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5d · 39
scented death
Jayne E 5d
boy2 & girl lure a young naïve boy
deep deep down into the well
to claim his mums love the ploy
motherless girl will steal his smell
tricked on a dare to stay 5 days
a lethal plan hatched never to tell
girl & boy2 plotted devious ways
to send the  boy on a trip to hell
nose held potion tipped in steep
soft the boy fell deathly asleep
into his chest the girl struck a knife
one two three & out bled his life
with same blade she set to work
her hands did neither shake or ****
cut out clean his scenting glands
armpits & groin with deft hands
shaved the gold hair off his head
a blessing the boy was now dead
mixed pig grease & fragrant oils
added the ****** fruits of her toils
building a scent to rub in her skin
so his sad mum will sense her akin
and foster the girl o'er all others
drawn to a child's natural scent
are  loving affectionate mothers
a trick so cruel it defies belief
his body unfound giving no relief
girl caught herself a loving mother
the mother lost her loving son
shallow earth grave did smother
a crime so heinous nobody won
the girl haunted for decades ahead
the mothers grief saw her undone
the girl spiralled crazy off her head
his body found all finally revealed
the deep dark well at last unsealed
all by a girl craving a loving mother
fostered the need to take anothers

J.C.
A little grim, lolz, not my usual 'style' write, & also unusual for me, completely fictional...sparked by a German series, I recently watched on Netflix, which was not so loosely based (in a modern setting) on one of my top 10 favourite books, (I have reread it many times over the past 20years), 'Perfume' by Patrick Süskind...
Jayne E 5d
when the monsters
come to call on me
steep and creep
into my dreams
waking me in fright
drag me unwillingly
through cold terrors of the night
your love is my comfort
your love my cure
the weight of your arms
how your tenderness
endures
chases away all harms
holding me close
holding me tight
radiant warmth of your heart
transforms my darkest shadows
into golden dusted light
every day my mind blows
at the depth of your love
in all its beautiful might
this connection we discovered
it feels so natural
feels so right
true love finally been uncovered
soars my heart in joyous flight
I am in deep
so in love with you
feelings much too strong to fight
ruined blissfully through & through
you hold my heart
in your hands to keep
now and forever more I will be
your adoring little Meep...

J.C.
in deep, the beauty of love, transformative...
6d · 49
in your eyes
Jayne E 6d
In your eyes
lost
flecked
with amber fire
igniting
my fuse
burning
burning
burning
for your touch
in your eyes
found
deeply sensual
rich forest floor
ground
anchoring
me
to your
wanting body
in your eyes
sparking
falling
falling
falling
in deep with you
drawn into
this vortex
you are
my magnetar
locked in twin orbit
giddy with love
electrified with desire
as you spin me
higher
higher
higher
pulse thundering
in my head
my skin on fire
the brush of your lips
graze of your teeth
stroke of your
fingertips
feeding
breeding
consumed by
an illuminated
desire

when it is
so intensely charged
this way
when all sounds
each breath of wind
every colour in the day
serves only
to pull me to you
I burn for you
with a white hot flame
my heartbeats
pound out
your name
with ferocious might
I tremble
certain
your lightest touch
will see me dissolve
into particles
of shimmering golden light
becoming
the fired amber flecks
in your eyes

© J.C.
Jul 4 · 41
painting by numbers
Jayne E Jul 4
before the pale winter sun
has entertained thoughts
of pushing
its watercolour light
into the unfolded corners
of  this long cold night
a solitary Tui
perched
in the highest branches
of the ancient Puriri tree
outside my sleeping windows
sings
searching out his mate
serenading in another
distilled day
and filling my weary being
with little droplets of joy
the white tufted bird
is just being a bird
for him
nothing extraordinary
for me
his complex trills
clicks whirs
interspersed
with melodic bell like
bursts of song
cast out
into the monochromatic dawn
seeming to bleed colour
into the grayscale
feeds my poets soul

© J.C.
Jul 3 · 37
your love...
Jayne E Jul 3
your wondrous love
flows over me
like warm honey
and molten lava
sweet & tender
with
loving devotion
hot & fired
with
burning urgent need
to feel both
so deeply loved
and
so fiercely desired
the marriage
of
tender true love
and  how
you burn like the sun
for my body
on your body
your body
in my body
saturates
every cell of my being
with love for you
fierce & unstoppable
as a raging storm
gentle & yielding
as a summer breeze
deep & overwhelming
as the Mariana trench
I am consumed
by the wild forest fires
of your love
willingly lost
in your forest floor eyes
every moment of my day
not with you
is spent aching
for your touch
to feel
your breath on my skin
your embrace
pulling me in close
no air between our skin
your kisses
raining on me
everywhere
my pulse thumps
and my heart
beats out your name
your love has
forever changed me
never again the same

© J.C.
Jul 3 · 24
carry me on your back
Jayne E Jul 3
carry me on your back
legs wrapped
around your waist
when I am tired
wash my body
lovingly
warm water
cascading
from the shower
of your deconstructed
bathroom
I want to remain
all softened edges
sleepy and quiet
while you attend
to your task
thoroughly
then carry me
again
lay me in our bed
warm clean & happy
I ache to sink deep
into the waters
of your love
never hit the bottom
never ascend
to breathe the air
of the mundane world
outside our bedroom
dissolving
embraced
bouyant
consumed
and enveloped
by your
extraordinary  love
you fill my senses
with a deep joy
the ways
you express your love
for me
In all its
rarified loveliness
unequalled tenderness
with
fiery passion &
sweet devotion
has me ruined
forevermore
for any other.

