like a roach and I would still rise as if my skin was impenetrable
I know she is capable of doing such things but my mind just won't understand
I just want to be her right hand man
Holding her in my arms on a warm sunny day
Looking into her godly eyes and smile because she is so beautiful
I just want to kiss her plump lips and lose myself in their sweet taste
Relax in a open field with he r laying on my chest
I want to do everything with this girl
All because I love her so
And that is something that'll never change

In the past I may have been a failure,
But that was in the past and this is now
The damage has been dealt already,
And I cannot change that
All I can do now is continue moving foward using my past to make a better future
That is all I can do now
In the past I may have been a failure
But my past does not determine my future
So on this day I pledge with every breath I breathe
No more.
No more!
I shall rise
I...shall...rise!
In the past I may have been a failure
But in the future...

I will be a leader

Never will I fail without trying
Never will I ever give without dying
Never will I
oh no, not I

All this time I have been hating myself for falling in love with you
Letting my guard down now my heart never wants to be away from you
I don't even know what it is that keeps driving my back to you
I would say it's your charms, beauty, but that's honesty not the truth
Now every girl I see my mind automatically compares her to you
But no one ever exceeds you and that's the honest truth
I know I sound insane but my mind just won't understand
My heart is confused convinced that it'll come back to you
Not getting through its thick skull  that I lost you
So now I'm lonely soul walking a dreaded path
Not knowing why I was destined to face such wrath

Is this life real
My mind can't accept that it is
After so many years of torment
After so many years of agony
Is this pain free life real
Every step I take these days feel like a dream
Every person I meet seem like a figment of my imagination
(takes a deep breath)
I just can't believe that I'm still alive
All those years I swore I'd do it
Repeating today is going to be the day I end this misery
Hiding the true pain I felt inside from the outside world
Just smiling and waving hoping one day someone would finally see through this lie
Then again I never really wanted to die
I just wanted my life to get better
So maybe just maybe this life is real
Maybe just maybe I am still alive
And my heart just needs to accept reality
This pain free life I live today
Well...maybe it is the real I always wanted to live

Make it stop, make it stop
But it feels so good
My guilty pleasure
The rush...the rush is something I have never felt before
It has heart pounding begging for more
But the very thought of it makes me wanna puke
I hate it, I hate it so
Seeing them scream in pain and agony
This is not who I am!
I'm afraid
Still I want more and it is driving me insane
I sicken myself as I search for a reason to finally let it all go
To make some poor soul pay the price that is not there's to own up to alone
But as my fist swings back and foward I do not care
I just smile and laugh as if it is game to me
But when I finally come back to me sense I wish to cry
The sight is something I despise and I just wonder to myself
Was this really me, I couldn't be
I'm too sweet an innocent to have done something so voracious
But it was me and I hate it
I HATE IT!
Make it go away
Make it stop, make it stop
I don't care how much I enjoy it
Just make it go away
I beg I don't want to hurt anyone else
please, this pleasure is not fun
I beg of thee release me from this torment
I just want to be free of this guilty pleasure
So please just make it stop...

I can't live this life any longer


...

For sometime now I have just been watching everything you do
Just observing attempting to understand this feeling that pumps from my heart and conquers my brain
These images of you and I doing these events that seem so unrealistic
Us smiling together as one having the time of our lives
But that is only in my mind...
In reality the truth is a guy like I could never get a gal like you
It just goes against the order of humanity
You see I am at the bottom of food chain,
While you lay at the top basking in the glory
Yet still I take my binoculares just to look into your star like eyes that illuminates in the night sky
Once again beginning to day dream about driving off recklessly into the sunset with you in my arms
Giving you every bit of attention you deserve or shall I say in the word of the Great Albert Einstein
"A man who drives safely while kissing a beautiful girl isn't giving the girl the attention she deserves"
And you deserve it all
Every bit of it that a true man could possibly offer
So as I watch from a distance I hope to see a guy who can give you all his heart
Though I'd prefer you to be with the guy who wrote his heart

I love her,
I love her with ever breath I breathe
And there is nothing anyone can do to change that
Nothing they could do to break the bond
But look at us now
I'm alone in a dark corner and she's dancing with another man
But still...I love her

