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Jun 2020 · 115
hauntings
Jayne E Jun 2020
you are back
returned
to haunting me
stalking my dreams
you and the other
monsters
all ghosts seem
to return at once
I can taste you
feel you
wanting another
pound of flesh
for your larder
hedonistic as ever
too much
was never enough
for you
panic rises
black dots fusing
as always
obscuring light
******* the oxygen
out of my room
the air replaced
with your scent
each inward breath
suffocates me further
tick tock tick tock
slowing down the clock
dragging out nights shadows
I left you long ago
why can't you
just let me go.

© J.C.
Jun 2020 · 81
underwater bells
Jayne E Jun 2020
Underwater bells ring
candles fire flickering
burning down
to waxen embered nub
thunder rumbles
as lightning strikes
flashes through
my dreamscape
kicking up through
the undertow
hoping to wake
his cool hands
pull on my ankles
trying to keep me
down with him
where deep underwater
bells ring
where deathly angels
with sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 109
panic
Jayne E May 2020
Waking up
panic rising
like bile
choking me
without you near
black dots fuse
together as fear
turning on all the lights
checking rooms
in the dead of night
pulse racing
heart thumping
there's no erasing
it
every sound has me
jumping
focus focus focus
on my breath
in

count

out

repress the urge
to scream and shout
as panic surge
after surge
holds me tight
in its grip
relentless
like a bad acid trip
feeling out of control
the seams tear and rip
counting hours til dawn
never felt so alone
lost in nights chasmic yawn
all I can do is
rock rock rock
try keep it tight
on lock
ride it out
knowing
what it's all about
doesn't mean
I can fix it though
some things
you cannot unknow
just hanging on
til first rays
of morning sun
some things
just can't be undone

© J.C.
panic attacks, memories, trauma, fear, aloneness...
May 2020 · 99
missing you...
Jayne E May 2020
woken by sultry rain
droplets big fat splots
upon my window pane
feeds the need
to feel your skins warmth
next to me
in nights dark pitch
knowing
at my fingers reach
you are here
closer, so near
not kept from me
by swirling vast seas
It hurts
pulling your pillow
in close
wrapping my body around it
whispering your name
is not the same
as feeling your breath
upon my skin
your touch
that I need so much
the rain falls
on and on
pushes me
through this barren night
til dawns light
breaks me apart
with it tears at my heart.

© J.C.
Covid19's ramifications include keeping lovers apart...
Jayne E May 2020
From ******* sweet tips
and curve of hip
milky thighs and sighs
of feminine mystique

Its the inner sighs, smiles
and why's,
the mothers touch
that heals so much
the loving reach,
across the breech,
soothes woes of man
she is Woman.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 86
fragile
Jayne E May 2020
when I'm sick
with physical malaise
and pain gives way
to anxiety in waves
of rising panic
you soothe me
with tender care
ease me through
to peaceful calm
tending
so I come to no harm
with you
I feel safe
for you to see me
stripped and bared
of my outer armour
fragile weak scared
returned to
a child-like state
needing reassurance
kindness
and 'there-theres'
to know that
someone cares
I feel it all with you
I feel cared for
nurtured
I feel you
I feel loved
deep and true.

J.C.
Its easy to be loved when you are at your best, strong, capable, independent...
May 2020 · 94
mercurys daughter
Jayne E May 2020
did it stick in your throat
bitter pill splutter spit spill
or was it sweetly released
surrender yield signed sealed
when you realised
your servant was your master
it all comes rushing back
needle slow drags back the track
thinking hit rewind you'll find
where it was you lost your mind
stolen in darkest night
or gifted in bright daylight
this challenge ne'er a win for you
push pull no matter what you do
hit hard from your blindspot
or a smack full face matters not
conceited pride fed fat surmise
while deft strategy spelled demise
this race is run dead in the water
vanquished by Mercury's daughter

© J.C.
May 2020 · 84
memory bells
Jayne E May 2020
Memory's bell chimes
its knell pealing
back time
the tempo
of backward clocks
ticks following tocks
undoing
dusty mind locks
a voice long past
leaps the void vast
unbidden creeps
along my dreamscape
lingers haunts steeps
reminds me
there will be no escape
searching
for lights trapdoor
unfound
fetid breath my captor
persists
anchors me down bound
taste leaves moss
dirt fed fear in ground
breaking with silent loss
that which can never
be found.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 118
organic machine
Jayne E May 2020
organic machine

of natures engineers
webs touched
by solar gleams
organic artwork
we see
structual intricacy
illuminated
dancing light fed
suns firstbeams
hitting morning dew
droplets catch colours
as prismatic mimicry
feigns fragile delicacy
underneath dancing light
steely strength persists
pretty deathtrap
shining bright

diptera
culicidae
muscidae
calliphoridae
Et al insectas

all escape
organic machine
visibility overload
until hot sun
shrouds anew

© J.C.
Jayne E May 2020
mornings scribble while the rain drizzles...

vulnerability
fragility
gracility
being strong all the time
day to day
month to month
year to year
feeds the need
to sometimes be
less
less than strong
less in control
feeds the need
to release the lead
let the bruise
become the soothe
yield to the bleed
release feeding
into deep peace

© J.C.
May 2020 · 184
soul a flare (dreamscapes)
Jayne E May 2020
on your walk to the sun
one hand razed
devastating its glare
heat cracked glaze
by your steely stare
to pave crazed
you are
auditing orbits
threw black dotted sight
fully loded
petal to metal
the ferrous wheel turns
your sun
burns
burns
burns
ironing out
years etched in creases
seared skin stretched tight
you per severe
perpetual
motion never ceases
at knifes edge of night
presque vue too
as peripheral quick
silver sends mecurial
maidens dancing
along contrails
dusted
in shimmering bright
phase two
blends no rhyme
con fused by light
fade to black
we run out of time
blinded out of sight.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 58
Unbend the break
Jayne E May 2020
Once a lovers heart has
taken a few knocks
endured those
deep cardiac shocks
demurred
at chance advances
all in the wake of
the greatest heartbreak

it becomes and unbecomes
it depends on the unbend
the waver set in place
and we lose more
precious drops of time
rather than lose face
with it our grace
it's how goes I know

after your greatest love
is gone leaving all fallow
the idea or very thought
of love burning to nought
too much to bear once more
so we shut tight the door
consequence ourself
into situation is this...

now possibly on the shelf
for the long haul
expiry date unknown
seeking but not keeping
looking but not leaping
forsaking for fear of breaking
apart again that pain of all pain
deeply gnawed in our soul
took too much of a toll
to entertain in your heart again.