© J.C.
Jul 1 · 58
It's 3am again...
Jayne E Jul 1
even though
it is bitingly cold
outside
it is the heat
in my *****
that wakes me
the longing for you
outweighs any frost
the thrum of my pulse
drowns out the heavy rain
I crave to feel your warmth
close to me
burn for the touch
of your arms around me
reaching out for me
in slumber
as always
this ache
settles deep in the pit
of my belly
magnet pulling
to wherever
you are.

It's 3am again.

J.C.
Jun 28 · 64
running the spectrum
Jayne E Jun 28
there is real beauty
in prismatic light
refracted
dew drops
touched by sunlight
On a perfect days dawn
there is real beauty
in ***** rain puddles
pooled
in city sidewalk gutters
an oily rainbow
streaks of colour
running the spectrum
causing a catch of breath
in my throat
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the fruit bats
immortalised and suspended
fried on the wire
of Sydney's city power lines
their final graceful swoop
caught and fraught
beautiful
he told me once
I'd never been
more beautiful
to him
salty cheeked
tear stains married with
a fine misted sweat
swollen eyed
flushed still
from our climactic
holy moments
the guttural heart pain
mixed with pure joy
caught and fraught
that last time
before
I had to cut you out of me
like a cancer
tearing me apart
with my own fingers
you killed me
on a daily basis
just to rip me back into life
every sunset and moonrise
resurrecting our love
pinning me to the board
while my wings
still fluttered madly
caught and fraught
smiling you watched on
feeding
the stumbling bumble bee
drops of your bourbon
as you drowned in it
as you drowned out of it
caught and fraught
there is real beauty
in the burning fuse
heartbeats racing
anticipating
the moment it all blows apart
I gather all the tiny pieces
of my poems you tore apart
angry
at the time
the time that they stole
from being with you
obsessed
possessed
black magic
flipping the switch
caught and fraught
I'm making a glue
from my tears
and my blood
you spilled
so I can rebuild myself
a papier mâché life...

but that's another poem
for another day

©J.C.
Jun 28 · 33
utopian chimes
Jayne E Jun 28
I remember the days
of our spotless youth
perfect bodies
yet to be touched
by bearing
our children
or weathering
your fists
back when love
was still
tender sweet fruit on the vine
you lived to lay your head
upon my breast
post ******
you christened them
'the heavens'
how you offered up
prayers of adoration
with such sweet tenderness
made me believe
we would last forever

I remember the days
of our arcadian youth
you stole stars light
from moonless nights
sprinkled it my eyes
and between my thighs
you were
such an adept mountebank
playing fast and loose
with the truth
and my heart
set me up
for the greatest fall
of all

I saw a photo of you
the other day
and
finally
felt nothing.

