mis demonios parecen a cicatrices
con el sabor del suicidio
and they watch
they wait
from the dark corners
the creases
of my mind
and they laugh
as I drown
in this stale air
they step on my chest
crushing my brittle ribcage
caving in my empty lungs
they laugh
as I drown
in this salty ocean
one small drop at a time
as my skin tightens
my cheeks stained grey
my eyes bloodshot
blinded
they laugh
as I drown
in giving up
giving in
to the biggest demon of them all
the beautiful sister of depression
anxiety*

mis demonios parecen a cicatrices
con el sabor del suicidio
and they run back into the shadows
chased by a box of kleenex
and her scratchy sweater
leaving my face raw
but finally
dry

mis demonios parecen cicatrices
y el sabor como el suicidio

You are the spectacle of love that I am trying to forget.
But somehow i can't get your image to be removed from my brain
like it was branded on the inside of my eyelids.
All I ever saw was you.
You made flowers grow in my lungs
and although they are beautiful
it's getting a little too hard to breathe.
I am asthmatic
so when I started to wheeze,
you lit a cigarette so I could become addicted to that too.
I never knew I could need nicotine
until it came from under your tongue,
a numberless cigarette lit twixt your fingers,
burning like the bridges
between your heart and mine.
You started to need the tobacco
a lot more than you needed me
and your body frame started to dwindle
because i was not enough to keep you stable.
I blame myself
because at first I didn't notice that you were shrinking
I just thought you needed some space.
Your skin became tighter,
your knuckles turning so white
I couldn't tell if it was your bones
but I could still count each fragment with clear definition.
That night i buried my heart in your backyard,
like a dog trying to save a treat for next spring,
but I never came back for it.
It's been three months
and i'm still picking shards of you out of my skin.
You dug yourself so deep into my flesh
that you almost became a part of my DNA.
But just like the wrong blood type
my body rejected you
no matter how much i thought i needed you to survive.
But my mother did not raise me
with a wolf in my chest
so i can howl every time i lost you.
You are not the moon,
you are not the sun.
And i am not a flower.
I need more than warmth to get me out of bed in the morning.
This world is not a garden
and you are not the rain.
You do not decide when i get to be loved.

I'm awake again, looking in my solitude at the midnight sky once more.
There are no lights coming from above, but a canopy of thick grey clouds that keep the starlight away.

And again, you've awaken me
Though you never meant it
Though you'll never know.

Was I dreaming?
Or was I thinking?
Or just remembering?
It matters not, you were there again, inside my head.

It seems I think and dream so much of you that I have unwittingly carved your delicate face in the inside of my eyelids.

Well, that's bad news for me,
I thought I'd get my mind back,
That somehow I'd disenchant myself.

Now it seems that's not to happen,
Now it seems you've bewitched me for ever more.
Though you never meant it
Though you'll never know.

1** ~   Figure out what you want,
                      learn to ask for it. Nobody
                      can read your mind.

2 ~    Nobody will love you the
                      way you imagined.

3 ~     Life does not come
                       with a reboot option.

4 ~     People are not covered
                       under manufacturer's warranty.

5 ~     Everything comes with a
                       shelf life, including
                       relationships.

6 ~    Nothing is permanent.
                       Nothing comes free.
                       Why pay for temporary
                        illusions.

7 ~      Even if they hate you.
                        At least they tried.

8 ~      You only live once
                         till you die once.

9 ~       Make happiness a
                         compulsion. Don't let
                         sorrow choose you.

10 ~    Sometimes lose everything.
                         You realize your worth.