I get it I get it... But...
how then to reset it?
I want to feel brand new
un-know what I did do
un-feel the pain of you
believe in not one but two
I get it... I get it...
but cannot just forget

the devastation my heart met
when true love slipped the net
turned this heart to dust
eroded trust to rust
so now I know I must I must
be sure before I entrust
and go soft go gentle steady
only once this heart is ready.

© J.C.
This was written before I met my love....time is a wonderful thing...
May 2020 · 50
surrender
Jayne E May 2020
I want to reveal
my underbelly
to you
that soft warm
sweet spot
I want to expose
all of my
vulnerable places
to you
trust you'll
not slide the blade in
twist it at the hilt
tearing the silk at its seams
set my world to tilt
I want to get lost
in your forest floor eyes
be mesmerised
by flecks of amber fire
press my belly against
your belly warm
feed the desire deep
so ferociously sweet
like a raging tropical storm
surrender control
give over to it let go
lose myself with you
in the tumble and roll
lean into your swell
not needing to know
where the compass is drawn
float on a current of love
through inked velvet night
to warm golden dawn
I want to flood my senses
with the taste of your essence
imprint my skin with your scent
set you apart
my diurnal rhythms tuned
to the beat of your heart
journey your body
with my lips
my tongue
my body and fingertips
map you with kisses
chart your territories
with caresses
stroke your skin
with my loosened
fallen tresses
shipwreck myself
on the island of your bones
lay my head upon your chest
feel your metronomic pulse
the soothe & rest
of your breath on my brow
breathe you in
as my air
rain kisses on you
everywhere
until my lips bruise
and smart
all pain
ceased to exist
the moment
you gave me
your love
and stole my heart.


© J.C.
May 2020 · 51
voices
Jayne E May 2020
voices.

our bodies
once their
quintessential best
thought indefectible
the flourish
of faultless skin
now faintly etched
into the map
of our experiences
we change
shapeshift
rearrange
relax into our form
less perfect
more confident ease
than tempestuous storm

the human voice
though
stays forever
the same

7 years
silence broken
you were 22
again
at first word
spoken
tricked
into hearing you
using pet names
you'd long ago lost
the right to utter
speaking easy
as if none of it happened
still with your
smooth charm
like butter
that silken voice
abstracting my choice
once more

did you
(conveniently)
forget the
slaughter house
you made of our love
left it bleeding out
a good kick and a shove
in the gutter

you pour it on thick
like molasses
oozing
off your tongue
"remember em's?"
"when we were young...
....and in love?"
remember...
"my alpha & my omega
nose & toes
under cover lovers.."

My jaw still clicks
at times
when I'm tense
(like now)
a souvenir
click click click...
as your jaw *****
that
you miss me
that
we should
'get together'...
....'for old times sake'
did you forget
I'm filled with regret
or just miss
some of my bones
to break?

Sunday  morning
+
one bourbon too many
+
a sentimental lament
your bent
=
a return to nervousness
night terrors
& cold panic
for me.

Your voice
just as it was
unchanged
by time
you say so
is mine
forgetting
loves fruit
rotted on the vine
the pull of
your ocean eyes
scented nape
of your neck
the warmth
your body lent
to mine
not enough
to untangle the tendrils
or merge again
the unentwined
good try
but the point now
forever moot
head fuckery
at its best
always was
your strong suit

© J.C.
Apologies, to those who read before the tweaks.. I was not quite happy with this one, so this is the 3rd edit...lol...some don't come so easy or just flow out of the pen, especially those which are painful to pen...appreciate your patience & understanding.. J.**
Apr 2020 · 84
It's that time.
Jayne E Apr 2020
It's that time again
in the endless night
when shadows unfurl
and time unbends

it's that time once more
deep in the inky black well
where the empty side of my bed
chasmic yawn slams loves door

It's that time in the night
when the monsters come out
dream creeping and steeping
no escape try as I might

It's that time the witching hour
where my past is now present
old ghosts come to torment
each breath taken tastes sour

It's that time hands stop dead
moments freeze like sloe ice
shadows moving in the dark
haunting thoughts in my head

It's that time in this night
only one thing can make it right
not out of mind yet out of sight
your loving arms holding me tight.