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 27
monster #1

monster #1
gifted to me
my first taste
of real
guttural sorrow
stitched my lips
sealed tight
with threats of
"you'll wake up - dead tomorrow"
as a child
I was not stupid
quite the opposite
in fact
but no child
endures weeks of torture
and comes out
the other side
intact
monster #1
had a partiality
for young
fresh maids
meticulous
and precise
he was sick
morally bankrupt
sadistic
in spades
he walked the world
dressed in the guise
of perfect gentleman
had everybody fooled
as only the best
true monsters can
he took what he craved
with no care
for damage done
narcissistic
sociopath
decidedly depraved
not satisfied
'til her
young innocence
he had won

~~~~~~~~~

monster #2*

monster #2
was an entirely
different kettle of stew
wore the costume
of a beloved
and then used
what he knew
12 years of 'love'
both given & taken
gold rings sealed
all others forsaken
when love flew away
a true monster revealed
rather than release
the 'one true love of his life'
he plotted with vengeful
dark caprice
the undoing
of his trusting sweet wife
the best laid plans
can still go awry
(thankfully)
as on Valentines night
she was
intended to die
11th hour pleas
from the monster
to his crew
kept her
out of her grave
but not all
could he undo
though he cried
and he wailed
filled with
trepidation
and regret
that ship had
already sailed
too little too late
beaten and bruised
her they did violate
toyed with
debased
and used
once more
she did break
as monster #2
a slaughterhouse
of his wife
he did make.


- epilogue -

any sane human
might ask
may seek to know
why would a man
who professes
to love her so much
orchestrate
such an
ungodly horror show?

her crime was
simple
she left him
his anger distilled
if he cannot have her
then nobody will
so throw her
to the brutes
and bid them
to take
their sickly
violent fill

J.C.

Not all monsters start out that way ...it makes it more unbearable, more painful, when there was real love as the foundation...
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3812169/bad-habit-rewrite/
two ends of the spectrum of violation and abuse...#1 a relative 'stranger', & ruiner of children. #2 the opposite, beloved of more than a decade, turned bitter and vengeful, when loves well ran dry, because I could no longer live with his increasing violence, fed by his deepening obsession and deisre to 'own' me like a prized possession...
Jayne E Jun 26
there are
a few small pieces
of me with
edges quite sharp
not necessarily broken
just jagged and scarred
from things best
left unspoken
lest whispered close
in the dark
it's a cost
of stolen childhood
sweet innocence lost
not always understood
but can set one apart
precious pieces taken
with no asking
now shoulders
are a shaking
need a skill of masking
this sorrow deep
tears fall for years
as I
weep
weep
weep
a grieving
for the child
who at 12
stopped believing
the world is made of light
replaced instead
by cold terrors
in the dead of
each sleepless night
monsters are real
not just shadows
under the bed
they creep and they steal
forever more in your head
that which was taken
can never be renewed
trust all forsaken
the monster excited
his sick prize
he gleefully pursued
at first all smiles
and
'hey let's be friends'
as he dosed her soda
a sadistic means
to his wicked ends

monsters are real
not just under the bed
sometimes I wonder
will I ever
get him
out
of
my
head.

© J.C.
stolen childhood, predators, monsters, lost innocence... :(
Jun 20 · 51
dark dreams
Jayne E Jun 20
I dreamt a dream
that love had left
all that remained
forlorn & bereft

I dreamt a dream
all wells ran dry
as tears did leak
from eye and eye

I dreamt a dream
the sun turned black
my broken heart
did shiver and crack

I dreamt a dream
you loved me not
upon the vine
all did set to rot

I dreamt a dream
you flew away
as on my knees
I begged please stay

I dreamt a dream
of glaciers on fire
my heart did drown
within the mire

I dreamt a dream
hearts turned to stone
sealed within a prison
made for me alone

I dreamt a dream
of orchards burning
the fruited boughs
all soured and turning

I dreamt a dream
the world imploding
awoke in a state
of dark foreboding.

© J.C.
It was just a dream....
Jun 19 · 48
golden droplets
Jayne E Jun 19
thinking about you
with too much
focus
when we are apart
has me
unable to settle
unable to sleep
unable to eat
thinking about
your heat
your kiss
your touch
your skin
pressed
against my skin
those holy moments
of mutual ******
bodies in perfect sync
letting go
together
giving over to
the ferocious
sweet storms
tearing through
our *****
colours bursting
behind my eyes
lost in your sighs
shimmering
golden
droplets of lights
a heat haze
made
just for lovers
my ******
triggered by
your moans
sweet words
of love
and devotion
whispered
against my skin
forever changed
I am adrift
with you
on an ocean of love
blissfully
ruined
for any other
willingly
marooned
on the island
of your love.

© J.C.
Jun 18 · 65
promisory
Jayne E Jun 18
in the promise
of your kiss
mouths barely
touching
the lightest brush
of your generous lip
against mine
the warm dusting
of your breath
against my skin
tasting you
in my mouth
before you have
even touched me
I'm fully lit for you
thrills running
through
my wanting body
pulse thrumming
in my veins
my skin
on fire
craving
your touch
in those stolen moments
of almost touching
almost kissing
I feel your love
completely
it washes over me
pulls me
like the 7th wave
of an outgoing tide
at full moon
heavy undertow
dragging all logic
out with it
tossing me
tumbling me
caught
in the current
of my desire for you
I could be
shipwrecked
blissfully content
to be lost forever
your body
my deserted island
sometimes
all this love
all this passion
all this tenderness
all this heat
I have for you
overwhelms me
I lose time
just feeling
the intensity
of it all
find myself
breathless flushed
from
the mere thought of you
always
there is the pull
felt deep
in the pit of my belly
magnetised
and drawing my compass
to wherever you are.

© J.C.
Jun 13 · 56
weeping willow
Jayne E Jun 13
graceful willow sways & weeps
feathered arms sway a sweeping
this ill fated night fretful steeps
forewarns not he comes a creeping
as bush clad creek trickles near
bubbling waters gently ******
too soon will be awash in fear
no signs reveal sick eves wrinkle
night queen wafts upon warm air
