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Sep 2022 · 187
off axis
Jayne E Sep 2022
it's cold here
in the shade
of your waning love
blue moon bruises
of the heart
left to rot
like fruit in the bowl
as the gnarl in my stomach
tightens
dark matters knot
to a widow black hole

© J.C.
Sep 2022 · 168
2 3 1 5 (valentine's day)
Jayne E Sep 2022
2 3 1 5 (valentines day)

Valentine's kisses
blown by fists
set coordinates
as markers
of unholy tristes
days in lieu
spent chasing back time
fooling myself
momentarily
that I can run down
the night
trade in those seedy lows
for peakless highs
masquerading sobs
smiles to hide sighs

© J.C.
Sep 2022 · 102
Sadness...
Jayne E Sep 2022
Sadness

craving for some love
on the empty side of the bed
feeling the hollowed pain
of things felt but left unsaid
the air has grown colder
as knots settle in my chest
are we going where we said
we'd never?
being so much less
than our loving best
I know sometimes I can be trying
less than easy, more than complex
your absented  love has me crying
falling into a blue emotional vortex
a growing gnawed bone deep ache
as the sadness rises steady
how much more before I break?

© J.C.
Jun 2022 · 125
whispers & kisses
Jayne E Jun 2022
come to me
in whispers and kisses
consume me
with trembled breaths of love
call for me in urgency
tenderly
growl my name
****** me
utter up to me
all your ardent wishes
envelop me
our love the white hot flame
burn for me
be open love
see how desire frees
ravish me
make my salty sweet
your most delicious
surrender with me
willfully
give over to love
bent on her gentle knees

©J.C.
Jun 2022 · 332
The Kiss
Jayne E Jun 2022
The Kiss

Blissfully lost in you
the wetness
inside your mouth
matches the
rhythmic rain
falling
for you
in a city doorwell
this kiss is
The Kiss
by which all kisses
must forevermore
be measured
we persist
oblivious
to the 9-5'er passers-by
never have I been
so beautifully kissed
time dissolves
stars align as
our kiss blossoms
evolves
lips locked
in bliss
hearts set free
in this moment
forever I'm yours..

©J.C.


(An older poem written many years ago)
May 2021 · 254
the super flower moon
Jayne E May 2021
The super flower moon is shining
golden through my window as
I lie in bed catching moonbeams
dancing over my bed
and glinting in my eye
I am thinking of you

I am thinking of you
and aching deep within my core
knowing you are sleeping
an ocean and a day between us
as we share dreamtime
under the glisten and glimmer
of the super flower moon

© J.C.
Apr 2021 · 201
Big love
Jayne E Apr 2021
I still have 100's of poems for you
they are stored in my heart
even when my notebook falls silent
and the pages yawn blankly white
it does not mean poetry has stopped
blossoming inside me
or that I no longer burn for you
sometimes it is so intense
this big love I have for you
it consumes me
consumes my words
renders me tongue tied
flushed
my heart beating
like a hummingbirds wings
caged in my chest
the catch in my throat
and the fall in the pit of my belly
my quickened pulse ticking wildly
at the back of my tongue
all of my senses on hyper alert
tuned to the pull of you
I wake up every morning
reaching for you
a hand draped over my hip
my fingertips and palm
seeking the fuzzy warmth
of your sleepy belly
willing you to be there
wiggling into the curve
of my sleeping body
you be the big spoon
if it's still dark
I can hold the illusion
keep my eyes closed
allow sleep to pull me back
into some kind of dream
that's not quite a dream
float in that space
we occupy together
when we are both sleeping
on opposite sides of the planet
space folds in on itself
I can feel you loving me
I can feel your warmth
I can feel your breath
on my skin
the spell is broken
as soon as the day breaks
as soon as you are awake
10,699 km's away
and starting your day.


©J.C.
2 years of loving you.
Feb 2021 · 114
two breaths
Jayne E Feb 2021
two breaths from dawn
the night is
caught
on loop
breathing me in
spitting me out
again
and
again
stuck in stasis
small and
wanting more
cocooned

nights tendrils
offer small comforts
a place to hide
the silence
is deafening
feeding the urgency
a filtered glimpse
of emergence
see
corners of night
pealed back
stripped bare
no succour
or blessed offerings
to be found
as the dark
spits out
dawns dusty light
your side of the bed
shivers
empty & cold
heavy
I lie in wait
less your sleeping form
emerges

all these
scissored thoughts
a shattered mosaic
birdsong crashes in
I am left
begging
for more...