© J.C.
nightmares, haunting memories, insomnia, love, missing you, needing your touch.
Apr 2020 · 76
giving up the ghost
Jayne E Apr 2020
I feel you
across the expanse
of the city sleeping
all fallen quiet
big city hum
undercurrent of
industrial buzz
now silent
in lockdown

you
live way way way
away
across town
still
I sense you
in my dreams
crushing in
running me down
still looking for the win
my sleep
your hunting ground
you steep & creep
my affection
no longer yours
so keep
off my astral plane
baby

it's too late
I shut that gate
my heart is
a barren landscape
for you
bears no oasis
there'll be no succour
no comfort
no tenderness
here for you
the cost
of doing it
how you do
I understand
you believed
when you tricked me
into breaking 7 years
of silence
not hearing my voice
not seeing my face
nor smelling my scent
I understand
you believed
your charm
would win me again
but listen up
heed...
your need
is not my need

your voice just as it was
the first time
you whispered my name
tenderly fervent
against my breast
in love
but I remember
the pain
I remember it all
your spectacular fall
from loves grace
keeps a constant pace
with my broken heart beats
paper planes dissolving
in the ***** bath water
no blue sky horizons
or a return
to happy landings
sweet words of love
whispered against skin
this one
you'll have to take it
take it
on the chin
**** it in deep
a serenade to your chagrin
give it up ghost
no scenario here
in which you win


© J.C.
some ghosts refuse to stay in the past...dream sycophants... come creeping in sleeping hours.  Time to break out my superpowers.
Apr 2020 · 107
bad habit (rewrite)
Jayne E Apr 2020
-some ghosts refuse to stay in the past-

Bad habit

the moment
you first sprinkled stardust
in my hair
so tenderly
caressed my cheek
the husky morning light
throwing faint shadows
bed sheets scattered
hearts caught
by surprise
then shattered
into shimmering bright
as pre dawn
had me forlorn
lost in your
sweat
my tears
kissed away
your tongues mixology
feeding back to me
my tears and my ***
breeding
blending
alchemical lust
the birth of
a bad habit
born out of
a good love
this little bird
caught
in your gilded cage
would become
locked out by
your inner rage
as madness descended
four lives
upended
passion
fighting the good fight
biting back
against the strain
of this
            bad
                      bad
                                habit
loves first bloom
birds singing
before the sun rise
you tearing down
all my defences
raw desire
the fire
             the fire
   the fire
in your *****
becoming my ******
scribing incantations
of love
of dreams
of wanting
with your ***
on my belly skin
glistening in the
early morning sun
when did your love
mutate to ownership
passion
become obsession
your misbelief in
imagined transgressions
tearing the silk
at it's seams
then on your knees
begging to

redeem

redeem

redeem

too many
heartbeats
too late
the light snuffed out
stuffing the ****
in loves spout
sweet turned bitter
now
just spit
        spit
        spit
                  it all out
loves lamb slaughtered
throat cut and bleeding out
my teeth & blood
on the floor
of our house built on
'love'
feel my jaw
     crack
           splinter
under strong hands
that once held me
"safe'
'loved' me
wed me
then bled me
dry of all hope
love hanging
choked on the rope
kicking me
to pieces
and me
kicking this
bad
         bad
                   habit

clean.


© J.C.
this ghost came a haunting recently, bringing with him night terrors, and bringing this poem back to the present...
Jayne E Apr 2020
I'm not a game to be played
when feeling bold
then quickly dropped into cold
once your nerve wavers thin
affection shifting to chagrin
looks like I am tricked again
as inauthentic you crept in.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

you are not some toying thing
to be cajoled to dance and sing
as my will does ebb and flow
this is it, there you go, there you go
you hot you cold you shy you bold.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

we are not we and never where
distant boy and gold hair girl
so I do you and you do me
across the sea to shining sea
if we could I think we would
it's written now so should be good
the feels were felt deep under hood.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

there still will be the filling up
your nectar unto my loving cup
I pulled you in you pushed away
the push and pull is how we play
a pretty glisten on the morn
did offer stickily sweet to adorn
fingers tips and lips did drip.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels

we switch it up we switch it down
in penners pens a friendship found
and so unbidden feels abound
I'm laid bare across your knee
my breath held pulse running round
I know you know I want it now 'la fessee'
this newly new thing sees me free

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels

© J.C.
This is a slightly tweaked rewrite of an older poem...brought back to mind after listening to train sounds during lockdown...go figure lolz.. (originally written on a train ride)
Jayne E Apr 2020
you slow love my scars
I love your fast cars
my sweet basil kisses
playing Mr and Mrs
I fancy your tickles
you tickle my fancy
we're in for the long haul
bucket list Spain Italy & Nepal
I'm a fool for your affection
& communication
with no deflection
how we love to share showers
I could get lost for hours
and hours
and hours
and hours
your sharp wit is never dour
how you give love
is your secret superpower
even your cats are quite amazing
whether launching at possums
or dining on lobster paté
piggy wiggy grazing
or mew, mew, mew, to say
you don't even know
how beautiful you are
as rare as crystal cinnabar
even across seas afar
a love beyond par
my honey bee so clever
I'm going to love you forever
with tender sweet care
grace with kisses
your face fair
nuzzle your fuzzy belly hair
and further, further,
further down there
breathe in your sultry musk
kiss the lovely freckle
on your love tusk
honey bee this love we share
deep and truly beyond compare
from baby bee to my honey bear

J.C.
A doodle ramble while blissing and missing and craving to be kissing my honey bee
Apr 2020 · 49
poem for Dad.
Jayne E Apr 2020
You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
you did not hug me
you did not want me
until you needed me
to change your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you nasogastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me
a kid at 13
to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright
that you were not alone
until you needed to confess
to me the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even though
I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter",
not for me but for you
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " (and I do)
to absolve you
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone
and for me
nothing new
situation
remains
the same
unchanged.

