My body and mind are at war
two beings occupying the same skin
the diverged desire firing bullets into the heart
creating a cacophony of chaos within me
******* the jar of peanut butter
hidden by the blanket of dark sky
hugging the fridge like a newborn
caressing the chocolate bar wrapper
crying in the shower
pinching my skin until bright pink, hot
trying to resurrect myself into someone more holy
trying to starve
out the monster within
only to find myself back on the bathroom tile singing gospel songs into the toilet bowl.
a cyclical strom
that will not stop raging
like a perverted lover
dragging you back home.
I wake up in the bath
after a day on the wine.
Fat ******* arrives
at mine around nine.
Friday night and it's too much,
******* powder with dehydration.
Back into town,
bouncing around like a clown.
I'm the star of the show.
I'm cloaking my secret,
the one they can't know.
I'm out of my mind
and I've no Idea where.
I cannot go back,
'cause she lives in there.
I've been running for years,
purge after purge.
Yet I know come tomorrow,
I'll again have the urge.
Because I need her
and I love her.
I am her!
Poetry by Kaydee.
Running from my destiny but I couldn't run from myself anymore.
No matter what's wrong and what's right
The pouring heavenly light
Will continue to rain
She shows not a drop of refrain
We know you live for the thrill
So go on and drink your fill
Enter the field of doom
As it enters full bloom
You can't even go a day without eating.
Even when you do you stuff your face just to puke it back up.
Why don't you just end it now?
You're **** and no-one will ever want you.
Much less want to be with you.
You think that we made you tired?
That we are what's making you sad?
No. You did this to yourself, you worthless, **** *******.
Why can't you be strong like the other girls?
Why don't you just quit eating and have discipline like they do?
We know it's because you're scared. You ******* coward.
Even we aren't the worst things that you deal with.
What about your little "habit?"
Be it drugs, self harm, ***, purging, or alcohol. Just take your pick.
You deserve every little thing that's happened to you.
You'll never be enough.
You aren't worth it.
You never were.
Ana & Mia
Oops I'm depressed
it's the clutter that gets me
i can't stop seeing
in the place between
i want it to be gone gone gone gone
i'm always waiting for th
god i wish i didn't
i want to be purged of
from my head
they'd still be here
i'd still be here
nothing's as temporary
as we need it to be