I'm a realist, mildly an idealist.
My ideas create a mindset that allows me to express feelings
But I built up a wall, high as a skyscraper..I stand, as a realist I know if I jump, I'm bound to meet my maker. I don't think idealist are weak.
I just think they escape the honesty they seek.
You don't walk a straight line in order for you to finally reach your peak.
Obstacles come and go, water is a need if you want to grow, you can't have a lightbulb without an idea and expect it to magically glow.
I know every action I do and especially when I am wrong but, I just won't rewrite all my wrongs, they inspire all of my greatest songs.

Optimistic that I'll make it, I just need more effort than 50 percent
because you get what you put in, as a realist I know if you put in half, half back is all you will ever get.
People remember your mistakes, the heroics they just simply forget.
I can't stand when people think it's okay to live a life without any regrets.

Sure things happen for a reason and karma "may" have your enemies morally bleeding, but your ideology sounds misguiding and thought process misleading. Karma is an excuse to allow a higher calling contribute to your spiteful abuse, you don't want the crime on your soul so you allow the angels to fatally shoot. It's fine, before we die, we all commit a crime.
Women ****, men steal, just being in love should require you to do time.

Born a realist sinner...far from an idealist winner
Success doesn't come over night
The sweet life doesn't come until after you've made your dinner..and cleaned the plate, but we're never satisfied...nah, we going to probably eat again late.
Work hard for the dream, don't just rely on faith.
A realist knows she may not show up, even when you scheduled a date.
It's all love to the victims, stuck in a fiction. If you hate this piece...your ignorance got you unable to listen.
Not my problem though. I'm speaking without any permission! I like that idea...oh ****, wait...I think I just become my own contradiction?
...forget it, I'm healing, my words and unpredictable wisdom, I am still dealing.
Insanity is a fear that is expressed towards you when others have confusion
A realist, an idealist..no one is right...our concepts to each other seem all an illusion.

-Dougie simps

I can love ya girl
Nothing will change,
No one can stop us
I'm the one you can always trust
Imma love this girl
She completes me.
I'm the drug thru her veins
Baby, fight through the pain
Imma fulfill her desire
Enhance her passionate dreams
Her kiss makes me weak
Her body is my need
He may be right now
But I'm all you need
I hate liking a crush..
Cause they always end up...
Being make believe.*
-Dougie simps

I confess, I'm a victim of my own contradictions
I tell people to open they ears, when I barely ever listen
I rarely speak polite than go and say ask permission
And I'm always indecisive then go and say "make a decision"
I got demons, ones that prey on ya and attempt to cause havoc
Since I could touch the ground, I've been a walking born savage
My overpowering ways make BELIEVE anything I want I should have it.
The hardest part for me is to allow my heart to be free
When I believed I was leader, but leaders never flee
I know ya got questions about this simple message,
I should do better for my brother, stop making him so defensive
Show my two sisters a better man, one who's brave and comprehensive
And shows interest in your meaning so when you speak he is attentive
I apologize to my mama, when I bring you all the drama
And look at you as weak when you really gave me the armor
And showed me all the strength
And how impossible is really blank
And how happiness is more fulfilling than all the money in the bank
Let me talk you too, the person who looks at me as see through.
I'm not a prodigy, I'm a human and sometimes I just want you to ask me "How are thinks dude?" Listen to me and see me for more than just your business mistake...I broke the first car ride but overtime I grew strong. Pain can make you rise from the drops and allow you to handle the pressure and anything else it may take.

Then they ask if you're crazy?
hell yeah, Well, maybe..
Took a few shots to the chest but passion came in and resuscitated me.
I got this vibe, guess we all need a feeling, Maybe it was my angel's touch that finally got me healing...Maybe I'm built for disaster? Maybe I speak upon an forgiven matter? I keep trying to reachout, could it be this short ladder? Picture the moment you thought you found what it is you've been looking for...but how can you live a fulfilled life if you're morally poor?