©J.C.
I may have posted this here before but it has a couple of tweaks, plus today is the anniversary of his funeral.  Born on tke 4th, diagnosed on the 4th, then as prognosed, died on the 4th, exactly 6 months to the hour... Writing sometimes, is cathartic for me. This is one of those times...trying to put old ghosts to rest.  I wrote this when I was 15.
Apr 2020 · 83
slaughterhouse 2 3 1 5
Jayne E Apr 2020
Night bleeds out
through to daybreak
counting seconds
scouring each
shadows shake
waiting to hide
in sunshine bright
counting scar lines
trying to keep it tight
a slaughterhouse
of me you'd make
Valentine's kisses
blown from fists
your promises
bleak
feigned cautioned
so no blame
could be apportioned
echoes in my ears
my heart still beats
my blood still flows
a small mercy
but
we both
know
know
know
that's not the way
it was meant to
go
go
go
heart beating
skin warm
blood flows
still
after it all
my hands refuse to
shake
shake
shake
but
we both know
the cost
it did
take
take
take

2  3  1  5

exit alive
the eye line
high above
the skyline
remains
contains
my vaulted
broken heart
devestation overload
you tore it all apart
bruised ego
refused to let me
go
go
go
and so
bloodstains
on the carpet
tearstains
on the sheets
celluloid keepsakes
my heart
breaks
breaks
breaks
over
and over
again and
again
did it do it
for you
make you
feel victorious
complete
roll the film
take a seat
watch
see
love
smothered by deceit

© J.C.
Apr 2020 · 62
oceans.
Jayne E Apr 2020
how do I love you
how can i not
in self isolation
with an ocean
of emotions
washing between us
I still feel you
lying next to me
warm skin
pressed against
warm skin
even
warmer hearts
communicating love
together singing
nothing lost
in the millions
of cresting waves
feeding
the undertow
your love
and how you express it
a constant pull
from the pit of my belly
to wherever you are
how do I love you
how can I not
oceans of emotion
flowing between us
I feel you as
every double beat
of my heart
sounds out your name
wild seas
storm the horizon
awash with love
that refuses to be tamed

© J.C.
Jayne E Mar 2020
I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby

stroke me to sleep in your
loving arms, emote me to peace
with ardent embraces so sure
wash me free bathed in light
as your shining stars burst more
shimmered droplets glisten bright

wrap me in your body's nurturing light
ease me gently my love thru night after darker night
dust my skin with loving tender hush
then fill me up with hot ardent crush
of your body in my body
my body on yours

I ache for you to lead me astray
in the dark under covers you & me
to be kicked aside all flung away
as our bodies soar alight flying free
fused as one by fiery heat in play

Feed me your love until I choke
blissful I will yield to your desire
breathe me back to life & invoke
with kisses of air to feed the fire
from sweet lips of my loveliest love

I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby.

J.C. 24/03/2019
One year, of love, my sweet darling, this was ,  as I know you remember,  the first of my poems you commented on, and the start of a conversation, we are still having now, and I pray, remains in play, until I draw my last breath.  I love you with all my heart, my body, my mind and soul. I am ruined forever for any other but you.  In love, for you my darling Michael. xxxx

P.S. I will post another original new poem to mark our 1 year anniversary, it us a work in progress x
Feb 2020 · 73
palpable
Jayne E Feb 2020
without
these walls
red fired dawn
burns into
shimmered lucent light
dancing brightly
against a
slow warming horizon
within
these walls
windows opened wide
Tuis morning song
and warm bright light
spilling into the room
I ache on
stretching my limbs
as if doing so
will find you
beside me
pressing your belly
(how I love your belly)
against mine as I stretch
your hands
(how I love your hands)
holding me
at my waist
your generous mouth
(how I love your mouth)
dusting my face
with kisses
and whispered growls
of love & tenderness
I keep my eyes closed
knowing
the moment I open them
the spell will break
within these walls
I stretch
in the hot summer morning
alone
without these walls
you are too far
from my touch
from my kiss
sultry droning cicadas
Mr Tuis ardent
morning serenade to Mrs Tui
the rising heat
serves only to feed this ache
settled deep in my belly
the pull in my ***** to
wherever you are
palpable

© J.C.
Feb 2020 · 87
11 months...
Jayne E Feb 2020
11 months


(prelude)
11 sweet months
most would say
1 year, 12 months
has more significance
not so
for us
those double numbers
how they appear
e v e r y w h e r e
softens my heart
in sentimentality
more today
at 11 sweet months


there are still things
about how you give
your love to me
that floor me
my heart
soars
in my chest
at the first sound
of your morning
half asleep voice
gently growling
softly
against me
sweetly murmured
words of love & affection
your deft hands
in loving carress
communicate
desire & devotion
your generous mouth
gifting kisses
so many kisses
my happiness
always
first order of your day
it is still new to me
to be so beautifully loved
stirs me pit deep
feeds the need in me
to love
you
so fiercely
that
you will feel
how I carry you
with me
always
in my heart
as I feel you carry me
moving through the world
going about our day
each in separate ways
measuring the hours
in skipped heartbeats
until together again


the
ascend
followed by
the descend
followed
by the ascend
has always held meaning
for me
waves of emotion
wash over me
carried by your current
blissfully seeking
stolen licks
of your sea foam essence
I could drink you
as an elixir
lose myself completely
in the taste of you
surrender willingly
to the pull of your love
how you push me
lovingly
out past the breakers
your face radiating joy
when I beg
no more
no more
no more
you render me
undone
in a state
of sated bliss
pulse thundering
in my head
myriads of
coloured starbursts
exploding behind my eyes

you are
mischevious
for sure
but always
with sweet love
at the core
I want to lose myself
in your scent
camp out
in our secret fort
for days
with you
as my sustenance
devour you
with kisses
with caresses
whisper
secret incantations of love
against your skin
in those holy moments
of ******
our bodies
our breaths
our beats
joined
as one


your love
how you give it
still surprises me
daily
I catch myself
being carried away
soaring
elevated
divine
elated
sublime...


