Red
Strong
Heart
Be
Bold
&
Courageous
You
Are
Not
Cold
You
Are
Not
Weak
Be
What
You
Are
Steadfast
And
Meek

Too many hearts have been...

Like pieces of a puzzle scattered
To the wind
Too many shattered
It's a mad disaster
feelings ripped to shreds
left in tatters....
Too many times
families nearly erased
displaced,
Once beautiful memories

Swept away in a wave

Or burnt to the ground

What used to be alive
lays desolate now
like a pile of ashes
in a giant mound...

Too many hearts have been
Broken

To tell or not tell you...... this is my dilemma
If I open up my heart  again, will you disapprove?
Perhaps it will be a step up or possibly a step back
Will it change anything in the moment you're made aware?
My mind tells me to walk cautiously for this is
broken glass territory.

Nothing felt so surreal as when he called me perfect
Insecurities were lifeless within me
Floating along on a breeze I
danced among the clouds; caught up
Nothing mattered except when he called me baby
I was his and he was mine
In my mind there was no space in-between
Nothing was more ****** than when
he slid his arms around my waist
face in my neck, chills down my spine
hands shivering, short breaths
Nothing was more incredible than that....
Nothing was more upsetting than when he was upset
with me especially
Nothing hurt worse than the names
Than the disappointment
Than the expectations
Nothing was harder than the court orders
Than the shelters
Than the sleepless nights
Nothing was longer than the drive out of state
Than parenting single
Than the not knowing
Nothing stabs like a tear soaked pillow
like confusion
or a broken heart
Nothing makes me feel more like a fool
Than wanting him back
Than missing his laugh
His smile, his charms
Call me crazy

I'm not in my feelings
crying anymore
I shut that door
For the last time.

Healing is upon me
Today all I see
Is victory

Conscious imagery
Has never been my thing
I spill out
Recklessly

The way flour spills
everywhere
It's so hard to
Clean

The mess is me
I am best
Caught up in it

In my messy moments
Doing everything I can
to feel alive
important and free

To believe in me

I had a moment of truth today
I listened to your voice
Laughter in my favorite tone
Smiling in my ears
I whispered in my thoughts
"I miss you"

The finest minds
Always make a choice

Whether wrong or right
Humble or proud
Admirable decisions
Or not so much

It's respectable
It's ****
Sometimes it means change
It's masculine

To take the lead
To make the difficult choice
To stand your ground
To show the real

It melts me

It was no exquisite dance between royalty from the get go. Truth is I am no princess, then again you never claimed to be a prince. Our story began in tattered ruins so there was no glorious white gown for jaw dropping expressions, no 3 tiers with fondant or butter cream flowers. Righteous reasoning was all we had and a strong sense of holy legality. The only wonderful part was the giddy excitement of having a new last name and someone to love......

So here we are at the end of it all, nothing left of us but 2 amazing personalities; half of eachother. Innocent smiles and oblivious happiness, their laughter gives us reason. We could never dream of tearing them apart.
Ending in civility

Why don't you just confess?
You could make this an easy process
See I don't care about your past
I've already expressed that
You just can't expect what you expect
or pretend like you want me back
Then turn right around to her
wishing I would just accept that
I am burned, I agree I am torn up
More confused than I can see
In fact
The only thing I can see clearly
is the fact that you no longer want me

Explain you say?
I can't

It's too complicated
A human inclination
So desperate
So insecure

When suddenly
Like a storm
A gust of reality
Stirs up your home!
Members confused
Tossed like salad
Thrown away
Like the trash

Head's a mess
Heart's in distress
Heal from this?
It's too complex

He moved on so fast....
Who could blame him?

In my shoes
you would have
done the same

So who's to blame?

It ain't no thang
8 years pass
As if it didn't exist

Starting over
Laughs at me
As if I could forget

I can push it back
I can, It's just....
Like a heart attack

What can I say
I still feel the same

Complicated at best

When I picture us
It is so real to me
I guess I'm in a state of mind
Of fantasy
Only better
in the kitchen baking
You walk up behind me
We tease and toss flower
And play in happy bliss
kiss and love and laugh
Like children
Carelessly playing together
Happy
Satisfied
Content

This is perverted, warped, deviant,
depraved,

It's how you act like you love me then suddenly you change

You're corrupt, abnormal, unhealthy, debauched

*Always pretending to be someone
you're certainly not

They say
Curiosity killed the cat
But who are they anyways?
They
sure do say
A lot of things ...
I have been oh so curious
And I am still alive...
While I am neither cat nor
animal of any kind
I find that being curious
Is the only way to actually live...
For how can you discover
Anything
Without curiosity?

Frantically scrambling fingers tug at the ball of confusion.... some strings loosely looped, some tightly wound. All deceiving the eye. Some seeming easy to untangle, yet all too caught up. It feels like a ball of eternal mess, but that too is deception.

Denial is the first step in the healing process. A sort of shock to the nerves so to speak, a numbness sets in. This can't be happening and then the why me's. All of a sudden we're too alone to be lonely because then a gun or a knife sounds good, but who'd ever admit that! That's insanity! No, it's better to be in denial.

Loyalty at it's finest
A steady heart made of gold
Filled with good intent
A tiny bit selfish but mostly selfless
Helpful without complaint
Honest to a fault and truth
That can be measured
Balanced
Laughter with sincerity
Humble and at your service
Tears that pour only when troubled
So please don't trouble me
This description
Is what he misses
This desription is me

I think the sky's been feeling like I do lately
It's been crying for days
Rumbling loudly crying out in agony
Covered in angry outbursts

I'm riding this marry go round called life
I'm trying to jump off but it's going so fast
round and round without end

Walking through a jungle of hidden truths
half stories; searching for something I cannot comprehend

Desperation sure as truth has a woman baffled at herself
Something to cure the sickness
Something to ease this pain
Not too deep, just enough to close the book

Stumbling
back and forth
falling to the side
crooked is the path
of unstable pride
Written words of old
remain only light
To deviate
sets yourself on high
following those
who only divide.
There is not a man alive
who doesn't stumble
once or twice
Forgiveness
is the bonding
rope
A golden
way to survive

I'm so sorry I believed
I always do that
I stumble too easily, too fast
Head over heals tumbling backwards
Broken in pieces
Lying lifeless
Back to the drawing bored
Boredum
I hung on for dear life
onto syllables
every word sounding like truth
Every tear that falls
from my eyes like ice cubes
Tiny ice cycles
Proves once again
My magnetic pull
Is for something
I want
That I can't ever have

Distance is like a friend
not that I prefer solitude
Isolation is lonely yet comforting
When privacy is secure
making betrayal impossible
I begin believing
distance is like
an unconditional friend
always there for me
Helping me sort out my feelings
without humiliation
My tears don't seem so irrational
My reasoning's feel sane
When I keep my distance
The storm subsides
until I can see clearly enough
to show my smiling side

Heart bleeding
in the palm of your hand
Dripping slowly
Seeping out
Every last drop
To the floor
Soaked in red
Yet walking empty
Without
Still I go on
Motions
Continue
Whilst
you hold my heart