I'm the patron saint of lost causes,
You're the priest who's covered in bruises

I found you at the edge of the ocean,
The tide brushing your knee caps
And your fists buried in the sand,
With a cigarette dangling out the corner
Of your lips,

You wouldn't look me in the eyes
when I swallowed dry spit
to ask you what the ****
you were doing

You said,
"I walked and
I was gonna keep walking
endlessly into the waves
until my lungs filled
with salt water
and my brain finally
stopped squirming"

I knew that
was the case
before you said it,
And I wanted to tell you
I'd be lost without you...
But I'm lost anyway
And you ******* know it

I wanted to say,
"I'll always love you"
But 'always' doesn't mean
much coming from a person
Who's given themselves
about four months to live

So I leaned back
and let the sea wet my scalp

Drunk,
And tired
I realize
We're really bad at
being 20-somethings
Cause we're always searching
for the most peaceful place to fall apart

We didn't come out here,
to live on the beach
so we could have bonfires
under the pier
and drink margaritas with
tan friends...
That's what we've led
the world to believe,
And maybe even ourselves
some days

But at the core of it,
we know,
we came out here
to cry where it's quiet...
To listen to the water
washing over
the chaotic whirlwind
of our ever-growing anxiety

It rains every day at 4 PM,
And we sit outside
completely silent

When lightening strikes the sky
it reminds me of the color
your veins turn
when you're six drinks in
and digging into your wrist
with your acrylics,
That electric blue
that lingers behind my eyelids

We just wanna be normal
I hope we get there,
On some city rooftop,
High in the spring time