11 months


(prelude)
11 sweet months
most would say
1 year, 12 months
has more significance
not so
for us
those double numbers
how they appear
e v e r y w h e r e
softens my heart
in sentimentality
more today
at 11 sweet months


there are still things
about how you give
your love to me
that floor me
my heart
soars
in my chest
at the first sound
of your morning
half asleep voice
gently growling
softly
against me
sweetly murmured
words of love & affection
your deft hands
in loving carress
communicate
desire & devotion
your generous mouth
gifting kisses
so many kisses
my happiness
always
first order of your day
it is still new to me
to be so beautifully loved
stirs me pit deep
feeds the need in me
to love
you
so fiercely
that
you will feel
how I carry you
with me
always
in my heart
as I feel you carry me
moving through the world
going about our day
each in separate ways
measuring the hours
in skipped heartbeats
until together again


the
ascend
followed by
the descend
followed
by the ascend
has always held meaning
for me
waves of emotion
wash over me
carried by your current
blissfully seeking
stolen licks
of your sea foam essence
I could drink you
as an elixir
lose myself completely
in the taste of you
surrender willingly
to the pull of your love
how you push me
lovingly
out past the breakers
your face radiating joy
when I beg
no more
no more
no more
you render me
undone
in a state
of sated bliss
pulse thundering
in my head
myriads of
coloured starbursts
exploding behind my eyes

you are
mischevious
for sure
but always
with sweet love
at the core
I want to lose myself
in your scent
camp out
in our secret fort
for days
with you
as my sustenance
devour you
with kisses
with caresses
whisper
secret incantations of love
against your skin
in those holy moments
of ******
our bodies
our breaths
our beats
joined
as one


your love
how you give it
still surprises me
daily
I catch myself
being carried away
soaring
elevated
divine
elated
sublime...


(epilogue)
11 sweet months
delighting
in the warmth
the tender light
of your love
the significance
of double numbers
ennobled by month

            11
      1  +  1  = 2
   (circra 2(0)2(0)


J.C. 26/02/2020

(Of course my love, I finished this at 2.22am (spontaneously)

Its 2.22am
these multiple numbers
keep making themselves
apparent
pushing into my sight lines
sleep has slipped the knot
my head a turmoiled eddy
thoughts and worries
swirling in the dark waters
of my sleepless mind
feeding the toss and turn
illuminating
the empty side of the bed
the ache inside grows deeper
with the fast advancing dawn
I want to beat back the clock
turn the tock to ticking
slide backwards into midnight
like grains of sloe ice
pushing the hands of time
uphill
moving against gravity
moving toward you
your empty side of my bed
yawns an armless embrace
cold and hollow
I want to bend space
in on itself
turn this cold chasm
into a vacuum
of charged particles of light
pulling against time
pulling toward you
my heart beats in it's cage
like a hummingbird in flight
beating only for you
this  broken dinted night
sleep slipped again at 2.22.

© J.C. 28/12/2019 @ 2.22am

2 3 1 5 (valentines day)

Valentine's kisses
blown by fists
set coordinates
as markers
of unholy tristes
days in lieu
spent chasing back time
fooling myself
momentarily
that I can run down
the night
trade in those seedy lows
for peakless highs
masquerading sobs
smiles to hide sighs

© J.C.

3am once again
pushing out the crumpled corners
unfolding
the fabric of time
unfurling
its cold arms
then wrapping me
in its icy embrace
tightly
nightly
instinctively
I reach out for your sleeping form
seeking
hoping
to feel your arms instead
wrapping around me
tightly
warm
the empty sighs
of the empty side
of the bed moan back
the rain
hammers on outside
assaulting my windows
making the want deeper
feeding the ache
in my *****
the need to feel you
filling me up
with your body
with your love
3am
once again.

© J.C. honey-tiger 21/08/2019. 3.33am.

the ache for you
settled deep in my belly
wakes me at 5.30am
I feel every inch
of the distance between us
sleepy fingers reach out
to find you
not there
my ***** sigh
with the roll of the ocean
keeping you from me
pulling the pillow in close
tears of wanting
stain its case
the ache for you
settles deep in my belly
at 5.30am.

J.C.

home is being
wrapped in the care
of your loving embrace
wherever you are
is where I will race
to be
so close to feel
softly
your breath on me
the warmth of your skin
pressed against
the warmth of my skin
just our heartbeats
beating
between us
it's the only place
I now long to be
your love is the cure
and how you give it
so tenderly true
the salve that
soothes and
sets my heart free
you ignited
emotions never
felt before, so deep
such abundance of joy
I am forever
your little meep
this love we share
and your sweet devotion
how you care for me
unlocked the door
with true loves key
your voice gentle
soft in my ear
brings the calm
with words uttered
so dear
gifts peaceful sleep
a new experience
moves me
sublimely deep
my love for you
surprises me
in all good ways
still
it grows stronger
each day by day
my heart beat skips
as you whisper my name
how it lovingly drips
off your tongue
from your lips
can never be the same
now transformed
never known love like this
thank you my loveliest man
for six months of pure bliss.


J.C. little meep (your baby-baby) 26/09/2019.