(epilogue)
11 sweet months
delighting
in the warmth
the tender light
of your love
the significance
of double numbers
ennobled by month

            11
      1  +  1  = 2
   (circra 2(0)2(0)


J.C. 26/02/2020

(Of course my love, I finished this at 2.22am (spontaneously)
For you my love, and how numbers in doubles are everywhere for us, but mostly for how you communicate love, it is my darling, quite sublime.  Thank you for 11 sweet months (mostly) :)
Feb 2020 · 50
numeric
Jayne E Feb 2020
numbers tumbling
in all their colours
is that why
4 is always green?
is it just me
the sky cascading
into the water
in 0s and 1s
grass flowing
like a river
in the blown wind
and the bell birds song
trilling in
numeric harmonies
even the heat haze
rising digitally
from the hot
and melting tarseal
as I run on
through the days heat
numbers springing
from my feet
the footfalls
making equations...
sometimes
I dare not look
up at the night sky
it's too much
a sensory overload
glitched
numbers tumbling
from the sky as light
toss and tumble
turn and burn
mind a rumble
striving
to work it all out
endlessly
they cascade
all about
numbers
dancing in light...

© J.C.
#allisnumbers #synesthesia
Feb 2020 · 128
Aestival
Jayne E Feb 2020
Aestival

bright are January's skies
robust light poured
into antipodeal
atmospheres
azure blue
interspersed
occasionally
by slow moving
cotton ball cumulus
feeding into endless
cerulean horizons

the effulgent outer world
blows
into my inner pnuema
and heat rushes in
melting to puddles of wanting
my intended precept
of cool headedness

the fires of missing you
so blazingly perfervid
they strike envy
into Olympus Mons
molten heart
scorching every
living thing in vengeance

I am mapped internally
pointered
by embered markers
in all the hues of longing
which bleed in through
fevered *****

like a forest scorched
laid to barren hot dust
by racing bushfires
time hangs in the heat haze
begging for the quench
only found in your kiss
to soothe these
internal infernos

my eyes ache
through the dusty
miraged heat
straining
to fix you
in my sightlines

only then
will these raging fires
be subdued

J.C.

This is inspired by, and a direct 'bounce off' one of Crows poems here, 'Hibernal' (link below) that I absolutely loved.  Thank you Crow, for letting me take the liberty, of using yoir poem 'Hibernal' as a jumping off point for this one


https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3686581/hibernal/
Feb 2020 · 66
reflections
Jayne E Feb 2020
The kaleidoscopic
reel to reel show
of life
how it played
in contrast
to how you filmed it
or imagined
it would unreel
our hopes
dreams
wishes
reflected upon
whilst washing the dishes
the great divide
yawns chasm like
where we are
to where we believed
we would be
that niggling unrest
just one more
life test
the beauty is found
in the revelation
possibilities
still abound
gravity
is all that keeps us
anchored to ground

J.C
Feb 2020 · 91
B.E.A.U.T Y.
Jayne E Feb 2020
you are true beauty
to me
tiny glints
of amber fire
in your forest floor eyes
your generous
full lipped mouth
customised
for all my kisses
perfectly made
to kiss all of me
your errant eyebrows
misbehaving daily
their cheeky allure
endears my lips
to lovingly
chastise them
mostly
though
it is how
beauty radiates
from the way
you communicate love
it floors me
renders me trembled
at the knee
breathless
and flush cheeked
you are to me
golden warm light
exuding joy
when you speak to me
whispering my name
uttering words of love
and devotion
softly growled
against my mouth
my entire being
harmonizes
as one
with the vibration
of you.

© J.C.
Feb 2020 · 94
Bad humans behave badly
Jayne E Feb 2020
she leans into the strain
forcing at the point

trying too hard painful
written all over her face

strives to be
the good (#2) wife

swears that she is
"a woman's woman"

but can't wait to stab
a sister in the back

wears her insecurities
like a gaudy housecoat

thinking unthinkingly
she has everyone fooled

professes love her mantra
while her eyes say bitter

maybe it's the palsy
bitterness of a crooked face

she's sure she can beguile
tilts her head a little too much

her up made pan cake face
creating powdered wrinkle rivers

keeps the leash short and tight
and thinks unthinkingly "he's mine"

she wound up tighter
than a dollar watch

he loose as a goose
has her well fooled

she winks as he slips the hood
one bad person de serves another

she believes he the perfect catch
I guess they are a perfect match


J.C.
Feb 2020 · 39
Love
Jayne E Feb 2020
lay with me naked
in the warm afternoon
droplets of sunshine
dancing on our skin
let's build a secret fort
christen it as
our temple of love
a place just for us
and maybe the cat(s),
sometimes
if they are good
no clothes allowed
and no talk of
serious things permitted
there will be penalties
and punishments
for transgressions
you can be in charge
of structural soundness
leave the comfort
to me
explore my body
with your hands
your mouth
your ***
I want you
to know every inch of me
thoroughly
just as I want to know you
I'm already in love
with the endearing freckle
on the shaft
of your ****
when I think of it
I'm overcome
with  tender affection
and the desire
to kiss it
feel the deep love
I have for you
in my  kisses
in my caresses
let my body communicate
all the love
all the love
all the love
I have for you...
sometimes,
love me gently
sometimes,
take me
with passionate intensity
but always
with love

you are
the light in my day
and the shine
of my stars at night
I will arch my body
over you
stars falling from my hair
to grace your skin
as I take you inside me
and make us as one
you are
all the love
I've forever needed
the unknown missing piece
of my enigma puzzle
when you moan my name
in our tenderest moments
my entire being
buzzes, filled
with golden light
and I feel as though
my heart will burst
into a trillion particles
of glistening joy

there can be no other
every breath I breathe
I breathe for you

© J.C.
For my one true love.
Feb 2020 · 66
the tone comes in...
Jayne E Feb 2020
dreaming you
sonic ally  of love
the tone comes in
enters stage right
quiets all the din
blooms open in pre dawn light
as summer on heat
exerts her beautific might
elementally present
you feel so right
your breath the air
my skin needs
to breathe
your seed the nourish
my earth it feeds
your touch the flame
that fires my heart
your infinite tiny kisses
quench my drought
to set this love apart
the tone comes in
enters stage right
colours burst in my eyes
I feel you as sound
carried by light