J.C.
Jan 2021 · 133
soaring (on the thermal)
Jayne E Jan 2021
my heart lifts
in upward flight
a bird on the wing
in the presence
of your love
like a lark ascending
soaring
skyward
on the thermal current

* * * * *

I've loved you
all of my life
even before we met
the promise of you
was cast in my heart
its double barreled
pulsed rhythm
secretly calling your name
your love for me
so sweet and true
became this littlebirds
homing beacon
guiding me
I wing my way
to the refuge of your embrace
to the rapture of your kiss
to the nest of our bed
to the radiance of your love
home.

J.C. (littlebird)
This piece of music communicates how your love feels to me. Also my favourite Ralph Vaughn Williams piece.

https://youtu.be/yU-1zqUo80U
Dec 2020 · 104
I remember # 2
Jayne E Dec 2020
i remember #2

i remember
cats eyes
lighting up
the edge of never
a silent heightless
boundary
between life
& a plunge into death
trusty bertha
golden bullet
speeding through
the silvered night
on the edge of sleep
still dreaming
moonless skies
twinkling stardust memories
the smell of the forest
filling my sleepy mind
Bertha's headlights
throwing ominous
beautiful tree shadows
across the night vista
falling
back into slumber
hungry jaguar purring
biting up the bitumen
into the blackness
devouring tarseal
& endless miles
the scent of Chanel
drifting from
the nape of
my mother's long
elegant neck
floating weightless
80 mph to morning
waking within
the sound of the ocean
bacon & eggs
cooked on the hot engine
then running
into the summer
south pacific
perfect summer morning
I remember.

© J.C.
#childhood #perfectsummers #thecalmbeforethestorm
Dec 2020 · 96
i remember
Jayne E Dec 2020
I remember
long car trips
in the back of the jag
bench seats like beds
the smell of
walnut
and rich red leather
being lifted in slumber
not sleeping but sleeping
half awake moments
a quilt to cover
draped warm & heavy
over my childs body
falling asleep
with the smell of the ocean
stars twinkling by
in the passing
evening sky
the rushing of air
through
windows cracked
to the traveling night
I remember.

© J.C.
#childhood #calmbeforethestorm #innocenceintact
Nov 2020 · 175
He found me...
Jayne E Nov 2020
he brings me peace
wrapped up in love
his love is tender sweet
we fit together as hand in glove

he knows just such
to soothe me right
and when I need his touch
to be strong with might

he found me blue
bruised petals torn
knew what to say and do
to chase away my forlorn

he has ruined me now
for any other ever
with the love he endows
a bond too strong to sever

he is more than a good man
my respect for him grows
depend upon him I can
as he can me he knows

the love he gives is so good
forever my heart his to keep
at last love manifest as it should
forever I am his little meep

© J.C.
Oct 2020 · 76
shaking stars
Jayne E Oct 2020
You're out there
spinning galaxies
with fine tipped fingers
compressing time
then
stretching it out
into gossamer fibrils
casting each
diaphonous strand
into a perfect
jordans curve
infinite
ideal
iterations
looping
into each other
incessantly
less maven
more childlike
and lost
endlessly striving
to rewrite all those
coded memories
becoming
cocooned
confused
soffocating
and bruised
trapped
by your own
woven web of
shimmering lies.

© J.C.
Oct 2020 · 83
antony.
Jayne E Oct 2020
I thought about you
today
after many
introuvable years
you sifted back
dropping down
like dew
from the aethers
your scent
circumferent
once more
I thought about
when we first met
a day party
in eden
how I sensed you
before I saw you
how you felt me
before you found me
hiding
in the light
& once again
we became
satellites
orbiting
a 1000 year old
love

in your eyes
I see my eyes
reflected
my spirit flies
through aeons
flying
in and out
of love
with you forever.

©J.C.
Oct 2020 · 64
falling stars
Jayne E Oct 2020
dappled morning light
the gentleness
of early suns
flickering through
leaves
dancing on a summer breeze
filtered rays
curtains drawn tight
against the intruding day
your steady breath
dusting my skin
will always be
how I want to wake
your sleepy voice
gentle
pulling me
into the new day
pulling me
into you
I could stay here
like this
entwined
with you
letting day fall into night
and night bloom into day
the world beyond our window
dissolving
I would if we could
stay here
breathing you in
my oxygen
the falling stars
of your kisses upon my skin
firing my heart
with love.

