There are only two ways to truly know someone: sleep with them or take them bowling.
Phoenix Aime was the woman of my dreams. So, I took her bowling.

Paid for a game. Rented shoes. Got the little, sticky bracelet thingy that said Slippery Joe Lanes.
That way if we got in some sort of accident on the way home,
the guy at the morgue could identify us as bowlers. Anyway, here's the bulleted list of what I knew about Phoenix up to that point:

• She looked like Diane Keaton circa 1972
• She talked with great pretension concerning craft beer
• She only patronized two restaurants: Denny's and IHOP
• She was eight years older than me
• She kissed my sister once on a dare
• Her shoe size was 7
• She was perfect or a near synonym

The bowling alley was empty save a World War II vet in a wheelchair and his wife at lane six,
and they were barely there. Country music played over the loud speaker. And I felt cozy. Predictable. Like a payment plan on the QVC.

That was until Phoenix said, "I forgot something. I'm going to go talk to Mack real quick."
Mack worked the front desk, according to his name tag. Talk to Mack. She just talked to Mack. Mack was sleeping with her. I untied my shoelaces. Oh, Mack, love your red polo with blue tiger stripes.
I pulled my sneakers off. Oh, Mack, I love it when you dip your finger in nacho cheese and feed it to me. Slid my right foot into bowling shoe. Halfway in with the left, and my socked foot struck something plastic. A stick of tiny deodorant. Like unsavory truck-stop-to-truck-stop deodorant. Oh, Mack, I love it when you deodorize -- so hard. Pull the strings tight on the left shoe. Oh, Mack, rub the deodorant until your underarms are SO CHALKY AND WHITE.

"You okay?" Phoenix asked.

"Yeah, what do I look like something's wrong?"

She carried a seafoam green bowling ball with a ****** Mary insignia. "It looks like you triple-knotted your shoes there."

And I said something dumb like, better safe than sorry.

"Sorry about leaving you all alone. Mack holds onto my ***** for me," she said.  I bet he does. "I hate talking to that guy." What? "He's a vegan."

Now, at that time in my life, I was a vegan. And had planned some stirring remarks about the processing of sweet little piggies into cancerous hot dog machines on the way to pick her up. Thought she would think me full of passion, "on fire" for a cause, you know? The wise thing would have been to say, oh well, I'm a vegan. But instead I asked, "What do you mean?"

"You know serial killer's get a last meal before they're executed, right?"

"Right." Where the hell is this going?

"Well, have you ever heard of someone on death row requesting a last meal that didn't involve some sort of animal product? Gacy had buckets of chicken, Bundy had a medium rare steak, even uh, ****, what was his name, McVeigh, Timothy McVeigh he had two pints of mint chocolate ice cream. Dairy."

"I'm not sure how this refutes veganism."

"Nobody is a vegan for their last meal. Nobody. I'm not going to subscribe to a diet that I can't follow until the very end. Live every day like your last, that's my motto."

"That's your motto." I said. To be a great listener, just repeat the last three or four things anyone says to you and raise your eyebrows a little bit. (Examples: "My dog died." -- "You're dog died.", "I never ate breakfast burritos again." -- "Never ate it again.", "I love you." -- "You love me.")

Over Phoenix's shoulder, over by lane six, the wife wheeled the World War II vet up to the lane. And he tossed the ball. Good team, I thought. Want to know someone take them to the bowling alley.

Phoenix removed a glove from her pocket. She had her own ball. Brought her own badass, jet black bowling gloves. And if her carnivorous tendencies hadn't already put a ***** in the Golden Days of Josh and Phoenix, that glove did.

She typed her name first on the scoring computer. Didn't ask if I wanted to go first. That's fine. Approached the lane, three fingers inside the ****** Mary. She brought her bony arm back with the grace of a ballerina tucked away stage right in the shadows. Mary cut from grace slid down the lane with a spin.

Strike. I couldn't really see the pins from my angle. But I recieved a transmission via the "yes" and arm pump. That was two marks against her, and I was going to three. I'd call it strikes, but well, the whole bowling skew.