I can only imagine what my dream girl would be like
I mean will she have short hair or long hair
Will her eyes be brown or blue
Will she have a smile of an angel
What will her personality even be like
Does she want to have kids or not
The possibilities were endless and I could only imagine
That was before I met you
For a second I thought I died because I thought you were a fallen angel  
Word escaped my shaking soul
My heart was tugging me so hard telling me to run as fast as I could
But my feet they wouldn't move
I never felt anything so exhilarating
Constantly I asked why does it feel so good but hurt so bad
Then you said those first words and I simple died inside
So nervous I became but words were just flowing out of me
Now I can only think of you
Beautiful girl from the mystic blue

The other day someone pointed something out to me.  He asked me a question that made me laugh on the inside.  The question was,"why are you so weird". He said that I am always alone away from the crowd just starring at everything that comes by. All I could really do was smile, because that was the first time anyone ever pointed that out, so I gladly answered. I said,"I am always alone because I care too much, even the people I despise I try my best to protect".  He looked at me and said that's stupid and walked away.  It maybe stupid but it who I am. A caring person who just wishes to help everyone around him.

Three walls and some bars
For twelve years all I saw was three walls and some bars
Oh, and a small window on the forth wall
All because of a crime I didn't even know one could commit
Seventy six counts of ****
What kind of person can even do something so despicable
So downright wrong on so many levels
Then they accuse me of it
A being who couldn't even hurt a fly if it bit him on the right *** cheek
So instead of living free outside prison gates
I am being held captive inside three walls and some bars
With only a view of the small window on the forth wall

For what reason should I give a ****
Should I tell you what has been on my mind
For what reason should I listen to you
When you ignore everything I say

You play this game that manipulates my life
Then want to get mad at me when my life finally crumbles
When I finally become depressed because my mind can't handle the torture
For what reason do you pretend to give two ***** about me

You make me sick and tired of being alive
Because every thought in my head is that of you telling me I can't
And I know can't but I still try to thrive
Only to dive six feet deeper into the solid ground

I've gone so far down now that I can feel the firey pitts of hell burn my *** to ashes
And it hurts but I cannot cry because I still fear what you think of me
So I pretend not to give a **** when a **** is all I have to give
Because the ***** been burned long before I got to this point

So I laugh knowing that the blood of ******* would spued out my mouth
But just like everything else you ignore that as well
And it enrages me until the point the light in my life ceased to exist
So I end up sitting alone in another lonely night

Can't you open your eyes for not five second
Just see my true sorrow that I don't even hide
Hear my cries of me begging please notice please notice
Please notice me I beg thee

I've become so weak I crawl instead of walking
I'm too tired to eat,Too hungry to sleep
I just don't know what to do anymore
Yet there you are turning your back to as you always have

So why should I give a **** anymore
Though everything is on my mind
Why should I listen these days
When these days are the ones that have finally broken me

I don't care anymore
I can't care anymore
I'm done for
Goodbye world

My words are everything but everlasting
In fact they're more forgotten if anything
No one listen to me anymore
No one believes I can in this world

Can anyone hear me
Please someone respond to me
I beg of thee
sigh I guess not

I have grown tired of being sick and tired
Always attempting to contain myself in a society unworthy of my containment
It's depressing...and stressful
Here I am screaming at the top of my lungs,but to the rest of the world I am mute
As quite as ******* mouse
They view me a mere child so incompetent he has the inability to do anything
They treat me like I'm a ******* *****
But do I ever really frown
No, I just smile as if everything is okay
But everything is not okay!!!!
In my mind I watch them all burn to ashes,
As I just stand over their scortched bodies eating their remaining flesh and bone
It is so twisted up there that I come to fear myself
It's a struggle for me to say anything because then they'll view me as a psychotic *****
When all I want is respect
To be treated as if I'm human as well
But then again do I really mind
If or when I finally snap they'll notice me then
They'll all notice me then
Then finally I'd gain some respect

I was told everything happens for a reason,
But I can't seem to find a reason for this
Six years ago you took my grandpa
The man who molded me into shape
I looked up to him because I had no father
To me he was the closest thing I had to one
But none of that mattered to you did it
Hell no...
The man who got me to believe in you
Now you come to finish the job
Well ******* God, *******
You took everything from me
Now you're after my mother
The women who single handedly raised me
Who cared for me
Why...?
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU!!!!
You said you'd protect us
What kind of protection is this
That you ****** the ones who were there for me
WHY DON'T YOU JUST **** ME!!!!!
Please just stop ******* with me and do it already
Just smite me down I beg of thee
Show thou mercy on my weakened soul
Just leave her alone and take me already
Please...I beg of thee

If you were to perish
I don't know what I'd do with my life
I would just crumble
Disappearing from all forms of light

If you were to perish
I wouldn't cry nor would I even be sad
I would just stare off into the Darking abyss
Lost within the endless loop of sadness

If you were to perish
What would happen to me
Would my soul rot as the depression finally take over,
Or would death's sword finally pierce through my wounded heart

If you were to perish
Would I perish as well
Would I finally drop my sword
Losing all functions in my body

If you were to perish
What would I feel
Where would I go
What would I do

If you were to perish
What would fill the gapping hole in my chest you'd leave behind
Would the little hope I have left finally vanish from my broken heart
Momma...

