This isn't you
Don't you see
you are just a shell
of who you used to be

The free spirit being
chained by worries
that doesn't seem
right to me

The future is all just a tangle
of what we do not know
and uncertainty is prevalent
anywhere someone lets it be

But it will eat you up
from the inside out
tear your heart in two
Because no one knows
*What the future may hold

Love was never
the way my parents held hands

Love was never
The look in their eyes at a moment of togetherness

Love was never
meant when the word was uttered at the end of a phone call

But Love was always there
In many ways that I will never understand
She loved him so much
that she would put him before her
even though he never did the same
She loved him so much that she could hardly
utter a word of negativity of him
without backtracking to positivity
Loving him meant
that she got torn down day after day
but didn't hesitate to build him back up
She loved him in a way that tore her apart
She loved so deeply that she would never come back

I told you I would do anything for you, love
I would climb mountains
I would cross oceans
just to see a smile on your face
Because isn't that what love is

So you asked me for one thing
to be patient
oh how it would be easier to climb a mountain
patience is key
but patience is not something I have the key to

I will do my best to be what you need me to be
please just remember
I am human too
I make mistakes
that sometimes hurt you

Tonight I am lost in a state of wonder
Of all the could be's, should be's, and would be's
keeping my mind active and my eyes open

All of the endless possibilities of where life could have taken me
and I am here

what if only
he wouldn't have picked up the phone that day

what if only
she would have stayed at dinner 2 minutes longer

what if only
he would have asked a different person

Such small actions
that have had a huge impact on my life

leaving me wondering
who I would be today
without these small decisions of others

leaving me wondering
how much of my own life
am I in control of

The procedure began
My eyes open and my body numb
A black X drawn across my chest
marking the point of incision

The needle was larger
than any I had seen before
as it approached my skin
There was a half second
in which I thought
"should I be doing this"

But it was too late
the needle had already broken the skin
blood pooling at the surface

The drugs were setting in
I was happy to let them take me
knowing that when I woke up
my heart would be gone
no longer would I feel pain and suffering
no longer would I ache at nights
no longer would sadness consume me

Maybe our souls are connected in some way
How else could this be
How else would you know how to calm me
Or hold me just right
Tight in your arms at night
Our conversations are like no other
Going on for hours about nothing and everything

Maybe I'm just like the rest of them
Lost in the blindness of an infatuation
That I have mistaken for adoration
But it would be hard for me to deny
That sometimes I think you are *the one

Today I learned
That rocks are more likely
To break along preexisting fractures
Even if you fill the cracks
When under pressure
They fail along those same fracture lines

I think that is how heart breaks work
When your heart breaks
And leaves an empty space
You may be able to fill it in
But it doesn't take much
To open that hole again