as gently rest all souls a slumber
he lifts her touches soft her hair
in sleep awake in deep encumber
all still all quiet in dead of night
lone cicadas chirp solitary sound
in silence he works to stage it right
lays her limp on soft leafy ground
sister willow weeping watches on
cords pulled to make knots tight
he feeds her leaves one by one
hope slips the knot drips away
drop by drop of endless night.

©J.C.
predators abuse stolen childhood
Jun 13 · 48
some days...
Jayne E Jun 13
some days
I feel like I've
lived
a thousand
life times
run
a thousand
marathons
back to back
not slumbered
deeply
for 1000 years

some days
I feel like
I get younger
with each breath
walking
on air
butterflies
in swarm
the sun
setting over the ocean
fill me
with wide eyed wonder
as if seen
for the first time

every day
spent
in the embrace
of your love
fills me
with joy anew
the stars
all burn brighter
you are
warm sun rays
upon my face
my heart soars
weightless
pure with
lightness of being
the one you love.

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 12
Underwater bells
lingering
echoes
carried in the swells
sunken sirens
sweetly sing
tempting hirens
underwater
bells ring
candles fire
flickering
burning down
to waxy
embered nub
thunder rumbles
lightning flashes
striking through
my dreamscape
kick up against
the undertow
hoping to wake
cool hands
he grips
my ankles
tight
pulling hard
fight the rip
he tries
thinks he might
keep me
here with him
where deep
underwater
bells ring
where
deathly angels
with
silken sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.
suicide, blaming, wasted genius, drowning, ghosts


So, I wrote the original, a couple of days ago, very quickly, on waking from this dream, literally scribbled it out in a minute or two, it didn't feel quite complete, whole, to me, so this is the dream in a smidge more detail...
Jun 11 · 24
silence sings...
Jayne E Jun 11
3am silence
sings to me
like a siren
on the stormy sea
it calls your name
carved out of
nights velvety ink
I reach for you
feeling my heart sink
as the night air
swallows my touch
without response
as silence screams
this pit deep want
interrupts my dreams
dry runs loves font
without you here
laying warm
against me dear
all is empty & cold
no joy of love
to thaw my heart
pain defined
is being apart.

© J.C.
missing wanting craving you
Jun 10 · 261
prayer for insonmiacs
Jayne E Jun 10
the ways of men
pondered
tears spilled
on the pillow
a poem written
as a prayer
so please
I beg
let me sleep
now
peaceful
please

© J.C.
Jayne E Jun 10
silent kindnesses given
without want of praise
smiles of warmth
caught
on the peripheral
without expectation
or needy of return
compassion
an empathetic heart
can soothe
ones deepest woes.

© J.C.
Jun 10 · 28
hauntings
Jayne E Jun 10
you are back
returned
to haunting me
stalking my dreams
you and the other
monsters
all ghosts seem
to return at once
I can taste you
feel you
wanting another
pound of flesh
for your larder
hedonistic as ever
too much
was never enough
for you
panic rises
black dots fusing
as always
obscuring light
******* the oxygen
out of my room
the air replaced
with your scent
each inward breath
suffocates me further
tick tock tick tock
slowing down the clock
dragging out nights shadows
I left you long ago
why can't you
just let me go.

© J.C.
Jun 10 · 43
underwater bells
Jayne E Jun 10
Underwater bells ring
candles fire flickering
burning down
to waxen embered nub
thunder rumbles
as lightning strikes
flashes through
my dreamscape
kicking up through
the undertow
hoping to wake
his cool hands
pull on my ankles
trying to keep me
down with him
where deep underwater
bells ring
where deathly angels
with sweet
voices sing.

© J.C.
May 29 · 110
panic
Jayne E May 29
Waking up
panic rising
like bile
choking me
without you near
black dots fuse
together as fear
turning on all the lights
checking rooms
in the dead of night
pulse racing
heart thumping
there's no erasing
it
every sound has me
jumping
focus focus focus
on my breath
in

count

out

repress the urge
to scream and shout
as panic surge
after surge
holds me tight
in its grip
relentless
like a bad acid trip
feeling out of control
the seams tear and rip
counting hours til dawn
never felt so alone
lost in nights chasmic yawn
all I can do is
rock rock rock
try keep it tight
on lock
ride it out
knowing
what it's all about
doesn't mean
I can fix it though
some things
you cannot unknow
just hanging on
til first rays
of morning sun
some things
just can't be undone

© J.C.
panic attacks, memories, trauma, fear, aloneness...
May 27 · 65
missing you...
Jayne E May 27
woken by sultry rain
droplets big fat splots
upon my window pane
feeds the need
to feel your skins warmth
next to me
in nights dark pitch
knowing
at my fingers reach
you are here
closer, so near
not kept from me
by swirling vast seas
It hurts
pulling your pillow
in close
wrapping my body around it
whispering your name
is not the same
as feeling your breath
upon my skin
your touch
that I need so much
the rain falls
on and on
pushes me
through this barren night
til dawns light
breaks me apart
with it tears at my heart.

© J.C.
Covid19's ramifications include keeping lovers apart...
Jayne E May 26
From ******* sweet tips
and curve of hip
milky thighs and sighs
of feminine mystique

Its the inner sighs, smiles
and why's,
the mothers touch
that heals so much
the loving reach,
across the breech,
soothes woes of man
she is Woman.

© J.C.
May 26 · 60
fragile
Jayne E May 26
when I'm sick
with physical malaise
and pain gives way
to anxiety in waves
of rising panic
you soothe me
with tender care
ease me through
to peaceful calm
tending
so I come to no harm
with you
I feel safe
for you to see me
stripped and bared
of my outer armour
fragile weak scared
returned to
a child-like state
needing reassurance
kindness
and 'there-theres'
to know that
someone cares
I feel it all with you
I feel cared for
nurtured
I feel you
I feel loved
deep and true.

J.C.
Its easy to be loved when you are at your best, strong, capable, independent...
May 22 · 73
mercurys daughter
Jayne E May 22
did it stick in your throat
bitter pill splutter spit spill
or was it sweetly released
surrender yield signed sealed
when you realised
your servant was your master
it all comes rushing back
needle slow drags back the track
thinking hit rewind you'll find
where it was you lost your mind
