I left this old world in the shadows of yesterday
Slipping silently, contentedly into tomorrow
I closed my eyes and held hands with nothingness
and slid my feet into the abyss
Calmly, stolidly moving forward into the unknown
I watch the starlit sky for the red-rimmed dawn
Every moment on the road behind a song
drumming in my veins as my heart beats
faster in the anticipation and wonder of it all

There is but one truth on which you can depend
Through all my hard life it has never proven untrue
No matter who else you may call a friend
The only person ever worth trusting is you

Yourself is the only one who will see you through
Every situation, no matter how dire
You will find your friends waving adieu
They will leave you to fall when you're walking the wire.

But, "my friend would never", you say, but you lie!
Remember my words when they say their goodbye.

When you are coming off drugs, when you are held down by the crippling force of anxiety and pain; when your eyes are finally open and you see your life for what it truly is, all of the things you run from catch up with you. Like a strong surge caused by a hurricane, it washes over you, and the tide tries to pull you back underwater, back where it is safe. Back where the comforting numbness and cold of unawareness can smother your senses and put you back to blissful sleep. You never learned to deal with this reality, the actual discomfort of being alive on planet earth, with all its beautiful anguish and fear. It is hard to see from this point all the wonderful things about life, the things that get the rest of humanity through every day. The bliss that can come from living is obscured because you are still underwater; you can see it, just barely, like sunlight through salt water. But it is so, so far; it is hard to believe anything more can actually exist.

It is comforting to know that there are things bigger than you and your personal pain. That the sun will continue to set and rise with or without you. That there are millions who suffer far worse and live through each day with that struggle. If they can open their eyes each morning, pick up that ever so heavy burden, and walk with it smiling, so can you. There is something indomitable about the human spirit, something unspeakably powerful. Inside you burns a will to live that is stronger than any drug, stronger than any pain, stronger than any fear. The power to defeat what you face is already within you. It resides inside you, deep down, silenced and shuttered; but it will rise again, as will you. There is very little you cannot come home from. Even if you are all alone. Even if your pain must be silent and you must shoulder it by yourself. You are human. You are strong.

And the sunlight is there above the waves, waiting to warm you. Waiting to welcome you back into life. There are only better things ahead.

Hold on.

Blinders descend beside my eyes
I must focus only ahead
Staring at me as I lie in bed
I am held down firmly, hands tied

My spirit groaning with the weight
Small fear grows larger, amplified
Can't look away no matter how I try
From this demon I cannot sate

Heartbeats quickens; I stand, pace the floor
I watch moments like hours gradually pass
Breathe, try and calm, pray for no more!
Limbs seize, surely I stand at death's door!
Until with time comes reason at last
And I sleep like a soldier come home from war

What do you know about being locked up in time?
This whole world's a phase with a vicious design.
I'm a loser by all counts but at least my life is mine.
What do I care if I can never climb
out of this pit I created?
I dug it myself.
With some good medication
and some criminal help.
If I'm a lost soul then I don't want to be found.
I'd rather be lost in clouds then have two feet on the ground.
I doubt myself sometimes, and it's a deafening sound.
But I shrug that **** off, let myself drown
in the wisdom of youth
and the brilliance of folly.
It's ambient, the noose
when you're tripping on molly.
I'm a perfect example of many opportunities lost.
**** it, at this point I don't think of the cost.

I'm so jaded I get faded and I'm weighted to this cadence and the fragrance of this basement where complacent I'm a vagrant.
I'm fighting to keep writing while I'm sedated seems I'm slated to this existence of persistence
where this all is so futile a world that's so brutal-
I can't breathe in this apostasy of mediocrity I've become.

There are few responses that fit when you fall away
from all the things you love most.
After so many reinventions, so many changes
I don't know who I am anymore.
I thought I knew what I was chasing, but
in the end, I was wrong.
I've changed directions and I can't get back, even
to where home is a distant memory.
I can't recognize my surroundings, the world I
built with my choices.
All doors are locked and windows closed,
walls are padded, eyes are dim.
I don't want to die trapped in my own foolish
insecurities and mistakes.
I don't want to become just a soldier, marching
this lonely road to the end.
I hate looking in the mirror and seeing my own
accusing eyes, reminding me.
Rip and tear, claw and bring to ruin this palatial
tower of misrepresentation.
Wear my fingers to the bone with insignificant
self-promises and fleeting hope.
I will be free one day.
Silence the voice of failure and my near silent
misgivings that cut the hamstrings of hope
and push me deeper into the prison of
despair and self loathing.
I will be free.

Players on a wide open stage,
we are all characters in a story
old as time.
Passing faces all hold meaning,
full of history, past
and opportunity, future.
Complete lives, deeper than our own;
yet we dismiss them.
Nation boundaries are ink on a page.
There is no difference from one to another;
we are all human.
In our souls, we all seek the same concept:
A reason.
It feels like madness for a purpose
to just simply not exist.
Consciousness lusts for a justification.
The pain, blood, death;
love, joy, hope, and
dreams, all beg the question:
"Why?"
Weighty to accept, the void.
The sheer lack of answers.
Religion, careers, economics,
physics, psychology;
all of it invented to attempt,
to try as hard as we can
to find a reason.
As always, the smallest moments
hide the largest truths.
Every person experiences it,
though they may not understand.
The reason for us,
for life,
is plain, unconcealed for all to see.
Every religious fanatic;
every businessman;
every politician, scientist,
drug dealer, bank robber,
terrorist;
every person has a moment
where eyes lock as they pass
on the street.
And they understand in just
that tiny moment.
The reason we live is us.
It is other humans.
Relationships; love.
Our exploration of everything,
the wide, beautiful universe
together.
There is no other reason.
There is no need for one.