Mother
Please come back home alive
Don't leave me here alone
Please momma just come home alive

Words
What can a man really say to the one he loves
It's not like confessing this emotion is the easiest thing in the world
Then they say,"oh,what's the worst that can happen,she says no"
YES,"NO" HURTS YA KNOW!
It's like taking a dagger to the heart
It can be quick and settle,but the pain is still everlasting
That could destroy a man
Such prideful creatures we are
Some of us get lucky and recover from the damage
Rising from our own ashes and all
But the others we collapse from the inside out
Becoming one with mother nature because our lives seem to be no more
But we don't ever cry
We have so much "pride" we'd let the skies do it for us
But it's whatever
Besides, in most cases the cycle doesn't even get that far
Because we fear this whole process to the point the confession never happens
It's just scary
Too scary for it to be worth our time

Dare I say flawless
Dare I say beautiful
Dare I say a dream come true
Have you figured it out yet,
I speak of you
These roses are red
Those violets are blue
But you...
Well you are something far beyond just being true
You are a creature of my imagination
Yet, you exist in reality
You are neither an angel nor a demon,
But something in between the two
Your voice is that of a sirens'
Every word you say has the perfect pitch of the perfect tone
Music to my awakened ears
Your eyes appear to be stars in the enriched skies
Your smile an oasis of pure unimaginable beauty
Then there is just you as a whole
you are...something I can't explain
You're smart,talented,and just fun to be around
A girl like deserve something no mere man can offer
Something no one wants to willingly give
So listen to me and take my hand
Let's walk off into the sunset together
Looking forward to the future leaving the past behind
I give to you this with great ease
I give you the keys to my beating heart

Happy
Think happy
Think happy thoughts
Joy.
What is joy?
Joy is having friends and family
Ones who care about you
Who nurture you in your time of need
Yeah.
They want to see you grow
Soar high in the sky
Not try and hinder you
Nailing you to the ground damaging your wings  
They wish to see you smile not frown
Dance around like your a child
Be yourself
That is joy correct or am I wrong
Ehh who cares that's still what I'm going to do

To my friend lexi,

I spent so much time on these first few words
Looking foolish at my screen pondering in my own thoughts
Just wondering if I wrote this would it find its way to you
And if somehow it did, what would it do

From a distance I watched you smile
Listened to your laugh
Only to become paralyzed by the sight of your pretty brown eyes
Which caused me to become stomped

So nervous that my words become garbled
As I attempt to analyze this apocryphal event
Cause there is no way any of this could be real
Not in a million years, not including me!

But indeed it all authentic
All of this is real
You are not a figment of my imagination
No,You stand before me mocking me

If I were brave enough I would of held your hand
Squeezing it tight as I told my untold tale
About how you make me feel when talking to you
How I can't ever really frown while in your presence

But I have never been strong enough
So I just sit there smiling and laughing with you
Wishing these moments never have to end
That you and I would remain friends forever more

It is those moments I adore
There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of you
The sweet majestic tone in your voice
That amazing smile upon your beautiful face

It all just leaves me speechless in a way
There are never really any words to say
But it's never just us waving as the clouds glide away
No,it is always us wishing each other to stay

So Lexi my dear friend
Listen carefully to what I have to say
Don't go away
And promise I will do the same

You asked me to prove to you that I love you, so I did
I moved heaven and earth just to be with you
stood by your side through better and worse
Made up silly stories why I just happened to be around
When the truth was I just wanted to see your beautiful smile
I was your shoulder to cry on when you needed one
There to pick you up when everyone else turned their backs
Didn't care how much scrutinizing I would receive
I did all that just to get you back
Now I finally have you and I should be happy
BUT I'M NOT!
My heart doesn't beat the way it did before
it doesn't spell out your name in every thump like it use to
Now it just sits there starring at you wondering are you here
Why are you here?!?!
YOU SCREAMED HER NAME IN YOUR SLUMBER
NOW YOU ASK WHY IS SHE HERE
What kind of game are you playing
Answer me!
Please,heart answer the question
I beg of you...answer me
**Do I love her or do I not?

