Not enough sleep
Forget to eat
Hide under your sheets
The Cuts to deep

Go to school ,tardy again
Homework forgot it
Teachers are fed up
**** forgot to pay attention
Feelings of inadequacy like a cancer in my body
Lunch comes around sorry  but I’m not hungry
And even if I was there’s no one to sit with

Writing poetry hoping someone will listen
To the broken record that is my voice
Hopefully someone will hear me before I lose all hope

Im so sick of the stress feeling like im about to explode
Finally rest my head , I hope I die in my sleep

Can’t fall asleep
Awake exhausted with only a few hours of sleep
Mind clouded with thoughts of death
Go down stairs mom gets upset you should have left by now
Put on my makeup , maybe it can  hide my insecurities
Swallow the pill that suppresses my personality
Go to school to feel humiliated
Feel the glares as they stare
Late again ? don’t you have any friends? So try to pretend  
I don’t eat yet I still taste defeat
I have a billion thoughts but can’t find the words to speak
No one can help me if I’m trapped in my own thoughts

Not enough sleep
Forget to eat
Hide under your sheets
The Cuts to deep

Go to school tardy
Homework forgot it
Teachers are fed up
**** forgot to pay attention
Feelings of inadequacy like a cancer in my body
Lunch comes around sorry  but I’m not hungry
And even if I was there’s no one to sit with

Writing poetry hoping someone will listen
To the broken record that is my voice
Hopefully someone will hear me before I lose all hope

Build a ***** workshop
(Where we feed on your insecurities for profit)
Don’t like what your mirror has to offer
In need of a quick fix because your size 0 jeans won’t fit
Well destroy your body like our ecosystem
With plastic to make you look fantastic
Because looking like an overstocked toy is the new ****
Change your completion until there’s nothing left
While tosh points out how you’re worthless without *******
which brings out insecurity galore
You need to be Barbie if you want
Ken and his Malibu beach house
Everyone knows you’re only worth as much as your waist line
Don’t judge a book by its cover
But my generation doesn’t even read
Photo shopped teens as far as the eye can see
Post photos
That strips away your dignity
For a spot on a that new reality TV series
Forget about the news because the kardashians bought new shoes
Mom asks So what did you learn today at school
A cool equation that the other kids taught me
My body – eating + surgery +pills= picture perfect girl
Or new American dream
*******, small waist, always sleeping around, never complain , don’t feel ashamed that’s the only way to play the game
How many pills did you take to look that anorexic?
Who made you feel so uncomfortable in your own skin?
How many meals did you shove down the bathroom sink?  
How many surgeries did it take for you to become this fake?
The sad part is I bet you even Barbie didn't have this many plastic pieces

With all this **** life’s shoved down my throat
How am I suppose to cope?
With that never ending feeling of no hope, maybe it will go away if I smoke
Then you think maybe dying is easier than coping with the pain of reality
It hurts so much I threw away my emotion
I’m so ugly I don’t even want to see my own reflection
The recurring feeling of nothingness is enough that make my body go numb
Life beat me till I couldn’t get up anymore

I don't believe in reincarnation
but what if we did something bad in our last life
and this is hell
what if this life is our punishment

My teacher asked me what kind of animal I would be
I don’t care
Just try
Id be a bird
Why?
So I could fly into the nearest ceiling fan
That’s funny
I wasn't joking

If only I didn’t have to keep it all inside
If only I could talk to you without fear that you’ll cry
If only I could answer your questions without you asking why
If only I knew the answer I wouldn’t be asking
If only I could express my emotions without you asking what you did wrong
If  only I could be honest about my habits without you doubling your supervision
If only you really cared to listen maybe I wouldn’t be in such a predicament

Question: What’s wrong?
My eyes sting from all the crying
I have no friends
I have no ambitions other than to die early
Medication can’t fix me, talking doesn't help me
Can’t see therapists anymore in fear they’ll call 211
Crying myself to sleep every night
Have to keep lying to myself so I can get out of bed
I hate myself
I’m weak, stupid, worthless, pathetic, ugly, fake, and empty
All I do is cause others to worry about me not that they care until I’m at my breaking point
It gets worse every day but I’m keeping it all inside for your sake
I want to die
I don’t want to make you worry or burden you with my problems
                                                        ­                    Answer: I’m fine

Learned to scream without making a sound
Learned to cry with my eyes closed
Learned to dream without sleep
Learned to bleed without cuts
Learned to feel pain on the inside
Learned to hide scars so they don’t leave marks
Learned to bleed with a heart that stopped beating
Learned to breathe with lungs that have long since collapsed
Learned that my problems cause my loved ones to suffer
Learned that an apology don’t fix anything
Learned that living doesn't mean you’re alive
Learned that asking someone for help makes you a pathetic attention seeker  
Learned that its probably better to die rather than to fake living