© J.C.
Sep 2020 · 183
painterly
Jayne E Sep 2020
Of artists blocks
and charcoal pencils
lines drawn
blackened white
with hearts the stencil
gouache pastels
in dusted hues
smudged
whetted thumbs
by moistened lips
colours gently bruised
with fingertips
stroked by brushes
firm tipped certain
outside the frame
of loves drawn curtain
softly washed
in watercolour fade
the painter plays
loves serenade
emboldened strokes
in oils dramatic
his canvas laden
replete
climactic

© J.C.
Sep 2020 · 59
somersaulting into happy
Jayne E Sep 2020
It is important
that you know
just how much
you matter
regardless
of tempers flared
boundaries shattered
I've loved you
since
before you were born
all the joys we've shared
at first
just a fluttering tremor
always awake before dawn
then somersaults
and kicks in your dad's ribs
thru my belly
hard not to remember
but when I lay
a certain way
that warm September
just you and me
alone in peace
tranquility
so still
as a belly bump
you would be
sleeping inside me
as I slept too
just we
in harmony
perfect symmetry
you
taught me
the true essence
of happy

J.C.
I just came across this, written quite a time ago for my daughter...my first born.
Sep 2020 · 53
love is pain
Jayne E Sep 2020
wrap me
in the warmth
of your sleeping body
let your love
be my blanket
make me a pillow
of kisses & caresses
soothe me
run your deft fingers
through my fallen tresses
let your heart beats
rythym
in sleep
feed
my own breaths
metre to keep

*  *  *  *  

love in stasis
your heart beats
in sleep
an ocean sways
my heart beats
stranded
10699 km away
so
love becomes
pain
a gnawing ache
in the pit of my belly
until
your whispered
breath
grazes my skin
as you utter
my name
in love
again
and
again

  *  *  *  *

I feel your love
with me always

craving to
exalt our love
with my body
on your body
belly to belly
lip to lip
fingers interlaced
into ecstasy
we slip
nourish me
with the fire
in your *****
let your passion
take me higher
and higher
every particle
of life
is pure pain
until
we are
together again
forever joined.

© J.C.
Jayne E Sep 2020
A repost in honour of all the 'regular' everyday people who have lost their lives to the Covid19 pandemic

cause célèbre


Gloria Vanderbilt died today
princess Diana, was on the news
beautifully dead,
walking the dusty trails
of Angolan land mine fields,
without protection
of any shields.

"I cried the day that Bowie died"
(and the world cried with you)
we shed our tears
our sighs & why's,
when a famous one dies,
but what of the good human
who slips away
without any voices,
without any words,
to say?

The one who gave much more
than they could spare
passes away, shown no care
the loved yet forgotten,
once fine
the downtrodden.

The mother who sang lullabies
dried millions of tears,
hushed thousands of sighs
with warm embraces,
with loving care,
slips into the nothing,
exits an unaffected world.

The lover once lovely
dead in an alley
or a ditch,
too many hits,
too many scars,
unseen unfelt
unmissed(sic)
by hundreds of
passing cars

Beauty rotting
cold blood clotting,
passersby
passing by
unaware,
would they even care
that she was broken
long before dead,
a world callous and cruel
undid her lovely head?

I understand fame,
I understand célèbre,
I understand shame,
I hang my head.

© J.C.
A repost, in memory of all the everyday 'regular',  remarkable, people who have recently lost their lives to the  Covid19 pandemic.  Originally a musing on how much more 'importance' we place on the passing of 'famous' people, when every day, millions of everyday 'regular' remarkable humans die...what value do we assign to a life, and why should one life count for more than another, just by virtue of notoriety or fame or 'celebrity'... Anyway, it seemed like an appropriate time to repost this one...written the day Gloria Vanderbilt died last year. Way before we got caught in the grip of Covid19, and a new way of living was born.
Sep 2020 · 59
Holodomor...
Jayne E Sep 2020
Holodomor (aka starvation of a nation).

shed a tear
for the horror show
holodomor years
millions in the Ukraine
perished
slow death
extreme pain
enforced starvation
to gain
control
of a nation
by extermination
see them starving
in the streets
mismanaged agricrops
switched
grain for sugarbeets
and cotton
grains left on the stem
until rotten
an atrocity
forgotten
desperate mothers
at train stations
offer up
emaciated children
to travelling strangers
last hope
to redeem them
from the dangers
'only the good die young'
they say
those who refuse
to steal
******* themselves
or eat their neighbour
after forced to trade
their farms
for a life
of slave labour
cannabilism becomes rife
an atrocity of the 1930's
rarely spoken of anymore
took the lives of 3-7million
known as the holodomor

J.C.
Aug 2020 · 80
take me to Monterey
Jayne E Aug 2020
take me to Monterey


take me to Monterey
let's find a secret beach
play with me
in the shallows
lay with me
in the warm golden sand
take me to Monterey
let's find
a secret hideaway
kiss me
under a waterfall
that cascades
onto golden sand
take me to Monterey
walk with me
hand in hand
I want to feel
warm sand
between my toes
I want to look
into your eyes and know
when I'm with you
I'm always home
take me to Monterey