Here's a bulleted list of what a "yes" and arm pump immediately taught me:

• She takes bowling serious.
• If you take bowling serious, when do you relax?
• She'd never relax.
• My life would be tucked shirts, matching belts and shoes.

For six frames, I picked up fours and sevens. Phoenix, though, nothing but strikes. I threw a gutter on frame seven. Like a normal human being, I shrugged. Made a face out the sides of my mouth. Kept it light.

"I thought you were a grown *** man," Phoenix said.

"Me too."

What happened next, I willed. I'm not god or anything like that. At the time, just cosmicly ******.
Her step stuttered. 7-10 split. "Mack!" she screamed. "Floors are slicker than a used car salesman's hair."

From across the alley,
"Sorry, Phoenix, baby. I'll bring you some nachos. That make up for it?"

"Ain't gonna knock down two pins is it?"

"So, uh, no nachos then?"

"Actually, go ahead and bring those."

She lined up. Back straight. Legs together. She rolled her neck. "You're about to see how it's done."

And I didn't. She broke it down the middle. Field goal. In that moment, that holy moment, I was knowledge plateau. Vindicated.

For about 10 seconds.

Mack swaggered over, nachos in hand. "Phoenix, sweetie, you okay?"

"Do I look okay?"

"No, that's why I asked."

"Just give me the nachos."

"Ah crap." Mack had gotten his pointer finger in the nacho cheese.

"Let me see it."

And right there, right in front the ****** Mary seafoam green bowling ball, she slurped the cheese off his finger."

Frame seven, a good as time as any to call it a match. The wife of the World War II vet kissed her husband's forehead. Handed him a ball. As I walked by, hand on shoulder. "Struck gold, dude."

What do Vintage and Antique have in common?
Here’s a clue, a Hound Bus with a yesteryear start
So the clue wasn’t any help you say
It’s the Greyhound Mack Bus 1931
The Front could be considered something from the Ford Model-T
So since the secret is out, and you now know what I am talking about
There were many variations of the 1931 Mack, but some with my liking is the Camel Hair seat and even a little Seat in the middle of the aisle for a little Tot

But Dazzle in the sleek Navy Blue and White
The 1931 Mack is quite a sight
It has a unique look
Imagine Mr. MAGOO calling the Hound Bus Mack 1931 a road hog
But the Mack’s response would be “My Headlights flashing in stating never forget as it is a Vintage in the Greyhound Fleet”
Now that is really neat
But I have seen the 1931 Mack Hound Bus up close and personal
It was 2014 at the Meadowlands in New Jersey celebrating Greyhound’s 100th Anniversary and the 1931 Mack was exactly the way it was always pictured
But wait, there’s more
I have a Toy Model of the Mack 1931 Bus Burlington Trailways in my Personal Bus Collection, and it is made out of Plywood and the Greyhound 1931  Dieast
Well time really moved fast, and our journey did last
As a Buddy to Buddy would say, “So long Mack”.

Upon a mountain in some older days
there lived an aging dragon
He lived in a cave so near yet so far
that if could not be reached by wagon.
Now, the dragon guarded something so special
it was not yet known to you or me
So many before tried to find it
and none had succeeded, but that didn't
stop ol' Mack McGhee.
Ol' Mack was no thing of beauty
but he was strong in his middle age
He had a personality so greedy and cocky
that he really had no personal gauge.
He wanted what the dragon hid
though what it was, he did not know
So one fine day he set out on a journey
no preparations--he just wanted to go.
Well the first day was fine and so was the next
but on the third, he began to tire
So ol' Mack sat down in the dust and heat
and he made himself a fire.
He soon fell asleep under a sea of stars
seeing as the following day, he had to walk more
He'd get to the dragon, he knew he would
even though the walk was becoming a bore.
The next day he awoke to the blazing sun
burning his ugly face
So he arose and began to walk,
looking for a shaded place.
Ol' Mack pressed through the desert
and soon he came to the mountain
There was shade, it was an oasis
there was even water bubbling in a natural fountain.
He wondered if this was it,
"Is this what the dragon is hiding?
If this is it, it was far too easy.
My time I was certainly biding."
He decided it wasn't enough,
he'd have to climb to the top to find
the treasure that the dragon was hoarding
the very thing he couldn't keep from his mind.
So he climbed and he climbed for hours
and finally he reached the cave
"Oh, good," he thought, "I can finally rest.
I feel like I've been climbing for days."
"WHO GOES THERE?" boomed the dragon
"It is I," answered Mack, "I've come to get your treasure!"
"The thing that I guard is behind that rock," said the dragon,
"I'm not sure it's treasure by your measure."
"I'm sure it is," said Mack
and he ran behind the rock
What there he saw was so simple and plain
that it came as quite a shock.
Behind the rock on the wall of the cave
was the phrase "Be impeccable with your word."
"That's it?!" exclaimed Mack, "there has to be more.
I came all the way just for that? This is absurd."
"That it may be," said the dragon, old and wise
"but it's a phrase to be held true by sinners.
And now, because you are one of them,
I must eat you for dinner."
And he did.