stolen in darkest night
or gifted in bright daylight
this challenge ne'er a win for you
push pull no matter what you do
hit hard from your blindspot
or a smack full face matters not
conceited pride fed fat surmise
while deft strategy spelled demise
this race is run dead in the water
vanquished by Mercury's daughter

© J.C.
May 21 · 68
memory bells
Jayne E May 21
Memory's bell chimes
its knell pealing
back time
the tempo
of backward clocks
ticks following tocks
undoing
dusty mind locks
a voice long past
leaps the void vast
unbidden creeps
along my dreamscape
lingers haunts steeps
reminds me
there will be no escape
searching
for lights trapdoor
unfound
fetid breath my captor
persists
anchors me down bound
taste leaves moss
dirt fed fear in ground
breaking with silent loss
that which can never
be found.

© J.C.
May 16 · 79
organic machine
Jayne E May 16
organic machine

of natures engineers
webs touched
by solar gleams
organic artwork
we see
structual intricacy
illuminated
dancing light fed
suns firstbeams
hitting morning dew
droplets catch colours
as prismatic mimicry
feigns fragile delicacy
underneath dancing light
steely strength persists
pretty deathtrap
shining bright

diptera
culicidae
muscidae
calliphoridae
Et al insectas

all escape
organic machine
visibility overload
until hot sun
shrouds anew

© J.C.
Jayne E May 12
mornings scribble while the rain drizzles...

vulnerability
fragility
gracility
being strong all the time
day to day
month to month
year to year
feeds the need
to sometimes be
less
less than strong
less in control
feeds the need
to release the lead
let the bruise
become the soothe
yield to the bleed
release feeding
into deep peace

© J.C.
Jayne E May 9
on your walk to the sun
one hand razed
devastating its glare
heat cracked glaze
by your steely stare
to pave crazed
you are
auditing orbits
threw black dotted sight
fully loded
petal to metal
the ferrous wheel turns
your sun
burns
burns
burns
ironing out
years etched in creases
seared skin stretched tight
you per severe
perpetual
motion never ceases
at knifes edge of night
presque vue too
as peripheral quick
silver sends mecurial
maidens dancing
along contrails
dusted
in shimmering bright
phase two
blends no rhyme
con fused by light
fade to black
we run out of time
blinded out of sight.

© J.C.
May 7 · 86
Unbend the break
Jayne E May 7
Once a lovers heart has
taken a few knocks
endured those
deep cardiac shocks
demurred
at chance advances
all in the wake of
the greatest heartbreak

it becomes and unbecomes
it depends on the unbend
the waver set in place
and we lose more
precious drops of time
rather than lose face
with it our grace
it's how goes I know

after your greatest love
is gone leaving all fallow
the idea or very thought
of love burning to nought
too much to bear once more
so we shut tight the door
consequence ourself
into situation is this...

now possibly on the shelf
for the long haul
expiry date unknown
seeking but not keeping
looking but not leaping
forsaking for fear of breaking
apart again that pain of all pain
deeply gnawed in our soul
took too much of a toll
to entertain in your heart again.

I get it I get it... But...
how then to reset it?
I want to feel brand new
un-know what I did do
un-feel the pain of you
believe in not one but two
I get it... I get it...
but cannot just forget

the devastation my heart met
when true love slipped the net
turned this heart to dust
eroded trust to rust
so now I know I must I must
be sure before I entrust
and go soft go gentle steady
only once this heart is ready.

© J.C.
This was written before I met my love....time is a wonderful thing...
May 7 · 128
surrender
Jayne E May 7
I want to reveal
my underbelly
to you
that soft warm
sweet spot
I want to expose
all of my
vulnerable places
to you
trust you'll
not slide the blade in
twist it at the hilt
tearing the silk at its seams
set my world to tilt
I want to get lost
in your forest floor eyes
be mesmerised
by flecks of amber fire
press my belly against
your belly warm
feed the desire deep
so ferociously sweet
like a raging tropical storm
surrender control
give over to it let go
lose myself with you
in the tumble and roll
lean into your swell
not needing to know
where the compass is drawn
float on a current of love
through inked velvet night
to warm golden dawn
I want to flood my senses
with the taste of your essence
imprint my skin with your scent
set you apart
my diurnal rhythms tuned
to the beat of your heart
journey your body
with my lips
my tongue
my body and fingertips
map you with kisses
chart your territories
with caresses
stroke your skin
with my loosened
fallen tresses
shipwreck myself
on the island of your bones
lay my head upon your chest
feel your metronomic pulse
the soothe & rest
of your breath on my brow
breathe you in
as my air
rain kisses on you
everywhere
until my lips bruise
and smart
all pain
ceased to exist
the moment
you gave me
your love
and stole my heart.


© J.C.
May 6 · 58
voices
Jayne E May 6
voices.

our bodies
once their
quintessential best
thought indefectible
the flourish
of faultless skin
now faintly etched
into the map
of our experiences
we change
shapeshift
rearrange
relax into our form
less perfect
more confident ease
than tempestuous storm

the human voice
though
stays forever
the same

7 years
silence broken
you were 22
again
at first word
spoken
tricked
into hearing you
using pet names
you'd long ago lost
the right to utter
speaking easy
as if none of it happened
still with your
smooth charm
like butter
that silken voice
abstracting my choice
once more

did you
(conveniently)
forget the
slaughter house
you made of our love
left it bleeding out
a good kick and a shove
in the gutter

you pour it on thick
like molasses
oozing
off your tongue
"remember em's?"
"when we were young...
....and in love?"
remember...
"my alpha & my omega
nose & toes
under cover lovers.."

My jaw still clicks
at times
when I'm tense
(like now)
a souvenir
click click click...
as your jaw *****
that
you miss me
that
we should
'get together'...
....'for old times sake'
did you forget
I'm filled with regret
or just miss
some of my bones
to break?

Sunday  morning
+
one bourbon too many
+
a sentimental lament
your bent
=
a return to nervousness
night terrors
& cold panic
for me.

Your voice
just as it was
unchanged
by time
you say so
is mine
forgetting
loves fruit
