Why** can't I be happy?

Actually...
                 why can't I feel it?

                                                    I know I'm loved,
                                      but my mind can't comprehend it...

                                            My anxiety just screams
                                          "NOBODY LOVES YOU!"
                                        "YOU'LL LOSE THEM ALL!"
                               Maybe I should just push everyone away now
                                  and find comfort within these four walls.

                           Because it seems like If I have nothing left to lose
                 I'll no longer have to go through with this self mental abuse.

How many boys do I have to kiss,
and bottles to drink,
in order to blur your face and forget your name?

But this is my destruction,
I've accepted it the moment I fell in love.

Because loving you is being vulnerable and naked,
it was my choice and never your fault.

I just knew you were destruction,
but worth sacrificing everything for.

But now that I have nothing,
what will happen now?

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to say no to someone you love. It’s okay to say no to a friend. It’s okay to say no to a parent or child. It’s okay to say no to a job or relationship.

It’s okay to say no to ****** advances. And it’s okay to say no to a person who’s romantically interested in you. Even if it hurts someone’s feelings, even if you disappoint people, even if you’re judged and ostracized — it’s okay to say no to anything and anyone that causes you pain or makes you uncomfortable. You’re allowed to put yourself first. You’re allowed to set limits and boundaries.

And you deserve to make your happiness and well being a priority. You don’t ever have to settle for something or someone that doesn’t feel right. And you definitely don’t have to compromise yourself for the sake of making other people happy. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, AND IF THAT MEANS SAYING NO, IT'S MORE THAN OKAY.**

A quote by – Daniell Koepke

you're in love and you can't get out
there's a twenty dollar fee to leave and your pockets are empty
the exit lines are burnt out and the stores are all closed
locked and gated for the night, you've got nowhere to go but here
you might as well take a seat and get comfortable
because the ride has just begun
there are ups and downs but i'll warn you beforehand
there are more downs than ups but the ups will take you so high
you'll be able to see the moon, the sun, the stars, and all the planets
you'll understand life more than you ever have and
you'll be walking among aliens and soaring with comets
but when you go down you'll meet the devil and your skin
will burn your stomach
will be sick from all the smoke you inhale your skin
will be carved from the devil's pitchfork and branded with his name
hell isn't an eternity, though, the books have got that all wrong
it only feels like one
because happiness is temporary but pain lasts forever
(especially when you're suffering from the disease known as
teen angst)

nobody gets off this ride
sometimes people fall off and from what i've heard
it's almost as painful as staying on and it's like a bad ****** addiction
most people relapse and end up coming right back on
the lucky people find peace, they don't go so high anymore
but they never go so low, either
and sometimes that's enough

but you're not a lucky person and you won't be
it's only been a year since you broke that mirror
so try again in six
but for now you might as well sit back
and enjoy the ride
because you're not going anywhere.