Am I a fool
Believing the world could change
That it could be one day find its lost light
And finally shine by its own power

Am I fool
Believing life was over for me
That no understood me
Leaving me alone to contemplate my own existence

Am I fool
Believing lies I told  myself thinking I could be someone
That I could someday be the untitled king of the new world
Ruling my people with a smile upon my face

Am I fool
Believing that I am something other than darkness
That my life isn't for nothing
Or is that nothing more than false hope as well

Am I fool
Believing the could be something different
That what we see today is a lie
Then I gladly call myself a fool

A fool who will bring his foolish dream to reality

I could never say goodbye to the art that grew on me like a fungus
Even if it isn't the same as I remembered it
Poetry is my lifeblood
My soul within my soul
It is my mortal heart
I just have to accept that this is a new dawn
A new day for the failing mastermind
So is this farewell poetry
Yeah sure over my dead body it is
But as long as I live
As long as my heart beats
Even when it finally stops
I am poet to the very end

I'm a nice guy
A jolly one in fact
But it seems only my emotions of hatred make it to the outside world
Caging my smile in a dark barrier of misconception
Giving off this false impression that I am a demoned eyed beast
But I am here, somewhere beneath this hollowed mask
I am here laughing,singing,playing, waiting for the day I shall be released from this barless cage
And believe me the day is rapidly approaching
I can feel it coursing through my veins
The pure joy pumping in my blood
But until the day it finally makes it way through the pores of my skin
I shall sit here silently looking into the outside world,
Awaiting my turn to bath in its glorious rays

Remember
You must remember
Remember who you are
Why you came to this place

Remember
Why can't you remember
You're worthless
A disgrace to humanity

No,That's not true
It can't be true
You have accomplished so much
Gained so much on your own

Stop lying to yourself
What have you really gained
you're still alone in a hell like world
Burning your soul over an open fire

Why...
Why do you torture yourself
Feeding yourself this false hope
Just give in already

No one cares about you
You're nothing
If you were to disappear no would notice
GIVE IN ALREADY,leave your soul

My soul...
I can't leave something that has already gone
But even it wasn't I would never give in to you
Never will I give up as if my life means nothing

You have no soul
WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY LOSE
Come with me my child
It will be alright

*To be continued

Remember
You must remember
Remember who you are
Why you came to this place

Remember
Why can't you remember
You're worthless
A disgrace to humanity

No,That's not true
It can't be true
You have accomplished so much
Gained so much on your own

Stop lying to yourself
What have you really gained
you're still alone in a hell like world
Burning your soul over an open fire

Why...
Why do you torture yourself
Feeding yourself this false hope
Just give in already

No one cares about you
You're nothing
If you were to disappear no would notice
GIVE IN ALREADY,leave your soul

My soul...
I can't leave something that has already gone
But even it wasn't I would never give in to you
Never will I give up as if my life means nothing

You have no soul
WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY LOSE
Come with me my child
It will be alright

*To be continued

**** poetry!
It's not what it use to be
Its words are used as weapons of war
Now it is nothing more than senseless bullet aimed at the people we once called family
Our brothers and sisters who were once banned together to spread their majestic words
But maybe I'm wrong...
Maybe poetry hasn't changed at all
In fact, maybe it is I who has evolved into this new being
New flesh and blood that covers my naked body
A being that expects so much more from its old art
If that's the case...
Maybe I should walk away now in search of something that can keep up with my evolution
Just maybe I should finally say goodbye to my dear friend poetry
...
**To be continued

I would like to dedicate this poem to the poets who were killed in the war known as life.  You have not been forgotten and will be forever in our hearts.

It's not over
This hateful war is not over
So many have died trying to fight this pointless battle
Man, Woman, and child have vanished into thin air,
As if they never existed

We cry our hearts out
Mourning over the soul that now seize to exist
Our brothers and sisters laying dormant upon the now tainted grounds
Oh no, this war is not over
Not until their lost souls can rest in peace

Us poets have taken pounding after pounding
We have cried the crimson tears,
But we are still here
And we have to stand tall
If not for ourselves, for those we have lost it all

We are strong powerful individuals
Who have learned to speak our mind through our words
We have learned to express pain in ways unlike violence
But remained human in the process
If anything we are the strongest beings in the world

We are pure souls living in the shadows of the night
Fighting for what we believe as just and right
We are the unspoken warriors that live to no destination
The titans that hide in plain sight
We are poets and we won't go down without a fight

Though we are weak in numbers
Though we die everyday
We shall bounce back
Like a phoenix being reborn from its own ashes
We are  the few, the strong...

