Forgetting*,
It's so painful.
Because to forget something,

You must first remember.

Let's stand around and talk about taxes and crime
Or watch it on t.v
Cool people only getting cooler
As alcohol leaks

I think I remeber leaving a party with you and falling asleep
on a dew covered hill

But I woke up in my bed

The shirt you had warn
Was pink and white through the haze
Remebering your face
But I still couldn't think your name
...I remember that you said you liked only
The old starwars
And your favorite Zelda
Ocorina of time
You got high with me and watched adventure time
And talked to me about the effects of ether on the human mind
You liked ska and doc martens
With only black laces
Japanese tea pots
BC ***
Black Jack Davey
Tattooed on your neck
You told me you were fourteen
When you last wore black lipstick.
"Far out"  
Yellow Submarine
Mushroom picker
The
Tingling of your spine
As it creeps up your neck
I was about to fall away to oblivion
Until I saw your smiling teeth




I got all the way to work without noticing
Jen
And your number on my wrist

I am obsessed,
obsessive
obsessing
over you.
So much that I think I've become ill.

My mind throbs
from all the memories.
Vague and vivid
and even imageless,
remebering all of them
from when we were five
to just last weekend.
My eyes are red and itchy,
my tears that just won't cease.
My body aches,
my muscles feel twisted and ripped
beneath my skin,
as if you tore through my arms
trying to escape from our embrace.
My chest feels heavy
carrying this burden.
And my breath feels thick
with the old blood of our compassion.

I am sick.
Sick with you
and why everything seems totally fine one moment,
and then I get lost in the lull of my empty bedroom,
with a knife reflecting
your handsome rigid face.

subliminating
making all the bad thoughts into firewood to build a fire to warm my hands.
Teeth falling out, scared of how you see me. scared to see how others see things.
latent content laying me down, sweeping me under the rug.
dirt.
My ego and super ego are fighting, i.d's sleeping with childlike bliss.
Typical.
Dreams are too scary, I'd rather be awake.
Escaping
REM
Rapid eye movement, trying to find an exit sign. scanning the polaroid- covered walls of my skull for a fracture in the bone, where the sunlight filters in.
freudian slip.
a mistake. linked to my mind when it drifts.
I call you by his name, remebering his face that haunts the edges of my vision.
I think I may need a doctor.
a therapist, a  drug, a wagging finger to ensure me that this will be over
it's just a breeze.
kicking up the hem of mydress that guards my freudian slip.

I forgot what it was like to spar with witty banter
I forgot what it was like to be grabbed with gentle hands
I forgot that a conversation doesn’t have to be all ******
I forgot what it was like to date a man
-ALC Feb 9, 2019

I don’t know where to start.....

She has me baffled because I cannot believe she betrayed my trust
She forgot about us
For what? For lust?
Lust mistaken for love

Gained attention from a new source that causes a chain reaction of butterflies and smiles

Her old love has been forgotten
For her new love is exciting

Out with the old in with the new
Deception was formed and you knew...

I yearned for your affection but you ignored my calls
You burned my obsession and you added to my flaws

I’m afraid to love again cause you loved me when I was nothing and I guess I couldn’t
take it
So how will I love again if I feel these girls alwayz fake it....

Our love was sacred, a bond everlasting
But everything has an end and our love never lasted
It died it’s in a casket
Our fires exntinguished and the pain surpasses
the joy that was conceived and received
But I was deceived into this make belief

This so called fairy tale....
Ended up to be my very hell
Left me weary, frail
Trapped in a deadly cell.
Remebering our existence very well....

I’m cursed, I’m hexed
With words and stress
My nerves are wrecked
It’s absurd and yes.....

I still love you, **** I can’t help it
Your smile lingers in my mind and I can’t accept it
That it’s gone and I took it for granted and lost it
Your smile makes me smile, ironic, cuz the pain you caused it

Exhausted........

Remebering your voice
And the tone
The gentleness
Protectiveness
It started up again.

Why?
I was over you
I let go of you
I moved on without you
Why is this happening.

I wont turn again
I go forward
Not backwards
So make up your mind

Just please
Understand
What is past is past
I will be sure
It will
Never happen again.

I cry my heart dry to the thought of you

my eyes they feel as though---

I dont want to think about you
because if I do
I will have a drought within my body

for years

I have dreamt of you so many times
I have thought of how it would be
to simply stand next to you

I remember your parents porch
and I remember you
on bright sunny days
you couldnt be more beautiful---

you were----
so beautiful

and no matter how anyone sees you from that angle
you will never be more beautiful
than to me at that second
when I walked up
and introduced drinking wine

I will never forget that day
when nothing could have been more simple
than me laying down next to you
I remember everything
down to your awkward smile
nothing
nothing was more beautiful
than your smile

thinking of any gesture that you might make
noone will ever be more impassioned by you
than me
hate that truth
or grasp it
no one will
but me
because we come from the same place
that has a thick air of loneliness

makes my blood cringe
and I feel inconsistent knowing that any of you
was ever really
real

I hurt knowing and remebering that you were real
your beauty
hurts me

Im wounded by who you are

in a complete sense and completely
I am everything
in everything that you are
and if you cease to exsist

then I am dust.

and nothing matters anymore
although you never mattered

because I am nothing but dust

to tattered eyes
in hopeless glimpses
in everything without you.