Well Mack being a Bus manufacturer had an idea for a new design highway bus
Yet the world wondered what was all the fuss
The MV-620-D was a new prototype bus
It all engineering that would be a plus
So Mack MV-620-D was given to Greyhound to test
It was going to be an observation better or for less
So Greyhound put the bus into regular schedule service
Reaction from the traveling public was certainly obvious
Greyhound tested the bus in 1957 being the year of my birth
The Mack bus traveled on the West Coast
So there was reason for everyone to boost
There was admiration by most
Greyhound put the Mack MV-620-D through the highway paces
However thought the bus was in a race
But throughout the test, optimistic with plenty of uncertainty
It was drive into the ride
Research in what would arrive
Yet test after test, Greyhound concluded that the MACK MV-620-D wouldn’t fit in with it’s fleet
But imagine, Greyhound would have a bus and they could compete
But it turned into defeat
Yet now it becomes a retreat
But Greyhound chose not to have the MV-620-D as a prize
But what Greyhound didn’t realize
A new design for the Greyhound enterprise
The MV-620-D could have truly been a success because of the engineering structure from front to back
But Greyhound felt the bus had a lack
The front looking like a highway bus, but the back having a auto look being the track
Yet Greyhound had the global name and could have encouraged other bus companies to purchase the MV-620-D to their fleet
Now this would have been neat
However, Greyhound being the beast
The MV-620-D was a release
Your writer has seen the MV-620-D up close and personal
A friend of mine actually owned it, but sold it overseas
What’s in a bus name?
Mack history in what will remain
The MV-620-D had potential
But Greyhound would have had the first original.

I just saw this slinky old man with a remote control in his hand
Maybe he is in command of this spin off game show

I picture him walking to his home, old banana peels on the floor
Cans of Mountain Dew and crumbs and bugs and Lay’s potato chips
Ultimately thrilled, switching furiously through the channels

He was watching when Mack the ****** met Bridget
When Bridget left Mack the ******
and Mack went on to better things
Bridget got fat and won a hot dog eating contest
and Mack laughed

He followed the life of crippled Harry
Attending Harry’s late night boxing bar fights
When his peg leg karate kick knocked out Jimmy Giant
Jimmy Giant got on a train
And Harry smiled

He remembers when Jimmy Giant met Mack the ****** out of state
How they matched so well, brilliant!
Then Big Bridget met Crippled Harry
At the state fair while watching monkeys juggle fire
And one new moon night they all danced to the same song
In different states
In different bars
That were both named
Desire

He watched as a bee stung the *** of a pagan
Stripteasing and pleasing a distant follower
He fell in love with her spontaneous situations
The skinny dipping
Her marriage to the 7 different ***** dwarfs
The spells she would cast
as her ******* bobbed on the top of the water
creating ripples
starting new stories
which created new gossip
beginning new adventures
and the future telling of legends

As the teacher fell in love with the student
As the immortal fell in love with the mortal
As the fantasy fell in love with reality
As the statement fell in love with the question
As the ****** fell in love with the giant
As the blimp fell in love with the *******

And he watched as we all tried to find such beauty
Whether we were searching or not
He watched as it passed us
When we didn’t even turn

for a double take

“what else is on?”