My dear friends, was really good?
I know I come off misunderstood
I got some things on my chest I need to say if I could
Some of ya come off different, some others a lil distant, at times I don't wanna say stuff to you cause I'm afraid and slightly resistant
I have all the love for you and upmost respect, I just need ya to know the past the past, I have no regrets
I've slightly felt like an outsider and sometimes I will regress
And when I give you my all, it never feels like my best
I haven't been the greatest friend
So lets not play pretend, I apologize for that and hope that we can make amends. Imma stick with you homies from now till the end
This next is to my father, Who taught everything but not...sometimes I see you in my reflection, and wish the nightmares would just stop
One minute ill be cool, triggered, instantly I turn hot
This why I haven't had a relationship since the love of my life, called it quits and put it to a stop...
Too a way I've always been with women, family and friends
22 suicide letters to my angel I have sent
Never thought I applied to rules that's why my mind is all bent
This ignorant thinking, got me shrinking, so imma use confession to finally vent
I say "imma be a star" but doubt it 99 percent...feel I work so hard but barely put in what I get.
Sometimes I sleep on a dream wake up and say it's near, when the truth is I'm a little boy who still hides behind his fears.
I've heard I have so much drive but can barely turn, barely steer.
Crazy how your visual thinking isn't what it appears.

Use to worry about the views and worry about the follows
Now I'm tryna to share dark stories that could make the devil gulp and swallow
Cause the factor of my life is I never played nice
I choose to beat you all down with my temper and spite
I barely know what I do wrong and never see my rights
I love sitting in the dark, my soul is kinda afraid of the light
I'm sorry for my ways, I'm sorry for the older days, I'm sorry that I've changed, I'm sorry for my inconsistent phase
I'm sorry that I've been lost, I'm sorry I labeled all of you as a cost
I'm sorry my heart is an icebox and I pump blood made of frost.
I'm trying to practice what I preach, and learn what I teach.
In sorry to my grandfather I'll make it up to you when we meet.
So I guess it's true, that your experiences are your greatest lessons..I just had to let ya know...
These here are my final words and greatest confessions.

-Dougie simps

Dear father*
Let me start my hatred for you must end now and begone
If it wasn't for your horrible ways this man today I would've never become
Nothing's wrong
I developed the ability to convert anger into beautiful songs
I'll never forgive you for what you've done
I'm just glad that you're gone
It's been so long
Since the last time ya seen ya boy
I'm a whole lot more outgoing now
Gave up on being koi
Eye contact with people I tend to still avoid but
I inspire the world now
Less hate and more joy
And I'm a strong man too
No longer a scared lil boy!

Father why!? Why the ******* create this hurt inside?
Why the ******* teach me how to run but never how to ride?
Why you make me cry?!
Why!!?
Do you understand the pain and anger you ******* put me through?
Do you know how it feels to look in the mirror and hate the other half of you!?
Butter knife thoughts is something nobody ever knew
Turned me into a insecure weak boy that everybody can see through!
The misery of a young confused beatdown child
Who covered his face with a mask and put up a fake smile
Who's soul is tame less and heart so wild
who ignores his good side so he blocks it with denial
Through my life I ****** up and poured out a lot of tears
Used liquor to heal my pain and replaced my blood with light beers.
Working hard to better myself but
becoming you is still my biggest fear!

I told my mother the past is gone and the good life is now in our sights
Told her imma fly us there so mama please hold on tight
Because you can be stuck in the dark for so long and feel you'll never see the light
I believe we can survive anything
You just need to believe in you and always prepare to fight!
Allow my story to strengthen you when you feel you have no might
We gotta climb the highest mountains when we say we afraid of heights!