Its been 9 months
of love perfectly incubated
23,652,025.9 moments
of blossoming emotions
warm tender and deep
elevated by
honest open communication
I still thrill to the sound
of your voice
uttering my name lovingly
uttering my name tenderly
growling my name passionately
I've given up
waiting for the intensity
of these wondrous feelings
to peak then ebb
to find a settling ground
It is a futile pursuit when
my love for you
keeps growing
stronger
deeper
more tender
more complex
surprising me with wonder
and filling me with joy
every day spent in your love
is a day I want to last forever
you are the honey bee
buzzing around my heart
your love is a rich deep tapestry
full of hidden intricate beauties
your love is a summer garden
lush with nourishment
for my soul
your love is a spring shower
washing me in warm kisses of light
I want to inhale you
to breathe you in
as my air
taste every inch of your skin
as my nourishment
I want you
to chart my body
with your kisses
lay claim
to all my territories
I am your baby baby
now and forever

J.C. 28/12/2019 3.33am.

Adrift, floating on this sea
Solitary, darkest night encircles me.
Unable to see, I feel the
Pea soup fog enveloping me
Craving land, seeking light
Or deeply sought dual toned
diaphonic night-call,
to guide me home.

J.C. honey-assasin 29/05/2019

Aestival

bright are January's skies
robust light poured
into antipodeal
atmospheres
azure blue
interspersed
occasionally
by slow moving
cotton ball cumulus
feeding into endless
cerulean horizons

the effulgent outer world
blows
into my inner pnuema
and heat rushes in
melting to puddles of wanting
my intended precept
of cool headedness

the fires of missing you
so blazingly perfervid
they strike envy
into Olympus Mons
molten heart
scorching every
living thing in vengeance

I am mapped internally
pointered
by embered markers
in all the hues of longing
which bleed in through
fevered *****

like a forest scorched
laid to barren hot dust
by racing bushfires
time hangs in the heat haze
begging for the quench
only found in your kiss
to soothe these
internal infernos

my eyes ache
through the dusty
miraged heat
straining
to fix you
in my sightlines

only then
will these raging fires
be subdued

J.C.

This is inspired by, and a direct 'bounce off' one of Crows poems here, 'Hibernal' (link below) that I absolutely loved.  Thank you Crow, for letting me take the liberty, of using yoir poem 'Hibernal' as a jumping off point for this one


https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3686581/hibernal/

drifting in slumber
so close to you
I close my eyes
as your eyes close too
warm is my body
soft in repose
warm is your body
to feel you so close
losing myself
to dreamless sleep
gifting my heart
for you to safe keep
as you gift yours to me
unbound by a love
that sets us both free
so sleep my dear love
my love so dear
rest deep and peaceful
know I am always near

J.C.

Ain't Life Grand..at 1.30am.

Ain't life grand when your
teenage son decides at 1.30am
to take a stomp
through the house,
feet as loud as possible
on the lovely Tawa boards,
'coz he had a 'fight' with his
gf..his bf..his best friend
over nothing
over something
blah blah blah...

knowing your tenuous
relationship with sleep,
bangs away
doors swung a 'lil too hard,
sighs heaved audibly,
yes son, yes son, wide awake now
if you want to talk,
instead choose testosterone
and I'm a ***** for asking you
to please be a little more gentle
in the middle of the night.
single parenting,
ain't life grand,

as 'he' sleeps blissfully
on the other side of the city,
unaware of either his child's
best friends name,
or their most favourite things,
colours, songs they sing
quietly to themselves
when relaxed disarmed
alone with their thoughts.

ain't life grand as sleep,
gone now the way of
too many dried tears,
runny noses,
and skinned knees,

son sheepishly tapping now
on my door, with sorrys and
I love you's and
that was not cool of me mum.
well I'm awake now son
if you need a cuppa, a hug
and a chat at 2am,
or anything,
ain't life grand.

it's nothing,
it's everything,
it is.
It is the empty half of the bed,
sheets cold still tucked
it's not getting ******,
no comfort to be had,
except for my
constant companions,
my cicadas,
chirping rhythmically
on and on outside
the open summer windows.

Ain't life grand, monster o'clock
right around the corner now,
just beyond the breech,
any point in trying to grasp
a handful more
of tattered sleep
lost.

I want to scream it
into the still dark night
to all those peaceful bodies,
curled together in
ignorant Innocent bliss,
wake up! wake up! wake up!
yeah, ain't life grand.

J.C. 30/03/2019.

I thought about you
today
after many
introuvable years
you sifted back
dropping down
like dew
from the aethers
your scent
circumferent
once more
I thought about
when we first met
a day party
in eden
how I sensed you
before I saw you
how you felt me
before you found me
hiding
in the light
& once again
we became
satellites
orbiting
a 1000 year old
love

in your eyes
I see my eyes
reflected
my spirit flies
through aeons
flying
in and out
of love
with you forever.

©J.C.

you slow love my scars
I love your fast cars
my sweet basil kisses
playing Mr and Mrs
I fancy your tickles
you tickle my fancy
we're in for the long haul
bucket list Spain Italy & Nepal
I'm a fool for your affection
& communication
with no deflection
how we love to share showers
I could get lost for hours
and hours
and hours
and hours
your sharp wit is never dour
how you give love
is your secret superpower
even your cats are quite amazing
whether launching at possums
or dining on lobster paté
piggy wiggy grazing
or mew, mew, mew, to say
you don't even know
how beautiful you are
as rare as crystal cinnabar
even across seas afar
a love beyond par
my honey bee so clever
I'm going to love you forever
with tender sweet care
grace with kisses
your face fair
nuzzle your fuzzy belly hair
and further, further,
further down there
breathe in your sultry musk
kiss the lovely freckle
on your love tusk
honey bee this love we share
deep and truly beyond compare
from baby bee to my honey bear

J.C.