© J.C.
Synesthesia - when the stimulation of one sense, triggers an involuntary experience of another sense.
Feb 2020 · 72
Valentine's rhymes
Jayne E Feb 2020
honeyed kisses
you buzz around my heart
full lipped & delicious
I knew it was you
my forever one, from the start

(honey bee my valentine)

honey honey your nectar is so sweet
honey you're my favourite thing to eat
honey love how I squirm in my seat
honey bees love makes me complete


the honeyest kissiest of them all
for your sweetest love I did fall
our fit is perfect like hand in glove
kissiest honeyest blissfully in love

(I love you my honey-bee, silly valentine rhymes to you from me, now and forever your baby-baby)

J.C.
Feb 2020 · 84
diurnal rhythms
Jayne E Feb 2020
my diurnal rhythms
the push
and the pull
of my tides
now ruled
by
the magnetic force
that is you
your love
felt deep
in the rising swell
of my desire for you
I am powerless
against
this gravitational pull
of wanting
of aching
of breathing
only for your touch
for your kiss
I can feel you
in every beat
of my heart
taste you
as the whet
on my tongue
feel
the vibration
that is you
as both sound and sensation
like a stretched string
quavering in perfect pitch
feel
my pounding heart
the buzz
running through my core
like a hummingbirds wings
in oscillatory motion
feel
every fibre of my being
awakened
every atom
in an excited state
your love both
the catalyst
that causes star bursts
behind my eyes
in a myriad
of beautiful hues
and
the soothe
the restorative
that lends a deep peace
to my soul
your kiss
your loving caress
the balm
that heals my heart.

© J.C.
Feb 2020 · 70
whispers and kisses
Jayne E Feb 2020
come to me
in whispers and kisses
consume me
with trembled breaths of love
call for me
urgent & tender moan my name
****** me
utter up all your ardent wishes
envelop me
let our love be the flame
burn for me
be open love & set desire free
ravish me
my salty sweet be your most delicious
surrender with me
willfully
to  love given bent on gentle knee

© J.C.
Feb 2020 · 1.3k
love true love right
Jayne E Feb 2020
take my hand
lead me to your bed
lay so close with me
in evenings fading light

cover my body
with a blanket of kisses
map my skin with your mouth
love me true love me right

run your hands all over me
read me like braille
arousing all my senses
find the heat between my thighs

take your time
tease me delicious
slow burn your love on me
free my moans & loving sighs

let me show you
with my body
the deep love I feel for you
in evenings fading light

cover your body
with a blanket of kisses
map your skin with my mouth
love you true love you right

© J.C.
Feb 2020 · 713
you told me you loved me
Jayne E Feb 2020
you told me you loved me
you told me "you are mine"
you told me you'd love me forever
you told me "you belong to me"
you told me I was your alpha & your omega
you told me "you are why I was born a man, to love you"
you told me you were going to marry me
you told me "I can never love another now"
you told me you'd never let me leave you
you told me "I'll put you in a box in the ground, before I'll let you go"
you told me you'd never hurt me
you told me "I'm going to **** you"
you told me you loved me.

love is not ownership
love is not obsession
love is not violence
love is not suppression
love is not breaking bones
love is not silence
love is not feeling alone

you saw me like you see
one of your treasured
first editions
a thing to show off
to brag about
to your mates
a thing to pick up
and put down
to keep locked up
to covet
a thing you own.

I loved you
when you were
my loving lost boy of the morning
I loved you
when at loves first bloom
you were sweet
passionate
gentle
kind
I loved you
when you made me feel safe
I loved you
before the strong arms
that held me close
broke my bones
and broke my heart
broke my faith
and tore it all apart.

J.C.
Bad dreams carry bad memories into the now...
Feb 2020 · 47
passionate peace
Jayne E Feb 2020
to lay so close with you
the warmth off your body
your breath at rest
on my skin
is pure
joy
to feel
your sweet kisses
one after the other
dusting my skin with devotion
I feel love like never before
hold me this way forever
bellies pressed in caress
no words spoken
the spell
unbroken
your touch
feeding my desire
to be without you
is to no longer exist
there is nothing without your kiss

© J.C.
wanted to play a littlevwith form, descending word count then ascending etc etc...so thought I'd apply it to this poem
Jan 2020 · 232
honeyed love
Jayne E Jan 2020
Honeyed Love...

In your loving arms I can finally be
loved true loved deep and set free
from a past scarred deep by mistrust
took my love and he eroded it to dust

Here in your sweet loving embrace
as you set my heart to sing & race
your love flows over me like honey
turning my dark days to warm sunny

Within these short and simple lines
my hope is you'll pickup on my signs
tho' not sophisticated nor contrived
they signal my true love has arrived

Yes, my style is usually to embellish
but darling I want simply to relish
be immersed in your love so very good
finally love feels just as love should

off my body the clothes please rip
fingers & tongue do tantalisingly trip
finding my mouth, neck, belly, my ***
as all my senses you set to perplex

the lost key to my enigma machine
secret code you know what I mean
you unlocked unbroke my caged heart
how you love sets your love apart

I'd given up on finding love again
you are the soothe that let love in
I am ruined now for any other one
I am yours alone 'til all our days are done




It's true love,
our love true
has truly  won
honey love
you are
my one true one.