J.C.
Aug 2020 · 99
of loved ones lost...
Jayne E Aug 2020
this poets soul
is sowing seeds
for loved ones lost
for unseen deeds
in the quiet times
dappled with sighs
dusted in pale light
are pre dawn skies
Mr Tui sings
he spreads wide
his wings
in upward flight
to the Puriri tree
I think of you
I dream you are free
toes mulled
in a turning tide
undertow pulled
the tears we cried
for you
I glimpse your eyes
crystalline blue
so briefly seen
caught in sea foam
sands washed
renewed pristine
I let go like the sun
& long for home


J.C.
Aug 2020 · 45
drunk sunk love...
Jayne E Aug 2020
drunk again
the Bourbon sliding
down your throat
like a lovers kiss
out comes
the witty charm
banter up the *****
that's you
when drinking
not over thinking
or feeling like
you're sinking
but when you
get home
crawl into bed
and into my arms
knowing you're
safe from harms
the shell cracks
your softer side
showing
child like
knowing
I see you
yes I truly do
just me and you
the fear shows
as trust grows
it's how it goes
my s.q.p
lay with me
lost boy
of the morning
with rising sun
so your thirst
is dawning
the light
catches
you in fright
reflected
in the mirror
not a palatable
sight
so dawns
the time to drown
be again a cad
out about town
charmer
smooth as honey
dripping away
all our money
buying rounds
burning our love
to the ground
still
you keep
coming around
seeking
that familiar peace
reeking
of ketones
on your knees
begging my love
please baby please
to give you
the soothe & ease
you crave & need
but sugar
your absence
planted a seed
now I'm craving
to be freed
that sweet love
we did share
turned to chains
ownership
no care
I need so much more
than to be
your priestess
and your *****
a place to confess
while you
take off my dress
chain me to your hips
lies dripping
off your lovely lips
it's stripping
me bare
skin to the bone
I'm more
than something you own
so as love
turns to vapours
draw up
the divorce papers
you get
down & *****
now
its about
how to hurt me
your pains message
plain to see
is so I don't forget
you keep the key
never going to let
me
truly
be
free
Well
see....
me fly away
my lost boy of the morning
my s.q.p
see me
sad it's true
no longer
can i
give my love to you...
s.q.p.
you & me
sugar,
we're through...


J.C.
I wrote this a few years ago, but a recurring nightmare, just brought it crashing the night, from the past to the present... Tonight.
Aug 2020 · 70
no words...
Jayne E Aug 2020
my love for you
the deep emotions
that fly around my heart
lifting me up
lighter than air
defy words
I have searched
reached out
tried to pull
those feelings
onto the page
but they fall
into flat air
the words
to fully express
my love for you
how much you mean
to me
how this love
runs deeper
than the Clutha river
is bigger
than Betelgeuse
how it
burns brighter
than the Sun
is clearer than
the waters of
lake Rotomairewhenua

simply
do not exist.

J.C.
Lake Rotomairewhenua (pronounced "rawtaw-myray-fenooa" aka The Blue Lake, is the clearest lake in the world, and is in our beautiful Sth Island, in the Nelson district, here in New Zealand...the Clutha, is a deep river, also in the Sth Island...
Jul 2020 · 63
scented death
Jayne E Jul 2020
boy2 & girl lure a young naïve boy
deep deep down into the well
to claim his mums love the ploy
motherless girl will steal his smell
tricked on a dare to stay 5 days
a lethal plan hatched never to tell
girl & boy2 plotted devious ways
to send the  boy on a trip to hell
nose held potion tipped in steep
soft the boy fell deathly asleep
into his chest the girl struck a knife
one two three & out bled his life
with same blade she set to work
her hands did neither shake or ****
cut out clean his scenting glands
armpits & groin with deft hands
shaved the gold hair off his head
a blessing the boy was now dead
mixed pig grease & fragrant oils
added the ****** fruits of her toils
building a scent to rub in her skin
so his sad mum will sense her akin
and foster the girl o'er all others
drawn to a child's natural scent
are  loving affectionate mothers
a trick so cruel it defies belief
his body unfound giving no relief
girl caught herself a loving mother
the mother lost her loving son
shallow earth grave did smother
a crime so heinous nobody won
the girl haunted for decades ahead
the mothers grief saw her undone
the girl spiralled crazy off her head
his body found all finally revealed
the deep dark well at last unsealed
all by a girl craving a loving mother
fostered the need to take anothers

J.C.
A little grim, lolz, not my usual 'style' write, & also unusual for me, completely fictional...sparked by a German series, I recently watched on Netflix, which was not so loosely based (in a modern setting) on one of my top 10 favourite books, (I have reread it many times over the past 20years), 'Perfume' by Patrick Süskind...
Jayne E Jul 2020
when the monsters
come to call on me
steep and creep
into my dreams
waking me in fright
drag me unwillingly
through cold terrors of the night
your love is my comfort
your love my cure
the weight of your arms
how your tenderness
endures
chases away all harms
holding me close
holding me tight
radiant warmth of your heart
transforms my darkest shadows
into golden dusted light
every day my mind blows
at the depth of your love
in all its beautiful might
this connection we discovered
it feels so natural
feels so right
true love finally been uncovered
soars my heart in joyous flight
I am in deep
so in love with you
feelings much too strong to fight
ruined blissfully through & through
you hold my heart
in your hands to keep
now and forever more I will be
your adoring little Meep...