Tripping the light fantastic
along the astral plane
all time runs concurrent
a secret most arcane.
The me that is now, that was then
that will tomorrow be too
all exist in their own space
running parallel in time.

As I dance through the Aether
searching for the light
astral plane dreaming
in the dead of the night.

Catch a glimpse of each me
they say that's deja vu
but have you never wondered
how it can be that you already knew
how it all plays out before you
moments before it occurs
"Already seen" say the French
closed minds may call it,
neurology, a curse.

But I know a secret,
a secret verily arcane
I've seen the world's spin in unison
whilst I tripped the light fantastic
along the Astral plane
all time moving concurrently
all versions spinning precisely
at once
the then, the now & future me
separate yet together
such a beautiful dance.

Come traverse the aether with me
take a leap, take a chance
I will show you the past & the future
all existing in the now
brush off your preconceptions
take my hand, I'll lead the way
but remember before we take flight
keep hold of an anchor
to ground you to this world
we can only visit briefly for
a moment in the night
upset the fragile balance and
all worlds will collide.

J.C. honey-tiger 11/11/2018.

Alms outstretched
palms upwards open
a stop in the minds traffic
for the downtrodden
lives lived in the graphic
for the broken
needs forgotten
squashed unheard or unspoken
the hustle bustle of city life
clip clop of Clergerie heels
striding past others in strife
too busy to regard how another feels
jostle juggle of business days
oblivious to the penury rife
busy days in play our outlays
forgetful battles mindful
minefields and mindfields
filled by self possessions
amid lost expressions
of unfilled needs
of those on their knees
curled up at home warm
toasty warm by the fire
dissolving thoughts melting
for those out in cold streets dire
stretched out like a pusycat
well fed limbs intact relaxed
the lines grow longer outside
as shelters max capacity taxed
winters shivers chilled to bones
our lives moving forward on track
bitter cold bites the ache honed
for others homes are on their back
its easy to become complacent soft
choose not to cast down our glances
but keeping our coiffed heads aloft
fate may see you taking your chances
stripped of your luxurious lifes jewels
consider others as you'd want to be
perhaps should be good life rules
how would I like it if he she was me

© J.C. honey-tiger 16/08/2019.