We are the poets

Am I prepared to face death, fighting for what I believe in
Draw my sword in attempt to protect the weak
Will I ever admit I'm afraid beyond fear,
Or will I die without the world ever knowing I was a lie
Should I seek help with these thoughts in mind,
From the very people I strive to keep out of this demise
Does it even matter what I think anyways
Besides,the real question is
When the sun rises tomorrow
Will I call it quits,
Or will I stay to fight another day

"The price of freedom is death",Malcom X
Death.
What's with term death
What does death have to do with freedom
Are you saying you rather die then allow us to be free
How niiave...
It's sad that it must resort to this
It's sad you refuse to accept us as human beings
As if we aren't made of flesh and blood just as you
As if we don't have emotions
Like we are mindless animals
Wait no, animals are above us in your eyes
Apparently your kind is superior to us
Ha kind.
You judge us by the color of our skin
And because our skin is not pale as yours
We are abnormal and deserving to be caged
What?
The only thing different about us is the color of our skin
We eat,sleep,breathe,even sneeze as you do
Yet we are inferior
inferior to the superior
What nonsense
Open your eyes for five second and see for yourself
Stop the unnecessary violence
Stop wasting your time trying to keep us in check
Together we can build an even greater than we already have
As brothers and sisters in arm

In my entire existence on this earth
I have learned that I don't do too well with people
Yet, I wish to protect the people
Provide the people a a sanctuary to call home
Where they can laugh as a team and family
As brother and sister
Mother and daughter
Even father and son
And when I die
Cause I will die
I wish to die a honorable death
Knowing I spoke out for the people
For those under every bridge
Within every tree
And inside every home
Then I shall smile
Leaving this world knowing I made a difference
For the good and soon the better

If we were to be set free
Could we really call it a victory
So many people have died fighting for this cause
So many innocent people at that
Our ancestors,the ones who so called started this war
Well not start, but the first to retaliate
They told stories of a day we'd all be equal
That one day no matter the race,religion,or the color of your skin we'd all would be united
No matter how unlikely this dream seemed at the time they continued to fight to make it reality
Using both words and actions they fought
Many of which would never see this dream in action
Because of them we have come a long way
From being whipped in the cotton field
To somewhat being acknowledged as human beings
Now my brothers and sisters all alike
It is time to end this everlasting war
For their sake and our own
It is time to rise as one
One and no more than one

We try so hard to control the past
But the past is gone is it not
So why waste our time on something that already occurred
Instead of moving forward like we were meant to do
And you wonder why we walk with a limp
Instead of taking long strides with just as much pride
Well I'll tell you why ,cause it clear you're blind
We stagger forward because we can't let go of the dead weight
You know the struggle that should of been left behind
And I know what many of y'all are thinking right now
"why would I forget the past that made who I am"
Well see there I'm not telling you to forget it
Because the past is the key to the future
It is what will guide us to the next step of life
So let the past do what it was meant to
Let it be your guidance
And not a ten thousand pound boulder that holds you back
Don't let the pass force you to crawl
Stand tall
Look it in the eyes and say,"I conquered you"
Because that's what you should do
That's what we all should do
Become the master of our past and use it to look forward to the future
I promise you it's ten times better than being on the floor

Fire...
Such a misunderstood element
Only seen as destruction
As if it's darkness itself

But fire isn't the annihilater it is sought out to be
It has saved more lives than it has destroyed
Though because it has destroyed at all, no one seems to recognize the good it has done
It's sad actually

In ancient times fire was feared
It was known as the element we see today
But as time went on it became an ally
It saved us from an era of darkness

It became our source of light
We began to cook with it
We Even started to mold items that we still use today
But fire is the enemy

On those cold chilly nights what is the first think you think of
Most people would think of heat
And from that we usually began to search for this heat
In most cases where does it lead us...