rotted on the vine
the pull of
your ocean eyes
scented nape
of your neck
the warmth
your body lent
to mine
not enough
to untangle the tendrils
or merge again
the unentwined
good try
but the point now
forever moot
head fuckery
at its best
always was
your strong suit

© J.C.
Apologies, to those who read before the tweaks.. I was not quite happy with this one, so this is the 3rd edit...lol...some don't come so easy or just flow out of the pen, especially those which are painful to pen...appreciate your patience & understanding.. J.**
Apr 27 · 70
It's that time.
Jayne E Apr 27
It's that time again
in the endless night
when shadows unfurl
and time unbends

it's that time once more
deep in the inky black well
where the empty side of my bed
chasmic yawn slams loves door

It's that time in the night
when the monsters come out
dream creeping and steeping
no escape try as I might

It's that time the witching hour
where my past is now present
old ghosts come to torment
each breath taken tastes sour

It's that time hands stop dead
moments freeze like sloe ice
shadows moving in the dark
haunting thoughts in my head

It's that time in this night
only one thing can make it right
not out of mind yet out of sight
your loving arms holding me tight.

© J.C.
nightmares, haunting memories, insomnia, love, missing you, needing your touch.
Apr 17 · 47
giving up the ghost
Jayne E Apr 17
I feel you
across the expanse
of the city sleeping
all fallen quiet
big city hum
undercurrent of
industrial buzz
now silent
in lockdown

you
live way way way
away
across town
still
I sense you
in my dreams
crushing in
running me down
still looking for the win
my sleep
your hunting ground
you steep & creep
my affection
no longer yours
so keep
off my astral plane
baby

it's too late
I shut that gate
my heart is
a barren landscape
for you
bears no oasis
there'll be no succour
no comfort
no tenderness
here for you
the cost
of doing it
how you do
I understand
you believed
when you tricked me
into breaking 7 years
of silence
not hearing my voice
not seeing my face
nor smelling my scent
I understand
you believed
your charm
would win me again
but listen up
heed...
your need
is not my need

your voice just as it was
the first time
you whispered my name
tenderly fervent
against my breast
in love
but I remember
the pain
I remember it all
your spectacular fall
from loves grace
keeps a constant pace
with my broken heart beats
paper planes dissolving
in the ***** bath water
no blue sky horizons
or a return
to happy landings
sweet words of love
whispered against skin
this one
you'll have to take it
take it
on the chin
**** it in deep
a serenade to your chagrin
give it up ghost
no scenario here
in which you win


© J.C.
some ghosts refuse to stay in the past...dream sycophants... come creeping in sleeping hours.  Time to break out my superpowers.
Apr 16 · 58
bad habit (rewrite)
Jayne E Apr 16
-some ghosts refuse to stay in the past-

Bad habit

the moment
you first sprinkled stardust
in my hair
so tenderly
caressed my cheek
the husky morning light
throwing faint shadows
bed sheets scattered
hearts caught
by surprise
then shattered
into shimmering bright
as pre dawn
had me forlorn
lost in your
sweat
my tears
kissed away
your tongues mixology
feeding back to me
my tears and my ***
breeding
blending
alchemical lust
the birth of
a bad habit
born out of
a good love
this little bird
caught
in your gilded cage
would become
locked out by
your inner rage
as madness descended
four lives
upended
passion
fighting the good fight
biting back
against the strain
of this
            bad
                      bad
                                habit
loves first bloom
birds singing
before the sun rise
you tearing down
all my defences
raw desire
the fire
             the fire
   the fire
in your *****
becoming my ******
scribing incantations
of love
of dreams
of wanting
with your ***
on my belly skin
glistening in the
early morning sun
when did your love
mutate to ownership
passion
become obsession
your misbelief in
imagined transgressions
tearing the silk
at it's seams
then on your knees
begging to

redeem

redeem

redeem

too many
heartbeats
too late
the light snuffed out
stuffing the ****
in loves spout
sweet turned bitter
now
just spit
        spit
        spit
                  it all out
loves lamb slaughtered
throat cut and bleeding out
my teeth & blood
on the floor
of our house built on
'love'
feel my jaw
     crack
           splinter
under strong hands
that once held me
"safe'
'loved' me
wed me
then bled me
dry of all hope
love hanging
choked on the rope
kicking me
to pieces
and me
kicking this
bad
         bad
                   habit

clean.


© J.C.
this ghost came a haunting recently, bringing with him night terrors, and bringing this poem back to the present...
Jayne E Apr 15
I'm not a game to be played
when feeling bold
then quickly dropped into cold
once your nerve wavers thin
affection shifting to chagrin
looks like I am tricked again
as inauthentic you crept in.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

you are not some toying thing
to be cajoled to dance and sing
as my will does ebb and flow
this is it, there you go, there you go
you hot you cold you shy you bold.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

we are not we and never where
distant boy and gold hair girl
so I do you and you do me
across the sea to shining sea
if we could I think we would
it's written now so should be good
the feels were felt deep under hood.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels.

there still will be the filling up
your nectar unto my loving cup
I pulled you in you pushed away
the push and pull is how we play
a pretty glisten on the morn
did offer stickily sweet to adorn
fingers tips and lips did drip.

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels

we switch it up we switch it down
in penners pens a friendship found
and so unbidden feels abound
I'm laid bare across your knee
my breath held pulse running round
I know you know I want it now 'la fessee'
this newly new thing sees me free

clickety clack clickety clack
does this train on the track
I did not leap under its wheels
I pushed them down the sickly feels

© J.C.
This is a slightly tweaked rewrite of an older poem...brought back to mind after listening to train sounds during lockdown...go figure lolz.. (originally written on a train ride)