monster #1

monster #1
gifted to me
my first taste
of real
guttural sorrow
stitched my lips
sealed tight
with threats of
"you'll wake up - dead tomorrow"
as a child
I was not stupid
quite the opposite
in fact
but no child
endures weeks of torture
and comes out
the other side
intact
monster #1
had a partiality
for young
fresh maids
meticulous
and precise
he was sick
morally bankrupt
sadistic
in spades
he walked the world
dressed in the guise
of perfect gentleman
had everybody fooled
as only the best
true monsters can
he took what he craved
with no care
for damage done
narcissistic
sociopath
decidedly depraved
not satisfied
'til her
young innocence
he had won

~~~~~~~~~

monster #2*

monster #2
was an entirely
different kettle of stew
wore the costume
of a beloved
and then used
what he knew
12 years of 'love'
both given & taken
gold rings sealed
all others forsaken
when love flew away
a true monster revealed
rather than release
the 'one true love of his life'
he plotted with vengeful
dark caprice
the undoing
of his trusting sweet wife
the best laid plans
can still go awry
(thankfully)
as on Valentines night
she was
intended to die
11th hour pleas
from the monster
to his crew
kept her
out of her grave
but not all
could he undo
though he cried
and he wailed
filled with
trepidation
and regret
that ship had
already sailed
too little too late
beaten and bruised
her they did violate
toyed with
debased
and used
once more
she did break
as monster #2
a slaughterhouse
of his wife
he did make.


- epilogue -

any sane human
might ask
may seek to know
why would a man
who professes
to love her so much
orchestrate
such an
ungodly horror show?

her crime was
simple
she left him
his anger distilled
if he cannot have her
then nobody will
so throw her
to the brutes
and bid them
to take
their sickly
violent fill

J.C.

Not all monsters start out that way ...it makes it more unbearable, more painful, when there was real love as the foundation...
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3812169/bad-habit-rewrite/

Come dance with me love
on this magical night
under the Aurora Australis
breathtaking polar light
a sight of beauty indeed
the vista of night sky
Southern lights firing
as solar winds feed
magical light show colours fly
snow beneath our feet forgotten
as breath freezes in the air
magnetic energy excites oxygen
caused by beautiful solar flares
come dance with me my darling
forgetting all our cares
under this rare gift from the Sun
although seen in the dead
of a freezing winters night
come lay in the snow
all cold now forgotten
as our pounding hearts take flight.

J.C. 23/05/2019.

Aurora

* * * *
Green fire in night sky
oxygen excites takes flight
pulse racing hearts sigh

* * * *

J.C.

This day of lovers
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I show you
Begin the day as lovers
We will end this way too
I will show you
All my secret colours
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will take you
To my secret place
When the sun is setting low
In this lovers day sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I lead you through
The rambling roses
Along the cliff face
As the sun is setting
Heavy in the sultry summer sky
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Through the reserve we go
No one knows this place but me
Perched high above the sea
My friend used to own the house behind
Shhh.... Its my secret place
You are the first I have brought here
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I will lay you down in the soft grass
Near so near the edge of the cliff
Give you all I have to give
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Let my hair fall down around your face
As scarab pendant swings between my ******* catches the last glint
Of the setting sun
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
As I kiss your lips
Kiss your eyes
Kiss your neck
Kiss your face
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
Kiss you deep & wet
Pull you close to me now
You give all others away
We will seal it here
On the edge of the cliff
With the crashing sea below
Taste the salt on our lips
This is the day
This is the day
This is the day
I make you mine.
My Valentine...

14/02/2019. J.C.

Am I awake or am I dreaming?..
'reality' can be misleading
So let's strip it down
Take it back to source
Soul searching - √ (tick) done
It's pivotal(pineal?)
Of course!
Je pense donc je suis
Of that I'm sure
Hold on...dreaming? Awake?
Unsure once more
Come on _ give me a break!
Oh lordy Lou my brain is Swiss cheese
Misfiring synapse perhaps?
Brain freeze?
Relapse?
Deja Vu?
Phew!
Methinks (not again!) I am _ am I?
Or just overloaded jeez
Did someone mention cheese?
Yum yum __ yes please!
Hmmm more likely I just need
A summer holiday nap!

J.C. "little meep" 25/04/2019.

axis tilt a whirl
as fault lines crack
and shiver
antipodes sears skin black
ozone gapes blisters smack
it's the melanoma boogey
under a scorching sun
or how about
club med Tahiti
c'est magnifique non mes amis?
compliments of the house...
s'il vous plait
a shot on the rocks of
muroroa nuclear cough
moratorium qu'est-ce que c'est?
rainbows explode into the sea
Mafart et Prieur...oui? oui?
can you hear the aperture
open and close and close
and not open sea sea
buried with the warrior
under nouvelle zealandes
harbour city
atrocity after atrocity
blowing up rainbows
blowing up atolls
blowing up souls
blowing up life
blasting off
tearing atmospheric silk
at it's fragile seams
at the brutal hands
of closed minded men
with megalomaniacal dreams.

J.C. 1st Sept 2019.

Bad habit

the moment
you first sprinkled stardust
in my hair
tenderly
caressed my cheek
the husky morning light
throwing faint shadows
bed sheets scattered
hearts caught
by surprise
then shattered
into shimmering bright
as pre dawn
had me forlorn
lost in your
sweat
my tears
kissed away
your tongues mixology
feeding back to me
my tears and my ***
breeding blending
alchemical lust
the birth of
a bad habit
born out of
a good love
this little bird
stuck
in your gilded cage
would become
locked out by
your inner rage
as madness descended
four lives upended
passion
fighting the good fight
biting back against the strain
of this bad bad habit
loves first bloom
birds singing
before the sun rose
you tearing down
all my defences
raw desire
the fire the fire the fire
in your *****
becoming my ******
scribing incantations
secret spells
of love
of dreams
of wanting
with your ***
on my belly skin
glistening in the
early morning sun
when did the love
mutate to ownership
passion became obsession
your misbelief
my imagined transgressions
tearing the silk at its seams
then on your knees
begging to
redeem redeem redeem
too many heartbeats too late
the light snuffed out
stuffing the ****
in loves spout
sweet turned bitter now
just spit it all out
loves lamb slaughtered
throat cut and bleeding out
spitting my teeth on the floor
of our house built on 'love'
feeling my jaw crack splinter
under the strong hands
that once held me "safe'
'loved' me
wed me
then bled me
dry of all hope
love hanging
choked on the rope
kicking me
to pieces
and me
kicking this
bad bad habit

clean.


J.C. littlebird 03/07/2019

-some ghosts refuse to stay in the past-

Bad habit

the moment
you first sprinkled stardust
in my hair
so tenderly
caressed my cheek
the husky morning light
throwing faint shadows
bed sheets scattered
hearts caught
by surprise
then shattered
into shimmering bright
as pre dawn
had me forlorn
lost in your
sweat
my tears
kissed away
your tongues mixology
feeding back to me
my tears and my ***
breeding
blending
alchemical lust
the birth of
a bad habit
born out of
a good love
this little bird
caught
in your gilded cage
would become
locked out by
your inner rage
as madness descended
four lives
upended
passion
fighting the good fight
biting back
against the strain
of this
            bad
                      bad
                                habit
loves first bloom
birds singing
before the sun rise
you tearing down
all my defences
raw desire
the fire
             the fire
   the fire
in your *****
becoming my ******
scribing incantations
of love
of dreams
of wanting
with your ***
on my belly skin
glistening in the
early morning sun
when did your love
mutate to ownership
passion
become obsession
your misbelief in
imagined transgressions
tearing the silk
at it's seams
then on your knees
begging to

redeem

redeem

redeem

too many
heartbeats
too late
the light snuffed out
stuffing the ****
in loves spout
sweet turned bitter
now
just spit
        spit
        spit
                  it all out
loves lamb slaughtered
throat cut and bleeding out
my teeth & blood
on the floor
of our house built on
'love'
feel my jaw
     crack
           splinter
under strong hands
that once held me
"safe'
'loved' me
wed me
then bled me
dry of all hope
love hanging
choked on the rope
kicking me
to pieces
and me
kicking this
bad
         bad
                   habit

clean.


© J.C.

she leans into the strain
forcing at the point

trying too hard painful
written all over her face

strives to be
the good (#2) wife

swears that she is
"a woman's woman"

but can't wait to stab
a sister in the back

wears her insecurities
like a gaudy housecoat

thinking unthinkingly
she has everyone fooled

professes love her mantra
while her eyes say bitter

maybe it's the palsy
bitterness of a crooked face

she's sure she can beguile
tilts her head a little too much

her up made pan cake face
creating powdered wrinkle rivers

keeps the leash short and tight
and thinks unthinkingly "he's mine"

she wound up tighter
than a dollar watch

he loose as a goose
has her well fooled

she winks as he slips the hood
one bad person de serves another

she believes he the perfect catch
I guess they are a perfect match


J.C.

you are true beauty
to me
tiny glints
of amber fire
in your forest floor eyes
your generous
full lipped mouth
customised
for all my kisses
perfectly made
to kiss all of me
your errant eyebrows
misbehaving daily
their cheeky allure
endears my lips
to lovingly
chastise them
mostly
though
it is how
beauty radiates
from the way
you communicate love
it floors me
renders me trembled
at the knee
breathless
and flush cheeked
you are to me
golden warm light
exuding joy
when you speak to me
whispering my name
uttering words of love
and devotion
softly growled
against my mouth
my entire being
harmonizes
as one
with the vibration
of you.

© J.C.

I still have 100's of poems for you
they are stored in my heart
even when my notebook falls silent
and the pages yawn blankly white
it does not mean poetry has stopped
blossoming inside me
or that I no longer burn for you
sometimes it is so intense
this big love I have for you
it consumes me
consumes my words
renders me tongue tied
flushed
my heart beating
like a hummingbirds wings
caged in my chest
the catch in my throat
and the fall in the pit of my belly
my quickened pulse ticking wildly
at the back of my tongue
all of my senses on hyper alert
tuned to the pull of you
I wake up every morning
reaching for you
a hand draped over my hip
my fingertips and palm
seeking the fuzzy warmth
of your sleepy belly
willing you to be there
wiggling into the curve
of my sleeping body
you be the big spoon
if it's still dark
I can hold the illusion
keep my eyes closed
allow sleep to pull me back
into some kind of dream
that's not quite a dream
float in that space
we occupy together
when we are both sleeping
on opposite sides of the planet
space folds in on itself
I can feel you loving me
I can feel your warmth
I can feel your breath
on my skin
the spell is broken
as soon as the day breaks
as soon as you are awake
10,699 km's away
and starting your day.


©J.C.

softly spoken
he and me
gentle
kind
always our
vibrations aligned
in smooth
rythym
we
syncopate
to each others
peaks
and
f
  a
     l
       l
         s
a binding occurs
smoothened
signalling
on rippled water
from pebbles dropped
moonlight dances
on repeat
repeat
shimmery light
in perfect oscillation
undulating
with varifocal
denotation

* * * *

nebulae burst
high above
as if
to celebrate
this love
a coupling made
binary
orbiting stars
he is to me
my magnetar