Your the one son being rebellious little darlings here comes
the sun drenching delicious but wait those cloudy days
watch out the hunters run ducking our heads like babies
wetting and water squirting beds getting too saucy
  ten O clock playpen the daring duck gourmet sauce
Orange you glad all her rich creme spread across
her penpals
Do you trust those gals too country slick on Newsweek

Getting paid he is the longest laid egg all grilled we are
not thrilled here is the "Chuckie Duckie" doll those *****
barbie collectors they are sitting duck Graphic Artist
Not one quack doll plastic surgeon duck lips she thinks
shes the hot stuff romantic "French" lips up the
"Eiffel Tower" splash splash she is out of cash
Those hot items presidential poll what a lost soul

Too much blue yes attention swan dancers Springtime
Not  the red attention yellow instead ****** please
I need a  journey not the "Attorney" such a ****** case
When you need them they always duck
When they have a new quack case they are ruining
my image
Duck tapesty Carol Kings youve got a friend

I'm feeling yellow homesick on your feather duck pillow
The same yellow tie a different atmosphere Go- Spa
She's flirting do you know where your going how is
life treating you he's giggling way too wild on her
goose chase
  Losing our grip down to her chicken bone hip
Duck season not much time for love being hunted

The Spa  la la ha have Merci' oh la la 'Disco Duck"
The wild ones the only ones quack- quack the
lonely ones
At the waterfront trip to "Chinatown" they let
them hang to dry but why Dad? They are better
like the delicacy shark finn soup we need a Spa
lucky green group Irish eyes are smiling stories
of ducks

I am  not buying do you see duck climb the
          "Eiffel Tower" yellow as a canary
All talk-talk is cheap lets talk French Mom walks
With her pretty duck handle umbrella we waddle
The penquin what a beauty swan feather pen
  But she's the"Prima Donna" look out!

The slingshot Marilyn Monroe wiggles out
                  The "Spa- Ma"
                 Don't  Scramble me darlings
                    Breakfast eggs cagefree
                     *          *          
My little chickadees organic brown on my gown
Spa duckies traveled the whole Atlantic town
The longest pond sleeping like "Rip Van Winkle"
twinkle twinkle
doublecrossed the street you get one dermerit
Sesame street Big bird how many words in duck
vocabulary quack- quack who get's the duck star

Mars from Men women go to the Spa like the bad
omen and they don't leave tap tap chop chop
I want it now!! Its now or never why does she always
get ugly duckling book delivered
Lazy goose she is the spoiled rotten egg how
do we love those  I apples
Carrots are for the eyes Mom always gets bird eyes

My little chickadees the Alaskan cute puppies
Big salute to the cutest duck feet "God Bless America"
  Visa  American Express Daffy Duck in Disney mess
the real picture "Mona Lisa" getting the duck
         Prime  chop minister
"Parliament Spa" prices so sinister
"Eat Duck and Pray" the  southern biscuits
more recruits

My cute rookies those duckier cookies another Spa day
So prim and proper teatime with "Queen deck"
  Alice in rabbit hole-Santa candycane poles cute chick
is homesick you better sent her money quick
The ducky bib the Chinese duck soup won ton
The feather fan she loves her Sushi roll Hollywood
Style California all duck drama
The best treatment duck made carpet

On the "Disney Hollywood" deck "Epcot"
On the futon what diction for a duck "My Fair lady"
Got the whole fortunes bed
The duck on the hill what a fool but the monk
Is the whole spiritual existence
The peacock's longest wait for lobster tails
centerpieces red bird Robin fly Robin Fly

Disco ball fancy tails she ended up up up to the sky
Her duck sunglasses a dozen ***** spin's the disco
The Duck Pop singer wants him back
High price or a short mack duck shooter attack
Food for thought homesick all saucy duck tie waiter
Cinderella rags to ducklings I went to "Woodstock"
Imagine me the teenager chick the duck split

Fill wing concert sky made a hit
The blues love is strange chick-lets are yellow
Like clock work what a duck work out orange          
        Duck handle umbrella               
 Duckies I pledge to you College Preppies
The chick feeder Ain't nothing but a hound dog
      Elvis heart breaker bird-brain feeder