© J.C.
A little more 'simple' in structure and vocabulary than how I usually write, but when the feelings that are so deep and pure,  it just seemed right...
Jan 2020 · 45
waited too long
Jayne E Jan 2020
You waited too long
its light dimmed from
brightest star in our night skies
to falling star burning too bright
right before it dies

You waited too long
the breath i held only for you
ran out of oxygen
burned out in a vaccum then
withered away to cold blue

You waited too long
the spell is now broken apart
yet manacled fetttered strong
your soul to my beaten heart
quiet lingers not for long

You waited too long
my colours ache to seek the free
all these tergiverstates a mess
as you flicker quiver wink blink me
come again behold me undress

You waited too long
my fired passion fades to grey
your velleity extinguished potent fire
our love with no locus left for play
embered draff detritus of our desire

You waited to long
so its dried wither on the vine
finds me persuasible no more
faltered failed to make you mine
I feign sublime and close our door.

© J.C.
Another 'older' write from April last year, it's interesting to read and revisit previous lines, especially when feeling 'blocked' as I am, and have been for a little while now.  I'm used to writing at least several poems a week, but recently have been a little stuck. No doubt they'll all flow out at once when the **** is unplugged!
Jan 2020 · 54
Life lessons
Jayne E Jan 2020
I have danced naked in the desert
chased the sun fallen after the moon
I have kissed the tricking serpent
As he slithered slyly thru my room

I have talked to that fat little Buddha
rubbed his jolly belly for much good luck
I have bled deep from gifted slashes
white as a rabbit from all that he took


I have seen those chessmen up stand
show me moves ahead x20 across the board
And won every wager laid paid up in hand
bullwhips &  ancient bibles to add to my hoard

I have bore & freed many burdens heavy
More than your infants soul will ever know
Earned my stripes and paid right my levy
not to be tricked or pulled in by your cold undertow

I have birthed a civilization in my mind's eye
Seen the world laid to ruin so fickle and so cruelly
lost favour aft love was given most truly
It draws a tear from my jaded eye
and from my heart pulls deep the sigh


I have dreamed you pure in one too many ways
Gifted generous from my well of love deep
Still persistent on the aether you try to play
It's all ashes to dust now and not yours to keep

I have made my peace with the mountains
given grace to the deepest bluest seas
persist if you must try to ebb my fountains
for no longer do I need your sick to set me free

© J.C.
This is quite an 'old' write, over 8 months ago...
Jan 2020 · 40
sobs are not prayers...
Jayne E Jan 2020
"sobs are not prayers"
the burial place & final home
of my father's ashes
is an endless tundra
of dotted dashes
a plague of plaques
and headstones
I wonder
at the volume of tears shed
watering both weeds
and plastic roses equally
their gaudy colours
once bright now faded
like the bones and ashes
of the once was person
whose grave they mark
loved ones lie deep
feeding the dug ground
along side the worms
and slaters alike
all washed by the same
salted river of stolen tomorrows.

J.C.

(many thanks to my friend & gifted scribe, "Liliths ghost" for the title and 1st line, and also the inspiration ).
Jan 2020 · 72
the snap
Jayne E Jan 2020
just like that
I felt it
the snap
the fall in my chest
dissolving inside again
the spell broken
as pain
floods back in
irrevocably scarred
by the monsters
cruel intentions
he follows me
still
lurking in the shadows
hiding in wait
inhabiting
deep dusty corners
of my mind

a self promise made

to
      never
                   ever
                               forget

the wolf
wears sheep's clothing
comes a hunting
with gleaming smile
sharpens his teeth
on the soft bones
of fair children
fills his belly
with a ragout
of broken dreams
and lost childhood
innocence


the hunters knife
sliced away
all my goodness
left fear
left mistrust
left pain
left emptiness
in goodness's place

could I be too broken
to ever be good again
when simple words
misspoken
sets parralel tracks
a moving together
in beautiful sync
on a collision course
becoming a train wreck
the track snaps
love at its neck

the spell is broken

and

I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember
why I have remained

                      
                           alone.


to love
to open up
to be vulnerable
to trust
to allow myself
to be loved
is it
too late?

my shattered pieces
have very sharp edges
such a good man
such a good heart
too good
to lacerate
vicariously injure
to hurt by proxy
too good

for me.

© J.C.
Jan 2020 · 61
morning love...
Jayne E Jan 2020
wanting more sleep
trying to drift back
the sound of your moans
replaying in my mind
******* with you
lazy Saturday morning
softly waking moments
spent in bed
spent with you
spent and sated
love expressed
with our bodies
craving to rub my ***
on your mouth
coat your tongue
with my earthy seawash
of love
lovingly lick
every pearly glistening
droplet of your essence
wanting you to break my fast
needing every delicious moment
to last
forever
fat rain drops
splat and splot
against the window
blurring the glass
our morning love
savoured deep and slow
wanting to make it last
forever.

J.C.
Dec 2019 · 174
9 months...
Jayne E Dec 2019
Its been 9 months
of love perfectly incubated
23,652,025.9 moments
of blossoming emotions
warm tender and deep
elevated by
honest open communication
I still thrill to the sound
of your voice
uttering my name lovingly
uttering my name tenderly
growling my name passionately
I've given up
waiting for the intensity
of these wondrous feelings
to peak then ebb
to find a settling ground
It is a futile pursuit when
my love for you
keeps growing
stronger
deeper
more tender
more complex
surprising me with wonder
and filling me with joy
every day spent in your love
is a day I want to last forever
you are the honey bee
buzzing around my heart
your love is a rich deep tapestry
full of hidden intricate beauties
your love is a summer garden
lush with nourishment
for my soul
your love is a spring shower
washing me in warm kisses of light
I want to inhale you
to breathe you in
as my air
taste every inch of your skin
as my nourishment
I want you
to chart my body
with your kisses
lay claim
to all my territories
I am your baby baby
now and forever

J.C. 28/12/2019 3.33am.
Dec 2019 · 115
2.22am
Jayne E Dec 2019
Its 2.22am
these multiple numbers
keep making themselves
apparent
pushing into my sight lines
sleep has slipped the knot
my head a turmoiled eddy
thoughts and worries
swirling in the dark waters
of my sleepless mind
feeding the toss and turn
illuminating
the empty side of the bed
the ache inside grows deeper
with the fast advancing dawn
I want to beat back the clock
turn the tock to ticking
slide backwards into midnight
like grains of sloe ice
pushing the hands of time
uphill
moving against gravity
moving toward you
your empty side of my bed
yawns an armless embrace
cold and hollow
I want to bend space
in on itself
turn this cold chasm
into a vacuum
of charged particles of light
pulling against time
pulling toward you
my heart beats in it's cage
like a hummingbird in flight
beating only for you
this  broken dinted night
sleep slipped again at 2.22.

