It’s the thorn to a rose
the taste of vanilla
or an unripe apple

It’s a perfectly sharp pencil
crumbling
in the middle of a test

It’s the first jump into a cold lake
and the goosebumps
from the icy wind

My hand will forget
how to hold onto Yours
and You will slowly fall
into the unknown
forgotten land
of a broken heart’s
amnesia.

on mine, after what should have been
the ultimate dealbreaker.

What is it about us?
I can only speak for myself;
I can't say no to your skin
My dearest, my darkest love.

Nobody but you has seen me as exposed,
as vulnerable.
Nobody has hurt me
like you have, with surgical precision and professional detachment.

I have my transgressions. I've wounded you as well.

Yet even with fresh blood on us,  we find a warm place to quietly lick our wounds together.

I do not write to create beautiful passages for others to enjoy,
Or for you,
Or because I feel the world needs  to hear what I have to say.
The world doesn't care about me.
I write not because I think I have a shred of talent.
Not  because I think I have profound wisdom to share.
I write about dogs and ****** and drinking and ******* and loving and dying and ******* and bleeding.

I write for the same reason I love you,
I have no choice.

Arthur or Uther,
the truth
somewhere out there,
let sleeping gods lie while
we wait here to die
and
the maddest dogs
howl at the moon.

Have you pried inside me and
found secrets that have tied me
to the Cartels?

All's fair in love and wishing wells
but
don't push your luck,

**** me
even Xerxes has broken the pact
he's in on the act
that's the dealbreaker

I take a
minute to digest this
kiss the cat goodnight
and head back
to Camelot.

making do with what we had, we rolled dank ****

into receipts from the bar.
For once, I wasn't worried about getting

caught smoking in a bus shelter.
I fixated on the cheap shots of tequila
and this paper joint
and heckling overdressed blondes
on a Sunday night in

November.
**** "cuffing" -- latching onto a person for warmth and
intimacy as it rolls into December.
For now, I'll stand against this graffiti wall while those

closest to me take ****** iPhone pictures of me
covering my face.

For now, I'll walk up Bathurst
and discuss whether or not beards are a dealbreaker.

I'm picture-locking every look,
every turn
and sound

One day I hope one of my closest
calls and says:
"Remember that night when time stretched out?
Our three sets of footprints cemented a time when we were
in our bodies
and not in our heads."

We left our heads on Queen Street that Sunday.

Hey, Mr. Risk Taker
You thought there was no deal breaker
But, like the gambler you are
You pushed it way too far
Even with all those cards I hold
You forced this girl to fold

It's so very tempting to love,
even when a clear end is close at hand.
What if I just never reached for that clear end?
What if we just walked along forever, with the end forever close at hand?
If the distance between here and the end can be split in two and twice and thrice again, isn't the end an infinity away, even if near?

what if I never reached out for the end?
What if, instead, we just walked hand-in-hand, looking past the end, reaching around it for another rose?
What if that glinting little end floated along nearby, but never came between us?

Is there such thing as a "dealbreaker"?
Does it HAVE to be?

What is greater, what has more power over me? My desires, or my other desires?

If he's not right, does that very certainly make him wrong?

How inconvenient is awareness, and how very fleeting is bliss.

I wish I could turn a blind eye, but now I've thought about it too much.

It's so foolish to ignore a deadline, to procrastinate on heartbreak, but I so wish the Monday Morning of reality weren't so near.

"I only smoke at parties"
you told me when I reminded you what a
bad habit
you had picked up on.

Your convincing smile
and innocent eyes
made me believe you were different.

Not that smoking was a dealbreaker

But you made yourself out to be
someone I could fall in love with
a little too easily.

Now here we are
some six months later and I see
you on the street, cigarette in hand.

It wasn’t the only thing you’d lied about.

Once a good opinion is lost
You never get it back
My husband and I met
A Lady with two dogs
while walking our dog

A new found friendship
Our friendship was inchoate
Vague still developing,
Not precisely clear
Enigmatic equivocal

Yes, I really enjoyed having a new friend
There were little warning signs
Little bark a little bite I paid no mind
She Lived alone, very lonely.
She asked for my number right away

A couple weeks past without incident
One day out of the blue, A text message
Saying mean angry things hard to hear
Some truth ,I immediately Apologized
I am sorry for having offended you.
That was not my intent.
I’m quick to call for a truce
an inferred armistice

She persisted, bullying controlling
in such a way Admonishing My behavior
Per decorum my way is to stay quiet
Mole over Contemplate Simmer
Let the immediate Intensity, die down
Hold my tongue don’t trade insult to injury
What did I do wrong? I was confused, hurt

She interpreted my silence
as me ignoring her feelings
demanded confrontation text ranting
Grew, Bolder The intensity increased
Do you realize your behavior?
It’s really rude, you need to modify your behavior, extremely disrespectful maybe your husband doesn’t care you treat him that way, but it bothers me that you do
Your husband hardly speaks.
(Well, that’s his way he listens).

Incessantly repeating
You need to modify your behavior.
You need a course correction
You’re rude controlling
Do you realize what you were doing?
I forgive you, BUT, IF
I decide to still walk with you

I you NEED you to Acknowledge your faults modify your behavior. She continued
You need a course correction
I tried to tell you what I’m going through but you didn’t hear me so I stopped trying.

Both my husband and I knew nothing of
what she claimed not an inkling
Thanking time apart, to cool the feelings
I countered with
well we’ll see you when we see you.
That was met with
Now you’re controlling
making your own plans
You need a course correction

I felt Backed in a corner to continue
a friendship with land mines IF I don’t talk then I’m brooding, sulking acting wounded IF
I talk unknown pitfalls land mines. It will
Happen again she’ll Explode blows up.

My only recourse end this tumultuous situation. My husbands thinks perhaps
 she might be bipolar or worse
He had dealt an unstable ex girlfriend

I am extremely unsettled by this situation
I pressed to find out what I did stupidly
Thinking, rational conversation could fix it

The main offense  was speaking when she was talking, I think at times we all do that
But I generally liked her and listen to everything she said. I gave her things
A coat for her dog it didn’t fit my dog

She has an ex-husband, their seven-year battle in court the adult children, all sided with the father. I did not want to know more. in retrospect perhaps she wanted to tell me The sorted details. I’m not a gossipy person, and I don’t dwell in the past. My husband and I were content with the hi, by light hearted friendship we have developed

when she tried to pit my husband and I against each other that was the dealbreaker
I hope she’s OK. I generally care for her well-being, but there are limits. I don’t wish Ill-will I will be courteous, passing her in public, but we made The right call
I’m hard-pressed to know if I’m trying to convinced you or myself I am unsettled why

Walking in the park is my time with God
I just want to walk my dog in prayer.
Smiling at friendly faces everywhere
I’m hard-pressed to know if I’m trying to convince you or me I am unsettled why!

Inspired songs
1) Goodbye, Stranger, by Supertramp
2) goodbye by Kenny Rogers
3) goodbye, my friend, by Linda Ronstadt
4) i’ll remember you by Sarah McLachlan
5) You’ve got a friend
by James Taylor and Carole King duet