i am a refrigerator,
and if you give me your heart
i will be sure to keep it cold
safe, safe but cold.
you shiver when i hug you
for there is a darkness that accompanies my affection
a wetness to my mocking of ideal movements
my mocking of ideal actions.
there is always something off about how i move towards you
something hard when it should be soft
something harsh when it should be kind
there has always been a violence in the way i say things
there has always been a bite with every kiss
and every scratch
goes just a little too deep
and every hug
just a little
too
tight

i love you so much and i cant breath
for the harder i hug you
the less time remains
and i love you so much and it’s finally over once we’re over
and i’ll die with nobody by my side
and you say you’re afraid of dying alone
but i will die so cold and so alone
for how i love you more and more
the harder i die

every time i remember him
i can remember the way his chest moved
up and down
slowly like a bobbing sail boat
calmly to a red sky
a red sky at night
every time i remember him
i can remember the hairs on his arm
how they stretched unimaginable lengths
to a space beyond space
where fate had aligned perfectly
and the stars had aligned perfectly
to where i could touch his arm
every time i remember him
i can remember the way he touched me
always getting closer
and always stroking my skin as a sign of comfort
his pores on his face were all perfectly spaced apart
they knew me
and knew what i have been imagining
my hands are embarrassed
and he knows why
this whole time i keep falling
i know i think i know
i know i think i know something is stuck there
stuck in the back of my mind
like chewing gum on the side of the road

i stand in my cave
alone
praying
here, i sit, in my cave
completely alone
but at least
as i sit here
i have something to call my own

she turns her head to the sky
as she sees the blue butterfly flap it’s wings
and she realizes how vibrant the wings have been the whole time
as it flies away
she sees the spectrum on the butterflies back
a brilliant display of light
a tear strikes her face once more
but the water from her liquid emotion reflects
a rainbow as vibrant as the butterfly’s
as it drifts kindly into the sun
she smiles

the butterfly lands on her fingers
it flutters it’s bright blue iridescent wings
she looks at the butterfly as it leaves her finger
the smile on her face falls and a tear rolls down her cheek
the butterfly is gone and she feels she’ll never be happy again
while i know this isn’t true
i miss her smile

an unbreakable bond
an invisible ribbon
wrapped around her head
as her face smothers her genitals
they connect deeper than i ever can
and while they wipe the pleasure from their mouths with their arms
they laugh in my face
“don’t be so jealous”
i guess i’m a pair of scissors
cause all i wanna do
is snip their ribbon right open