Jayne E Apr 9
you slow love my scars
I love your fast cars
my sweet basil kisses
playing Mr and Mrs
I fancy your tickles
you tickle my fancy
we're in for the long haul
bucket list Spain Italy & Nepal
I'm a fool for your affection
& communication
with no deflection
how we love to share showers
I could get lost for hours
and hours
and hours
and hours
your sharp wit is never dour
how you give love
is your secret superpower
even your cats are quite amazing
whether launching at possums
or dining on lobster paté
piggy wiggy grazing
or mew, mew, mew, to say
you don't even know
how beautiful you are
as rare as crystal cinnabar
even across seas afar
a love beyond par
my honey bee so clever
I'm going to love you forever
with tender sweet care
grace with kisses
your face fair
nuzzle your fuzzy belly hair
and further, further,
further down there
breathe in your sultry musk
kiss the lovely freckle
on your love tusk
honey bee this love we share
deep and truly beyond compare
from baby bee to my honey bear

J.C.
A doodle ramble while blissing and missing and craving to be kissing my honey bee
Apr 9 · 53
poem for Dad.
Jayne E Apr 9
You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
you did not hug me
you did not want me
until you needed me
to change your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you nasogastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me
a kid at 13
to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright
that you were not alone
until you needed to confess
to me the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even though
I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter",
not for me but for you
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " (and I do)
to absolve you
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone
and for me
nothing new
situation
remains
the same
unchanged.

©J.C.
I may have posted this here before but it has a couple of tweaks, plus today is the anniversary of his funeral.  Born on tke 4th, diagnosed on the 4th, then as prognosed, died on the 4th, exactly 6 months to the hour... Writing sometimes, is cathartic for me. This is one of those times...trying to put old ghosts to rest.  I wrote this when I was 15.
Jayne E Apr 3
Night bleeds out
through to daybreak
counting seconds
scouring each
shadows shake
waiting to hide
in sunshine bright
counting scar lines
trying to keep it tight
a slaughterhouse
of me you'd make
Valentine's kisses
blown from fists
your promises
bleak
feigned cautioned
so no blame
could be apportioned
echoes in my ears
my heart still beats
my blood still flows
a small mercy
but
we both
know
know
know
that's not the way
it was meant to
go
go
go
heart beating
skin warm
blood flows
still
after it all
my hands refuse to
shake
shake
shake
but
we both know
the cost
it did
take
take
take

2  3  1  5

exit alive
the eye line
high above
the skyline
remains
contains
my vaulted
broken heart
devestation overload
you tore it all apart
bruised ego
refused to let me
go
go
go
and so
bloodstains
on the carpet
tearstains
on the sheets
celluloid keepsakes
my heart
breaks
breaks
breaks
over
and over
again and
again
did it do it
for you
make you
feel victorious
complete
roll the film
take a seat
watch
see
love
smothered by deceit

© J.C.
Apr 2 · 83
oceans.
Jayne E Apr 2
how do I love you
how can i not
in self isolation
with an ocean
of emotions
washing between us
I still feel you
lying next to me
warm skin
pressed against
warm skin
even
warmer hearts
communicating love
together singing
nothing lost
in the millions
of cresting waves
feeding
the undertow
your love
and how you express it
a constant pull
from the pit of my belly
to wherever you are
how do I love you
how can I not
oceans of emotion
flowing between us
I feel you as
every double beat
of my heart
sounds out your name
wild seas
storm the horizon
awash with love
that refuses to be tamed

© J.C.
Jayne E Mar 25
I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby

stroke me to sleep in your
loving arms, emote me to peace
with ardent embraces so sure
wash me free bathed in light
as your shining stars burst more
shimmered droplets glisten bright

wrap me in your body's nurturing light
ease me gently my love thru night after darker night
dust my skin with loving tender hush
then fill me up with hot ardent crush
of your body in my body
my body on yours

I ache for you to lead me astray
in the dark under covers you & me
to be kicked aside all flung away
as our bodies soar alight flying free
fused as one by fiery heat in play

Feed me your love until I choke
blissful I will yield to your desire
breathe me back to life & invoke
with kisses of air to feed the fire
from sweet lips of my loveliest love

I need you to settle me down
to sing me to sleep with a lullaby.

J.C. 24/03/2019
One year, of love, my sweet darling, this was ,  as I know you remember,  the first of my poems you commented on, and the start of a conversation, we are still having now, and I pray, remains in play, until I draw my last breath.  I love you with all my heart, my body, my mind and soul. I am ruined forever for any other but you.  In love, for you my darling Michael. xxxx

P.S. I will post another original new poem to mark our 1 year anniversary, it us a work in progress x
Feb 27 · 87
palpable
Jayne E Feb 27
without
these walls
red fired dawn
burns into
shimmered lucent light
dancing brightly
against a
slow warming horizon
within
these walls
windows opened wide
Tuis morning song
and warm bright light
spilling into the room
I ache on
stretching my limbs
as if doing so
will find you
beside me
pressing your belly
(how I love your belly)
against mine as I stretch
your hands
(how I love your hands)
holding me
at my waist
your generous mouth
(how I love your mouth)
dusting my face
with kisses
and whispered growls
of love & tenderness
I keep my eyes closed
knowing
the moment I open them
the spell will break
within these walls
I stretch
in the hot summer morning
alone
without these walls
you are too far
from my touch
from my kiss
sultry droning cicadas
Mr Tuis ardent
morning serenade to Mrs Tui
the rising heat
serves only to feed this ache
settled deep in my belly
the pull in my ***** to
wherever you are
palpable

© J.C.
Feb 26 · 89
11 months...
Jayne E Feb 26
11 months


(prelude)
11 sweet months
most would say
1 year, 12 months