~~~~~~~

as for fresh pastures
lush new beginnings
blade upon blade
from fertile seed
lays a soft green
pathway
to true loves garden
where hearts are freed
past well trod paddocks
across faraway seas
where love lays waiting
on her gentle knees

* * * *

©J.C. tiger-baby 11/08/2019 4.44am

Curled up on the sofa
under the cover of imposed night
curtains pulled tight against the light
Black Mirror flickers on the screen
ticking away mostly unseen
under other covers
lovers
toes battling legs standing
their ground
lines drawn then rubbed out
could stay here forever
chasing our never
never land hand to hand
combat of a playful kind
time wiles serves to unbind
all of the nots undone in sighs
all of the "why's" kissed goodbye
and you my darling by my side
next time it's Ozark or killing Eve
but today Black Mirror I believe.

J.C. honey-toast 13/05/2019.

I am a seeker for the light
fighting to flee this blackened night
filled with dreams of nights gone by
tossing me restless, my heart a sigh
in these dreams
your beautiful hands are my slaughter
pulling, holding me under the water
my breath is ebbing fading fast
is this it, sweet release is it here at last?
battlefields play out in my sleep
you want me here, my soul to keep
with you here under the black rushing water
where you took your life in my name..
my eternal torture
drove your beloved Holden off the peak
of the Gorge into the wild Buller River
your body unfound for more than 40 weeks, all hope slowly did wither
at the ripe old age of 23, you chose
to take your life because of me
or so the note said, unrequited love
love not received yet given
but I DID love you, how could I know
you were so broken
by horrors endured, which remained unspoken
if you'd let me see your injured child
I could have helped, been gentle, more mild
but you knew who I was then, young, hungry
free spirited - wild,
isn't that the 'me' you fell for after all?
then surrounded yourself with a ten foot wall.
I never betrayed you, never dallied or strayed
maybe you'd have trusted more
if you had stayed.
It's all ancient history now, but you still haunt my dreams
I wake up in cold sweat, body shaking,
stifled screams.
Fighting my way back up through the
black water
fleeing your beautiful hands,
my eternal torture

J.C... undated.