J.C.
in deep, the beauty of love, transformative...
Jul 2020 · 63
in your eyes
Jayne E Jul 2020
In your eyes
lost
flecked
with amber fire
igniting
my fuse
burning
burning
burning
for your touch
in your eyes
found
deeply sensual
rich forest floor
ground
anchoring
me
to your
wanting body
in your eyes
sparking
falling
falling
falling
in deep with you
drawn into
this vortex
you are
my magnetar
locked in twin orbit
giddy with love
electrified with desire
as you spin me
higher
higher
higher
pulse thundering
in my head
my skin on fire
the brush of your lips
graze of your teeth
stroke of your
fingertips
feeding
breeding
consumed by
an illuminated
desire

when it is
so intensely charged
this way
when all sounds
each breath of wind
every colour in the day
serves only
to pull me to you
I burn for you
with a white hot flame
my heartbeats
pound out
your name
with ferocious might
I tremble
certain
your lightest touch
will see me dissolve
into particles
of shimmering golden light
becoming
the fired amber flecks
in your eyes

© J.C.
Jul 2020 · 71
painting by numbers
Jayne E Jul 2020
before the pale winter sun
has entertained thoughts
of pushing
its watercolour light
into the unfolded corners
of  this long cold night
a solitary Tui
perched
in the highest branches
of the ancient Puriri tree
outside my sleeping windows
sings
searching out his mate
serenading in another
distilled day
and filling my weary being
with little droplets of joy
the white tufted bird
is just being a bird
for him
nothing extraordinary
for me
his complex trills
clicks whirs
interspersed
with melodic bell like
bursts of song
cast out
into the monochromatic dawn
seeming to bleed colour
into the grayscale
feeds my poets soul

© J.C.
Jul 2020 · 45
your love...
Jayne E Jul 2020
your wondrous love
flows over me
like warm honey
and molten lava
sweet & tender
with
loving devotion
hot & fired
with
burning urgent need
to feel both
so deeply loved
and
so fiercely desired
the marriage
of
tender true love
and  how
you burn like the sun
for my body
on your body
your body
in my body
saturates
every cell of my being
with love for you
fierce & unstoppable
as a raging storm
gentle & yielding
as a summer breeze
deep & overwhelming
as the Mariana trench
I am consumed
by the wild forest fires
of your love
willingly lost
in your forest floor eyes
every moment of my day
not with you
is spent aching
for your touch
to feel
your breath on my skin
your embrace
pulling me in close
no air between our skin
your kisses
raining on me
everywhere
my pulse thumps
and my heart
beats out your name
your love has
forever changed me
never again the same

© J.C.
Jul 2020 · 55
carry me on your back
Jayne E Jul 2020
carry me on your back
legs wrapped
around your waist
when I am tired
wash my body
lovingly
warm water
cascading
from the shower
of your deconstructed
bathroom
I want to remain
all softened edges
sleepy and quiet
while you attend
to your task
thoroughly
then carry me
again
lay me in our bed
warm clean & happy
I ache to sink deep
into the waters
of your love
never hit the bottom
never ascend
to breathe the air
of the mundane world
outside our bedroom
dissolving
embraced
bouyant
consumed
and enveloped
by your
extraordinary  love
you fill my senses
with a deep joy
the ways
you express your love
for me
In all its
rarified loveliness
unequalled tenderness
with
fiery passion &
sweet devotion
has me ruined
forevermore
for any other.

© J.C.
Jul 2020 · 44
It's 3am again...
Jayne E Jul 2020
even though
it is bitingly cold
outside
it is the heat
in my *****
that wakes me
the longing for you
outweighs any frost
the thrum of my pulse
drowns out the heavy rain
I crave to feel your warmth
close to me
burn for the touch
of your arms around me
reaching out for me
in slumber
as always
this ache
settles deep in the pit
of my belly
magnet pulling
to wherever
you are.

It's 3am again.

