You did not beat me you did not abuse me you did not ****** me you did not see me you did not talk to me you did not need me you did not love me you did not hug me you did not want me until you needed me to change your **** bag, until you needed me to feed you nasogastrically until you needed me to push the morphine until you needed me a kid at 13 to minister to you tell you not to be afraid to die that it was going to be alright that you were not alone until you needed to confess to me the sins of the father until it was just me and you mother brother spinning off to the edge of the world not coping not dealing like I could do. until you needed me to soothe you like you never soothed me offer you comfort like you never did comfort me until you needed me to see you like you were blind to me even though I was right in front of you all my life in your life until you needed to tell me, "I love you daughter", not for me but for you until you needed me to tell you, "I forgive you dad " (and I do) to absolve you until you needed me to see you die then you were gone and for me nothing new situation remains the same unchanged.
I may have posted this here before but it has a couple of tweaks, plus today is the anniversary of his funeral. Born on tke 4th, diagnosed on the 4th, then as prognosed, died on the 4th, exactly 6 months to the hour... Writing sometimes, is cathartic for me. This is one of those times...trying to put old ghosts to rest. I wrote this when I was 15.