So dear father I'm not you, you was just a part of my creation
At times I swear you aren't real just a figment of my imagination
No more frustration!
Nor Pretending, Anyone can survive hard times that's just the message that I am sending
The end is never close it always just the beginning, We're all winning!
So I know my journey has just begun!
Mom and I  are doing fine now and we're living well.
Oh yeah....P.s your only son

-Dougie simps

He wakes up at seven but doesn't go in until eleven
Daily routine is to brush his teeth, get dressed and visits the house of heaven....funny cause his spiritual insight wasn't always so pure and right, at one point he followed the wrong path and he and god were in a fight...turned to his dark side, never the light, dropped all good people that came into his life...He chose to do bad and hang out late at night...this man was a sinner, a veteran, no beginner, he was struck a cold heart...neighbors said he was bitter, followed the wrong people, once ambitious now a quitter, this man became violent, then became a hitter.......
Stacy went out with her friends following a lie, knew she had no choice otherwise she could die...her friends hugged and kissed her only to notice she had cried...her one friend asked "stace, what the hell happen to ya eye?!...she said that she fell, yet following up another lie...Stacy was blinded by physical love so it was easy to deny...black and blue bruises up and down her thigh, as her friends asked one question and that was "why the hell you still with this guy!?" going back to that man who we find ina funk...watery eyes and blurred vision only means he's drunk...callin up Stacy to see where she gone at? She picked up and said she stepped out and would be right back. He lost his cool and in an instance snapped saying terrible things like she was a " worthless *****" and a "good for nothing piece of crap!"....something come over Stacy she couldn't take it and finally screamed back! He said "are you serious!? If you were a man...I'd be done! a ****** rap!, ya sharp tongue will only get you hurt and ******* slapped!" (hang up)
Stacy broke down...said goodbye to her friends and stormed out, feeling life's pressure of pain at its highest amount...
She closed her eyes, reached for the sky, and screamed "GOD! I'd rather die!"
"I can't take it" her hands shakin she needs to find a way! she needed strength given to her in the worst way...she glanced down at the water to see her reflection...looked at her eye and said "when the hell will I learn my lesson!?" she said "right now! I'm getting out! It's time to plant a new seed and watch new life sprout! shes ready to bloom, she can feel it coming soon...says it time to over come my fear and make a move...her phone rings and it's the same man, she looked at the ID, closed her eyes and pressed END...got back up dropped the phone only to never see it again...the man located stacy's phone, only to see his missed messages and voicemail tone, he now gets it...Stacy finally got smart, he stared at the phone and the mans sadness over came his black heart...a sharp object feeling in his chest like a shooting dart, and said "time to change and time to restart"...till this day the man has her dead phone...10years later and he is still alone, works a simple job with an empty home and with one flower he planted a year ago, that has never bloomed, he uses these symbols as a lesson to understand..that he's done a lot of wrong in his life as an evil man...now hoping for forgiveness he started to follow faith...hoping to cleanse his whole body of drugs & past hate...when he gets home he sits at his computer and logs onto Facebook, searching Stacy's name to see how she lives now and then for a simple look...but couldn't find her for anything
No matter what it took. A month has past and the man decides to check one last...sure enough a message in the inbox called "blast from the past" it was Stacy years later writing " dear man I could never forgive, I found you before you found me but blocked you because of what you did...simple info now I'm happily married, a CEO with four kids and I hate you with everything in me and that's just how it is..I see my scars everyday from all your hits and my final question to you unforgiven man is...has karma been near? And have you been through what I was? Living life in fear!? These questions aren't for a response, just for you to think on..I pray for you and let god take you on, Goodbye and so long"..and like that stacy was forever gone...
the man cried, broke down and couldn't believe what he put her through, knowing the past was gone and history he couldn't ever redo. Wrote her back a message heading "one last sorry to you, knew it meant nothing he still typed "P.S .....I will always love you, my sins are unforgivable and for that my heart will always stay black...I got diagnosed with cancer now...so I guess...god has got me back. I only have a couple months to live so that is that...I'm so sorry Stacy...glad to see your doing well, goodbye and hope before time is up you write back"

Life makes the puzzles pieces come together and always has a plan, for Stacy it was painless freedom...and a lonely death for the "Unforgiving Man"
-Dougie simps
#LostLove