Have you ever felt so numb that it hurts?
So empty that your hollow , like a tree that has only ever been cut down
A life so tramatic it loses its appeal
So lost and out of options
So lost and out of range
Ii seem to have lost my will to live
can someone  help me find it?
Maybe its behind the mask ive been wearing for so long
That mask that I use to hide my pain
Pain hidden away with practice
Scream the pain away
Scream from the top of your lungs . but no one wll hear
You cant see yourself being anything you want to be
No all you can see is your own misery
You get lost In your own senselessness
Sit there quietly, don’t make a sound
The only thing you can hear is the sound of your own inadvertent loneliness
You cant do anything but sit there and get lost in your own worthlessness
Until blissful death

With all this **** life’s shoved down my throat
How am I supposed to cope?
With all the pills they’ve shoved down my throat?
Maybe it will go away if I smoke
Then you think maybe dying is easier than coping with the pain of reality
It hurts so much I threw away my emotion
I’m so ugly I don’t even want to see my own reflection
I use photo shop more than my camera
The recurring feeling of nothingness is enough that make my body go numb
Life beat me till I couldn't get up anymore

We don’t like to judge a book by its cover
But jokes on you because we don’t really read anyway
Unless its some bashing facebook post then it gains my full attention
Got fed up with the person I unfriended
Never met the person whos friend request I accepted
Picking on people for the social attention
Because your greatest fear is to be rejected
With cell phones more addicting than nicotine
Scrolling through youtube to pass the time
Go to school to hear the gossip start the cycle over again

Scars that blister
Cuts that burn
Pain that never goes away
People who will never come back
Pain hidden with practice
Large unbeatable amounts of mundane sadness
Life is a poison that kills you slowly and painfully
No madder how much you want to , your life can never return to the way it once was

Why why did you have to die
Losing you was the most painful things
Crying over once happy memories
forever holding onto the **** you left behind
I lost hope long ago
Thinking of you brings more tears to my eyes than a new born child
When you died
When I saw your casket I wanted to go with you
You ******* you promised to live a good life
I couldn’t accept it even if I tried
I miss you I miss talking to you I miss how you smiled even though life through so much stuff at you
And even though life ****** you kept your head up
You were suppost to do big things , we were suppost to grow up together
You were suppost to be here when I cried to tell me everything will be ok
Well now its not the same and I cant stop crying
You were smart, you understood me ,
Talked with you almost every night for hours on end
im on edge and try to call you out of habit  
but the phones been disconnected
And I punch a wall until my hand starts to bleed because  I cant take the agony of being the one left behind
You ******* what about the people you left behind to cry
Your voice is ingrained  into my head every day like a broken record
I feel like you purposely gave me a scar so I could never forget you
We never once had a bad time between us , and I regret nothing ive said to you but it still hurts

I should just die because I cant go on without you
Im left all alone

It had seemed like a horrible dream until I saw your lifeless face in the casket
What a waste of your life , that you lived for everyone but yourself
Just mentioning your name brings tears to my eyes
Your such an ******* you left me alone

When I saw you in the casket my heart stopped
You ******* we had a plan
When I was told about it my heart stopped beating
Im not as strong as you were
I cant keep moving
Biting my lip so I don’t burst into tears
This isn’t fair I never expected you to die first
You had so much more to live for that I never could
What happened you ambitions and a life plan
I wont forgive you for dying
You *******
Now im afraid to die and leave  people with the same pain you left me
I miss you  
I get that your dead and your never coming back but how can I accept that
You were so important to me
You’ve made me realize im such a child
I know that your dead but i keep crying hoping youll come back
Isn’t that sad I’m sure you’d laugh
And Till this day id give up anything for you to come back

So Help Me

School is a bore , living is a chore , home is hell
Optimism won’t get you anywhere , and it doesn’t give you friends

Home is hell because all they do is yell
Education systems take away my creative ability with their cookie               cutter one size fits all system  
Living is the hardest thing to do anymore so why bother
Parasitic disorder always keeping me out of order

Mundane life where nothing excites
Enthusiasm is medicated away

You realize that you can never get back the things you used to have
The piece that’s always missing to the puzzle that you haven’t even started
Trust me its not an art the way people twist my words
Im sick of people and their overbearing feelings of content , well im not
Not that anyones shocked
The thoughts wont ever stop and the answers will never come
And as you get older death seems to be a better option

You can’t medicate me out of this hell
You can’t understand what it’s like to want to die 24 hours a day
Get in the car
Fanaticize bout crashing my car into the river
Trip on my shoe laces
Wonder if their long enough to hang myself from
Walk past a window
Wonder how far the drop is and if I could jump
Take an Advil for my headache
Stare at the bottle wondering if I should swallow them all
Walking down the stares
Wondering if I could break my head open on the wall if I go head first
Take a bath
Wondering If I could drown myself
Wiping down the table
Wondering if I should drink the cleaning solution
Making dinner
Wonder if I should use the knife to end the misery
See liquor from the corner of my eye
Wondering if I should drink it and hope it mixes with my medication
See a large drop
Inch my way towards the edge
Finally turned 18 maybe I’ll buy a gun so I can pull the trigger
No friends
Who besides my family would care if I died?
Stare at the ceiling
Go to sleep hoping you never wake up
Trying to retract the tears in my eyes before I lose my mind and start to cry
Wonder what’s holding me back
Can’t talk to anyone either they’ll call 211 or ill make them worry
Doing drugs so I can be happy for a few hours