I know for my family it lead us to the fireplace
Keyword "fire"
It was probably the only time back then we would sit there and laugh together
Those few nights we were actually a family

And it's funny fire is the enemy
We use fire like a trash bag
When we need it we pull it out knowing we're going to dispose of it later
We should be ashamed of ourselves

Fire...
Such a misunderstood element
But one thing is for sure
Fire is not the enemy

They call me childish but I laugh with these eyes
The crimson tears that once flooded the skies
Always being looked down upon as if I'm Satan's child
The struggle is real and I don't know why
I'm just an innocent child who just wanted to survive
Fighting the tough battle that'll lead to his demise
Being weakened for reasons only god knows why
Stumbling on ever twig that he passes by  

But why...

I justed wanted to live my life
I didn't ask to be stuck beneath these skies
But what does one expect from an orphan in deskies
Blooded tears leaking from his broken eyes
If only they knew the truth
The pain I try so hard to deny
Calling home a box in the street
Curling up in a ball trying to maintain the heat

This life...

I would reach out calling out for mom
But mom is gone probably getting high again
There goes my lunch money dad was kind enough to give
Too bad papa don't want me refusing to take me in
He knows mom is an addict but he just looks at me saying I'll survive
Ha I'll survive after I starve to death
Because I have too much pride to be on the streets begging for money
Only for it to be used for my mother's "food"
It ain't my fault my parent's abandoned me
sigh why this life gotta be so hard


I didn't...

I'm so weak I can't complain no more
My legs feel like rubber and my stomach continues to growl
I can feel my life span shortening searching for a sad relief
It's the end for me, god please set me free
I crawl in desperation settling for the crumbs I find on the ground
Look at me pathetic
It's sad how life did me so wrong

ask for...?

Who would dare ask for this
I just wanted to be a normal if you know what I mean
I want to yell at my parent's saying I hate them
Knowing they still love no matter what
But that's not the case for I
The child that is about to die leaving my cursing why

But why this life I didn't ask for?

There is no more happiness
No more emotions
You attacked my joy
Now it is just the end

Key after key I would play
Attempting to find the perfect sound
But now those keys have been silenced
And soon you'll be through the ground

No words can be said
Only tears that now fall in its place
Rhythm is no more,
Rhythm is now quiet

She was so young
And I took care of her with pride
Now she is dead
And now I...

Seven years I waited
Only to lose her in seven seconds
I tried to play her one last time
But she couldn't even cry

Her faint beautiful voice fights to escape
But she has been imprisoned within her own case
I'm sorry brother,
But you must pay!

They told us to wait,so we did
We waited nearly two hundred years,but where are we still
The black man is still not free
We are still a slaves to society
The society we built, and would not had been here if we didn't come
In the southern peach state of jawja
A confederate flag hangs high and proud
The very flag that implanted darkness in every little black boy's and every little black girl's heart
Are you series?
Is this what you call
"freedom"
A land wherever we go we are being descriminated against as if we're criminals
We never really asked to come here
You kidnapped our ancestors from their homes
NOW YOU WANT TO TREAT US AS IF WE DON'T BELONG
Newsflash
WE DON'T!
We were never supposed to be here
But you thought it was okay when were "slaves"
Truth be told we still are
It's just now that our shackles are invisible to the naked eye
Is it wrong all we want is to be treated as if we are humans
Feel like we belong somewhere
It's too late for us to go back home
This is our home now
So please just let us just be **free

"yas *****," I would say
Only to be dismissed away
Looking him in the eyes wondering
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen
You came to my home stripped me of my joy
***** and killed my family
Holding me captive as a prison of war
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen
You forced my daughter to cry
As you hauled off her last bit of hope
At least I have some dignity
Though it seems my pride has been lost deep within green
Where the blue skies don't feel darker than coal
How dare you frown upon me
As if I'm the beast unseen

When the world is your enemy
And darkness runs the bit of world you befriended
What is there left to do
It's all down hill from here
The other day I watched my best friend get gunned down by a white man
Then blamed it on me imprisoning me for eleven years
But through it all I remained mute shocked puzzled wondering
Is it because I'm black
Or is it because some other unknown reason
This man took a life and I got in trouble for it
My friend is six feet underground and I'm behind bars!
Is it because I'm black god has forsaken me
Vengeance struck my soul
As destruction clouded my judgement
What did I do?
I hate you!
Forget this world!
I'm done
Smite me down I beg thee
This world is just not meant for me

