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Apr 9
You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
you did not hug me
you did not want me
until you needed me
to change your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you nasogastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me
a kid at 13
to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright
that you were not alone
until you needed to confess
to me the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even though
I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter",
not for me but for you
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " (and I do)
to absolve you
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone
and for me
nothing new
the same

I may have posted this here before but it has a couple of tweaks, plus today is the anniversary of his funeral.  Born on tke 4th, diagnosed on the 4th, then as prognosed, died on the 4th, exactly 6 months to the hour... Writing sometimes, is cathartic for me. This is one of those times...trying to put old ghosts to rest.  I wrote this when I was 15.
Jayne E
Written by
Jayne E  F/New Zealand
(F/New Zealand)   
     Sassy, rgz, M-E, ap, Carlo C Gomez and 1 other
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