© J.C. 28/12/2019 @ 2.22am
#sleepless #nightmares #aching #numbers repeating #insomnia
Dec 2019 · 136
The hunters knife.
Jayne E Dec 2019
The Hunters Knife.

Let's play a game missy
A game of hide and seek
one where I do the hiding
but also I do seek
I'll give you one chance
to solve the unsolvable
beware if you guess wrong
what I have hidden there
the blade will linger long
my hunters knife
will come to collect
a little blood, just a little
from thee miss,
not enough to be noticed
not enough to be missed
close your eyes
while I bind your wrists
dry your eyes
mute your sighs
or the hunters knife will collect
a little cut a little stab
not too shallow
nor too deep
just enough
to make thee bleed,
make thee bleed missy
bleed for me.
do you like my game,
girl child trapped in time
held here eternal by me

Hush now
don't sob for
your lost innocence
I'm far from finished
with you yet.
I'll sing you a lullaby child
close your eyes
go to sleep
and whilst all soft
in slumber you lie,  
from your heart
the joy I will thieve
Hush now girl and sleep
for while all soft
you lie in slumber asleep,
the joy from your eyes
I will break
when from deepest sleep
you stir and wake
forever mine
is  your soul to keep.
I will take all
you don't have to give
then I will take some more
for by mornings break
sweet child
no longer a sweet miss
broken you'll be my *****

Tell me child
how you love my game
of hunters hide and seek
any answer you can give
will never be right
will never set you free
the only victors of this game,
my hunters knife and me.

© J.C.
This was written quite some time ago, but directly relates to my last poem "silver dollar shimmer"

Torture, abuse, childhood, lost innocence,
Dec 2019 · 112
silver dollar shimmer
Jayne E Dec 2019
you lifted my arm
to see it drop flop
like I was a rag doll
when I was still a child
should have still been
a child instead
my body heavy
limbs drugged
and sleeping
my mind
still awake
although drowning
small heart pounding
I could feel your heart beating
excited with anticipation
carrying me to
the midnight garden
silver dollar leaves
their dusky shimmer
becoming
my focal distraction
blurred points of light
guiding me back
to days spent in sunshine
sunlight glistening
on gentle ocean waves
childhood delights
dusted with light
slipping the knot
mouth filled
with leaves of rot
mixed with coppery blood
becoming
escape artist extraordinaire
Houdini of the mind slip
not to feel young flesh rip
invoking warm summer air
not to feel the rip and tear
making myself spring rain
not to feel the searing pain
recalling my mother's embrace
tactics to temporarily erase
to catapult
through time and space
dusky
silver
dollar
leaves shimmer
feeling the burn of the rope
grasping any filamental
glimmer of hope

© J.C. 25/12/2019 3.40am
Christmas memory, abuse, torture, lost childhood.
Dec 2019 · 267
rue the ruse
Jayne E Dec 2019
passion desire love
and where they take us
past the point
that can almost break us
revealed true selves
to never fake 'us'
lean into the bruise
becomes the soothe
trust freely given
defies the ruse
then you were gone
so begin the rues...
not to regret
never to forget
upturn the stage
to make it reset
it lingers long
after the sting is gone
the memory of your kiss
your teeth lips
your fingertips grip
Is it you, or is it that me
that I cry for and miss?

© J.C.
Originally a response comment to another hello poetry poets write...
Jayne E Dec 2019
Gwerful Mechain - (1460 - 1502)

The female genitals


Every foolish drunken poet,
boorish vanity without ceasing,
(never may I warrant it,
I of great noble stock,)
has always declaimed fruitless praise
in song of the girls of the lands
all day long, certain gift,
most incompletely, by God the Father:
praising the hair, gown of fine love,
and every such living girl,
and lower down praising merrily
the brows above the eyes;
praising also, lovely shape,
the smoothness of the soft *******,
and the beauty's arms, bright drape,
she deserved honour, and the girl's hands.
Then with his finest wizardry
before night he did sing,
he pays homage to God's greatness,
fruitless eulogy with his tongue:
leaving the middle without praise
and the place where children are conceived,
and the warm ****, clear excellence,
tender and fat, bright fervent broken circle,
where I loved, in perfect health,
the **** below the smock.
You are a body of boundless strength,
a faultless court of fat's plumage.
I declare, the **** is fair,
circle of broad-edged lips,
it is a valley longer than a spoon or a hand,
a ditch to hold a ***** two hands long;
**** there by the swelling ****,
song's table with its double in red.
And the bright saints, men of the church,
when they get the chance, perfect gift,
don't fail, highest blessing,
by Beuno, to give it a good feel.
For this reason, thorough rebuke,
all you proud poets,
let songs to the **** circulate
without fail to gain reward.
Sultan of an ode, it is silk,
little seam, curtain on a fine bright ****,
***** in a place of greeting,
the sour grove, it is full of love,
very proud forest, faultless gift,
tender frieze, fur of a fine pair of testicles,
a girl's thick grove, circle of precious greeting,
lovely bush, God save it.
Mediaeval poetess, female ****** power, history
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