Why can't the rain be seen as beautiful
Like it asked to be the symbol of depression
Why does the world see it as being the dark Lord of the night
As if its dropping are toxic waste ready to burn us all away
Why must the rain be viewed as pure ugliness
As if what it has done for us mean absolutely nothing
Doesn't it mean something
It has watered the crops that feed us
Gave us hope when none existed
But instead of being praised like it should be...
It is viewed as the god of destruction just like its counterpart fire
Another understood element
Rain...they sing songs about it
Wishing it to go away
Disgracing its name
Again calling it,"destruction"
But the way I see it...
Us being humans have no right to be calling anyone destructive
We have caused more destruction than rain could ever imagine
So in my eyes...natures eyes
Rain is beautiful and it is we who are the uglies

For years I have had poetry misconstrued
Thinking about what it was technically
Instead of thinking about what it was actually
Because technically poetry is nothing more than words on a sheet of paper
It has just been arranged in a certain way to tell a story

I remember my first days of writing poetry
Personally I thought that it was gay
And because I knew how to write it so well I questioned my sexuality
It bothered me so much in fact, there came a time I attempted to hide the forbidden skill
Ha,that didn't last very long

My first poem dates back to the year 2006,when I was in third grade.
It was ,"simply amazing", according to my teacher
I can recall because I ripped it up hoping to never see a poem again
I hated poetry with a passion due to the fact it coarsed through my veins
I didn't see another poem until the six grade

It was then I met this girl named Deja,a fanominal poet
She would always brag in our second period literature class how she was just the best
I slick had a crush on her but I'd never tell her that
She claimed I was nothing compared to her
So I laughed and wrote the poem, "Different I May Be,"

Never once other then that moment did I get her to hush
She actually began to blush a little though we pretended that never happened
Her eyes were both just wow
They spoke fierce yet sweet
I really was falling deeply for her

That day I finally opened my eyes beginning to think that poetry really wasn't gay
That it was actually a beautiful thing
Though I didn't start actually writing poetry until the end of that year,
After I read the poem,I know why the caged bird sings",by Maya Angelou
I kind of owe this rediscovery of my lost talent to Deja,again I will never admit that to her

She made me realize what poetry was actually
That it is a collaboration of both heart and soul
Using words to express emotions that were seen as taboo at a time
So Deja if by some miraculous chance you see this
I would like to say thank you for opening my eyes to the world of poetry

I wonder...
Can you hear me
Can you really hear my whispers in heaven
Or is that just another lie they told me so I would stop crying
I miss you so much
Watching me or not, I just want you here
Just to see you one more time
Hug you until I die so I can stand by your side JUST ONE MORE TIME
Just one more time...
Is that too much to ask
You meant so much to me
In fact the world was so much clearer when you were still alive
Now it is just blur
A giant blob of pure nothing
And to stand at your grave isn't enough to clear my sight
My soul feels like it is burning to ashes as your body decomposes  
I'm so scared
Help me...
I need you
Please...wipe my tears away
Just one more time
Please

I said no thus I lose another friend.
She claimed she "loved" me
Giving a lecture on everything she liked about me
How I was so sweet to her, always treating her as if she was a princess
Always there for her when she needed me to be
Now she is mad at me, ready to rip my throat out
All because I don't feel the same way she felt about me
I'm sorry you misunderstood my kindness as a act of love
I'm sorry I feel as if a have a whole life ahead of me
I mean...
Let's get real I'm only 17 what kind of love do you expect me to feel
Oh you are the most wonderful girl in the world even though I never left my home town
I wouldn't dare tell you that lie
You see I actually do care about you
So why would I dare consciously set you up to feel pain
What sense does that make to you but it's whatever
You want to be mad at me because I told you the truth so be it
I rather that then hurting  you with lies
At least I can rest in peace
Though I hope we can still be friends
If you gonna let that get in between us
Then I suppose we go our separate ways

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound
Does it sing a song to lessen the pain
Or maybe scream ****** marry as it crys in vain
Does it just lay there starring at the stars
Or does it have a revelation recollecting its now diminishing life
Does it apologize to the animals who lived in it for being too weak
Or does it just smile because It lived a glorious life
Does it finally speak so the human ear can hear
Or does it stay mute laughing at all who once came near
Tell you never wondered does nature really have a voice
Wondered what it sounded like or how it would feel
Does it have a soft sweet voice like a white fluffy cloud
Or does it have deep piercing sound that penetrates even diamonds
Though it is obvious a tree does make a sound when it falls
Have you ever wondered what happens after it all