J.C.
Jun 2020 · 47
running the spectrum
Jayne E Jun 2020
there is real beauty
in prismatic light
refracted
dew drops
touched by sunlight
On a perfect days dawn
there is real beauty
in ***** rain puddles
pooled
in city sidewalk gutters
an oily rainbow
streaks of colour
running the spectrum
causing a catch of breath
in my throat
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the fruit bats
immortalised and suspended
fried on the wire
of Sydney's city power lines
their final graceful swoop
caught and fraught
beautiful
he told me once
I'd never been
more beautiful
to him
salty cheeked
tear stains married with
a fine misted sweat
swollen eyed
flushed still
from our climactic
holy moments
the guttural heart pain
mixed with pure joy
caught and fraught
that last time
before
I had to cut you out of me
like a cancer
tearing me apart
with my own fingers
you killed me
on a daily basis
just to rip me back into life
every sunset and moonrise
resurrecting our love
pinning me to the board
while my wings
still fluttered madly
caught and fraught
smiling you watched on
feeding
the stumbling bumble bee
drops of your bourbon
as you drowned in it
as you drowned out of it
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the burning fuse
heartbeats racing
anticipating
the moment it all blows apart
I gather all the tiny pieces
of my poems you tore apart
angry
at the time
the time that they stole
from being with you
obsessed
possessed
black magic
flipping the switch
caught and fraught
I'm making a glue
from my tears
and my blood
you spilled
so I can rebuild myself
a papier mâché life...

but that's another poem
for another day

©J.C.
Jun 2020 · 40
utopian chimes
Jayne E Jun 2020
I remember the days
of our spotless youth
perfect bodies
yet to be touched
by bearing
our children
or weathering
your fists
back when love
was still
tender sweet fruit on the vine
you lived to lay your head
upon my breast
post ******
you christened them
'the heavens'
how you offered up
prayers of adoration
with such sweet tenderness
made me believe
we would last forever

I remember the days
of our arcadian youth
you stole stars light
from moonless nights
sprinkled it my eyes
and between my thighs
you were
such an adept mountebank
playing fast and loose
with the truth
and my heart
set me up
for the greatest fall
of all

I saw a photo of you
the other day
and
finally
felt nothing.