  Moms duck sugar cookies
******* Jack one prize quack quack
 Huckleberry Finn paper boat old billy goat
  In the drowned mans eye holy ducks he delivered
I will blow you down duck horn the day you
were born
Having a third eye one duck Wendy 4 for a 4

Notre Dame church tragic but saved
   The  Easter yellow chicks
To Rome lend me your feathers no secret ears
Sticky Fingers she lost her writing finger in the
pond  OH! look whats beyond so kind
With her duckling apron dress he ducked
The chatty cat "City Dr Seuss"

Wearing duck boots those duck lips played her
like the fancy feast
The teachers pet the ducklings cute darlings
Spa cream she quite the flabber belly dancer
The ballet swan achiever "Spa One Day tripper"
The ugly duckling changed to beauty witch
Holy-land or duck pond Mickey's ears
                   Disneyland

Stand up daffy duck comedian Las Vegas
Godiva Peking duck soup flapping swishing
mess
The Big Ben red whose been sleeping in my
duck wing bed
The car stops he hiccups cute bebops
The guardian angel quack quack any luck
Yummy raspberry pie someone delivered

Christmas Scrooge all tears
New York lights camera I love my
        Serendipity chandeliers
Those duck tear drops last stop
Or you die__your still quacking
       Just in time said I
           Fly Robin Fly

     Saved my baby chick lovely
     Cradled her to love her
          Dr Seuss read

She's so happy with the teeth dear
Now they're perfect,  pearly white
And she's looking at the rest dear
'Cos she's heard of Mack the Knife

It's those crows feet round the eyes oh
Keep those ******* way out of sight
And those wondrous thunder thighs oh
They're going under Mackey's knife

She's been thinking of her friends babe
Dearest Lotte and sweet Lucy Brown
Oh how jealous they will be babe
Once old Mackey's gone to town

She's withdrawing all her cash now
She'll be poor but look so right
Someone's taking all her stash now
And that someone's Mack the Knife

Many times you will hear a person say having no name
But saying that I would be lame
In this particular case, it’s a bus with a name but no company name
Got it
Let me move on into more detail
It was the Mack MV620, but where you find a Mack, there is also fact
Greyhound in 1957, they6 were asked to test a new prototype bus that had just came out with the possibility of coming to be part of their bus fleet
How neat
So Greyhound tested the bus, and it didn’t take long for Greyhound to discontinue the test
The test was conducted on a schedule from Chicago to San Francisco
Greyhound did that for a month, and when the test was complete, they gave their analysis
Greyhound had concluded that the bus was neat, but it just didn’t fit in with its current fleet
The front looked like a bus, but the back looked more like a sedan
As an added detail, the restroom is located on the Drivers side way in the back of the bus as composed the restroom conventional now on the right side or door side if you will
That the was the end of where the bus stops here began
But Greyhound Bus Management back then, they didn’t see the Long Range plan of what the Mack MV620 could have become
Imagine, Greyhound being the Nations Leader Transportation Carrier with a new structured bus that no one had ever heard about or seen
Greyhound would have been that company in introducing the bus to America
In fact, the Mack MV620 would have been marketable with the right advertising and the right advising
The Mack MV620 was a model ahead of its time back then
But that is all when
This is now with no win
Now the Mack MV620 is wandering around looking for a final home into where it could roam
Yet, a lot of people still don’t know that the Mack MV620 is still known
Yo Mack, I got your back
This was all a reflection in enlightening the fact

What a nice name for a bird.

I bought a bird.
Tuesday mornings seem to fly away now.
Thursdays often nest in my eyebrows
and every second Sunday I could find reason to sing.

The bird took my soul.
and flew away with my money.
I should have never bought a bird.
Feathers ****.

Next month I shall buy a dog, or perhaps a horse, maybe even an armadillo.
But the dog will run, the horse will trot, and the armadillo will roll;
All away.
Pets ****.

Next year I shall find a wife,
and the the month before a band of pearl,
but what If I should run away?
what if I would ****?