has more significance
not so
for us
those double numbers
how they appear
e v e r y w h e r e
softens my heart
in sentimentality
more today
at 11 sweet months


there are still things
about how you give
your love to me
that floor me
my heart
soars
in my chest
at the first sound
of your morning
half asleep voice
gently growling
softly
against me
sweetly murmured
words of love & affection
your deft hands
in loving carress
communicate
desire & devotion
your generous mouth
gifting kisses
so many kisses
my happiness
always
first order of your day
it is still new to me
to be so beautifully loved
stirs me pit deep
feeds the need in me
to love
you
so fiercely
that
you will feel
how I carry you
with me
always
in my heart
as I feel you carry me
moving through the world
going about our day
each in separate ways
measuring the hours
in skipped heartbeats
until together again


the
ascend
followed by
the descend
followed
by the ascend
has always held meaning
for me
waves of emotion
wash over me
carried by your current
blissfully seeking
stolen licks
of your sea foam essence
I could drink you
as an elixir
lose myself completely
in the taste of you
surrender willingly
to the pull of your love
how you push me
lovingly
out past the breakers
your face radiating joy
when I beg
no more
no more
no more
you render me
undone
in a state
of sated bliss
pulse thundering
in my head
myriads of
coloured starbursts
exploding behind my eyes

you are
mischevious
for sure
but always
with sweet love
at the core
I want to lose myself
in your scent
camp out
in our secret fort
for days
with you
as my sustenance
devour you
with kisses
with caresses
whisper
secret incantations of love
against your skin
in those holy moments
of ******
our bodies
our breaths
our beats
joined
as one


your love
how you give it
still surprises me
daily
I catch myself
being carried away
soaring
elevated
divine
elated
sublime...


(epilogue)
11 sweet months
delighting
in the warmth
the tender light
of your love
the significance
of double numbers
ennobled by month

            11
      1  +  1  = 2
   (circra 2(0)2(0)


J.C. 26/02/2020

(Of course my love, I finished this at 2.22am (spontaneously)
For you my love, and how numbers in doubles are everywhere for us, but mostly for how you communicate love, it is my darling, quite sublime.  Thank you for 11 sweet months (mostly) :)
Feb 26 · 61
numeric
Jayne E Feb 26
numbers tumbling
in all their colours
is that why
4 is always green?
is it just me
the sky cascading
into the water
in 0s and 1s
grass flowing
like a river
in the blown wind
and the bell birds song
trilling in
numeric harmonies
even the heat haze
rising digitally
from the hot
and melting tarseal
as I run on
through the days heat
numbers springing
from my feet
the footfalls
making equations...
sometimes
I dare not look
up at the night sky
it's too much
a sensory overload
glitched
numbers tumbling
from the sky as light
toss and tumble
turn and burn
mind a rumble
striving
to work it all out
endlessly
they cascade
all about
numbers
dancing in light...

© J.C.
#allisnumbers #synesthesia
Feb 22 · 59
Aestival
Jayne E Feb 22
Aestival

bright are January's skies
robust light poured
into antipodeal
atmospheres
azure blue
interspersed
occasionally
by slow moving
cotton ball cumulus
feeding into endless
cerulean horizons

the effulgent outer world
blows
into my inner pnuema
and heat rushes in
melting to puddles of wanting
my intended precept
of cool headedness

the fires of missing you
so blazingly perfervid
they strike envy
into Olympus Mons
molten heart
scorching every
living thing in vengeance

I am mapped internally
pointered
by embered markers
in all the hues of longing
which bleed in through
fevered *****

like a forest scorched
laid to barren hot dust
by racing bushfires
time hangs in the heat haze
begging for the quench
only found in your kiss
soothe these
internal infernos

my eyes ache
through the dusty
miraged heat
straining
to fix you
in my sightlines

only then
will these raging fires
be subdued

J.C.

This is inspired by, and a direct 'bounce off' one of Crows poems here, 'Hibernal' (link below) that I absolutely loved.  Thank you Crow, for letting me take the liberty, of using yoir poem 'Hibernal' as a jumping off point for this one


https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3686581/hibernal/
Feb 19 · 81
reflections
Jayne E Feb 19
The kaleidoscopic
reel to reel show
of life
how it played
in contrast
to how you filmed it
or imagined
it would unreel
our hopes
dreams
wishes
reflected upon
whilst washing the dishes
the great divide
yawns chasm like
where we are
to where we believed
we would be
that niggling unrest
just one more
life test
the beauty is found
in the revelation
possibilities
still abound
gravity
is all that keeps us
anchored to ground

J.C
Feb 14 · 81
B.E.A.U.T Y.
Jayne E Feb 14
you are true beauty
to me
tiny glints
of amber fire
in your forest floor eyes
your generous
full lipped mouth
customised
for all my kisses
perfectly made
to kiss all of me
your errant eyebrows
misbehaving daily
their cheeky allure
endears my lips
to lovingly
chastise them
mostly
though
it is how
beauty radiates
from the way
you communicate love
it floors me
renders me trembled
at the knee
breathless
and flush cheeked
you are to me
golden warm light
exuding joy
when you speak to me
whispering my name
uttering words of love
and devotion
softly growled
against my mouth
my entire being
harmonizes
as one
with the vibration
of you.

© J.C.
Jayne E Feb 14
she leans into the strain
forcing at the point

trying too hard painful
written all over her face

strives to be
the good (#2) wife

swears that she is
"a woman's woman"

but can't wait to stab
a sister in the back

wears her insecurities
like a gaudy housecoat

thinking unthinkingly
she has everyone fooled

professes love her mantra
while her eyes say bitter

maybe it's the palsy
bitterness of a crooked face

she's sure she can beguile
tilts her head a little too much

her up made pan cake face
creating powdered wrinkle rivers

keeps the leash short and tight
and thinks unthinkingly "he's mine"

she wound up tighter
than a dollar watch

he loose as a goose
has her well fooled

she winks as he slips the hood
one bad person de serves another

she believes he the perfect catch
I guess they are a perfect match


J.C.
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