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 2020
monster #1

monster #1
gifted to me
my first taste
of real
guttural sorrow
stitched my lips
sealed tight
with threats of
"you'll wake up - dead tomorrow"
as a child
I was not stupid
quite the opposite
in fact
but no child
endures weeks of torture
and comes out
the other side
intact
monster #1
had a partiality
for young
fresh maids
meticulous
and precise
he was sick
morally bankrupt
sadistic
in spades
he walked the world
dressed in the guise
of perfect gentleman
had everybody fooled
as only the best
true monsters can
he took what he craved
with no care
for damage done
narcissistic
sociopath
decidedly depraved
not satisfied
'til her
young innocence
he had won

~~~~~~~~~

monster #2*

monster #2
was an entirely
different kettle of stew
wore the costume
of a beloved
and then used
what he knew
12 years of 'love'
both given & taken
gold rings sealed
all others forsaken
when love flew away
a true monster revealed
rather than release
the 'one true love of his life'
he plotted with vengeful
dark caprice
the undoing
of his trusting sweet wife
the best laid plans
can still go awry
(thankfully)
as on Valentines night
she was
intended to die
11th hour pleas
from the monster
to his crew
kept her
out of her grave
but not all
could he undo
though he cried
and he wailed
filled with
trepidation
and regret
that ship had
already sailed
too little too late
beaten and bruised
her they did violate
toyed with
debased
and used
once more
she did break
as monster #2
a slaughterhouse
of his wife
he did make.


- epilogue -

any sane human
might ask
may seek to know
why would a man
who professes
to love her so much
orchestrate
such an
ungodly horror show?

her crime was
simple
she left him
his anger distilled
if he cannot have her
then nobody will
so throw her
to the brutes
and bid them
to take
their sickly
violent fill

J.C.

Not all monsters start out that way ...it makes it more unbearable, more painful, when there was real love as the foundation...
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3812169/bad-habit-rewrite/
two ends of the spectrum of violation and abuse...#1 a relative 'stranger', & ruiner of children. #2 the opposite, beloved of more than a decade, turned bitter and vengeful, when loves well ran dry, because I could no longer live with his increasing violence, fed by his deepening obsession and deisre to 'own' me like a prized possession...
Jayne E Jun 2020
there are
a few small pieces
of me with
edges quite sharp
not necessarily broken
just jagged and scarred
from things best
left unspoken
lest whispered close
in the dark
it's a cost
of stolen childhood
sweet innocence lost
not always understood
but can set one apart
precious pieces taken
with no asking
now shoulders
are a shaking
need a skill of masking
this sorrow deep
tears fall for years
as I
weep
weep
weep
a grieving
for the child
who at 12
stopped believing
the world is made of light
replaced instead
by cold terrors
in the dead of
each sleepless night
monsters are real
not just shadows
under the bed
they creep and they steal
forever more in your head
that which was taken
can never be renewed
trust all forsaken
the monster excited
his sick prize
he gleefully pursued
at first all smiles
and
'hey let's be friends'
as he dosed her soda
a sadistic means
to his wicked ends

monsters are real
not just under the bed
sometimes I wonder
will I ever
get him
out
of
my
head.

© J.C.
stolen childhood, predators, monsters, lost innocence... :(
Jun 2020 · 94
dark dreams
Jayne E Jun 2020
I dreamt a dream
that love had left
all that remained
forlorn & bereft

I dreamt a dream
all wells ran dry
as tears did leak
from eye and eye

I dreamt a dream
the sun turned black
my broken heart
did shiver and crack

I dreamt a dream
you loved me not
upon the vine
all did set to rot

I dreamt a dream
you flew away
as on my knees
I begged please stay

I dreamt a dream
of glaciers on fire
my heart did drown
within the mire

I dreamt a dream
hearts turned to stone
sealed within a prison
made for me alone

I dreamt a dream
of orchards burning
the fruited boughs
all soured and turning

I dreamt a dream
the world imploding
awoke in a state
of dark foreboding.

© J.C.
It was just a dream....
Jun 2020 · 56
golden droplets
Jayne E Jun 2020
thinking about you
with too much
focus
when we are apart
has me
unable to settle
unable to sleep
unable to eat
thinking about
your heat
your kiss
your touch
your skin
pressed
against my skin
those holy moments
of mutual ******
bodies in perfect sync
letting go
together
giving over to
the ferocious
sweet storms
tearing through
our *****
colours bursting
behind my eyes
lost in your sighs
shimmering
golden
droplets of lights
a heat haze
made
just for lovers
my ******
triggered by
your moans
sweet words
of love
and devotion
whispered
against my skin
forever changed
I am adrift
with you
on an ocean of love
blissfully
ruined
for any other
willingly
marooned
on the island
of your love.

© J.C.
Jun 2020 · 42
promisory
Jayne E Jun 2020
in the promise
of your kiss
mouths barely
touching
the lightest brush
of your generous lip
against mine
the warm dusting
of your breath
against my skin
tasting you
in my mouth
before you have
even touched me
I'm fully lit for you
thrills running
through
my wanting body
pulse thrumming
in my veins
my skin
on fire
craving
your touch
in those stolen moments
of almost touching
almost kissing
I feel your love
completely
it washes over me
pulls me
like the 7th wave
of an outgoing tide
at full moon
heavy undertow
dragging all logic
out with it
tossing me
tumbling me
caught
in the current
of my desire for you
I could be
shipwrecked
blissfully content
to be lost forever
your body
my deserted island
sometimes
all this love
all this passion
all this tenderness
all this heat
I have for you
overwhelms me
I lose time
just feeling
the intensity
of it all
find myself
breathless flushed
from
the mere thought of you
always
there is the pull
felt deep
in the pit of my belly
magnetised
and drawing my compass
to wherever you are.

© J.C.
Jun 2020 · 45
weeping willow
Jayne E Jun 2020
graceful willow sways & weeps
feathered arms sway a sweeping
this ill fated night fretful steeps
forewarns not he comes a creeping
as bush clad creek trickles near
bubbling waters gently ******