Braiding

I'm braiding my hair
at 2.31am
Over
U
N
D
E
R
Over again
Feeling your fingers
Thru my hair
A playful tug
Here__&__there
This one of our love rituals
Avoiding the habitual
Making a silky rope
Plaiting with hope
Our braiding holds
Over
U
N
D
E
R
Over again
Braiding my hair at 2.31am...

J.C. honey-tiger 01/05/2019.

I once was something
that I am not now
too much shock
to the system
caused a retreating
away from the world
into myself

A solitudinarian
while my systems
shut down
preparing to reboot

a cocooning occurred
followed by
metamorphosis
then transformation
reordering of
damaged cells
damaged goods
a regeneration
following
the assasination
of my juvenescense
by his malefic mind

6 years
living in the jar
hermetically sealed
spinning silken threads
around myself
tears hardening the shell
impenetrable
invisible
making myself small quiet
wanting to be unwanted
looking to be unnoticed
retired from a life not yet begun
necessity for survival
dictated the state of play
all the while thinking feeling
questioning
then throwing away
all my mislaid assumptions
my mantra

* I want to be happy
a happy life
I will not let him have it
my life is mine
my joy is mine
my freedom is mine
he has taken enough
I am taking happiness back *

an unremarkable day
the day I woke up
revivified
able again to draw a full breath
without flinching
without waiting
for his reaction
I ran in the park barefoot
I swam in the ocean
laying on the beach after
toes in the warm sand
the sun drying me
free
a child again renewed

J.C. honey-tiger 16/08/2019. 4.44am.

Bygones be gone
bye wrong
wires crossed
lost in the why
this world is full
of unseeing eyes
unfeeling hearts
unthinking minds
not ours
not yours
not mine
we find the depth
in between the lines

© J.C. 24/09/2019.

Bygones be gone
bye wrong
wires crossed
lost in the why
this world is full
of unseeing eyes
unfeeling hearts
unthinking minds
not ours
not yours
not mine
we find the depth
in between the lines

© J.C. 24/09/2019.

PRELUDE
________
[ I would engage but disengaged
enamoured masked fetid cage.
To sit spit splutter to cough it up
spit it all out
all over the pensive penners page
words turned ugly fugly loves pup ]
_________

Alla allua all al alala allis all is
Well that blends the well,
Wait! Wait!
(bit nipply in here)
nope that's not quite it, try,
All is ill that bends will..ok
One more go,
All is well that ends well
Right?   rite!  write? ok, ok,
this has been happenin for days,
pen sieves    
spent    
spinning lines
All over the place,

Whirling dervishes spinning fine
lines crossing, sparkling, in my kind
mind, finds the bind, blinds, then unbinds
Better yet     Get    in     behind
(Aussie shepherds call out)
Oh holy **** dressed up like a duck
Ok..I got this, really I do,
let's seem to find a seam take two,
better yet...mark it...scene set & action!

Bn California dreamin
stealin,
creamn,
little kittys pretty
Vannah & Clementine
their morning rituals feeding lines
a ***** pushing
faucet fed H20
odd observations
one kink 4 kitty cat
prefers to take her water right on tap
still my keys go  
tap   tap   tap
Queen Vannah aloof saunters to lap
to sit to think,
not counter fed drink,
she's way too cool for school,
what were we talking about?
it gets little hard to think
you standing naked
smiling
by the kitchen sink

Ahhhhh...love..the emotions spout,
refer crazy prior lines
fed by loves fire,
tossing feelings
up,
down,
in and out,
twist it,
turn it, up, down
shake it out

there is love of lovers,
there is love of mothers,
there is love of others,
sisters, cousins, friends, brothers
those kind of others
the cliché would say...
"It finds you when you stop seeking"
or,
"expect it when you least expect it"
usually historically my reply maybe,
yawn -
mass conditioning speaking

funny tho how things work out,
how someone says
"how you feeling"
transmutes transcends
to not ok...
then,
just flat out ascends
to big bursting clouds  
bountiful love reeling in,
from a kind word uttered
love
begins,
again

the hearts flower slowly opens
it's the hope
love carries upon it's soft
scented breeze,
it's the joy
love communicates
whilst on her knees,
and the tenderness
felt between them
she, he, the we,
in the squeeze

bunches of fist clutched sheets
bitten lips my heartbeat
thundering in my head
language of panted moans
native to our bed
fingers pressed
the the back of your head
your features lost
between my legs


ahhhh, yes, yes, yes!
loves steady heartbeat
the     thrum    thrum      thrum
wondrous beating
upon loves drum,
and how each new fresh
transformative experience
of love
transcends the past,
as again we relish,
the skipped beats
warm moistened seats,
the play the foray
a new wave way

as sweetly tendered lovely love,
delivers up finely sublime
all soaked delicious
steeped in rhyme,
that elusive now found,
brighter sunny day.
so, to end, what of love?
well,
Id say,
let it play,
oh all for lovely love,
let it play!

J.C. "honey owl" 28/04/2019.

PRELUDE
_
[ I would engage but disengaged
enamoured masked fetid cage.
To sit spit splutter to cough it up
spit it all out
all over the pensive penners page
words turned ugly fugly loves pup ]
__

Alla allua all al alala allis all is
Well that blends the well,
Wait! Wait!
(bit nipply in here)
nope that's not quite it, try,
All is ill that bends will..ok
One more go,
All is well that ends well
Right?   rite!  write? ok, ok,
this has been happenin for days,
pen sieves    
spent    
spinning lines
All over the place

Whirling dervishes spinning
fine
lines crossing,
sparkling,
in my kind mind,
finds the bind,
blinds, then unbinds
Better yet     Get    in     behind
(Aussie shepherds call out)
Oh holy ****
dressed up like a duck
Ok..I got this, really I do,
let's seem to find a seam take two,
better yet...
mark it...scene set & action!

Bn California dreamin
stealin,
creamn,
little kittys pretty
Vannah & Clementine
their morning rituals feeding lines
a ***** pushing
faucet fed H20
odd observations
one kink 4 kitty cat
prefers to take her water right on tap
still my keys go  
tap   tap   tap
Queen Vannah aloof saunters to lap
to sit to think,
not counter fed drink,
she's way too cool for school,
what were we talking about?
it gets little hard to think
you standing naked
smiling
by the kitchen sink

Ahhhhh...love..the emotions spout,
refer crazy prior lines
fed by loves fire,
tossing feelings
up,
down,
in and out,
twist it,
turn it, up, down
shake it out

there is love of lovers,
there is love of mothers,
there is love of others,
sisters, cousins, friends, brothers
those kind of others
the cliché would say...
"It finds you when you stop seeking"
or,
"expect it when you least expect it"
usually historically my reply maybe,
yawn -
mass conditioning speaking

funny tho how things work out,
how someone says
"how you feeling"
transmutes transcends
to not ok...
then,
just flat out ascends
to big bursting clouds  
bountiful love reeling in,
from a kind word uttered
love
begins,
again

the hearts flower slowly opens
it's the hope
love carries upon it's soft
scented breeze,
it's the joy
love communicates
whilst on her knees,
and the tenderness
felt between them
she, he, the we,
in the squeeze

bunches of fist clutched sheets
bitten lips my heartbeat
thundering in my head
language of panted moans
native to our bed
fingers pressed
the the back of your head
your features lost
between my legs


ahhhh, yes, yes, yes!
loves steady heartbeat
the     thrum    thrum      thrum
wondrous beating
upon loves drum,
and how each new fresh
transformative experience
of love
transcends the past,
as again we relish,
the skipped beats
warm moistened seats,
the play the foray
a new wave way

as sweetly tendered lovely love,
delivers up finely sublime
all soaked delicious
steeped in rhyme,
that elusive now found,
brighter sunny day.
so, to end, what of love?
well,
Id say,
let it play,
oh all for lovely love,
let it play!

J.C. honey-tiger 02/07/2019

carry me on your back
legs wrapped
around your waist
when I am tired
wash my body
lovingly
warm water
cascading
from the shower
of your deconstructed
bathroom
I want to remain
all softened edges
sleepy and quiet
while you attend
to your task
thoroughly
then carry me
again
lay me in our bed
warm clean & happy
I ache to sink deep
into the waters
of your love
never hit the bottom
never ascend
to breathe the air
of the mundane world
outside our bedroom
dissolving
embraced
bouyant
consumed
and enveloped
by your
extraordinary  love
you fill my senses
with a deep joy
the ways
you express your love
for me
In all its
rarified loveliness
unequalled tenderness
with
fiery passion &
sweet devotion
has me ruined
forevermore
for any other.

© J.C.

please
I beseech you
forget my name
played out
in obsessions shadow
your sick thoughts
know no shame
the fuse wire lit tripped
in too deep all gone fallow
nerve casings stripped
fight or flight mode triggers
back to hard nought
unrelenting you remain
ingrained an old
fibre rotting blood stain
while your harridan sniggers
my senses are now fraught
I feel you dreaming me
the nausea rising like gut fire
the tension wires pull taut
walls closed in emergency
smiling tiger dressed as a liar
don't speak my name
don't remember me fondly
don't profess undying love
hang your sick head in shame
for you treated me so wrongly
fists and boots a kick a shove
there is no escape
no peace here found
you hurt you destroy you ****
made a slaughterhouse
of loves playground
you pervade
as you invade
in your masquerade
a monster costumed
as a 'good son' a good man
my love cannot be exhumed
do not delude yourself it can
I see your vile truth
sadly know you better
than I should
I would erase you
rubbed out
like a pencil sketch
if I could.

J.C. 14/11/2019 12.12am

Gloria Vanderbilt died today
princess Diana, was on the news
beautifully dead,
walking the dusty trails
of Angolan land mine fields,
without protection
of any shields.

"I cried the day that Bowie died"
(and the world cried with you)
we shed our tears
our sighs & why's,
when a famous one dies,
but what of the good human
who slips away
without any voices,
without any words,
to say?

The one who gave much more
than they could spare
passes away, shown no care
the loved yet forgotten,
once fine
the downtrodden.

The mother who sang lullabies
dried millions of tears,
hushed thousands of sighs
with warm embraces,
with loving care,
slips into the nothing,
exits an unaffected world.

The lover once lovely
dead in an alley a ditch,
too many hits,
too many scars,
unseen unfelt unmissed(sic)
by hundreds of
passing cars

Beauty rotting
cold blood clotting,
passersby passing by
unaware,
would they even care
that she was broken
long before dead,
by a world callous and cruel
undid her lovely head?