too soon will be awash in fear
no signs reveal sick eves wrinkle
night queen wafts upon warm air
as gently rest all souls a slumber
he lifts her touches soft her hair
in sleep awake in deep encumber
all still all quiet in dead of night
lone cicadas chirp solitary sound
in silence he works to stage it right
lays her limp on soft leafy ground
sister willow weeping watches on
cords pulled to make knots tight
he feeds her leaves one by one
hope slips the knot drips away
drop by drop of endless night.

©J.C.
predators abuse stolen childhood
Jun 2020 · 45
some days...
Jayne E Jun 2020
some days
I feel like I've
lived
a thousand
life times
run
a thousand
marathons
back to back
not slumbered
deeply
for 1000 years

some days
I feel like
I get younger
with each breath
walking
on air
butterflies
in swarm
the sun
setting over the ocean
fill me
with wide eyed wonder
as if seen
for the first time

every day
spent
in the embrace
of your love
fills me
with joy anew
the stars
all burn brighter
you are
warm sun rays
upon my face
my heart soars
weightless
pure with
lightness of being
the one you love.

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 2020
Underwater bells
lingering
echoes
carried in the swells
sunken sirens
sweetly sing
tempting hirens
underwater
bells ring
candles fire
flickering
burning down
to waxy
embered nub
thunder rumbles
lightning flashes
striking through
my dreamscape
kick up against
the undertow
hoping to wake
cool hands
he grips
my ankles
tight
pulling hard
fight the rip
he tries
thinks he might
keep me
here with him
where deep
underwater
bells ring
where
deathly angels
with
silken sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.
suicide, blaming, wasted genius, drowning, ghosts


So, I wrote the original, a couple of days ago, very quickly, on waking from this dream, literally scribbled it out in a minute or two, it didn't feel quite complete, whole, to me, so this is the dream in a smidge more detail...
Jun 2020 · 44
silence sings...
Jayne E Jun 2020
3am silence
sings to me
like a siren
on the stormy sea
it calls your name
carved out of
nights velvety ink
I reach for you
feeling my heart sink
as the night air
swallows my touch
without response
as silence screams
this pit deep want
interrupts my dreams
dry runs loves font
without you here
laying warm
against me dear
all is empty & cold
no joy of love
to thaw my heart
pain defined
is being apart.

© J.C.
missing wanting craving you
Jun 2020 · 88
prayer for insonmiacs
Jayne E Jun 2020
the ways of men
pondered
tears spilled
on the pillow
a poem written
as a prayer
so please
I beg
let me sleep
now
peaceful
please

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 2020
silent kindnesses given
without want of praise
smiles of warmth
caught
on the peripheral
without expectation
or needy of return
compassion
an empathetic heart
can soothe
ones deepest woes.

© J.C.
Jun 2020 · 69
hauntings
Jayne E Jun 2020
you are back
returned
to haunting me
stalking my dreams
you and the other
monsters
all ghosts seem
to return at once
I can taste you
feel you
wanting another
pound of flesh
for your larder
hedonistic as ever
too much
was never enough
for you
panic rises
black dots fusing
as always
obscuring light
******* the oxygen
out of my room
the air replaced
with your scent
each inward breath
suffocates me further
tick tock tick tock
slowing down the clock
dragging out nights shadows
I left you long ago
why can't you
just let me go.

© J.C.
Jun 2020 · 51
underwater bells
Jayne E Jun 2020
Underwater bells ring
candles fire flickering
burning down
to waxen embered nub
thunder rumbles
as lightning strikes
flashes through
my dreamscape
kicking up through
the undertow
hoping to wake
his cool hands
pull on my ankles
trying to keep me
down with him
where deep underwater
bells ring
where deathly angels
with sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 71
panic
Jayne E May 2020
Waking up
panic rising
like bile
choking me
without you near
black dots fuse
together as fear
turning on all the lights
checking rooms
in the dead of night
pulse racing
heart thumping
there's no erasing
it
every sound has me
jumping
focus focus focus
on my breath
in

count

out

repress the urge
to scream and shout
as panic surge
after surge
holds me tight
in its grip
relentless
like a bad acid trip
feeling out of control
the seams tear and rip
counting hours til dawn
never felt so alone
lost in nights chasmic yawn
all I can do is
rock rock rock
try keep it tight
on lock
ride it out
knowing
what it's all about
doesn't mean
I can fix it though
some things
you cannot unknow
just hanging on
til first rays
of morning sun
some things
just can't be undone

© J.C.
panic attacks, memories, trauma, fear, aloneness...
May 2020 · 67
missing you...
Jayne E May 2020
woken by sultry rain
droplets big fat splots
upon my window pane
feeds the need
to feel your skins warmth
next to me
in nights dark pitch
knowing
at my fingers reach
you are here
closer, so near
not kept from me
by swirling vast seas
It hurts
pulling your pillow
in close
wrapping my body around it
whispering your name
is not the same
as feeling your breath
upon my skin
your touch
that I need so much
the rain falls
on and on
pushes me
through this barren night
til dawns light
breaks me apart
with it tears at my heart.

© J.C.
Covid19's ramifications include keeping lovers apart...
Jayne E May 2020
From ******* sweet tips
and curve of hip
milky thighs and sighs
of feminine mystique

Its the inner sighs, smiles
and why's,
the mothers touch
that heals so much
the loving reach,
across the breech,
soothes woes of man
she is Woman.

© J.C.
May 2020 · 58
fragile
Jayne E May 2020
when I'm sick
with physical malaise
and pain gives way
to anxiety in waves
of rising panic
you soothe me
with tender care
ease me through
to peaceful calm
tending
so I come to no harm
with you
I feel safe
for you to see me
stripped and bared
of my outer armour
fragile weak scared
returned to
a child-like state
needing reassurance
kindness
and 'there-theres'
to know that
someone cares
I feel it all with you
I feel cared for
nurtured
I feel you
I feel loved
deep and true.

J.C.
Its easy to be loved when you are at your best, strong, capable, independent...
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