I understand fame,
I understand célèbre,
I understand shame,
I hang my head.

J.C. honey-baby 18/06/2019

A repost in honour of all the 'regular' everyday people who have lost their lives to the Covid19 pandemic

cause célèbre


Gloria Vanderbilt died today
princess Diana, was on the news
beautifully dead,
walking the dusty trails
of Angolan land mine fields,
without protection
of any shields.

"I cried the day that Bowie died"
(and the world cried with you)
we shed our tears
our sighs & why's,
when a famous one dies,
but what of the good human
who slips away
without any voices,
without any words,
to say?

The one who gave much more
than they could spare
passes away, shown no care
the loved yet forgotten,
once fine
the downtrodden.

The mother who sang lullabies
dried millions of tears,
hushed thousands of sighs
with warm embraces,
with loving care,
slips into the nothing,
exits an unaffected world.

The lover once lovely
dead in an alley
or a ditch,
too many hits,
too many scars,
unseen unfelt
unmissed(sic)
by hundreds of
passing cars

Beauty rotting
cold blood clotting,
passersby
passing by
unaware,
would they even care
that she was broken
long before dead,
a world callous and cruel
undid her lovely head?

I understand fame,
I understand célèbre,
I understand shame,
I hang my head.

© J.C.

cold
fingers of sticky tar
pressing on
pressure down
a deep dark well
echo chamber
the girl child's sobs
shaken at the throat
his laughter
how he
gloats gloats gloats
cold
steely glinted blades
pressing down
pressure on
a chamber
made of dank air
warm trickle
ruddy blood
mixed with muddy moss
his laughter
gleeful
at her loss loss loss
cold.

J.C. 25/11/2019 - 3.40am

when I think of your hands
traversing my body
your breath dusting my skin
and your kisses
constructed of love
dancing
over my lips
my neck
******* thighs belly
traveling between
the valley of my hipbones
finding shelter
in the garden of my ***
I feel my pulse quicken
the tiny hairs on my skin
all stand to attention
and the pull deep in my belly pit
becomes a homing beacon
seeking you out

I want to map your body
with my kisses
set guidelines
with my tongue
navigate you
until
every inch of your being
all your coordinates
are locked forever
in my unconscious mind
so at any given time
I can follow the lines
explore you
discover your hidden wonders
exclaim "eureka!"
and plant the flag of my love
firmly in your heart
you feel like coming home
forever in your arms is
the place I'm meant to be

J.C.

worlds of difference made in our whirlwind days
the most lovely way that you say all that you say,
lends life, lifts my heart in most marvelous new ways
when you are gone even for the smallest of time,
the ache descends and with it unbends all my rhymes,
so I breathe for that next moment so sweet and so true,
when once more I am able to be with you...
I could go on and on and on and then on some more,
how this new thing has touched me, how I do so adore,
but mostly my dearest, your dearest dear true heart
moving me so deeply, my dear I know not where to start
your words, your voice, gifted upon your soft generous lips,
all these my lovely, do more than unchain my hips,
draw me in to you, make me the moth to your flame,
fill me with longing for that thrill that one more time
when once again, you sweetly whisper my name...

J. C. honey-baby ...undated.

dreamscape gliding
just above tundra
sliding over
whilst slipping under
crack in the surface
falling down
arms flail upwards
fight the drown
desert plains edged
by melting mountains
gravel mouth parched
amid rich fountains
walking the line
with no clear direction
mind's eye open
yet no thought detection
a new age dawns
as old world's crumble
dreams tied in sheets
walls crack & tumble
a confusing mess
with varifocal focus
running lost & blind
to find pinpoint locus
it's a contradiction
and a firm position
another nights dream
feeding supposition

© J.C. 10/09/2019.

I dreamt a dream
that love had left
all that remained
forlorn & bereft

I dreamt a dream
all wells ran dry
as tears did leak
from eye and eye

I dreamt a dream
the sun turned black
my broken heart
did shiver and crack

I dreamt a dream
you loved me not
upon the vine
all did set to rot

I dreamt a dream
you flew away
as on my knees
I begged please stay

I dreamt a dream
of glaciers on fire
my heart did drown
within the mire

I dreamt a dream
hearts turned to stone
sealed within a prison
made for me alone

I dreamt a dream
of orchards burning
the fruited boughs
all soured and turning

I dreamt a dream
the world imploding
awoke in a state
of dark foreboding.

© J.C.

my diurnal rhythms
the push
and the pull
of my tides
now ruled
by
the magnetic force
that is you
your love
felt deep
in the rising swell
of my desire for you
I am powerless
against
this gravitational pull
of wanting
of aching
of breathing
only for your touch
for your kiss
I can feel you
in every beat
of my heart
taste you
as the whet
on my tongue
feel
the vibration
that is you
as both sound and sensation
like a stretched string
quavering in perfect pitch
feel
my pounding heart
the buzz
running through my core
like a hummingbirds wings
in oscillatory motion
feel
every fibre of my being
awakened
every atom
in an excited state
your love both
the catalyst
that causes star bursts
behind my eyes
in a myriad
of beautiful hues
and
the soothe
the restorative
that lends a deep peace
to my soul
your kiss
your loving caress
the balm
that heals my heart.

© J.C.